Chapter Two

 

Cain

 

 

My head swells with frustration as I listen to executives bicker about who should be in charge of casting for our newest TV series – Mom in the City – an idea that sprung from a novel by a local author. It follows the story of a single mother who juggles work and five children and still tries to maintain a poppin’ social life. The pilot is set to air in 2019, but these people can’t figure out who to cast for the mom after two rounds of full-day auditions.

I massage my temple. I can’t deal with this. Not today.

“Stop!” I yell before I realize it. All eyes roll to me. The room is full. Table big enough to do cartwheels from end to end and twenty of us are here, listening. These meetings are usually intense. Most of them say it’s because of me, but I’m not bothered by what they think of me. I’m especially not in the mood for this nonsense. Today marks two months since I met the woman who changed my life. She’s not here with me, and that’s left me frustrated.

“This back and forth is not going to keep happening on my watch. If you don’t decide on an actress for the lead role by end of business today, I’ll choose. And if I have to choose, both of you can pack your bags.”

“But—”

“But, nothing,” I respond, cutting Otto off. “If I’m going to do your job, why do I need you here? Pick an actress. Get the ball rolling, or roll up out of here. Got it?”

“Yes, Sir,” Phil says pointedly. I heard he was on his way out anyway – don’t make me any difference.

“Alright, everybody out.”

Nobody moves like they think this is a joke. Lately, this company – my company – has been a source of trepidation for me. I get up every day to come here and while it used to be my pride and joy, it doesn’t feel that way any longer. Don’t get me wrong – I’m proud of my success and all the accomplishments and accolades, but I’ve had a taste of something better – something sweeter – and this world of business just doesn’t sit right any longer.

I know it’s because of her.

It’s Ahmalee.

I’m missing her deeply. I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s omnipresent – on my mind frequently and controlling every aspect of my life. Since our paths have crossed, I don’t move the same. I don’t breathe the same. I don’t think the same. All of my thoughts include her in some form or another. I can’t shake this feeling of needing her so much. I’ve tried, but it’s only left me lying in bed, wishing she was next to me. Feeling the emptiness of my house because hers was so full of love and life. So much smaller than my house but bigger in so many other ways.

It’s been two months – two, long, miserable months without being able to see her. Talk to her. Hold her. I thought the time apart would make me ‘normal’ again. I’d go back to being who I was before our paths crossed, but nope. Didn’t work. I crave her now more than I did then. The desire grows stronger with each passing day and thus, the frustration. She’s not here. I can’t have her. Can’t touch her. Can’t tell her how much I want her.

And I do want her.

Want her in ways I never thought I’d want a woman. I’m not the same. Her not being in arm’s reach of me has left me unfulfilled.

“Uh…Abel.”

I look up at Daniel. He’s an executive who’s also been my homie since our college days.

“What?”

“I was actually the one trying to get your attention,” Phil says.

My eyes flit around the table at these people who have yet to budge. I don’t care nothing about a question or anything else right now. My mind is gone back to Knightdale where my woman is. If I’m being honest, I left it there, along with my heart. Ahmalee has it. I wonder if she knows that, or if she thinks about me as much as I think about her?

I clear my voice, stand up and say, “We’ll have to finish this meeting later.”

“But, Sir—” Phil says.

“We’re done for the day. If you have anything further, save it for our next meeting. I have a pressing matter to attend to.”

I gather my folders and leave the room. The team is still seated like I didn’t adjourn this meeting five minutes ago. They’re confused and understandably so. I never end meetings short and definitely not after fifteen minutes but I’m not feeling this. For the first time in my life, my work has taken a back seat to something else that I want.

I’ve reached the end of my rope.

Something’s gotta give or I’ll lose my mind.

I miss Ahmalee.

I need her.

Need her like I need to catch my next breath.

I’ve always planned on going back to visit – wanted to go back two weeks after I’d initially left but I struggle with how to approach her. The problem is, if Ahmalee ever found out the truth about me, chances are she’d never forgive me. She knows me as Cain, the man who has nothing – not the man I really am. Therein lies the conundrum – when I go back, who do I present to her? I want to be myself, but that’s not the man she knows.

