“I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun shopping,” I tell Alex as we enter the brownstone. Of course, I usually don’t have money to just go shop, and I stress over every single purchase wondering if I can get it cheaper somewhere else, or if I really need it.
“Me, either,” Alex tells me. “I would have been lost with the girls if you hadn’t been there.”
“If you didn’t know what to buy, why did you get a family with girls?”
“Because this year I didn’t read ages and wants, like I used to and grabbed one that felt right.”
“Felt right?”
“Yep, and it was at the top of the tree. All the ones in the middle were gone and in the past, the ones at the top are not taken because nobody can read what’s on them until they take it down.”
“Couldn’t you have put it back?”
“Nope. Not with needy families all around. Putting a card back on the tree is like rejecting that family, even if nobody knows who it belongs to.”
Dylan is at the dining room table, with a stack of clothing, boxes, wrapping paper, scissors and tape. “Ah, you beat me.”
“Three brothers, teens, who want clothing. Easy.”
We drop our bags by the couch and walk into the dining room. “Want help?”
“Please!” Dylan nearly cries. “I hate wrapping.”
“I’m not promising they are going to be pretty.” I take his place at the table and start folding boxes and putting clothing inside. He’s got little sticky notes on each piece with a first name and a number. “Those go on the tags so they get to the right kids.”
“Do you say who it is from?”
“No,” Alex responds. “It’s all anonymous.”
“Will you see the kids open them?”
“Nope,” Dylan answers. “Some will be delivered to the kids who have homes. Others will open them on Christmas morning when they come to the mission, if they don’t already live there.”
“But you’re missing half the fun,” I complain. “Seeing the excitement of a kid at Christmas.”
“It’s the rules.” Alex shrugs.
“Unless we serve breakfast,” Dylan adds.
“Those spots fill up by June, you know that.” Then he looks at me. “The people that serve on holidays.”
I don’t get the problem.
“It would just be nice to see them during non-holiday times.”
“Hey, we don’t know they aren’t there and not doing anything else. It’s not like we are there every day.”
One by one each of the guys return, all carrying bags, and somehow, I’m the one who ends up wrapping every single present. What the hell did they do before? Not that I mind because it’s fun. I only struggled with the pink rattle, teething ring, diapers, teddy bear and baby clothes. My eyes teared up, but I’m pretty sure I swiped them away before anyone saw.
“You okay?” Alex asks quietly when I set the last wrapped present in the pile.
“Yeah.”
“Sean’s presents were tough.”
I just nod. Apparently I didn’t hide my sadness enough. “Those are the same things Brandy would have needed her first Christmas.”
Alex pulls me in his arms and hugs me. “I know. And, I’m sorry.”
I sniff. “It’s okay. I know she’s had awesome Christmases. Better than anything I could have given her.”
“Maybe she’ll be playing with Barbies this year.”
I smile sadly. “I was picking things I would have picked for her.”
“I know, though I wish I would have really looked at the card before asking you tag along, but I’m also glad I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“If I would have seen the age and gender, I would have probably gone on my own because I wouldn’t want to put you through that.”
I look up into his blue, caring eyes. “I’m glad you did.” Then I pull away. “And, don’t try to protect me like that. There will always be little girls who are the same age as my daughter. I can’t avoid them all.”
“Still, it can’t be easy. Not when doing stuff like this.”
“Do you think I don’t wonder if a little girl is mine when I see them? The thought crossed my mind several times at the toy store. But, it’s okay. Maybe sometime, when she’s an adult, I’ll be a part of her life.”