The others are waiting for me in the hall when I get downstairs.
“Let’s go to Edesia,” Zara’s saying. “I feel like living it up.”
Giles throws me a scathing look. “Not sure they’ll let your boyfriend in.”
“Giles, how about you give it a rest?” Theo snaps, and I’m not the only one who turns to stare at him.
Giles shrugs, but an expression akin to hurt flickers in his eyes. “I only meant that Edesia has a dress code, and Luke doesn’t exactly look the part.”
“He looks fine.” Theo’s gaze brushes me; the heat behind it melts some of my tension. “So, we’re going to Edesia. Everyone agreed?”
“And then clubbing,” Zara says. “We have to go clubbing.”
“Right. And how are you proposing we get you and Luke in?”
“This isn’t Brookminster, Theo. Someone’s bound to let us in somewhere.”
“We’ll see,” Theo says, and I know this is his way of trying to make things up to her.
A horn beeps twice from the driveway, bringing the discussion to a halt, and I follow the others outside to the waiting taxi. Zara leaps into the back beside Giles, no doubt to avoid having to sit next to me. Meredith raises an eyebrow, but slides into the passenger seat without comment. I’m about to climb into the middle row, when a touch on my shoulder stops me.
“Sorry.” Theo’s breath caresses my ear.
I swallow, fighting the urge to drag him back into the cottage and up to bed. I smile at him, a smile of forgiveness, and open the car door for him.
Giles and Zara do most of the talking on the journey to the restaurant. I barely listen, hyperaware of the foot of space separating Theo’s thigh from mine, his hand resting on the seat between us. I keep my own hands on my knees, and try to prevent Zara’s words about Theo still being hung up on Francis from invading my mind.
After Giles’s snide remark about dress codes, Edesia is pretty much as I imagined. It has a carpet so thick I could happily stretch out on it and fall asleep, and the sort of soft lighting that makes everyone appear better looking than they are. Nice if you like that kind of thing. Zara’s obviously in her element, flirting with the handsome young waiter who leads us to a corner table.
I slide onto the velvet banquette, which is far comfier than our sofa at home with its worn cushions and sagging springs, and smile at Theo as he prepares to slip in after me.
Zara grabs his arm. “Oh no, you’re sitting next to me. Otherwise you’ll just talk to Luke and ignore me all night.”
She drags him to the other side of the table. Theo shoots me a helpless look, but pulls out the chair beside hers, leaving Meredith and Giles to join me on the bench. I turn away from him to give the waiter my drink order. It isn’t Theo’s fault; he couldn’t exactly have refused. All the same, resentment simmers in my chest.
Once the waiter has left, I pick up my menu, partly to avoid Theo’s eye, but mostly so I don’t have to see Zara’s satisfied expression. She’s pissed me off and she knows it. I glare at the menu, which is written in what I take to be French. Since I opted to study Spanish, it may as well be Martian.
“What’s this meant to be?” I demand of Meredith, indicating something that says, “Bar Poele a la Thai.”
She looks to where I’m pointing. “Pan-fried sea bass.”
“Why don’t they just say that?”
“Because then they wouldn’t get away with charging so much. Is that what you’re having?”
“Don’t think so.” The ghost of Francis still hovers on the fringe of my consciousness. Unease roils in my stomach, sapping me of my appetite. “Is there any such thing as a steak in this place?”
Meredith takes the menu from me and leafs through it. “Here, this is what you want. Entrecôte De Boeuf Sauce Poivre.”
“You sure?”
“Sirloin in a creamy pepper sauce. Trust me.”
“Fine, but if I end up with octopus or something, you’re swapping with me.”
At that moment, the waiter returns to deliver our drinks and take our orders. When he comes to me, I try to remember Meredith’s pronunciation, but Giles’s sneer tells me I’ve made a complete hash of it.
“Don’t they teach French in state schools these days?” he drawls once the waiter has gone.
I swallow a mouthful of my Coke. “Only kissing.”
Zara giggles, before remembering she’s supposed to be mad at me and turning it into a cough. I glance at Theo. His gaze snags mine, and I flash him a wink. In that instant, it doesn’t matter that we’re in a room full of people; there may as well be no one there but the two of us.
“Theo! Oh my God, is that you?”
A girl of around twenty descends on our table. In an off the shoulder black dress and a gold comb holding back her blonde hair, she exudes class.
Theo’s face lights up. “Tabitha?”
