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THEO PULLS UP BESIDE my tiny house at exactly 6:14 that evening.
I’ve been watching for him at my front window, so I step out onto the deck as he parks and gets out. I fussed for way too long over what to wear. He said he’ll be coming straight from work and will change into workout clothes at the fancy health club at the Green Valley country club, so I’m wearing regular clothes and will change at the gym too. A soft, thick green sweater dress that is cozy rather than particularly flattering and my favorite boots.
After much debate, I decided to keep it purposefully casual so that it doesn’t look like I’m expecting a date.
Theo is smiling as he walks around his car to stand at the steps up to my deck, handsome and rumpled in a dark gray suit—slightly wrinkled from a day of working—and a dark red tie. His eyes run from my face to my boots and back up. “You look really nice.”
My cheeks get hot. I was trying so hard to not make this feel like a date, but now it definitely does. “Thanks. I’m all ready.” I’ve got a bag hooked over my arm.
“Can I meet Claude and Ed?” he asks, coming up the steps to stand beside me.
When I say my deck is small, I mean it’s tiny. With both of us standing here, there are only a few inches between our bodies. My breath catches in my throat. “Sure.”
I brush up against him as I turn back toward the door. He’s only a few inches taller than my five-nine, but he feels a lot bigger somehow. His shoulders are broad, and his body seems to generate heat. It makes me want to snuggle up against him.
I resist the impulse.
Claude and Ed are at our feet as we come inside and delighted by this unexpected reprieve from heartless abandonment. Theo leans over to pet Ed, who promptly rolls onto his side and stretches out to better enjoy the attention. Claude, predictably contrary, keeps himself just out of reach, walking suspicious circles around Theo to assess his intentions and quality.
Theo crouches all the way down into a squat, grinning at Ed and avoiding making direct eye contract with Claude.
Maybe it’s accidental and he’s simply focusing on the friendlier cat, but the show of respect works on Claude anyway. Slowly his circles tighten, getting closer and closer until he’s rubbing against Theo’s side.
Theo gently reaches over to scratch the cat’s ears. “Thank you. I was wanting to say hello to you, so I appreciate you letting me.”
Claude gives a deep, approving purr and then climbs in a series of graceful leaps onto the high shelf where he likes to perch.
I smile up at him. “He doesn’t like a lot of pets like Ed does, but you got his mark of approval.”
“Did I?” Theo is still smiling as he shifts his gaze up to me. “He strikes me as a hard sell.”
“He is,” I reply, unable to keep from smiling back. “Unlike Ed, who would gladly trade me for the first stranger who passes by with treats and pets.”
“That’s not true, is it, buddy?” Theo is still running his hand back and forth across Ed’s thick fur. “You love Maya the best, don’t you? Of course you do. And why wouldn’t you? She’s your person.”
Ed meows in pleased agreement.
I’ll admit it. My smile gets rather sappy as I witness this interaction. Part of me wants to withdraw like Claude and get some distance from the feelings, but I don’t. Tee and Daniela are right. There’s no reason to run away from this.
After all, it’s not like Theo and I are even dating. Absolutely nothing romantic has occurred between us. Falling asleep together on the couch doesn’t count.
“I didn’t take you for a cat person,” I say at last.
“I’m not.” Theo stands up, his eyes resting on me for the first time since we came inside. “At least, I’ve never known myself to be. I’ve always liked animals though. All animals.”
“Your family had a dog, didn’t they?”
“Yes. I love dogs, but I love cats too. Does it have to be either dogs or cats and not both?”
“No. Of course not. But sometimes it is.”
He scans the interior of my house, taking in the small kitchen, the compact living area, and the lofted bed.
“Well?” I prompt at last. “What do you think?”
“I like it. There’s more room than I was expecting for the square footage. It would be a tight squeeze for a family, but for one person, it definitely works.”
“Yeah. It’s worked very well for me.”
Ed is not pleased by Theo’s wavering attention. He sits at his feet and yowls up at him.
Theo chuckles. “I guess being named after artists accounts for your volatile artistic temperament.”
“Ed isn’t really volatile. He just doesn’t understand not getting attention when—” I break off my comment as I process what Theo said. “How did you know they’re named after artists?”
I’m positive I never mentioned that to him.
“Just a guess. I thought Claude was an unusual name, but then I thought about Monet, and that seemed to fit. Ed was harder, but I thought maybe Degas.” His eyebrows arch with an implicit question.
