I knew something was wrong the minute Shiver walked in Wellie’s front door. Darrow sensed it too; I could tell by the way the woman’s arms, currently holding my baby boy, tightened.
“Losha, can I speak with you for a moment?”
“Of course,” I said, standing to join him.
“Darrow, will you be okay with the baby for a few minutes?” Shiver asked.
His sister nodded.
Even Wellie’s eyes were wide as I followed Shiver out the front door.
“What’s happened?”
“Rivet’s wife has passed, and I’ve been called to London.”
“I see. How long will you be gone?”
“Only a few hours.”
I reached out and rested my hand on his sternum. “Tell me what’s really going on, Shiv.”
“I’m not certain yet,” he said, putting his hand on mine. “You’re cold. Let’s go ’round back.”
He led me through a garden gate and into a small structure I hadn’t noticed before.
“What’s this?” I asked.
Shiver turned on a light and looked around, seemingly surprised. “I didn’t realize he used it,” he mumbled, looking at all the paintings hanging on the walls and canvases sitting on easels.
“Is the work Wellie’s?” I asked.
Shiver nodded, focusing his attention back on me. “I’m sorry, Losha, but what I have to tell you is quite urgent.”
“Go ahead.”
“My father’s last words to me were about someone he called Matthew. He told me he’d made a mistake, gotten it wrong, and told me to find him.”
“You have no idea who he was referring to?”
“None whatsoever.” Shiver took a deep breath. “When I went to the abbey to speak with my mother, she wasn’t there. According to Thomas, she’d left a few minutes earlier to go to London.”
I stepped closer to him. “Tell me the rest, Shiver.”
“Wilder overheard her talking to Rivet. While she didn’t use the name Matthew, Wild did hear her say that they had to find someone, that it was imperative. My brother also heard her say that now that Anna had passed, Rivet no longer had an excuse to wait.”
“Who have you spoken with about this?”
“Only Wilder and Pinch. Until now.”
“Perhaps you should ask Wellie.”
“I asked him once before, but he wasn’t forthcoming.”
“Maybe it would be worth trying again.”
“I will do.” Shiver looked at his phone. “I’m sorry. I need to go, but I’ll be back as quickly as I can be.”
“Shiver?”
“Yes?”
When I put my arms around his waist, he rested his hands on my shoulders.
“Every time I decide it’s time for me to tell you how I feel, one of us—usually you—immediately gets called away. I can’t let you leave this time without you knowing…”
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
“I love you, Thornton Whittaker, with all my heart. It’s always been you. It’s only been you.”
He opened his eyes and looked into mine. “Losha—”
“Shh,” I whispered, bringing my fingertips to his lips. “Let me say it to you this time.” I kissed him, deepening it when he opened his mouth to mine. “Hurry back to me, Shiver.”
He closed his eyes once more and looked up at the ceiling. “When I get back…line up the child watchers. At least a couple of days’ worth.”
“Godspeed, Shiv.”
“I mean this in the best possible way, Losha…”
I waited for him to continue.
“I’ve instructed Pinch not to let you and Kazmir out of his sight. Please cooperate.”
I nodded. “Understood.”
“Thank you.”
Shiver held my hand as we walked around the cottage to the front door. Before we went inside, he gripped my neck and ran his thumb over my lips. “I can’t do it, Losha. I can’t leave without saying it. Don’t make me.”
I smiled and kissed his fingertips.
“I love you so much, and I love Kazmir too.”
“And we love you.” Now that I’d said it once, I didn’t want to stop telling him what I’d held in my heart far too long.
“You should know that there’s a security team in place on the estate.”
“I know.”
He laughed. “Of course you do.”
“Shiver, seriously.”
“You’ve probably been more aware of them than I have. God, I hate to leave,” he groaned, kissing me again.
“If you don’t leave now, I’m not going to let you go at all.”
“One kiss from Kaz before I do. Is that okay? Kaz?”
“You’re his father, you can call him whatever you want to.”
When we walked in the front door of Wellie’s cottage, Kazmir sounded like he’d just gotten fussy. I started toward Darrow to get him, but then hung back. I watched my baby boy’s face light up as soon as he saw his father, reaching out for Shiver to pick him up.
My eyes filled with tears seeing him kiss both of our son’s cheeks and whisper something in his ear. He walked toward me and kissed the baby one more time before handing him to me.
“I love you,” he said, looking at both of us.
“We love you.”
Shiver closed his eyes again and sighed. “I must go.”
If I kissed him again, I’d only delay his coming back to us, so I turned away. “Go,” I pleaded, “or we won’t let you.”
I walked to the back bedroom to nurse Kazmir, but more because I wanted to be alone to process what had just happened between Shiver and me. I didn’t want to share this moment with anyone but my baby boy.
“I love your father with all my heart, Kazmir. Do you understand, my sweet, sweet boy? And your daddy and I love you more than anything else on the face of this earth.”
Kazmir studied me and then gave me one of his beloved smiles before resting his head on my chest.
“Losha?” I heard Pinch say a few minutes later, and remembered my promise not to leave his sight.
“I’m here,” I said, switching the light on. “I just needed a moment.”
“We’ll be staying at Dorchester House tonight.”
I nodded and stood, soothing Kazmir back to sleep when he fussed. “Darrow?”
“Would you like her at the house as well?” Pinch asked.
“I suppose it’s up to her.”
He smiled. “Just try to keep her away from that baby.”
“Wellie,” I said when we walked from the hallway into the main part of the cottage. “Thank you so much for your hospitality and for taking such good care of Kazmir and me.”
“You are welcome here anytime, lass. You and the bairn.”
“I appreciate it so much.”
“Good night, Wellie,” said Darrow, kissing his cheek.
“We’ll talk later, Dad,” said Pinch, squeezing Wellie’s shoulder.
“Wait, Axel. Do you have a minute?”
“Not really.”
“I can take Losha and the baby over to Dorchester House,” offered Darrow. “I’ll just swing by Covington and grab a few things.”
“It’s okay,” I told Pinch when I saw him looking back and forth between his father and me. “We’ll meet you there.”