“It is you.” The girl hugs him, laughing. “I knew it was, but Mummy and Daddy thought I was hallucinating. I can’t believe it. And Giles and Zara too.” Tabitha releases Theo to smile around at us. “And who else do we have here?”
“This is Meredith, my good friend from Oxford, and that on the end there is Luke, Zara’s…boyfriend.” Theo fumbles the last word, but no one but me appears to notice. “Guys, this is Tabitha. Our families met here on holiday…six years ago, was it?”
“Seven,” Tabitha says. “Definitely seven.”
“Right. And we’ve been friends ever since,” Theo finishes.
“Nice to meet you, Meredith.” Tabitha smiles at her, before her gaze settles on me. “Wow, Zara, you’ve found yourself a real looker, haven’t you? Hi, Luke.”
“Hey.” I take in Tabitha’s arm, draped in an overly possessive way across the back of Theo’s chair, and coolness steals into my tone.
Theo shoots me a puzzled look, then returns his attention to Tabitha. “Come and eat with us, or do you have to be with your parents?”
“Oh, they won’t mind. I’ll just go and tell them what I’m doing.” After enveloping Theo in another hug, she weaves her way through the diners to talk to a couple seated at a table on the far side of the restaurant.
I stare after her, eyes narrowed. She really is stunning, and moves with the confidence of someone accustomed to having guys drool all over her. The strength of my antagonism knocks me off balance.
“See something you like?” Zara hisses at me under cover of Theo and Giles’s exclaiming over the miracle of seeing Tabitha.
“Not particularly.” I avert my gaze.
Tabitha rejoins us just as the starters arrive. She slides into the seat beside Theo’s—the seat that should have been mine—and instructs the waiter to fetch her food from her parents’ table. Clearly carrying her own plate would have been beneath her.
“So, are you down here for the summer?” Giles asks.
“I wish.” Tabitha spears a forkful of foie gras. “Actually, I’m just visiting Mummy and Daddy for a couple of days. That’s why it’s so amazing to bump into you like this. I leave for Thailand tomorrow. A friend of mine has a villa on one of the islands.”
“Let me guess. This friend just so happens to be male, filthy rich, and has his own helicopter and private yacht.”
“Giles, as if I would. You know my heart has only ever belonged to Theo.”
Theo grins. “For a few weeks every summer, anyway.”
A lump of potato skin—sorry, pelures de pomme de terre—lodges itself in my throat. I force it down with a mouthful of Coke. Lighten up, Luke, for Christ’s sake. They’re joking; any idiot can see that.
Tabitha’s brown eyes dance. “Stop taking the piss. I may have half of London in love with me, but none of them can compare to you. Besides, it was decided that first summer. You promised to marry me if I let you ride on my new jet ski.”
“You did, you know,” Zara says. “I was there.”
Theo laughs. “Looks like that’s settled then.” He attempts to catch my eye across the table, but I turn away.
I scarcely notice when the waiter removes my starter and replaces it with the main course. Tabitha takes charge of the conversation, flirting outrageously with Theo, quizzing Giles and Meredith about Oxford, asking Zara about her plans when she leaves school. She even tries to talk to me about surfing, although it’s obvious she’s out of her comfort zone. Tabitha has this way about her, a way of expressing interest in whatever we have to say, that casts everyone under her spell. Everyone except me.
And the worst thing? Beneath the plummy accent and air of entitlement, she’s genuinely nice. The objective part of my brain can appreciate she’s just the sort of girl I go for—bubbly, outgoing, good fun—and I hate everything about her. It wouldn’t be so bad if she’d just keep her fucking hands to herself. Every time I risk a peek, Tabitha has her arm draped around Theo’s shoulders, or else she’s leaning into him, laughing over one of Giles’s supposedly funny stories.
I glare at my barely touched steak. A pain like cramp twists my gut. What’s wrong with me? It isn’t as if I believe Theo’s attracted to Tabitha. Girls have never done it for him; he said as much on the beach. Tabitha can crawl all over him if she likes, and it shouldn’t matter. But it does. For some reason my brain grapples to understand, it matters like hell.
I’m the only one who doesn’t order dessert.
“You OK?” Meredith leans in to murmur in my ear.
I nod, but she continues to watch me, her expression anxious and thoughtful.
“So, where are you guys headed next?” Tabitha asks, spooning up a dollop of white chocolate soufflé.
“Zara wants to go clubbing,” Theo says, “if we can find somewhere that’ll let her and Luke in without ID.”