“Yes. It’s Edgar. Degas. That’s some good guessing.”
It makes me want to hug myself and hide my face at the same time. I don’t even know why. Theo is a smart guy and he’s probably good at solving puzzles. There’s no reason to assume his deduction has anything to do with knowledge of or attachment to me.
“Well,” I say with a nervous throat-clearing. “Should we head out?”
“Yeah. Greg usually finishes up around seven, so we don’t want to miss him.”
I split a treat between Claude and Ed to make up for our abrupt departure, and then we head for Theo’s car.
He takes my arm to help me down the steps, and the small gesture makes me shiver.
It’s silly. I’m perfectly capable of walking down these steps. I do it several times a day. But Theo’s unconsciously considerate gesture—like it’s second nature for him to go out of his way to help and protect me—really gets to me.
I’m still trying to shake it off on the drive to the gym.
“You okay?” he asks as he pulls into the health club parking lot.
“Of course. Why?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. If you’re uncomfortable about anything, you can tell me.”
His words are vague enough to not corner me, but I know what he’s saying. I know it.
I want to respond to what he’s really asking me without baring myself completely, so I take a minute to think first. “I’m...” I lick my lips. “I’m all right. Really. It’s hard. Sometimes. Getting back into... into life. After Chris.”
I stare down at my hands in my lap, wondering if I said too much after all.
“I know it is,” Theo says, a thick texture in his voice that’s not normally there. “I know.”
He’s parked the car now. We sit for a minute in silence.
I can hear him breathe. I can hear my own slightly ragged breaths.
“I’m not expect—” Theo cuts himself off like he’s rethinking his words. “There’s no rush. For anything.”
I swallow hard and smile up at him, understanding what he’s saying and why he’s saying it and appreciating it more than I can currently express. Instead, I say in a different tone, “There’s no rush for anything except getting into the gym before Greg decides to head home.”
Theo gives a huff of amusement and appears to shake himself up. “Exactly right. We should get moving.”
***
THEO IS A MEMBER OF the country club and thus this health club, so he signs me in as a guest. From the way the staff greets him, he must come to work out here somewhat regularly.
I don’t know why that surprises me. He’s not some sort of bodybuilder or underwear model, but he’s in good shape. His frame is large, and his body is fit and efficient.
I like it. I like how he looks and how he feels when I touch him. I like that he’s strong but not flawlessly molded. I like everything about him, and I’m not sure how I went so many years without noticing how attracted I am to him.
My attraction gets more obvious when he comes out wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt. It’s obvious this man will look good to me with or without clothes.
I’ve changed into workout clothes too—not nearly as formfitting as a lot of the women here. Not because I’m particularly modest but because it’s simply not my style.
Theo is eyeing me the way I’ve been eyeing him. Covertly. Not gawking or leering.
And I’m hit with a surreal awareness. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Feeling this way. Going through this little dance.
With Theo Humphrey.
Daniela’s voice in my head, telling me not to overreact, is the only thing that keeps me from running. I’m nervous as we walk into the large room filled with workout equipment.
There are a lot of people here. It takes a while for me to sort through faces.
“There’s Greg. Running on a treadmill. He always does that at the end of his workout.”
I glance over in the direction Theo indicated. “Okay. Well, we should go try to catch him now before he finishes up.”
“Yeah.”
We start walking through what feels like an obstacle course of bodies and machines. After a minute, I realize Theo is no longer beside me.
I turn to discover he’s paused to talk to someone.
To talk to a woman. A very attractive blonde in a skimpy outfit—the kind I would feel foolish wearing but that looks perfect on her.
She’s smiling. She clearly likes Theo.
And as far as I can tell he likes her too.
Well, isn’t that nice for them?
The surge of jealousy and possessiveness is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I never even experienced it with Chris. Maybe because I was always utterly confident of Chris’s regard, when I’m nothing of the kind with Theo.
Theo isn’t mine. There have been some preliminary feelings, but we aren’t even dating. He has every right to talk to and appreciate and even go out with another woman.
Even this pretty blonde.
No one is doing anything wrong here. Not the woman—who has every reason to flirt with a guy as great as Theo. And not Theo—who owes me absolutely nothing.
Only me. For being so ridiculously jealous over him.
I make myself swallow it down and keep walking toward the treadmills. My feelings might be irrational and petty, but I don’t have to act on them.
