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Though it had been a full two days since I’d left the mansion, I hadn’t slept. Ezra finally deemed it safe for me to return to the mansion, and I couldn’t get there fast enough. I felt unanchored, ungrounded and totally out of my skin. I’d gone to the McCray brothers for help. Clearly, I was off my rocker.
“Ezra?” I called through the vast home. When he didn’t answer right away, I panicked. I ran through the main floor of the mansion, scared that while I’d been gone, someone had ripped my lifeline away. “Ezra!”
The hurried footsteps pounded up the steps from the basement, and Ezra met me in a borderline violent hug we both needed. “I’m here. I’m sorry, dear. I was cleaning up the basement. Are you alright?” He winced when he took in my face. “Oh, it’s quite purple now. Do you need some ice?”
“I’m fine. I barely feel it.”
Finn guffawed from the doorway. “She’s lying, I hope you know. She’s lying and she’s crazy. I don’t have it in me to tell you what kind of company your daughter keeps.” Finn was exhausted from staying up with me to make sure I didn’t fall asleep. “If everything’s set here, I’m heading back to Dagat. Is Mason back yet?”
Ezra shook his head. “No. No word from him, either. But go on home and rest, Captain. I’ll handle the Omens and Reapers from here. Thank you for helping us.”
Finn nodded, and cast me a tired smile, jerking his chin to the door so we could say goodbye without my father’s watchful eye. “We did it,” he said quietly. “We made it through that whole time together without kissing. I think this means we’re actually friends.”
I nodded, covering my mouth to stifle a yawn. “You only get to kiss one Omen per weekend, and I guess it was Mariang’s turn.” I giggled deviously at his wide, mischievous grin. “I’m teasing you. We totally did it. I feel like we climbed a hurdle or something. Look at us – two grownups. Thanks for being cool. I wasn’t doing so hot. You being good to me? It really helped. And thanks for not stabbing Judge.”
Finn’s smile dropped into a frown of dismay. “I thought when we got to this point, I wouldn’t still want you, but I do.” He tapped his heart, as if the steady organ pained him with its betrayal. “How do I make it stop feeling like this? You’ve had a free will and a shiny conscience longer than I have.”
My hopeful smile at our budding friendship fell into disrepair. “It might feel like that for a little while longer. It’s my fault. I clung too hard in the pool. I see something safe, and I squeeze too tight. It’s my perpetual downfall, and I’m sorry I clung too hard to you. It’s unfair, what I’ve done.” I shook my head at myself. “That pain in your chest? I did that. It’s my conscience that was defunct in all of it. I can do better the next time I see you.”
“So, the goal is for me to stop loving you?” His face twisted into a grimace. “How is that better?”
“Maybe it’s not, but it’s necessary.” I let Finn kiss my unmarked cheek, his lips lingering on my skin to feel the heat that rose at his touch. I stepped back, trying to be firm with both of us. “I’ll see you at the next council meeting. Thanks for keeping me safe.”
Finn’s eyes bathed me in too much tenderness. “Don’t you know? ‘If you live, then I breathe.’” Before I could respond, Finn up and vanished into thin air.
That’s right. I made it through a whole weekend with him and didn’t kiss him once. I rock at self-control now. Like, I rock with rocks that rock.
I’m so freaking tired.
I wandered into the kitchen, where Ezra was waiting with a tightness to his posture. “Von?” I inquired. “He’s back to normal?”
“He’s himself again, though slightly less so. The process of undoing what Sama did to him was quite grueling. You might want to save the important talks for tomorrow. He’s quite under the weather.”
“Okay. Thanks, Dad. I’m safe up there with him?”
“I daresay Von’s the safest man in the world for you to be around right now. He’s quite beside himself with what he did while he was being controlled.” Ezra’s hand on my back directed me toward the stairs. “Von’s in your room washing up.”
“You alright? You look pretty beat yourself.”
Ezra nodded, the bags under his eyes showing off his exhaustion that matched mine. I wondered when the last time he’d slept was. “Take it easy with Von, darling. See if you can get him to eat, and then the two of you get some rest.”