A wicked smile creeps across Tabitha’s face. “This really is your lucky night. I happen to know a rather sexy bouncer at Indigo’s. I’ll get them in, no problem.”
On our way out, Tabitha leads Theo and Zara over to say hi to her parents. From a distance, I watch Theo shake hands with a tall man in a dinner jacket, before an older version of Tabitha wraps him in a hug. He laughs at something the woman says, completely at his ease. Well, why wouldn’t he be? These are people from his social circle. Unbidden, my mind replays the moment by the pool when Zara almost caught us, Theo’s expression of horrified panic. Obviously he doesn’t want to hurt her, neither of us do, but what if it goes deeper than that? What if, deep down, he knows I’ll never be accepted in his world and so there’s no point rocking the boat?
“You’re very quiet tonight,” Meredith says.
“I expect this isn’t really his scene,” Giles drawls. “A bit too upmarket. Right, Luke? You’d probably prefer a Happy Meal from McDonald’s.”
I fling him a disgusted look, but otherwise ignore him. I don’t have the emotional energy to spare for Giles right now.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t, Giles?” Meredith asks. “Because it seems to me you’re the one acting like a child here.”
Giles’s face tautens. Mouth set, he turns his back on us and folds his arms in huffy silence. I give Meredith a grateful smile, but she merely shrugs.
Just as she promised, Tabitha gets us past the bouncers and into the club without difficulty. Cool dusk gives way to suffocating gloom. Strobe lights flicker over the dance floor, casting everything in a purple haze. I draw in a breath. The air burns my throat, and I can almost taste the combination of alcohol and sweat on my tongue. Within seconds, the heat has pasted my shirt to my skin. Music batters my eardrums, vibrates inside my chest, and my head throbs in time to the beat.
Tabitha’s connections also snare us a table. As we get settled in, ordering drinks, draping jackets over chairs, Theo’s arm grazes mine. Our eyes lock. Even in the midst of all these people, I can distinguish his scent, warm and musky and intoxicating. A crazy impulse seizes hold of me. I imagine steering him onto the dance floor, imagine him grinding against me in the concealing darkness. My heart picks up speed. Do I dare? In the crush of bodies, would anyone even notice?
Hands grasp my hips from behind. “All right if I borrow Luke for a bit?” Tabitha calls to Zara over my shoulder.
“Feel free.” She grabs Theo by the hand. “Come on, let’s show these country bumpkins how it’s done.”
I watch them go, resentment a fist-sized stone in the pit of my stomach, until they become lost in the crowd. Tabitha squeezes my hips, giving me a little push towards the dance floor. I curb the reflex to slap her hands away. It’s easier to go along with it, and I allow myself to be guided into the sea of gyrating couples. I glance around, but there’s no sign of Theo in the chaos.
“Come on,” Tabitha moves against me, shouting to be heard over the music, “show me your stuff.”
I grimace and sort of sway on the spot. I’m an awkward dancer at the best of times. Whatever grace I’m able to muster when riding my board, deserts me the moment I set foot on a dance floor. Normally, on nights out with Dean and the lads, it doesn’t matter. Right now, I’m nowhere near drunk enough.
“Have you and Zara been together long?” Tabitha asks.
“Not that long, no.”
“Well, you’re a sweet couple. Be sure to hold on to her.”
I nod, still scanning the throng. Please, someone, get me out of this.
Tabitha must sense I’m not getting into it. After only two tracks, she says she’s parched and suggests we stop for a drink. Relieved, I follow her back to our table, where Giles and Meredith are seated with their arms crossed, not looking at each other. We get there just as Theo and Zara arrive, flushed and laughing.
“Phew!” Zara pushes her damp hair off her forehead. “It’s been a while since we did that.” She extends a hand to me. “Your turn.”
Her smile offers part forgiveness, part apology. Maybe the idea of me dancing with Tabitha has ignited some possessiveness in her, or maybe it’s merely her natural good humour. Zara isn’t the type to hold a grudge.
I can’t bring myself to accept the olive branch. “Dancing really isn’t my thing.”
“My turn, then.” Giles stands with a triumphant smirk in my direction.
Zara raises her eyebrows at me, asking my permission. Like she needs it. I shrug, and she allows Giles to pull her away.
Once they’re out of sight, I turn to Theo and take a determined breath. I can do this. I’ll just make it sound like a joke. No big deal. But before I can open my mouth, Tabitha slides her arm around Theo’s waist.
