Is it a date? Are we just hanging out?

He kissed me. Alex kissed me last Sunday and that’s all I’ve thought about.

But, is it a date, or are we hanging out?

What do I wear?

The clothing in my closet just hangs there and nothing is speaking to me. Not that I have a variety. At one end are my jeans, sweaters and shirts. Basically school clothing, which is the same stuff I wear to my job.

At the other end, slacks, jackets, nicer sweaters, some dresses, all purchased at a great sale price and waiting to be worn when I start student teaching. Not exactly date clothing.

My other stuff is so casual though.

Why am I so worried? Alex has been up close and personal with my wardrobe since he washed most of it. He knows I don’t have nice, going out stuff, so I grab a pair of boots, black leggings and a sweater that comes down to mid-thigh.

Why the hell am I so worried and nervous about this date that may just be hanging out?

It can’t be just the kiss.

Or, maybe it is.

It certainly threw me for a loop. Unexpected, but not necessarily unwanted.

What’s mindboggling is I wanted Alex to kiss me. How did my world turn upside down in one week?

There’s a knock at my door. “Alex is here,” Mary calls in a singsong voice, and I glance at my phone. Crap, he’s on time and I’m running late.

“Be there in a sec.”

I dash into the bathroom, rip off my clothing and run a wet washcloth over my pits and privates, throw on some deodorant, get dressed, and then brush my hair and add lip gloss and am out my door in five minutes, to find him sitting on the couch holding a bouquet of carnations.

My heart stops for just a second. Nobody’s ever brought me flowers before.

He grins and gets up. Thank God he’s casual too in his jeans and light blue sweater that make his eyes all the more cobalt.

“Thanks.” I take the flowers from him. “Let me get a glass or something.”

“Most people put them in a vase,” he laughs.

My face heats. “I don’t own one.”

“I do,” Mary calls from behind her closed door.

The walls in this apartment are way too thin. But she rushes out, holding a multi-colored, glass vase and hands it to me.

“Thanks.” I walk to the sink and turn on the water. “I’ll give it back when…” When they die? That’s depressing.

“Keep it. It’s from George, and we all know how that ended.”

With a restraining order after George got drunk one night and gave Mary a black eye for breaking up with him. Not that they dated for long since Mary picked up quickly on his anger and control issues. As soon as she figured out what he was like, she cut him loose. He didn’t go away easily.

After arranging the flowers in the vase and putting them in my room, I grab my coat and leave with Alex. As soon as we are in the hall, he grabs my hand.

This is a date! Of course, I knew that, no matter how much I was trying to turn it into hanging out. I’m just not sure how I feel about it all. I don’t have time for a boyfriend right now.

But, I really like having Alex around.

Once we are out on the street, we just walk.

“How were your classes?”

“Good. I’m glad they are almost done.” I sneak a peek at him from the corner of my eye. “What did you do all week?”

“Tats.”

“Did you get on Reed’s reality show?” My heart starts pounding. As much as I want Alex to make it, I also know that if he does, they are going to show the audition clip with my story. Why did I say so much personal stuff with a camera in the room?

I knew they’d be there, but at the time, it was more important to explain to Alex. But the idea of the world hearing my story makes me sick. It’s too personal and it’s mine.

“Nah. I haven’t heard from them,” he says when we stop at the corner to wait for the light. “And, I’ve got my job at Skin Scribes and that pays the bills.”

I blow out a breath with the hope that the world will never see my story. “What about the graphic novels? What are you doing with those?”

“I work on them at night, and keep submitting to publishers. It’s all I can do.”

He doesn’t sound hopeful, or even as excited about it as he was last week. What changed? “If you had your choice, which one would you want to work for?”

The light changes, and we continue across the street. “Dark Horse.”

“If they hired you, would you have to move to Oregon?” It’s a question that has bugged me. What’s the point in getting involved with a guy if he’s going to up and leave when the job he wants opens up? I did some research and found out where the big ones were located. I am leaving in June, but that is only three hours away. New York City to Portland, Oregon requires taking a vacation to see someone, and a flight. I can’t imagine making that drive.

Alex tilts his head and gives me a half smile. “How did you know Dark Horse is in Oregon?”

“Specifically, Milwaukie, just outside of Portland.”

“Again, how do you know this? I didn’t peg you as comic fan.”

My face heats and I shrug. “I looked them up.”

He just laughs and shakes his head. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve just been trying to get my submissions accepted and not thought beyond what happens if they want me to work for them.”

We head down to the subway, but I still don’t know where we are going.

The train isn’t as packed as the last time, and we have a seat to ourselves.

As the train leaves the station, he turns to me. “Honestly, I’ve been rethinking the entire graphic novel thing.”

I pull back in surprise.

“It’s entertainment, which I’m fully behind. Everyone needs entertainment in their lives. But, I want to do more than entertain people.”

None of the cockiness that I’ve seen Alex exhibit before is present.

“Doing your tat changed me, because it gave you something.”

“Don’t be changing your whole career because of one afternoon.”

He shakes his head. “It isn’t just that. I’ve been doing the tats people want, and not really paying attention to why. Well, except one. There was another that was as important as yours that I work on. Then this week, I started to really pay attention to my customers”

I’m not sure where he’s going with this.

“Sure, some of them just want the body art because it’s cool and they like how it looks, and there is some meaning. But, I got a fair amount of customers whose tat was as important to them as yours is to you. A much deeper meaning and connection. Suddenly, it’s no longer just a way to make money. Some need them for a memory, like you. Others need to cover scars. And each time I did one of those, tattooing started to become more important than drawing a comic book.”

Wow! I never expected to have a conversation like this. And, I really like this Alex. A lot better than the cocky, “I’m only doing this until I can do something I want” Alex.

“But, I don’t want to do just that. I need to do something else. Something better.”

The train stops and Alex stands. I follow him onto the platform and up the stairs.

“I haven’t been paying it forward. Not like I could.”

“You serve in soup kitchens,” I remind him.

“Anyone can do that. I have a talent, Kelsey. I’m a damn good artist and tattoo artist, but I can only do so much with that.”

It sounds to me like he can do quite a lot with that. I know how much this tattoo means to me. It will be with me forever. And even though I’ll never forget Brandy and Brandon, her hand is on my heart and will be there even when I die.

“So, what do you want to do?”

He stops, turns to me and takes both of my hands in his. “Going back to Baxter reminded me of who I was, who I am and made me question where I’m going.”

This is going deeper than I think I’m ready for.

“Especially after talking to Louie?”

“The kid that wants to be a street artist.”

“Yeah. I think I want to finish my teaching degree.”

“Finish?” Alex didn’t mention anything about teaching when we discussed college.

“Yeah. That’s was my goal the first two years of college. You know, get a degree that will feed me and then follow my dream. I gave up on that junior year, said screw it, follow the dream.”

“You know, teaching won’t pay as well as tattooing,” I warn him.

He just smiles. “It’s not about the money, Kelsey. Or, it’s not anymore.”

His cobalt eyes are so intense and my heart skips a beat. This Alex I could fall in love with and it scares the hell out of me. “So, why are we here?” I suddenly change the topic. I’m not sure I can handle an intense conversation with Alex. At least not right now.

“So you can breathe.”

“I’m pretty sure I have been breathing or I’d be dead.”

“No.” He smiles. “You’ve been rushing, and doing, and going. Today, you are going to walk. We are going to walk, not do a damn thing except breathe and be.”