I recognize Greg from high school. He’s a tall, lanky guy with dark hair and a crooked smile. He always liked gaming and anime and weird synth music. We were never close, but he was always nice to me. I smile at him as I approach and climb on the treadmill between him and the wall.
“Maya,” he says, grinning as he recognizes me. “I haven’t seen you in ages. Are you a member here?”
“No. I’m just in town for the holidays.” I don’t mention Theo. He’s still talking to the blonde. I stare down at the control panel and am immediately stumped. It’s a fancy machine with complicated controls, and I have absolutely no idea how to make it go.
I’m not a gym person. My exercise consists of some light yoga and walking for however long I’m in the mood for. I might as well be trying to operate a fighter jet.
Shit, I need Theo, and he’s forgotten I exist.
Greg slows down from his jog so he can reach over and power my treadmill on. “If you just want a basic walk or run, you can just use this here.” He gets my machine going and shows me how to set it at a moderate pace to start out with.
“Thank you.” I smile at him with genuine appreciation. “I usually just walk outside, but the weather in December isn’t always amenable to that, so I figured I’d try this.”
“They’re always upgrading the equipment here. This is Green Valley after all.”
I know exactly what he means. The wealthy population here will only be satisfied with the latest and greatest—even for their workouts.
“It always takes me a while to get used to them every time they change them.”
Greg has a laid-back, easy manner I like. I’m no longer embarrassed by my incompetence.
I glance over to Theo and discover he’s finally remembered that I’m here with him and he’s supposed to be helping me solve my mystery. He’s frowning slightly with a grumpy expression I haven’t seen for a while as he peers at me walking on the treadmill next to Greg’s.
What did he think I’d do? Linger submissively at his heels while he had a conversation with someone else? Wait patiently for him to deign to notice my presence?
I turn back toward Greg with another smile. “I’m not sure I’ve seen you since high school. What have you been up to?”
“Working with my dad, exactly as was planned for me since the cradle.”
I have to think back to remember his father’s business. “Oh, he sells boats, doesn’t he?”
“Yes. And now I do too.”
Theo has joined us at last. He’s mounting the treadmill on the other side of Greg.
Giving him only a brief glance, I focus again on Greg. “I thought you might have wanted to do something more creative.”
“Yeah.” Greg sighs. “But what we want and what life gives us are rarely the same.”
There’s a poignance in his words that feels familiar to me. It hits home. “I’m sorry. That’s so true. So you can’t tell your dad you’d rather do something else?”
“I guess I could have. But it would have blown a hole into the family, and I wasn’t prepared to do that.” He shrugs. “It’s fine. It is what it is. And what kind of ass would I be if I whined about being given a fairly easy position that pays a lot of money?”
“I don’t know. Money changes things, but it isn’t always the most important thing. I think you’re allowed to whine a little if you want.”
“Thanks. What have you been doing since Chris— Oh wait, someone said you’ve gotten big on Instagram. You travel around in a camper?”
“A tiny house. But yes, I’ve been taking it all over the country. I got lucky with followers, and my living expenses are pretty low, so I’ve been doing okay for myself these past two years.”
“Oh that’s good to hear. I’m really sorry about Chris. I always liked him. He was a great guy.”
I gulp over a tightness in my throat, but the grief doesn’t overwhelm me like it used to. “Thank you.” I look past Greg to Theo, whose frown is even deeper now. “Theo let me come today as a guest.”
Greg turns toward Theo as if he only now noticed he was there. “Yeah, how’re you doing, man?”
“Not bad.”
“Don’t you normally work out in the mornings?”
“Yes, but my schedule today got turned around. Plus Maya wanted to come.”
He sounds relaxed and believable. There’s no way Greg is going to suspect we have ulterior motives for being here.
“I’m glad you did,” he says, smiling at me again.
I smile back. “Me too.”
Theo scowls.
“I’ve got to finish up my workout,” Greg says in a different tone. “But maybe we can get together sometime while you’re in town to catch up.”
It feels like Theo is bristling, but I don’t care. If he can chat it up with the pretty blonde, then I can meet up with Greg.
We’re not together. We’re not even on a date.
No matter how it initially felt like one.
“Sure, maybe we can.”
This appears to satisfy Greg. He picks up the speed of his jogging to a moderately fast run. My guess from the way he’s staring at the control panel is that he’s trying to reach a certain distance or time before he stops.
I keep up my semifast walking, not even out of breath yet. I don’t want to get all hot and sweaty, so I’m not planning to push myself too hard.
Theo started out with a slow jog, but he’s speeding up now too. In fact, he’s speeding up a lot.
