Unmindful of the tears streaking down her face, Randi gripped the reins as they galloped across the open field, Payton’s words echoing in her mind. “I am not your brother…You’re a woman, and God help me, I’m a man.”
She was shocked by his anger and even more shocked by his hurtful words. She had never seen Payton this angry before. Never. Sure, they’d had their disagreements over the years, but he had never verbally attacked her. She rubbed her hand over the thigh of her jeans and tightened the reins, slowing the horse. The sting from the contact with Payton’s face was still strong. Her heart ached. “God, Payton, I’m sorry,” she cried. “I never meant to hurt you.”
Fresh tears filled her eyes and streaked down her face. She would never intentionally hurt Payton. She loved him. Yet, intentional or not, she had hurt him, and it broke her heart to realize she had caused him pain, even if he did deserve it.
The horse came to a slow stop and then turned questioning brown eyes back on Randi. When she didn’t respond with new directives, he dropped his head and began munching the grass, patiently waiting.
After several minutes, Randi pulled in a deep breath to calm her emotions and swiped at the tears on her cheeks. Reining the horse to her left, she moved toward the large grove of shade trees on the next ridge. Nestled deep within the protective barrier stood the original homestead, dating back to the turn of the century. When her dad bought the property, before she was born, the log cabin occupied the site where he planned to build their house. Wanting to preserve the history, he disassembled the cabin and rebuilt it on its present location. Randi spent many of her childhood days playing in the cabin, and as the years passed it had become her safe haven, a place of comfort and peace as she dealt with the emotions of the teenage years and growing up.
As she neared the cabin, Randi slowed the horse and brought it to a halt. Swinging out of the saddle, she tied the reins to the hitching post and then wearily climbed the steps. Childhood memories and the comfort of the known wrapped around her as she stepped over the threshold. She stopped for a moment, letting the familiar and peaceful surroundings sooth her weary mind and calm her thoughts.
Recently, everything in her world seemed to be changing. The things that had been known and secure in her life were changing or being replaced with something new. And it all seemed to be happening at once. She felt overwhelmed and out of control.
Her relationship with Jason over the last four months had been comfortable and carefree with no pressures. They generally met with friends for an evening of socializing and dancing at the night club or enjoyed a movie at the local theater and then dinner at a restaurant. But now Jason was pushing her to go out of town with him, a step she wasn’t ready to take.
Crystal had been her best friend throughout high school. They were together almost daily. But now she seemed to be spending all of her free time with Payton. Last night was the first time she’d seen Crystal since Crystal and Payton had started dating. She missed the time she once spent with her friend.
And Payton…Payton had been her big brother since she was ten years old. And now…“I am not your brother.” She felt the sting of tears in her eyes again, felt them slip down her face. She crossed the room and gazed blindly into the stone fireplace. “You are my brother, Payton Austin,” she said. “And I won’t let you change that.”
Confused and weary, she walked to the bed, across the room and lay down. Closing her eyes, she let her emotions go, crying until there were no tears left.
It was late afternoon when Randi reined the horse back into the barn. She was relieved to see that Payton’s truck was not in the drive. The phone in the office rang while she was unsaddling and tending to the horse. She hesitated a moment, then decided to let the answering machine take the call. Taking her time, she brushed and watered the horse, filled the feed bag with fresh hay, and then headed to the office to retrieve the message.
“Hi, Randi.” Jason’s voice sounded from the message tape. “Just thinking about you and wanted to tell you again how much I enjoyed last night. Call me if you’d like to go see a movie tomorrow night.”
Randi scoffed in irritation. Erasing the message she turned to the door. She had no desire to talk to Jason…or Payton…or any other man.
Her mother glanced up when Randi opened the kitchen door. “Hi, Randi. Where have you been today?” she asked, rotating the plate and spreading chocolate icing on the layers of the cake she’d baked earlier.
“At the cabin,” Randi answered sullenly.
Mrs. Bolin, noted the puffiness around her daughter’s eyes. She paused, giving Randi her full attention. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Payton and I just had an argument earlier today. I slapped him, and now I’m feeling guilty about it,” Randi admitted.
“It must have been a pretty serious argument if you were angry enough to slap him,” Mrs. Bolin pointed out.
“Yeah. Well, he deserved it. But I still feel bad about it.”
“Maybe you’d feel better if you apologized to him.”
“Yeah. Maybe,” Randi admitted hesitantly. “But for now, I have a test that I need to study for. I guess I’ll study until time for dinner.”
“Okay, dear,” her mom said, watching Randi move down the hall. Thinking back to the cookout last night and the look on Payton’s face when Randi and Jason left on their walk, she could easily guess what the argument had been about. She concealed a smile and went back to icing the cake