By the time I woke up on New Year's Day, I'd all but forgotten the kiss. And by forgotten, I meant tried my damnedest not to overthink what it meant or how it had felt. It had been spur of the moment. A friend kiss. A peer-pressure induced meeting-of-the-mouths. There hadn't even been any tongue and it had lasted about two seconds.
So why couldn't I stop thinking about it?
This was James, apprentice to Gavon. Future leader of the Death Eaters. I couldn't come up with a better example of "Bad Boy." Not to mention he was arrogant, selfish, and the worst kind of womanizer. The polar opposite of anything I should've even considered being attracted to.
Yet, he was incredibly charming when he wanted to be. He was also handsome, although his personality overshadowed that most of the time. Something drew me toward his arrogance, too, especially because I knew I was his equal and could put him back in his place. There was something so delicious about watching him stew in defeat when I bested him—verbally and magically.
But did that mean I was developing a crush on him? And how could one develop a crush on someone who was so obviously a terrible choice? It was almost like I had no control over my own decision-making. Like seeing disaster ahead and not being able to find the brakes.
That son of a bitch must've put a potion on me. Or a charm. Or something. Because I was not this stupid. Maybe he'd coated his lips, and I was simply feeling the aftereffects. But after searching my potion book, I discovered that most potions that affected the brain weren't permanent. They only lasted a day, maybe two if the dose was made strong enough.
Which meant that after three days of fighting a goofy, lovesick smile when I thought of James, I determined that he hadn't potioned me, and I was simply being an idiot.
"You're distracted today," Nicole said one morning over breakfast.
My kingdom for a sister I could be honest with. "Yeah. Just getting excited about the year, I guess. Nervous."
"Nothing has to change, you know," she said. "I mean, it's okay to stay here and go to school—"
"It's not okay," I said, complete with the familiar surge of annoyance that came with the idea of staying where I was.
She pursed her lips, clearly wanting to say more. Instead she said, "I think I'm going to take my car in again."
"R-really?" I blinked. "That's what? Three times in three months?"
"It's still making noises and…" She chewed on her lip.
"Demand that the mechanic do something about it," I replied. "You shouldn't be paying him if he's not doing his job."
"I think it's just an old car."
"Nicole," I said with a frown. "Don't let him push you around."
"He's not pushing me around," she said hotly. "I'm going to demand that he fix the car and not charge me this time."
"Absolutely."
"Just…I'll go in later," she said, wilting into her coffee.
"I could go threaten to blow him up," I said after a few minutes of silence.
"Don't you dare."
When the first day of my final semester in high school arrived, I awoke with a pit of dread in my stomach. Not because I was nervous about school, but it had been over a week since I'd seen James, and I was still thinking about him with infuriating frequency. I'd have to face him eventually, but if I limited our exposure as much as possible, perhaps I could build up an immunity to him.
I waited until the last minute to transport to the bathroom and squeaked into my desk during the morning announcements. I kept my head down, but I felt his gaze on me as I settled in across the room. The heat was palpable, or perhaps it was just my embarrassment, and it took all my willpower not to look up. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn back to the front.
My gaze landed on his neck, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss it—
I blinked, blushing for even thinking that way. I suddenly felt exposed, as if everyone in the room had just heard what I'd thought. Turning my attention, I tried my very best to focus on the teacher, and not on the way James' arms so slightly moved as he scribbled down notes.
Those arms, connected to those hands, which had taken me and kissed me so—
Stop it, Lexie.
In the first place, no matter how friendly we'd gotten, he was still in line to be the next Guildmaster, with all the repercussions thereof.
In the second place, I saw him share a glance with Mary Catherine, a tall, skinny girl who I thought was a dancer. Our kiss had obviously changed nothing for him and he was on the prowl for his next girl. As class wrapped up, he turned to her, smiling in that way that said he was very interested, and said, "What's happening?"
As I packed my books up, I told myself it was a good thing, because if he was distracted with someone else, he wouldn't be able to flirt with me and make me daydream about him. And then perhaps I could return to seeing him as just a friend, and not someone I wanted to push up against the wall and make out with.
"Are you mad at me?"
I jumped nearly out of my skin, as James had appeared in front of me as if by magic.
"You've been avoiding me all day," he said with a frown. "Did I do something wrong?"
I yelped then busied myself with my locker. "I mean, no. I'm not. Just trying to get back into school."
If he found my bashful behavior strange, he was clearly upset over other things. "I'm so glad to be back. Gavon's been relentless lately. My induction match is three months away."
"You mentioned that," I said, cautiously.
"Final test before I'm officially admitted into the Guild." He chewed his lip and glanced down at me. "You aren't going to get mad at me if I talk about this, are you?"
"Me?" I squeaked. "Why would I get mad?"
"I just… I know how you get when I talk about Gavon, and I don't want to upset you."
