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We were home long before dinner, but Von wasn’t. I was proud of him for getting out, and grateful Ezra had insisted Alton go with him. The Vandershot brothers were on glorified babysitting duty, but I knew they preferred the boring chauffeuring moments to the harrowing attacks that tore their family down.
I’d stopped with Graham at a store to pick Von up some gum in hopes he’d smoke a little less. I sat down at the dining room table with Ezra, upset with myself that I hadn’t helped Lynna in the kitchen at all. I made a mental note to wash the dishes to give her a little break later.
Ezra asked simple questions, keeping it light so I didn’t retreat back to my bedroom. I heard the front door open, but only Alton came in to join us at the soup course. He flopped in his chair, pushing his gold-rimmed glasses up on his nose as his dark hair swung into his face. “We’re trading tomorrow. You get the basket case, and I get the pretty girl,” he said to Graham.
“What’s wrong? Is he alright?” I asked, suddenly worried my plan to reintroduce the outside world to Von had gone terribly south somehow.
“He’s carrying in his purchases. I’ll let that be a terrifying little surprise for you later. If there’s ever any doubt that Von loves you, I hope it’s cleared up when he shows you all he bought.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Okay. So long as he’s alright, that’s fine. I don’t care what he bought. I just wanted to get him out of the house.”
“Mission accomplished. No more letting him make simple decisions, though. He can’t handle the stress of it.”
I frowned, worried I’d pushed Von too far. “Stress? I didn’t mean for that. Is he alright? Is he coming down?”
“After he unloads the car by himself, yes. And don’t anyone volunteer to help him. He’s got to learn his lesson. He’s cracked, Ezra. Absolutely batty.”
Von joined us when the roasted chicken and sides were served, scooping me up from my chair with palpable relief. “You came back,” he breathed, pressing his lips to mine briefly. “I was so worried.”
I’d never been a fan of public kissing, especially since our kisses were more psychedelic than your standard run-of-the-mill makeout. Von’s lips captured mine a second time, grateful and filled with relief that I hadn’t been stolen away, that my body wasn’t lying in a ditch, and that I hadn’t up and left him. I heard the tinkle of bells greeting us, and the swirls of blue and gold dripped down the dining room walls like slow-melting glittery wax. I lost myself for a solid ten seconds in the transformation of worlds that happened when Von made me see stars in the home of his lips.
I pulled away, my cheeks pink as I kept my head down. “Sorry about that, guys. Have a seat, Von. You must be hungry. Come eat dinner with us.”
Instead of taking the open seat next to Alton across the table from Graham, Von brought the chair next to me, sliding his plate and everything, so his thigh could smoosh to the outside of mine while we ate. He kissed my temple and barely paid attention to the others at the table. He ate a few bites with his arm wrapped around me, holding me tight and checking behind himself occasionally, as if he expected a monster to come flying in and snatch me away from him.
I tried to stay engaged in the normal dinner conversation. I answered Ezra’s questions about our afternoon, and accepted his invitation to go to a museum with him on Wednesday – like, you know, an actual social life. When Von opened his mouth to say that he didn’t feel up to a trip to the museum, Ezra cut him off with, “You’ve got a visitor coming on Wednesday, Von. Danny wanted to take you out. He needs your help with something. Alton will be guarding Mariang with Boston while she rests.”
“What help does Danny need?”
Ezra shrugged evasively. “He didn’t say.”
“Just for a little bit?”
“I believe it was only a couple hours.”
“Okay, fine. And you’ll be with October the whole time?”
“Graham and I, yes. I promise to look after her with my life.”
Von watched Ezra as if studying him for false moves. “Okay. I guess that would be alright.” Von agreed, but his grip around me tightened. I felt terrible for him. I could see fear beneath the suspicion, and knew that when we’d lost September, it changed him in a way that wouldn’t be possible to undo anytime soon.
After dinner, Von wasted no time corralling me upstairs. He shut the door and leaned against it, exhaling with relief. “That took forever. I don’t like being separated from you.”
