The tears in Shiver’s eyes broke my heart. Did he really not know? How could he not realize Kazmir was his son? Couldn’t he see the resemblance?
God, I didn’t know what to do. Should I tell him, or let him believe the lie he’d just spoken?
“Are you with him?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Do you love him?”
“With all my heart.”
Shiver closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the chair. Pain etched his beautiful face. Why couldn’t I bring myself to take his hurt away? Why had it always been impossible to tell him how I felt, that I did love him?
In the same way I’d never been able to bring myself to say the words he wanted to hear, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him Kazmir was his.
He looked into my eyes. “I should go.”
“Already?”
“I thought you’d want me to.”
“No.” I wished I was strong enough to let him leave, but I wasn’t. “Would you stay? A little while longer?”
“Of course. Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked, eyeing the boxes sitting in the hall.
I shifted Kazmir to the opposite breast. “Can you assemble furniture?”
“I am an MI6 agent, Losha.”
I laughed. “Does that mean you’re qualified to put a crib together?”
“It means I’m a bloody superhero, woman.”
I loved the playfulness in his voice. This was the Shiver I loved with all my heart and soul, the man who could make me laugh no matter the conflict I faced.
An hour later, we’d not only assembled the crib, we’d also put together the changing table and the high chair. All that was left was the glider, which wouldn’t take long.
“Where does this all go?” he asked.
“I haven’t figured that out yet.”
Shiver stood. “Bedroom’s that way?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Wow,” I heard him gasp when he entered the master. “Quite a view.”
Kazmir held out his arms to be picked up, and I carried him into where Shiver was still marveling at the expanse of ocean visible through the window.
When I stood next to him, the baby fussed, trying to squirm out of my arms. “Sorry. He wants you.”
Shiver held out a finger which Kazmir grabbed with his tiny hand. “He looks so much like you.”
“Do you think so?”
“You don’t?” He held out his arms, and the baby scrambled into them. “Look,” he said. “He’s your mirror image.”
I didn’t agree. To me, he looked just like Shiver. I watched as Kazmir snuggled into him and he bent his neck to kiss his forehead.
“He’s getting tired,” I told him. “Would you like to nap in your new crib?”
Kazmir buried his face in Shiver’s chest.
“It’s the n-word. He doesn’t like naps,” I added when he looked confused.
“I can hold him a bit longer. If it’s okay with you.”
“Of course it is.” I walked out of the bedroom, and Shiver followed. I pointed to the chair I’d been sitting in when I fed him. “If you rock him, he’ll doze off.”