My name is not Cain Wesley. It’s Abel Wesley. Cain was the name I chose for the role I played in this homeless project. That’s all it was. A project. I’m not homeless and I’ve never been homeless, although I told Ahmalee I’d been homeless for a year. I’m a self-made millionaire – started my own media production company in Charlotte fourteen years ago. People have compared my success with the likes of Tyler Perry and Shonda Rhimes. I’ve produced too many hit shows to count and made millions in revenue from my passion.

Why was I pretending to be homeless? It was for work. Daniel, who also heads up talent acquisition, pitched the idea to me as a new undercover web series. A homeless black man in the streets – would anyone help him, or were there no more good people in society? That’s what we wanted to know.

I told him the idea was absurd. In fact, I thought it had been done before since I’ve personally seen several video posts on social media showcasing this very concept. I didn’t want to waste time on this because I already knew the answer. No one would help. People aren’t like how they used to be. I’ve passed countless homeless people on the street and never thought to give them anything. I figure, if I could work my way to the top and become somebody, what’s preventing them from doing the same? Daniel disagreed with me, and thus the idea was born. He challenged me to play the part of the homeless man for two weeks. Said it would serve a dual purpose – to prove me wrong (that there was still some good left in humanity) and shed light on homelessness in America. It was supposed to be a win-win, he’d said and we would use the publicity to make massive donations to homeless causes and organizations.

Since I’m a man who loves a good challenge, I went into this with all the confidence in the world. Nobody is about to help a dirty, unkempt, sour-smelling homeless man – especially not a black one. In today’s world, they’d help a dog first. But Daniel wanted it proven, and I wanted to prove him wrong.

So, I became a character – Cain. Homeless man, Cain…

I went to hair and makeup so my team could transform me into him. I couldn’t believe how I looked when they were done. The beard – it was all mine. I’d let it grow out. It was an easy process to mess up my dreads, but I knew my barber could fix the damage after this was done. I wasn’t concerned with how I looked. I was more concerned with proving Daniel wrong and securing the footage for this web series.

When I put my all into something, I’m all in. I bodied this Cain character. While out in the field, I wore an undetectable video recording device to capture my experiences. We randomly selected the city of Knightdale for this project because of its size. We didn’t want to get detected by the cops, and we didn’t want to do this project too close to Charlotte. It had to be at a location where no one would suspect anything or blow my cover. A place where people didn’t necessarily see homeless people as a nuisance.

The way I targeted Ahmalee was also completely random. I’d walked by her candle store, Ivy and Eden Candle Company, one day and saw her unlocking the door, opening up for the day. I circled back toward the end of the day and sat by the dumpsters so she’d see me. It was hot wearing that trench coat, but once I’m committed to something, I’m all-in, so I stuck with it.

When I found her home address on a cardboard box, I knew I’d struck gold. I went to her home to fast-track this project. I knew it would freak her out. I mean, what woman wouldn’t be afraid when she knows some strange man is lurking around her house? But I was eager to prove Daniel wrong fairly quickly so I could get off the streets and get back to my life. I had a company to run. People didn’t respect ordinary people so they certainly wouldn’t respect a homeless man and no one could tell me any different.

That is until I met her.

Ahmalee.

She disproved everything I believed. She’s everything I thought this world lacked. I didn’t know people – women – like her existed. When she saw me at her house she nearly had a stroke, but you can’t fault her for being afraid of me. I was a stranger at her house, hiding in the bushes, and that’s after she saw me at her store. But she came around, offered me everything she could. She bought clothes for me, food – the woman took care of me and she had no idea who I was. She just knew I needed help.

I wasn’t supposed to keep up the ‘homeless’ front for as long as I did. We scheduled two weeks at the most, but two weeks turned into five. I needed more time to see how this dynamic between me and my angel would play out. I was thrilled to be in her presence. My mind told me to leave, but curiosity told me to stay. So, I stayed.