“I missed you too, babe.” I looked around the room and found ten overlarge shopping bags from the nearest mall. “I guess you needed to hit the store, too. What’d you get?”
“You told me you needed socks and lotion, so I got you socks and lotion.”
“Thanks, sweetheart. But what’s the rest of it?” I walked over to the nearest bag and peeked inside.
“It’s all socks and lotion. I didn’t know which kind to buy, so I just kept going.”
My mouth fell open as I dug into the bag, revealing dozens of pairs of fuzzy socks, along with every kind of lotion imaginable. “Are you serious? Von, I needed like, one pair. Two, at most.” I gasped at the next bag that was filled to the top with big bottles of various lotions, each a different brand in the same lavender scent. “Oh, honey. This is... Thank you, really, but we have to take these back.”
“Do what you want with them. You said you needed lotion and socks, so I brought some home for you. This way you’ll never have to leave me to go buy them.”
My mouth went dry as I began to see the psychosis seeping into his pores. I moved slowly around the room, opening each bag that solidified what I should’ve seen a mile away – Von was cracked. “These are my favorites.” I picked out a pair of socks at random. For good measure, I selected six more pairs and laid them on the bed. Then I chose three bottles of lotion with the least annoying smells. “The rest can go back to the store though. Sorry I wasn’t more specific. I didn’t mean you had to buy all the lotion in the whole mall.”
Von shrugged. “It’s no trouble.” His earlobe was still red and swollen, perhaps even more so than when I’d left that morning. Von pulled off his shirt and kicked his pants to the floor. He climbed into the bed and held his arms out to me. “It’s been a long day. I need you here. I don’t like when I turn around and you’re gone.”
I quirked my eyebrow at the switch in our roles. Now I was the one “stepping out”, and he was the one feeling abandoned.
“Okay, hun. I’ll be right there.” I grabbed pajamas out of my drawer and moved to change in the bathroom. I came out a few minutes later, and Von was biting his nails, eyes darting around the room to accuse the shadows of foul play. I sank into the bed with him, though it was barely seven o’clock, and let him gather my body greedily to his. His lips found mine in the darkness. Our bodies were lit only by the twilight that seeped through the edges of the beige curtains. It took mere seconds for him to sweep us away from the mansion and transplant us smack in the middle of our park, the beautiful colors dancing around us to celebrate our return to the fanciful life that was far prettier than reality.
Von was desperate and handsy; it wasn’t like him to be so frantic, erratic and uncontrolled. I slowed him down with long, languid kisses, reminding him that I wasn’t going anywhere, and we had all night in our dreams.
Right when I’d slowed down his pace to a less harried and fearful romp, Von’s emotions crested. He crashed down atop me in a fit of tears that overtook him without warning. It was so strange that I scrambled to hold him, hoping to give him an anchor when he was so very lost. “It’s okay, Von. Let it out.”
“It’s not okay!” he roared into my shoulder. “It’ll never be okay. I wanted a daughter who was mine. Penny’s brilliant, and I love her, but I know her eyes belong to some other bloke, and that her mum and I will never be together. She’s not even mine on paper! But September would’ve been mine. The first child that’s mine, and she’s broken! I couldn’t save her. What good is vampire blood if it does absolutely nothing when you need it to? What good am I if I can’t save a little girl?”
The entire night and the next few days were a lengthier version of that. Von was terrified every time I left the bedroom, so I stayed mostly locked inside to pacify him, since it seemed he was in the throes of a mental breakdown. Then slowly, me just being in the same room as Von wasn’t enough; we had to be touching, cuddling, kissing. I left him to use the bathroom (and you know, breathe), and after a minute, he pounded on the door, frantic that I’d cracked my head on the porcelain or some nonsense.
I understood crazy better than most, since I’d been on the brink of it much of my life. I stayed with him for days, locked in the bedroom with no hope of release. Von vented his grief while I held him. I kept my own anguish locked up tight, where no one would bother me about it. It wasn’t as if I could lean on Von; he could barely hold himself upright with his own misery. I decided to save my agony for Allie, knowing she would keep my secrets.