“Come on, Fiancé,” she says, and apparently forgetting all about being thirsty, propels him into the writhing mass of bodies.
I slump into the seat across from Meredith and gulp a mouthful of Jack Daniel’s and Coke. My gaze scours the dancers for a glimpse of Theo, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Meredith stares into her wineglass, twisting the stem around and around between her fingers. In the strange half-light, her expression is enigmatic, unreadable. Guilt muscles in on my despondency. It’s my fault she isn’t the one tearing up the dance floor with Giles. If I hadn’t goaded him this afternoon, if Meredith hadn’t felt compelled to stick up for me, if I’d accepted Zara’s invitation to dance…
They’re gone for what feels like hours. I’ve long since finished my drink, although I’ve been trying to make it last. Occasionally, Meredith glances over at me, but neither of us says much. Images keep invading my mind—Theo and Tabitha dancing together, their bodies close, flirting, having fun. Suddenly, I can’t sit still any longer.
The need to move, to be doing something, overwhelms me. I lean across the table to be heard over the noise. “Want to dance?”
Meredith looks at me, eyebrows raised. “Thought it wasn’t your thing.”
“Changed my mind. Dance with me?” Somehow, I dredge my lazy smile up from the depths of my soul.
Clearly it isn’t up to par, because she shakes her head. “Sorry, Luke. Whatever game you and Giles are playing, I’m not getting involved.”
I grimace, but don’t attempt to deny it. Instead, I gesture to her empty glass. “At least let me buy you another drink.”
Meredith regards me, perhaps searching for an ulterior motive. “All right. Thanks.”
Glad to have a purpose, I fight my way through the club. A scrum greets me at the bar, but I don’t mind the wait. It’s better than sitting around.
“What can I get you?” The pretty barmaid smiles at me when it’s my turn, her West Country burr obvious even above the music. She has a nice smile, open and friendly.
I place my order, try to return her smile, but my face refuses to cooperate. Drinks in hand, I start to shoulder a path back through the crowd.
That’s when I see them.
They’re dancing together on the fringe of the dance floor, Tabitha standing on tiptoe, saying something in Theo’s ear, something that makes him laugh. I halt, transfixed, dimly aware of the people flowing around me. Theo didn’t tell me he could dance, not like this. I can’t look away, am captivated by his fluid grace, the blatant sensuality of his every movement.
And it should be me out there.
Rage, dark and ugly, surges up inside me, choking the air from my lungs. Tabitha’s way too close, arms hooked around Theo’s neck and her hips thrusting against him, just as I’d pictured myself doing. My hands curl so tightly around the glasses I’m holding, it’s a wonder they don’t shatter. I swear, if she were a guy, I’d punch her fucking lights out. Oh, but that wouldn’t be appropriate, would it? No one’s supposed to know Theo and I are together.
“What’s wrong?” Meredith asks the moment I rejoin her. “You look…” She breaks off.
I hate to think how I must look. I can scarcely see for the black spots obscuring my vision. My hands shake as I set the drinks down, and liquid sloshes onto the table. Without a word, I turn to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“Outside. Need some air. Headache.”
Deaf to Meredith’s anxious questions, heedless of the curses from those I shove and elbow aside, I stumble out into the night. I’d fully intended to just start walking, to walk and walk until I’d put a thousand miles between myself and Indigo’s, but a face full of cool air slaps some sense into me. I content myself with wandering a short way along the road, where I lean against the display window of a charity shop.
All around me, the street hums with the usual Saturday night revelry—girls in high heels weaving along the pavement with their arms around each other, couples engaging in drunken arguments, a guy throwing up in the gutter. No one takes the slightest notice of me.
I close my eyes, ball my hands into fists. They’re trembling. I’ve never felt so out of control in my life. I’m not one of those guys, the ones who get aggressive after a few drinks. That isn’t me. Just for a moment though, watching Tabitha climb all over Theo, I couldn’t have said what I was capable of. It scared me shitless.
“There you are.” Zara’s voice slices into my thoughts. “Meredith said you seemed upset. God, you look awful.”
I open my eyes, focusing on her with an effort. “I’m fine. Just a headache.” I barely recognise the words as mine, they’re so stiff and cold.
Her expression falters. “This is about Giles, isn’t it? You’re mad at me for dancing with him.”
“You can dance with whoever you like, Zara. I don’t own you.”