Words left me in favor of shock, and I stared at him for a long time before I noticed he'd started walking away. I jogged after him, still unable to shake the strange feeling in my chest.
"Look, we're friends. And friends talk to each other about stuff that's bothering them. You've heard me talk about my issues. So…yeah. Fire away."
"I've been allowed to spar with you once a week again, because Gavon has taken an interest in my training. Tuesdays with him, Fridays with you. And when I'm not doing homework, I have to study magical theories and potions." He rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't surprise me if he popped an exam on me either."
"Why the worry?" I asked as we walked to our next class. "Has Cyrus done anything…?"
James heaved a sigh and I feared the worst. "He asked me over for tea the other day. He hasn't done that in several months, not since I started attending school."
"I thought you were forbidden to go over there?"
"I'm forbidden, but if Cyrus asks Gavon, Gavon has to let me go. Guild rules and all that. Anyway, Cyrus asked if I would consider taking over the Guildmastership."
"But, I mean…you will one day… Oh." I licked my lips. "You mean…"
"Yes. Kill Gavon and take over now."
I swallowed. The last words I'd spoken to Gavon had been in anger, and if that was the last thing I ever said to him…I shuddered. Even now, I still felt guilty about it, even though I knew I'd been mostly in the right.
"Which means either he thinks he can sway me to whatever plan he's got, or he thinks he can challenge me in a duel and finish me off." James chuckled. "In both cases, he'll find himself sorely mistaken."
I actually sighed in relief. "Thank God."
"Which part?"
"The part where you aren't killing Gavon."
He stopped in the middle of the hall. "Do you really think I could do something like that?"
"Well…"
He stopped and took my arm. "Do you not understand me? Cyrus wants me to kill a man in cold blood. Despite my issues with Gavon, he's still the only father I've ever known. And you really think I'd be able to take his life simply so I can ascend to my rightful position twenty years sooner?"
I didn't know what to say to that, except to ask, "You were ready to kill me."
"I was a child then. I didn't understand…" James released my arm. "Gavon… He took me to a sick house. Our poor excuse for a hospital. Without potion-makers, sick villagers die slow, painful deaths. Gavon told me if I was so eager to take innocent life, there was a house full of them, each ready for it, unlike you."
I shivered as James released a shaky breath. "Did you do it?"
"I couldn't," he said, staring at the floor in shame. "Just like I can't take Gavon's life. Warriors aren't supposed to be killers. We're defenders."
"Cyrus did it so easily," I replied, tightening my hold around my books. "My mother, my aunt. My grandmother—"
"Cyrus is insane," James said, though he nudged me gently with his elbow. "I'm not him. I'm not going to take lives simply because I can."
I heard Gavon in his words, and had to smile. James may have hated him, but it was clear he'd learned a lot.
James shook himself, and the haunted look fell from his eyes. "Besides that, I don't want to be Guildmaster yet. I'll be eighteen and this world requires a lot more exploring." He grinned at me but I didn't reciprocate.
"What are you going to do when you become Guildmaster?" I asked. "Eventually."
"Take over the world."
I stopped short and gaped at him, fear spreading like wildfire until I saw the turn of his mouth.
"You're too easy," he said with a laugh. "Probably the same thing Gavon's done. Keep the idiots happy and the powerful ones in the dark. They may think the New Salem Guild could come back with a roaring vengeance, but it's clear there's more of you than us. They'd have us back inside the tear in a heartbeat. Surprised they haven't come and cleaned us out already."
"I guess that makes sense."
"You don't have anything to fear from me, Lexie. Besides, the nonmagicals get by pretty well without magic." He pulled his phone out of his front pocket. "This thing is pretty cool."
"Yeah, I guess it is," I said with a smile.
"Honestly, thinking I could kill Gavon. You probably still think I'm evil, don't you?" James asked with a sad shake of his head.
I shrugged, noncommittal. "Maybe not evil anymore. A dick, sure."
"You wound me."
"You've got a potion for that, I hear," I shot back then stopped myself. I was flirting. With James. What the hell was wrong with me? A little kiss, and I'd all but lost my mind.
"So what happens after you're inducted?" I asked, after we settled into our seats. "Assuming you don't take over for Gavon."
"Then I am a fully-fledged member of the Guild. Get a vote on Guild matters and everything."
"Like what?"
"Oh you know, what to call the semi-monthly meeting of the Charmers." James sniffed. "And how much wine we will conjure for the annual celebration." He grinned at me. "You know, evil stuff."
I laughed, although his smile made me blush.
"So, are we on for Friday night?"
"Friday?" I gulped. Had I missed him asking me out? Was he asking me out? What was going on?
"Sparring? I mean, unless you're still mad at me." He winked. "You know, for being evil and whatnot."
"S-sparring. Sure." I nodded, already dreading my idiotic reaction to it. "Friday it is."
But James had already forgotten about me, glancing over my shoulder to make eyes with Mary Catherine.