After a couple of minutes, I glance over and see that he’s keeping pace with Greg.
Nope, now he’s going even faster.
As I watch, Greg starts to accelerate. He’s slanting his eyes over at Theo’s machine, and I realize he’s checking Theo’s speed on the display. He runs faster until he’s matching it. Then beating it.
My lips part. I really can’t believe this. Are they actually trying to race each other? Competing in some sort of macho showdown?
In a few more minutes, my suspicions are confirmed. Theo has increased his speed so he’s running faster than Greg’s new one. He’s flushed and damp with perspiration now. He’s really booking it.
What the hell? What has gotten into him? I don’t know Greg well enough to guess whether this is typical for him, but he’s always seemed so laid-back. And Theo has never been like this. He’s never fought for the top rung on the obnoxious machismo ladder.
They’ve both lost their minds.
It continues for about twenty minutes, and neither one of them will back down. Finally my patience evaporates. I say in a mild, friendly tone, “Well, that’s it on the treadmill for me. Theo, are you going to keep at it, or do you want to come do something else with me?”
Theo slows down immediately. Huffs, “Give me a couple of minutes to cool down, and then I’ll be ready.”
I give him a narrow-eyed, significant look as I climb off the treadmill. “It was good to see you, Greg. Hopefully I’ll see you around.”
“I’ll call you,” he says breathlessly with a wave, adjusting his controls to slow down his speed now too. “You really look great, Maya. I’m glad you’re doing so well.”
I wave back at him as I walk away. I find a bench in a corner and sit on it as I wait for Theo to finish cooling down.
When he finally joins me, I shake my head at him.
“What?” He’s still breathless. Such a long sprint at those speeds can’t have been easy.
“You know what. Have you seen Vince around here anywhere?”
Theo has shaken off whatever came over him on the treadmill and is his normal self again. “Yeah, I saw him come in a few minutes ago. He’s over there.”
“Okay. We’ll try to talk to him. But no alpha-male showdown this time.”
“This is a gym,” Theo says, putting a hand on the small of my back as we start walking. “This place is rife with alpha-male showdowns.”
“No wonder I don’t like it here.”
***
WE ARE ABLE TO CATCH Vince and have a four-minute conversation, but he apparently has a serious girlfriend and shows absolutely no interest in me, so I mentally cross him off the list.
So far, we’ve talked to more than half our list, and Greg is the only possibility for my pen pal.
The truth is I don’t care that much anymore. It would be nice to know who has been writing me for the past year. I really like him and feel like there might be potential.
But there’s more potential with someone else. Someone right beside me. Face-to-face. Not hiding behind a screen.
If I have to choose between Theo and an unknown correspondent, I’m going to choose Theo.
No question.
Even if I’m still kind of annoyed by his stunt on the treadmill.
We’ve both showered and changed into our street clothes before we leave the club and get back in his car. I haven’t exerted myself all that much, but Theo has. He’s still slightly flushed.
Unlike me, he’s got reddish hair and a skin tone that flushes easily. I think he’s kind of cute all red in the face like this.
Not that I would dream of telling him.
“Well, we can eliminate Vince but not Greg,” I say as he starts the car.
“I guess. I didn’t see much chance of it being Greg.”
“Why not? He fits all the characteristics, and he seemed to like talking to me. He even suggested we get together.”
“Maybe.”
I frown at him. “You’re just annoyed because you couldn’t best him in that dumb race.”
“It wasn’t a race. But I did best him. I was just as fast as him without any sort of warm-up.”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “So you claim it wasn’t a race, but you know exactly how fast he was going. Uh-huh. When do men stop being little boys?”
“Why aren’t you annoyed with Greg too? He was doing the same thing.”
“I know he was. But it felt like more your fault than his. You started it.”
“I don’t think I did. Besides, how would you even know who started it? You weren’t paying any attention to me since you were caught up in his spell.”
I gasp. “I wasn’t caught up in anyone’s spell! I was having a regular conversation with the man. But if we want to talk about being too distracted to follow through with our plan, let’s talk about you and that woman.”
“What woman?”
“The woman you dropped everything to talk to for a ridiculously long time when you were supposed to be helping me.”
He blinks, as if he’s taken by surprise. “You mean Deanna?”
“I don’t know her name, but she was the only pretty blonde you talked to this evening.”
