Before the end of my prayer, I knew it had been answered. I couldn’t see or even hear Shiver, but I felt him. He was here, inside, ready to act. With one arm, I secured Kazmir as close to my body as I could. I rested my other hand on the sofa, near Darrow, touching the side of her leg with my pinky.
Darrow blinked three times, letting me know she was on alert.
Within seconds, the electricity in the house was cut and the lights went out.
“Down,” I stated simply as Darrow and I slid off the sofa and to the floor. I covered Kazmir’s tiny body with mine as I listened to the scuffle that ensued, holding my breath in anticipation of gunfire. Instead, I heard the sound of the gun hitting the floor, followed by the thud of a body doing the same.
The lights came on, and I looked into the most beautifully haunting green-gray eyes I’d ever seen. Silently, Shiver helped me stand while Wilder came in and did the same with Darrow. I watched as Pinch came in from behind us and approached the body of the man who had come so close to killing us all.
“There’s a pulse,” I heard him murmur as Shiver led Kazmir and me out the front door.
“You didn’t kill him?”
“No,” he answered simply. “Should I have? I don’t know,” he whispered, asking and answering his own question.
I couldn’t say why I wouldn’t have wanted him to, other than I’d do everything to keep my baby boy as far from death as I could.
Once we were outside, beyond the pathway that led from the house, I let the sob loose that I’d held inside since I first saw the barrel of a gun pointed at Darrow. A floodgate of tears opened as I clung to Shiver and our baby.
“Shh,” he whispered, holding me and Kazmir close. “You’re safe. It’s over now, Losha.”
“Let’s go, Shiv,” said Wilder, escorting us along with Pinch and Darrow to a waiting van.
Once inside, we followed another vehicle off the estate grounds. I could tell by the lights reflected in the snow that there was at least one vehicle following us, maybe more.
“What happened to him?” Darrow asked Pinch.
“He’s in custody.”
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere safe,” he answered.
I closed my eyes and put my hand on Shiver’s, both resting near the heart of our son. I was so grateful we weren’t staying at the abbey. No matter how many people reassured me otherwise, I wouldn’t feel safe.
“Rivet reports we have the entire Lanesborough booked.”
I felt Shiver tense.
“Go to the Connaught instead,” he instructed his brother.
Wilder nodded.
“Shiv, I’m so sorry—”
“Not now, Pinch.”
I wanted to defend Pinch’s actions, take responsibility for him staying behind when Darrow and I left Wellie’s cottage.
Whether the outcome of what we’d gone through would’ve been any different, didn’t matter. There was a chance that if Pinch had been with us, we’d all be dead. But Pinch didn’t answer to me; he answered to Shiver, whose direct orders he’d gone against.
The convoy of vehicles entered through the rear garage entrance. The cars that led and followed pulled up on either side of the elevator bank, while the van we were in pulled directly in front. Shiver took my hand and escorted me out of the vehicle and then stepped back inside to get Kazmir from the car seat someone had thought to have installed. My guess was that it had been Rivet, or someone acting on his orders, and while I appreciated it, I knew now also wasn’t the time to ask Shiver why he was making decisions contrary to those made by his boss.
We rode the elevator in silence, and when it reached the top floor, Shiver led me to the right while Darrow, Pinch, and Wilder went in the opposite direction.
Another elevator pinged, and four SIS personnel exited, followed shortly thereafter by another ping and more agents taking various positions on the floor.
“Come, Losha,” Shiver said, opening the door to a suite and leading me through the entry and to a chair where I sat and held our sleeping baby.
Once again I broke down, but this time my tears silently slid down my cheeks.
Every few minutes, Shiver would go to the door and I’d hear him directing where the items being delivered were to be placed.
After a while, I dozed off, still sitting in the same chair, still holding our sleeping baby.
I slept on and off for at least an hour, maybe longer, and then stood and carried Kazmir into another room of the suite. I didn’t see Shiver right away, but when I heard his voice catch, I found him sitting near the window.
“Shiver?”
He turned his head away from me and brought his hand to his face.
“Kazmir wants his daddy,” I said, barely able to hold the baby who was reaching out for him.
“Not now, Losha.”
I walked closer and eased the baby onto his lap, so Shiver had no choice but to take him.
“I can’t do this,” he said.
“What can’t you do?”
Shiver stood and handed Kazmir back to me. The baby immediately began to cry, arching his back and reaching again for his father.
I watched him walk to the other side of the room and come to a stop. “I’m leaving tonight.”
“I don’t understand.”
He shook his head but didn’t turn around. “I’m sure you will after some time.”
“I will not.”
Shiver spun around. “I didn’t protect either of you. I brought danger to you. You both could’ve been killed twice, solely because of me.”
“You saved us.”
“No, Losha. Matthew was there to kill me, both in California and then at the abbey. It was only by the grace of God that he didn’t murder you and Kazmir instead. I cannot stay. I cannot be a part of your lives. It’s too dangerous.”
He walked to the door and opened it, pausing before stepping over the threshold. “I’ll make arrangements for you to have everything you need. Wherever you choose to live, everything will be paid for. You’ll never want for money, Losha.” He hesitated and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Please know that I will love you both forever.”
He walked out, and the door closed behind him as our baby boy wailed, “Dada!”
“Darrow, I need you to watch Kazmir,” I said when Shiver’s sister answered my call. “I’ll bring him to you.”
“Of course. What’s going on?”
“I need to find Shiver.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s left us, and I need to find him.”
“I’ll come to you if it’s easier.”
I looked about the room. Shiver had made arrangements for a crib and changing table to be delivered along with a portable crib, a high chair, diapers, food, and clothing. “It would be easier.”
A few minutes later, I heard a knock at the door. When I looked through the peephole, I saw Wilder and Pinch were with Darrow.
“I’m sorry about Shiv,” said Wilder once they were inside. “I won’t make excuses, but I know he blames himself.”
“Thank you. I understand how he’s feeling; I would feel the same way myself. To a certain extent, I already do. If I hadn’t insisted you stay and talk to your father, what might have happened?” I said to Pinch. “And if I had let Shiver know I was pregnant straightaway, not kept the baby from him, how would things have worked out differently? And what if Pimm hadn’t been able to diffuse the explosives tonight, what would have happened then?” I shook my head. “We have no way of knowing what may or may not have happened. None of us.”
The three people standing in front of me nodded.
“Where is he?”
“To be honest, I have no idea,” said Wilder.
“Me neither,” added Pinch.
“I have a guess,” said Darrow.
“Where?” asked her brother.
“He has unfinished business.”
“Right. He’s with Rivet and the duchess.”