I turned and engulfed Ezra in a hard hug that had the last of my energy and too much emotion laced into the embrace. “I love you, Ezra. You’re the best dad a girl could ask for. Thank you for putting Von back together.”
Ezra was startled at my sudden declaration, and then softened in my grip. He squeezed me, tucking my head under his chin. “I love you too, my dear. Now run upstairs and get some rest. And be gentle with Von.”
I nodded into his chest, silently relieved that Ezra confirmed Von had no control over his meltdown. I tripped twice on the way up the stairs, and stumbled into my bedroom just as the shower turned off. “Hallo?” Von called from the bathroom. “Is someone in the room?”
“Just me and the Abominable Snowman. I figured you missed sleeping as a threesome, so I brought in a wild monster. That’s okay, right? He’s cold now, sure. He’s made of snow. But wait until he warms to you. Absolutely melts, the puppy.”
The silence that greeted me wasn’t all that reassuring. “You’re back, then?”
“Of course. I live here, apparently. Come on out. I want to run something by you. I had a little talk with Judge that I think might fix a few things for now.” I locked our door so we could have some privacy, and flopped on the bed that called out to me.
I stared up at the ceiling, my body jittery from all the coffee, but I was still exhausted because, let’s face it, coffee can only be expected to do so much.
I heard the bathroom door open, but was too tired to get up, so I waited for Von to come to me. I addressed the ceiling as I spoke. “And no matter what I say, your job is to be like, ‘October, that’s the most amazing plan I’ve ever heard. Brilliant. Pip-pip. Cheerio. Bangers and mash.’” My impression of his accent was slightly less than stellar, but I made no apologies. When Von didn’t laugh, I turned my head toward him and gasped at the sight that greeted me. “Von! Oh, what happened to you?”
My exhaustion took a backseat as I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I stumbled toward him, my fingers finding welts and bruises peppering his face. I tried to make sense of the drastic change he’d undergone in a weekend. Most shocking of all was his hair – or lack thereof. “You cut off your hair!”
Von closed his eyes and dipped his chin downward as my fingers fluttered over his face and half-inch long black hair. He inhaled the scent of my palm with torment painting his features, as if it pained him to have me this close. “Never thought I’d miss a smell this much. Your hand sanitizer. Smells just as I remembered it.” He seemed to recall himself and took a step back. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I stiffened. “I should be exactly where I want to be. I want to be with you, so that’s where I am.”
“But I blacked your eye. I must’ve seemed completely mental! Please tell me you’re back because you understand that I was touched in the head. Tell me you have more self-respect than to come back to a bloke who hits you.”
“Of course. Ezra and Danny explained it all to me. Sama was controlling you. I’m not mad at you for something you didn’t mean to do.”
“Tell me you left me,” he whispered, the pain in his closed eyes spreading across his face. I hated when Von was in pain. He was so much better with a smile. “Tell me I know your strength.”
I nodded, my forehead pressed to his. “I gave your ring to Danny, but he brought it back once they figured out you were being controlled. I don’t want to break it off if it wasn’t you who hit me. It wasn’t you, was it?”
A tear dribbled out from the corner of Von’s eye and drooled down his cheek, his lower lip trembling. “On my mum’s honor, I would never raise a hand to you. I’m so sorry my hand raised itself and struck you. I saw myself doing it all, but I couldn’t stop it! I love you, November. I would never...”
I pressed a closed-mouth kiss to his repentant and trembling lips. “Shh. I know the rest. Now what happened to your face? Who do I have to pound on for beating you so badly?”
“Oh, most of that’s just me again. Sama must’ve realized he was losing his hold on my mind, so he made me start to trounce myself. Tried knocking myself out on the jail cell bars in the basement.”
“That’s horrible!” I kissed his face all over, slowly and gently so I didn’t press too hard on any of his bruises. “Sama made you cut off your hair, too?” I led him to the bed and sat him down, leaning his forehead to my chest as I stood between his legs and held him, rubbing soothing circles into his back.
“No, I did that. The Manas snatched my hair to give to Sama. Thought I’d keep this from happening ever again. My father hits women, not me! I don’t do this!” He clung to me, his tears falling into my shirt. “Tell me I’m not that bastard.”