He shifted into reverse to pull out of the parking space, but now he shifts back into park, turning in his seat to face me. “That wasn’t anything. She came over to say hi. What was I supposed to do?”
“You weren’t supposed to do anything. I’m just saying you don’t have a leg to stand on in terms of being too distracted to notice things.”
He’s still staring at me. Confused and still surprised and also something that looks a lot like excitement. “Are you jealous?”
My spine stiffens. “Of course not. I’m never jealous.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. And there’s nothing to be jealous about here.”
“Are you serious? Why the hell do you think I got into that alpha-male showdown with Greg just now? You think I wasn’t jealous too?”
My face has grown hot now. I stare down at my clenched hands. “I’m not a jealous person. I’ve never been that way.” I sniff. “I’d like to drop the subject now.”
“Okay.” He’s relaxed from his bristles. In fact, he might actually be hiding a smile as he puts the car back into reverse, pulls out of the parking spot, and then drives out of the lot and onto the street. “Do you want to get something to eat?”
“What?”
“Eat? Are you hungry? I haven’t had dinner yet, and I just ran a race.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t a race!”
“I was lying to preserve my dignity. It was definitely a race, and I won it.” He’s grinning for real now. It makes my heart melt in a seriously unnerving way. “So do you want to get something to eat?”
“I guess that would be okay.”
I thought when he suggested food, he meant we’d grab something quick on the way, but he takes me to a little downtown café that must be new because I have no memory of it.
It’s a cute place, and we get a private table in the far corner. I get a salad topped with all kinds of yummy stuff, and Theo gets a chicken sandwich. We talk about the men remaining on my list. Then we talk about our families and about Chris and about all kinds of fun times we remember from school.
We stay there for almost two hours, and I can’t believe it’s so late when the server gives us a hint that they’re going to be closing soon.
We only get a few steps out the door before I realize I forgot my gloves, so Theo goes to retrieve them.
The night is cool and crisp but not cold. When Theo suggests we walk around, I have no reason to say no. The Christmas lights are all illuminated, and the mood is festive.
Theo offers me his arm as we step down a particularly high curb, and then he doesn’t pull it away, so we end up walking with my hand hooked on his arm.
I like that too.
I like everything about this evening, including his ludicrous macho display on the treadmills.
He’s not normally that way, so he never would have done it unless he’d felt somehow like Greg might be a threat.
Exactly the way I felt with Deanna.
We wander for an hour, talking occasionally but about nothing deep or serious. It’s almost ten thirty when we finally return to the car.
He comes with me to open the passenger door for me. Then he stands right in front of me, gazing down.
It’s dark, but I can see his face in the streetlights. His expression is focused, as it usually is. But also something like... tender.
I swallow hard.
“Maya,” he murmurs.
A shiver runs down my spine. “Y-yes.”
He tilts his head down. “Maya.”
“Yes.”
“Tell me no,” he says very softly, leaning farther until his mouth is only an inch away from mine.
“Yes,” I whisper, stretching up toward him.
I can’t help it. I want this—him—so much.
He closes the distance between us, brushing his lips against mine very gently. It evokes such a shudder of pleasure inside me that I make a little sound and reach up to grab his shoulders.
He draws back, looks at me, then kisses me again. Deeper and more intentional this time.
It feels so good, so much like everything I want, that I grab for it eagerly. I wind my arms around his neck and kiss him back with shameless enthusiasm. Our lips move together. Then I slide my tongue into his mouth so I can play with his. I’m filled with so many sensations that I can’t help pressing the whole length of my body against his so I can feel all of him I possibly can.
After a few minutes, Theo starts smiling into the kiss.
“What?” I ask, pressing a few last kisses against his mouth before I pull back.
“What, what?”
“You were smiling.”
“I was happy to be kissing you.”
“Oh.” I drop my eyes but have to slant them up again to check his expression.
He’s still warm and smiling and tender—everything Theo has always been but I never recognized before.
“I don’t.... I don’t know what it means,” I say, suddenly getting nervous.
“You don’t have to know. It was a kiss. That’s all it has to be.” He sounds casual, and he still looks happy, so there’s no way to believe he’s disappointed by what I told him.
So I smile back. Then I climb into the passenger seat and let him close the door for me.
He drives me back home, and he thanks me for the evening. He gives me a short, sweet kiss at my door, but he doesn’t ask to come in, so I don’t have to decide on whether or not I want that.
I’m bewildered and giddy both as I step inside to greet Ed and Claude.
It was a strange night but a good one.
I have no complaints.