“Losha? Are you here?” Zary shouted from the front door.
“Back here.” I wiped away my tears and came out of the bedroom.
“I was worried…”
“You saw Shiver leave.”
“Gunner did. They talked.”
“Oh, dear.”
“Is he gone? Gunner didn’t say.”
“I believe so.” I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Oh, Zary, what have I done?”
She pulled me over to the sofa and put her arm around me. “Why didn’t you tell him?”
Could I admit it out loud? Obviously, Zary didn’t believe my lie about Shiver not being the baby’s father.
“I don’t know.”
“Is he Kazmir’s father?”
I hadn’t told a single soul. This would be the first time I spoke the words I was so afraid to say.
“He is.”
“Why don’t you want him to know?”
“I have no answer.”
“It’s obvious you love each other.”
“I’ve never told him that either.”
“The man is a spy, Losha. Don’t you think he’s figured it out by now?”
I smiled. “Maybe when feelings are too close, it’s harder to see.”
“Mmm. Makes sense.”
“Do you think he knows about Kazmir? He didn’t act like he did.”
“No. Definitely not.”
“How can you be certain?”
“He and Gunner talked about it.”
“What?” I gasped. “What did Gunner tell him?”
“Nothing. Gunner only guessed. Kazmir does look like him.”
“We talked about it too. Shiver said he thinks he looks like me.”
“Both of you.”
“I see more of Shiver in him than me.”
Zary smiled. “What are you going to do, Losha?”
“I have no idea.”
“Can I make a suggestion?”
“Of course.”
“Let Gunner and me watch Kazmir tonight. Call Shiver and ask him to come back. Talk it out. Tell him the truth about everything.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready.”
“Force yourself.”
“He’s still napping.”
“Call me when he wakes up, and I’ll come over and get him.”
“Thank you, Zary.”
“You’d do the same for me.”
My phone sat on the table beside me. All I had to do was reach over, pick it up, and call him. Why was that so difficult?
I stood and paced near the windows, watching the sun go down on a day I hadn’t dreamed would come this soon.
In a few minutes, Kazmir would be awake, and I’d have to feed him before Zary came over. If I didn’t call Shiver now, it would be harder once the baby woke. I picked up the phone and pressed the code I’d put in my phone for him—love.
“Shiver?” I said when the phone stopped ringing but I didn’t hear anything.
“Yes. Losha?”
“Is everything okay? You sound—”
“It’s not, I’m afraid. My father has fallen into a coma. I’m on my way to the airport now.”
“I’m so sorry. I’ll let you go.”
“Wait. Tell me why you called, Losha.”
“I wanted to apologize for earlier. I had no right…”
“I see.” He sighed. “Was there anything else?”
“No, that was all.” I ended the call. The universe had made the decision for me. He was here only a short while, and now he had to leave for who knew how long. It wasn’t the right time to tell him about his son, or how much I loved him and always would.
“Are you ready for me to come and get Kazmir?” Zary asked when I called.
“No. It won’t be necessary.”
“Why? What happened?”
“Shiver’s father is in a coma. He had to return to England immediately.”
“Oh, Losha, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s for the best.”
“Hang on. In fact, I’ll call you back.”
I looked at the phone when the call ended. That was odd. Seconds later, I heard a rap on the front door.
“No, it isn’t for the best,” Zary said, storming into the living room. “You can’t let this be it, Losha. You have to tell him.”
“What if this was the universe telling me I shouldn’t?”
“Do you really believe that nonsense?”
“Maybe.”
“The timing is off. After everything has settled down with his father, you two can talk.”
“We’ll see.”