“Of course not. I knew it couldn’t be you.” I held him tighter, my heart breaking for his inner turmoil as he cried silently into my breasts. “When was the last time you ate anything?”
“I bit Ezra. Does that count?”
“No. He probably only tastes like tea and crumpets.” That earned a humorless snort from him, which I considered a small victory. “Let me get you something. What do you want?”
“I don’t want to eat. I couldn’t stomach a bite.”
“Well, you’re going to stomach several bites. You’re shaking. I’ll be right back.”
Von held onto my hand, holding me in place for a moment longer. “I would’ve understood if you’d left me. And you were with Finn, too. If you kissed him, I understand.”
I smiled with pride that made me stand a little straighter. “Thanks, but I didn’t kiss Finn. I only kiss vampires now. I’m engaged, after all.”
Von kissed the ring on my finger, his lips damp from his own tears. “Hurry back, Mrs. Brady.”
Leave it to Von to say the perfect thing.
I returned a few minutes later with a plate of cut up fruit, cheese, crackers, bottled waters and a blood bag. “You miss me?” I asked in lieu of anything else to say that might cut the tension.
“You shouldn’t be here. You should go to your house for a while. I hit you. You’re letting me off the hook too easily.” Von was in gym shorts and a green t-shirt, still sitting on the bed and looking like a wild animal who’d been coerced into domestication.
“Oh, I plan to punish Sama right good when I get my hands on him. You didn’t do it, Von. I know who to punish. Had you been the one behind the wheel, it would’ve been you catching my wrath. Now you get to help me plan his inevitable demise.”
Von snorted. “I can get behind that plan.”
I pressed a strawberry to his lips, softening when Von looked up at me through thick lashes as he reluctantly let me feed him. “Scoot over. I’m exhausted. What do you say we eat and then take a nap?”
“You’re just saying that because I’m tired. You don’t have to do this. You’re being too nice to me.”
“Now who’s being too nice? I’m barely upright, Von. I haven’t slept since the last time we were in bed together. I could use a nap where I’m not afraid Sama’s going to infiltrate my dreams. And I need food, come to think of it.”
Von picked up a grape from the plate in my hands and fed it to me, a flicker of longing crossing his features. He pulled the covers down and moved to sit on his side of the bed, patting the empty spot beside him, and looking like the sexiest man on earth with an invitation like that. His back pressed against the headboard while his eyes danced over my form. “You really trust me after what I did?”
I snuggled in beside him, tugging the comforter over our laps, and setting the plate across my thighs, so I could feed him a piece of cheese. “I really do. If you say it wasn’t you, then it wasn’t you. Honestly, after all we’ve been through, I feel like we need to take a little time to be normal. After we sleep, could we try being boring for a while?”
He picked up a strawberry and fed it to me. “I long for nothing else lately. I still can’t believe I hit you. And Danny, too. And the days leading up to that were wonky, as well. What must you have thought when you came home to bags of socks and lotion? Why didn’t you send me packing for the Loony Bin right then and there?”
“We were grieving. I think that’s the time to be a little irrational. It was sweet. Sama was controlling you back then?”
“He was starting to. Thought he could turn you against me by making me all clingy and manic. He knows you well, Peach. He wanted you to leave me of your own volition. When that didn’t work, he resorted to force.” Von winced. “I could feel his emotions toward the end. He didn’t like the idea of hitting you. Whatever else he’s up to, he wants a baby, and he wants you. I didn’t think the bastard capable of actual feelings, but he’s got them for you, sure enough.”
I shuddered and pulled the comforter to my chest. “Oh, good. I was hoping to be creeped out right before bed.”
We finished off the plate of food, the water and the blood bag, and then settled into the mattress. Von looked foreign to me with bruises on his face and his head shaved. I’d loved his wild hair, and cursed Sama for making Von cut off one of the things I adored about him.
Von was reluctant to hold me, but after a few minutes of polite handholding under the covers, our bodies found a way to bridge the gap between the things we wanted to be true and the things that were. Our legs tangled in the sheets, craving the solace we knew would be waiting for us. As we sought comfort in the one failsafe we always came back to, I realized that no matter what life handed us, Von and I would always find a way to tease and tangle ourselves in the beautiful web of each other.