Several times Daniel tried to talk me into leaving, but I didn’t want to leave her. Granted, it wasn’t ideal living in a camper when I’m accustomed to the comforts of a mansion, but I was willing to do it for her. I had to let it play out. I wanted to see how far this beautiful, amazing woman would go for a stranger.

Her kindness blew my mind. Still does. Being with her was good for my soul. I’ve never craved anyone’s energy or closeness. That’s what I find myself doing every day since I left her house. It’s been two months and I still sit here behind my desk burning her candles, smelling lingering notes of what’s left of the lotion she gave me and thinking about her.

I told myself I could never go back there because of my wrongdoings. I can only imagine the hurt she’d feel if she found out the real reason I was in Knightdale. Ahmalee doesn’t need me.

She doesn’t.

She deserves a man who’s never lied to her. A man who’s good to her from the jump without all the added deception sprinkled in. If she found out the truth about me, she’d hate me. But what if she didn’t find out?

Daniel knocks on my door and walks into my office without waiting for any sort of confirmation. “What the heck was that back there, man?”

I casually throw up a hand and lean back in my chair. Daniel always thinks I owe him an explanation for something.

“Okay, man, are you losing it or what?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Is this like a mid-life crisis thing because I thought that was a myth? I also never thought I’d see you walk out of a meeting—a meeting you called. You don’t walk out of meetings.”

“Well, I walked out of that one. Can I help you with something?”

Daniel snaps his head back. “Can you help me with something? Yeah, you can help me with something. We were supposed to be discussing this project—you know—the homeless project where I proved you wrong about the whole human compassion concept. Yeah, that one. When are we going to roll it out? I think we should do it sometime this fall when the weather changes and people are at home more. This video will definitely go viral.”

I sigh. I hate to do this to him, but I’m doing it. I say, “I want the entire project scrapped.”

He scratches his head and says, “Um…I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

“You heard me, Daniel. I want it gone.”

He frowns, takes a seat in one of the chairs facing my desk, flashing a look of defeat. He says, “Let me get this straight. You spent five, long agonizing weeks pretending to be homeless and it was all for nothing?”

“It wasn’t—”

“So, we gon’ do what now?” he interrupts to ask. “Forget it happened.”

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do. Forget it happened.”

“That makes no sense.”

“It doesn’t have to make sense to you. I’m telling you—I don’t want this project to see the light of day.”

He stands, holds his head, looks like he’s in anguish. “Come on, Abel—you give me this assignment, we go through with it, you play the role and now you want to throw it all away?”

“I have to.”

“Why?”

“Because she can never find out about it.”

“She, who?”

“Ahmalee.”

“Ahmalee? The chick who took you in?”

“Yes.”

“Who cares if she finds out? If she wants a cut, we’ll give her a cut. What’s the big freakin’ deal, man? I’m trying to get this money.”

He’s in the dark. I never told him how I felt about Ahmalee. He knows I stayed in Knightdale longer than we had initially proposed for the project, but he didn’t know it was because I was thoroughly infatuated by Ahmalee. Still am. It’s a scary feeling to go your whole life without so much as a smidge of love for anyone and then get hit hard in the face with it at thirty-nine years old. I can easily dismiss a lot of things. I can’t brush that off.

Daniel releases a deep sigh. “Man, this was going to be the project that put me on the map. Do you really think Ahmalee will ever see it?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t want it released.”

“What’s the big deal? I mean, so what if she sees it? You ain’t going back there. It’s not like you have a relationship with the girl. Why can’t it be released?”

“Because there’s a chance she may see it, and I don’t know how she’ll react to it if she does.”

He crosses his arms and says, “Wait—I must be missing something here. Why do you care how she’ll react to it?” He smirks. “You don’t care much about anything but this company.”

“I care about her.”

“Come again?”

“I love her.”

“You what!”

“I love her and she can’t know what I’ve done.”

Daniel starts laughing with a slow chuckle that progresses to a loud, belly laugh. He says, “Abel, come on, man. You’re killing me, dawg. This is me you’re talking to. You ain’t never loved a woman in your life. Stop the madness, bruh, and let’s get this paper.”