“Please, Luke, don’t be like that. You know it didn’t mean anything.”
“Zara, I don’t give a—”
“Everything all right?”
Christ, not him, not now. As Theo joins us, all I can see is him dancing with Tabitha, her hands on him. Emotion rises like bile in my throat.
He glances at Zara, before his gaze settles on me. “Luke?”
“He’s upset with me,” Zara says, and she sounds close to tears. This only makes me angrier.
“I’m not upset.” I slam a fist into the window behind me; it shivers ominously. “I have a headache, OK? That’s all.”
“OK, OK.” Theo talks to me as though soothing a frightened horse. I can feel him studying me, but I refuse to look at him. “Wait here while I get the others and call a cab.”
“No,” I shake my head, frustrated, “that isn’t what… You guys carry on. I’ll stay out here.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Theo says, and disappears inside before I can argue.
We wait in silence, Zara eyeing me with a mixture of anxiety and suspicion, me feigning interest in the people who pass us on the street. I can’t help hoping Tabitha will make a scene, show herself up to be nothing but a spoilt little rich girl, but of course she doesn’t.
“Hope you feel better soon,” she says and gives me a hug, which I don’t even attempt to return. Releasing me, Tabitha smiles around at the others. “It was great to see you all.”
“And you,” Theo says. “Have an amazing time in Thailand.”
“You know I will. And you enjoy the rest of your holiday. Oh, there’s a cab. I’m going to grab it before someone else does.” With a final airy wave, she hurries away, high heels clacking along the pavement.
On the ride home, Theo presses his thigh against mine in the dark back seat of the taxi. I flinch from the contact and stare out of the window, seeing nothing, immune to his confusion. If he really doesn’t know what’s wrong, I’m sure as hell not going to tell him. Let him figure it out on his own, him with his expensive education.
Back at the cottage, Meredith blanks Giles and heads up to bed. He watches her go, guilt eating at his expression.
Theo lays a hand on his shoulder. “Talk to her.”
Giles nods. Without a word to any of us, he follows Meredith upstairs.
I move ahead of Theo and Zara into the kitchen, making straight for the glass doors.
“Where’re you going?” Zara demands from behind me.
“Out.”
“Luke,” Theo says, “it’s three in the morning. You should take something for the headache, get some sleep.”
I know he’s right. He’s always right, always so grown up, so fucking responsible. My blood reaches boiling point and bubbles over, crackling and snapping in my ears. I fling him the dirtiest glare I can summon and step out into the night, pulling the door shut behind me. Then I’m striding for the woods, walking as fast as I can without running. I wind my way along the path, pitch-black save for the occasional splash of moonlight. Tree roots do their best to trip me, branches clawing at my face, but I don’t stop. I don’t stop until I reach the beach.
When I emerge from the trees, the waves roar in welcome. There’s something primal about the sound, something angry. It’s as if they’re part of me, the external embodiment of my turmoil. I can almost be fooled into believing they understand, even while I don’t understand myself. I don’t understand anything.
I run to meet them, snatch up a fist-sized pebble and hurl it out to sea. It arcs through the air before the darkness devours it. I imagine it tumbling into the water, being dragged under by the current, helpless and insignificant in the vastness of the ocean. I throw pebble after pebble, hurling them as far from me as I can, until my shoulder throbs. How long before it stops hurting? How long before I don’t care?
“Luke!”
My heart plummets. Why couldn’t he just stay away? Without glancing around, I begin walking along the shore, walking fast.
His footsteps pound the sand behind me. “Luke, wait. Talk to me.”
I grit my teeth, but don’t slow down. If I ignore him, maybe he’ll give up and leave me the hell alone.
“Look,” he tries again, “you’re clearly upset with me. At least tell me what it is I’m supposed to have done.”
“Like you don’t know.” I swing to glare at him. “Does she always have that much trouble keeping her hands off you, or was tonight a special occasion?”
He blinks. “Who? Tabitha?”
“I didn’t see anyone else groping you.”
“I’m clearly missing something here. You know I’m not interested in Tabitha, not in that way.”
“But does she know that? Does she?”
His silence says it all.
“No,” I can’t keep the scorn out of my voice, “I didn’t think so.”
“Luke, that’s not fair. You know I only came out to my dad last summer.”
“Did she kiss you?”
“I’m sorry?”
“I said, did she—?”
