I walked from the hotel to the Kensington flat. With every step, I fought my body’s urge to turn around and return to Losha and our baby. The sound of my little boy crying out for me echoed in my head, breaking my heart.
Since the day I’d first met Losha, I’d begun the process that inevitably put her at risk, not just once, but many times.
I’d known she was right, that our relationship was dangerous for her, but I’d insisted, showing up where I knew she’d be, arranging secret trysts.
The bounty placed on her head by United Russia was because of me too; they’d believed she was a double agent, in part due to my relentless pursuit of her.
When the bounty was lifted, I’d been intransigent in my determination to find her, and while I knew I shouldn’t, I insisted on spending time with her and her baby, even when I’d believed Kazmir was another man’s child.
The entire time, Losha’s wishes had remained the same. The only thing she’d wanted was to keep her baby safe.
I’d vowed to protect them and did the opposite. Not only had I endangered their lives, but also that of my own sister.
I was a failure as a father, a man, and a brother. I had no right to ask Losha’s forgiveness any more than I could remain in the employ of MI6.
Once I saw Rivet and resigned, and issued an ultimatum to my mother regarding my son and siblings, I’d create a new life for myself. I certainly knew how to do it in a way that no one would ever be able to find me.
I was buzzed into the building without a word. When I exited the elevator on the top floor, both the duchess and Rivet stood waiting.
“Thornton,” my mother cried, charging forward to embrace me. “Will you ever forgive me? I’ve been out of my mind with worry… There is no excuse…”
I took her arms that were around my neck and moved them to her sides. “Let’s go inside,” I said, nodding at Rivet.
“I’m leaving,” I said after telling them to be seated.
“Before I ask where you’re going, I’d like to thank you for not killing Matthew. While he wasn’t my biological son, I was still the man who raised him,” said Rivet.
“As far as Matthew is concerned, don’t thank me. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t kill the bastard. In terms of where I’m going, I don’t know where yet, and when I do, no one else will.”
Rivet nodded. “Understood.”
“As is obvious, I’m resigning my position with MI6.” I turned to my mother. “However, that does not mean I intend to spend any time whatsoever at Whittaker Abbey. When I’m ready, I’ll have a discussion with Wilder and Darrow as to their wishes about it.”
“And what am I to do?”
“Should we decide to relinquish the estate, it will be with the stipulation that you’ll be allowed to live out your days in the abbey.”
“Thornton—”
I held up my hand. “I have nothing else to say on the matter.”
“Can you ever forgive me?”
“I am unable to say so definitively.”
The duchess began to cry.
“You suggested to me that my beloved son was somehow a sin. I cannot reconcile those words with the woman who raised me.”
“Thornton, I beg you—that’s not what I meant.”
“Yet that’s what you said, and I find it unforgivable.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means, Duchess, that for all intents and purposes, my mother died the same day my father did.”
When I turned to leave, there, standing just inside the door, was Losha. I had no idea how she’d gained entry or how much she’d heard of what I’d said to my mother or to Rivet.
“Excuse us,” I said, taking her arm and leading her out of the flat. “What are you doing here?”
“I would think that’s obvious.”
“I said all I had to say back at the hotel.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“Well, then.” I pressed the button for the lift, and when it arrived, we both stepped inside.
She stood in front of the control panel and hit the emergency button when the door closed, bringing the lift to a stop. “Now you’ll listen to what I have to say.”
“Losha—”
“No, Shiver. You’ll listen, for now the tables have turned.”
“What does that mean?”
“Simply put, if you walk away, I’ll come after you. If you hide from me, I’ll find you. I’m never letting you go, Shiver. That’s a promise I intend to keep for the rest of my life.”
“What if I refuse?”
“I won’t accept it.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love you. Why did you make the same promise to me?”
“Because I love you.”
“Our son said his first word today. He said ‘Dada.’”
“I heard him, and my heart nearly broke.”
“You cannot leave us. You can’t. We’re a family, Shiver. Let us be a family.”
My shoulders fell forward, and Losha put her arms around me.
“Losha, how can you forgive me? How can I forgive myself?”
“By being the best parents we can be to Kazmir, by loving each other no matter what, for the rest of our lives.”
“Will that be enough?”
She put her palms on each side of my face. “That is everything. There is nothing more than love, Shiver.”
I held her tight to me, praying she was right, praying that she’d find a way to forgive me for not keeping her and our son safe. And more, praying I could forgive myself.
“There’s one more thing I need from you, although it won’t change the promise I just made to you.”
“What’s that?”
“I need you to forgive your mother.”
“Losha—”
“Hear me out.”
I nodded.
“If you don’t forgive her, then we can’t raise our son, or any other children we have, at Whittaker Abbey.”
“I never dreamed you’d want to.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“I want our children to grow up surrounded by people who love them. I want them to learn all about the place that has been handed down through your family for generations. I want them to know Wellie and Darrow and Wilder and Pinch, and even your mother. Someday, I want them to know where I came from too.”
“The duchess…”
“Deserves the same forgiveness the rest of us do.”
“You don’t know—”
“I do.”
“How can you forgive her, then?”
“Isn’t Kazmir worth forgiving everything, Shiver?”
“I have one request of you.”
“Anything.”
I smiled.
“Well? What?” she asked when I reached around her and hit the lift’s button to take us back to the top floor.
“Come with me,” I said, pulling her back to the flat. I knocked and then entered without waiting for either the duchess or Rivet to answer the door.
“Thornton?” said my mother, still seated where she’d been when we walked out.
“I need to speak with Rivet.”
“I’m here,” he said, coming around the corner.
“I need you to pull some strings for me, and I want you to do it now.”
“What’s that?”
“Losha needs asylum, and I want you to put a rush on her citizenship papers.”
Rivet turned to Losha, who nodded.
“Excuse me,” he said, walking back in the direction from where he’d come. A few minutes later, he returned wearing a coat. “Ready?”
“Where are we going?”
“To Number 10. The prime minister is expecting us.”