I’m not bothered by him laughing because he’s right—I’ve never loved a woman. Never wanted to get married and live a life of restriction. I love my work. I put time and energy into what I do – not into a woman. I’ve never had time for a woman except on those occasions I needed to release some tension, but other than that, I’m good. Besides, women – all of them – only wanted me for my looks, status and money and that’s all it was. Over the years, I grew accustomed to that. Accepted it.

Then I met Ahmalee – a woman who literally gave me (the homeless me) the shirt off of her back. She’s unlike any woman I’ve ever known. She’s the exact opposite of me. I’m rough. She’s gentle. I’m selfish. She’s selfless. I’m materialistic. She’s okay with the simple life. I don’t love. She is love.

I’ve decided I can’t live without her. Decided I want to explore this love thing.

I tell Daniel, “Something in me changed when I met Ahmalee. It’s like she gave me a new perspective on life. On people. On the way things should be. I’ve been operating on a higher plane since crossing her path and I need that in my life.”

Daniel is shaking his head. “This ain’t you. Are you telling me you fell in love with this girl?”

I stand up and slide my hands into my pockets. I too have asked myself this same thing. This isn’t me, but I can’t deny I love this woman. I know I love her. If it’s not love, what’s this sense of loss that’s been nagging at me for the past two months? Why can’t I look at another woman? Why can’t I concentrate?

“Yes. That’s what I’m telling you. I love her. I’m not confused and I don’t need you looking at me like I’m a stranger.”

“Uh—I have my reasons. You told me you were incapable of loving a woman. Said you had no desire to be with one woman and now you want me to believe you’re in love all of a sudden?”

I sigh and glance out the window over at Knights Stadium. I look back at Daniel and say, “Danny, I haven’t touched another woman since I met her. We haven’t been out kicking it because I don’t want to go out. I have no desire to meet any women. I’m not trying to be out here looking for the next woman to conquer. I’m done with that life. Since meeting Ahmalee, I’m not the man I used to be. I’m just—not. I know that about myself.”

“Then who are you?”

“Without her—nothing.”

Daniel is shaking his head. “Are you for real, Abel?”

“I am. I know it’s crazy and for two months, I’ve been trying to figure it out, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be with her. And I—I bought a ring.”

“Shut up, man. You ain’t buy no ring.”

I remove the black box from the top drawer of my desk and show him the proof.

“You have got to be kidding me. I don’t know what to say. I know they say love can hit you hard, but I ain’t gon’ lie, man. I ain’t never seen anything like this.”

“I’ve never felt anything like it. It’s different. A good kind of different.”

“I think you’re just infatuated with her. I saw some of the video. She’s pretty. And she was really good to you.”

I smile. Whenever I think of Ahmalee, I smile. “You don’t know the half, but look—I have to see this through, so I’m taking some time off.”

“Time off? Nah, man. How are you going to take time off in the middle of production?”

“We’re always in the middle of one production or another. I’ll be available remotely. If any urgent meetings arise, I’m available for videoconferencing. I’m leaving all those instructions with Dorothy as well.”

Daniel sighs, shakes his head more and says, “It’s hard to believe, but if that’s what you feel you have to do, then more power to you. I’ll do what I can to keep everything running smoothly around here.”

“Thanks, man.”

“No prob. Ay, look, when you’re back to your right mind and need to talk about the pitfalls of falling for a chick, come holla at me, bro.”

I grin. I know that won’t be a problem.

I take the ring from the box and look at it. I’ve imagined it on her finger so many times. I have knots in my stomach and I’m not a man who’s nervous about anything, but this – her – I’m nervous about. I’m eager to make her mine, but one step at a time. I have to see where we stand first – where her head is. Two months have separated us. A lot can happen in two months. She could’ve met someone. She could be chillin’ on her front porch right now laying on a blanket and burning candles with some other dude. I’m frustrated thinking about that possibility, but I know it’s there. At any rate, I put the ring back in the box and slide it into my pocket. “I’m coming for you, Ahmalee Hayes. I’m coming for you.”