“Oh, for crying out loud.” Theo throws up his hands. “She kissed me once, on the cheek. What does it matter? It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It means something to me, Theo.” The shout wrenches itself free of my throat. “But you never stopped to think about that, did you? How it made me feel, having to watch her climb all over you, in front of everyone? You didn’t give a shit.”
I turn my back on him and stumble away, kicking aside unsuspecting pebbles and lumps of driftwood unfortunate enough to get in my path. I’m shaking, shaking so hard I can scarcely walk straight.
“Luke!”
“Fuck off, Theo.”
“What, so you think this is easy on me? Do you?” For the first time, his voice holds real anger. “How about putting yourself in my position for a moment.”
I keep moving, in no mood to listen.
“Go on, Luke. You think I enjoy watching you and Zara together? The way she touches you? You share a bed with her, for Christ’s sake. What do you think that’s like for me, lying there, wondering, imagining? You think that’s easy?”
I round on him. “And whose fault’s that, Theo? Remind me. We’re sneaking around like what we have is something shameful, something that needs to be hidden away, and why? So you won’t have to get some guts and tell Zara the truth.”
It’s impossible to see his reaction in the moonlight, but I hear it, hear his sharp intake of breath as though I’ve struck him across the face.
The rage seeps from my body. I sink onto the sand, bury my face in my arms. “Fuck, Theo, I’m sorry. It’s just so…hard.”
He sits beside me, laying a tentative hand on my back. “Why don’t you tell me what this is really about?”
I lower my arms and stare into the waves rolling onto the shore a few feet from us, their crests dusted with silver.
“Come on,” Theo rubs my back, “help me out here.”
“I…” The confession gets tangled up in my tongue. I trace a figure of eight in the sand with my finger. “I wanted it to be me.”
“You wanted what to be you?”
I force myself to meet his eyes. “I wanted to be the one wrapped around you on that dance floor. I wanted everyone there to look at me, to know I was with you.”
“Oh.” Theo hesitates, his expression thoughtful. “Listen, what you said before about me stalling over telling Zara—”
“Theo, I—”
“No, I deserved it. Maybe I am putting it off—Christ, the last thing I want to do is hurt her—but I’m thinking of you, too, believe it or not.” His mouth softens into a smile. “Coming out, that’s a big deal. People’s perception of you will change overnight, and not always in a good way. You’ll get some who’ll look at you like you’re scum just for holding my hand in public, and some who’ll do a lot worse. It’s tough, Luke. I didn’t know if you were ready for that. Are you?”
I return my gaze to the water. Theo’s right. Once I let the world in on my relationship, there’ll be no going back. And what about my mates? To them, I’ve always been the authority on girls, the one with the come-and-get-it smile who can be relied on to know exactly what to say to get them eating out of my hand. All that will change.
But surely they won’t just turn their backs on me. Dean and I have been friends too long, been through too much. From being laid up with chicken pox and losing our baby teeth, to stressing out over exams and tasting our first beer, we’ve done it all together. I’ve shared everything with him. Well, almost everything.
A snippet of conversation stirs in my memory, something Dean said to me on the phone the day I arrived in Cornwall. “Did Zara’s cousin get out the pink hair and rainbow flags to welcome you?”
A sick sensation grips my stomach. He was joking. He was. Still, there’s no escaping it. I’ll be Luke the queer. Luke the poofter. Luke, who had most of the girls at school in love with him, but instead went and fell for another guy. Will he hate me for it? Feel disgusted? Betrayed? One thing’s for sure. He’ll never view me in the same light again. Am I ready for that? Truly?
Theo touches my cheek. “We can do it, you know. We can go back right now and tell them. Tell Zara.”
“Really?” I melt into the warmth of his palm. “You’d do that?”
“If it’s what you want.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. That he’s prepared to do this, despite my behaviour tonight, makes me feel humbled, childish.
“I’ll have to go, won’t I, once Zara knows? You two will need time.”
“I expect so.”
“Do you want me to?”
“What do you think?” Theo leans in until our foreheads touch, his gaze intent on mine.
I put my arms around him as his come around me. We stay like this, simply holding each other, Theo’s breath caressing my lips. This is all still so new, so intoxicatingly strange. I’ve hardly begun to explore my feelings, to understand what they might mean. Leaving now would be impossible.
“We’ll wait,” I murmur against his mouth.
He draws back slightly, studying me. “You sure?”
“Yes.” I take his face in my hands and kiss him. “We’ll wait.”
* * * * *