It was as though everyone in the room froze, except Kazmir, who babbled at the man staring at him like he was seeing him for the very first time.
What must Shiver be thinking? Had he already realized Kazmir was his, but hadn’t wanted to admit it? When he turned and looked at me with a tear in his eye, I knew he hadn’t.
“I’d hoped,” he whispered, walking toward me as though he and I were the only two people in the room, other than our baby.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wellie and Wilder walk out the front door of the cottage and close it behind them.
How I wished I could rewind time and prepare myself better for this moment. I closed my eyes and waited for Shiver’s recrimination. I could feel him come close and cup my cheek with his palm.
“Losha, please look at me.”
When I opened my eyes, Kazmir leaned forward and touched my opposite cheek with his tiny hand. It was as though they were soothing my worry together—father and son.
“You must have questions,” I murmured, looking into Shiver’s eyes.
Instead of answering, he leaned closer and touched his lips to mine. From there he kissed each cheek, both of my eyelids, my forehead, and then back to my lips.
“You are so brave,” he whispered.
I shook my head. “I’m not,” I cried. “I wasn’t brave at all.”
“You’re so wrong. Just look at him. He’s perfect. You did that. You kept him safe.”
“I was so afraid. I still am.”
Shiver drew me close. “I’ll keep you safe, Losha. Let me take over now.”
“How will you ever forgive me?”
Shiver wiped the tears from my cheeks.
“There is nothing to forgive, my beautiful darling.”
I shook my head and took a step backward. “I kept him from you. I lied to you and told you he was another man’s child. How can you say there’s nothing to forgive?”
“Come,” he said, pulling me back to the chair near the fireplace. When I sat, he knelt beside me, Kazmir still in his arms. “Look at me, Losha.” He waited until my eyes met his. “The way I see it, you had a good reason not to tell me. In the beginning, there was great danger from United Russia. And then, once the bounty was lifted, you were unsure of whom you could trust.”
I couldn’t believe he was being as straightforward and levelheaded as he was. I should’ve known he would be. He always had been. But keeping his son from him—I’d expected him to react differently.
“I only added to your anxiety and fear by relentlessly searching for you. It breaks my heart to think that you and Kazmir had to flee Lapland because Pinch discovered you were living there.”
“It brought me to you.”
“Yes, but you shouldn’t have had to feel as though you were on the run from me when you had so many other things worrying you.”
“Shiver…” I shook my head, unsure of what else to say. He was trying to convince me that he had no reason to be angry.
He kissed Kazmir’s nose, which made him giggle. “He’s perfect, Losha. Such a happy baby. You did that. How could I ever be angry with you for bringing my child into this world?”
“Um…it’s kind of chilly outside.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Your brother and Wellie are out there.”
“For goodness’ sake,” he muttered. “Okay if I let them back in?”
I smiled; I had been the one to suggest it. “Of course.”
When they came inside, Wilder rubbed his hands together while Wellie made fun of his inability to handle the cold.
“Where will you stay?” Shiver’s brother asked.
“I haven’t gotten that far. There’s the flat in London, or I was thinking—”
“Not a good idea,” said Wilder. “I’ll stay at the flat, and you stay in Dorchester House.”
“I was going to suggest Dorchester House had you let me finish,” Shiver grumbled.
“Where is that?” I asked.
“Here on the estate. It’s where Wilder stays when he’s here. I’m not around enough to stay anywhere but the main house. At least I didn’t use to be.”
“We can’t put you out.”
Wilder put his arm around my shoulders. “You aren’t putting me out. I prefer to be in town. The new duke will likely evict me anyway.”
Shiver half laughed. “Appreciate this, Wild.”
Wellie shook his head and smiled.
“What?” Shiver asked, and I was so glad he did; I was curious to know what Wellie was thinking.
“You’ll need to go easy on the duchess, my boy. Her world is a bit different than the one most of us mortals live in. ’Tis not her fault, mind you.”
He nodded. “I should go talk to her.”
“Darrow too,” said Wellie.
“Darrow should go with me, or I should talk to her as well as my mother?”
“The latter, although your sister’s time to confront the duchess is not far off.”
“Axel is with her now.”
Wellie nodded as though he already knew.
I took Kazmir from Shiver’s arms, feeling as though I was intruding on their conversation. “I think he might be hungry. I’ll just go back to the bedroom.”
Wilder, handsome devil that he was, grinned. Pity the poor girl who loses her heart to Shiver’s younger brother, I thought, taking in the dimples when he smiled that were so like Kazmir’s.
I sat in a chair in the bedroom and settled my baby. My secret was out, and its reveal had been terribly anti-climactic. Shiver wasn’t angry, or if he was, he was doing a fantastic job of hiding it. His comments were more about giving me the reasons I should forgive myself for keeping his baby from him.
“Hi,” he said, sticking his head in the bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
I rested my head against the back of the chair. “Of course.”
“I’ll speak with the duchess.”
I nodded.
“I’m sorry for making such a mess of it to start with. I should’ve told her we were coming.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “I’ve been telling myself that, now that I’m the duke, I’m my own man who no longer answers to my mother.” He laughed. “I sound like a bloody wanker even to myself. If Rivet heard me now, he’d rescind his offer for the top MI6 post.”
My eyes opened wide, and I took a deep breath. He’d been offered Rivet’s job? Good Lord, what might that mean for Kazmir and me?
“There I go again, putting my foot in it.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“It isn’t, but we’ll talk more about that later. Now I should be off to see my mother for the second time today and make sure she hasn’t contacted the Queen about also rescinding my dukedom.”
“Could she?” I gasped.
Shiver laughed. “I don’t think so.”