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Like most hurdles in life, the anticipation of falling was worse than the actual feat. Danny and Lang caught me with nothing more than a disarming bump when my feet hit the ground. Lang clumsily patted my back, but Danny clung to me, holding me tight when my knees buckled. There was something about the earnest nature of the hug I didn’t expect that squeezed the truth out of me. Before I could stop myself, I whispered the confession that had been building in me since the Tiyanak went down. “That’s two babies I killed.”
At my horrible admission of guilt, Danny’s arms tightened, crushing me to him so I couldn’t run. He didn’t say anything at first, but simply held me through his shock. Lang’s hand on my back rubbed sweet circles, and I hoped he hadn’t heard what a wretched person I was, though by now, we all knew. Danny kept one arm around me and put the other on the back of my head, anchoring my cheek to his shoulder so I could rest my burdens on him for a minute. Danny was showing public affection, and I felt terrible for making him be so nice to me. Never had it been clearer that I was a train wreck than when I stood in the middle of the dark forest, letting Danny comfort my crazy. Danny was saner than I was.
It was a hard blow.
“Shh,” he whispered in my ear as he pulled some of the heartbreak out of me. “I don’t want to hear that sort of rubbish from you, yeah? It’s not true. The Manas killed your daughter, and what we killed back there was no baby. Tiyanaks aren’t truly babies.”
I didn’t know which way was up, only that my soul felt heavy with gravity and guilt. Maybe Danny was right, but it didn’t erase the weight I couldn’t shake. Danny waved the others to move on ahead and held onto me, giving me a moment of privacy in a world where I’d been granted none. When we were alone, Danny lightly scratched my scalp and whispered, “Go ahead. Let it out.”
Tears welled in my eyes. I hated myself one degree less since there wasn’t an audience around to watch me degrade myself. Danny was being kind because I was fragile. I knew what fragile got a girl, and despised myself for the weakness I couldn’t seem to escape. I didn’t tell Danny any more of the awful things I felt, but I let myself cry in his arms, holding onto him as much as he held onto me.
It wasn’t until my sobs subsided that I realized he’d been talking to me, making sense of the madness I specialized in. “You’re a soldier, just as I am. You did what had to be done back there. You were brilliant. I’ve never seen a Tiyanak act even remotely human before. They’re usually just irrational monsters, programmed to kill and eat. But you got him to drop his guard. Only you could make a monster hug you.” Then he stopped, examined his words and gave me a tight squeeze. “I’m a monster most days, yet here I am, hugging you because I know you need it, and your boyfriend can’t.” He pressed his cheek to mine and whispered, “You’re a good person, and I’m sorry life is hard.”
I don’t know why this made my tears dry. Confused as I was, I let Danny wipe my tears with the sleeve of Ollie’s jacket. I was grateful for the simple act that preserved my pride; he knew I didn’t want to look so wrecked when we rejoined the others. “Thank you.” I gripped his gloved fingers and held them to my cheek, using his warmth to anchor me when I felt so hopelessly lost and disconnected from reality.
He rubbed his thumb down the length of my cheekbone while he held me with his other arm slung low on my waist. “Let’s find Mason and get you home, yeah? I bet Von’s already making plans to take you on your glorious holiday of soup, hot cocoa and American television.” He snorted out half a laugh at my idea of paradise. “Can you keep a secret?”
“Hello, my whole life is a secret these days. Shoot.”
“After the cruise, I booked us a trip to Costa Rica for part two of our delayed honeymoon. Mariang’s always wanted to go to the rainforest, and now she’s finally healthy enough for some adventure.”
Danny’s happiness was just the distraction I needed. “Oh, Danny that’s great! She doesn’t know?”
“Not a clue. She thinks we’re coming straight home after the cruise. She’s too wrapped up in the wedding part of things to worry about the honeymoon. It’ll be after the baby comes, of course, and after the circus of the ceremony in Terraway, but that’s the plan.”
“I love it! She’ll be so excited. That’s a great thing, booking a surprise for the two of you. Totally romantic. Good for you.” I smiled up at him, hoping my face didn’t look blotchy and tearstained. “You’ll have to take her dancing when you get there.”
“Ha,” Danny replied tonelessly. “I think we all know what a fool I look like dancing.”
I pulled my head back and stared up at him. “All you need is more practice. You’re good at anything you put your mind to; dancing’s no different.”
Danny studied my face for a few seconds, debating something in his mind. Finally, he held my hand and slowly moved it out to the side, his arm tightening around my waist. His chest puffed out, and I could see him counting to three in his head. My foot moved back as his moved forward, and before I could analyze the situation, we were waltzing through the snow. Though my body was exhausted from anxiety, getting torn up, and not sleeping, somehow we moved gracefully under the stars. The moon seemed to look down at us with a wink, telling us that even though things were hard, there was still beauty to be enjoyed. Life gave us pure moments to cling to, so we had enough hope to lift our heads. I was covered in blood, waltzing with my almost brother, and somehow, without any magic at all, this became our fairytale.
Danny stepped on my feet four times before he grew frustrated with himself, though I never called him on his missteps. He dropped his arms and broke the rhythm of our dance, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was dreadful still, yeah?”
“Not terrible at all. Dashing, at the very least. Danny, you’re getting better at dancing the more you do it. When we get home, make sure you practice all the time with Mariang. It’s romantic as anything, and she’ll eat it right up.”
“You think?”
“I know. You’re not bad at the whole romance thing. Quit selling yourself short.”
Danny extended his hand to me to take, so we didn’t trip in the dark. “You know, I think I just might take your advice on that.”
I blame the waltzing on why I didn’t hear the footfalls that trampled too near for a quick escape. “Danny?” I warned in a whisper, flipping open my dagger and crouching as I braced myself for whatever was coming.
Danny did the same, his arm stretching in front of me as a shield. His protective instinct was too precious an offer to push away. “It’s a zombie. Let me handle it.”
I didn’t want to stand down, but I was already injured and unsure of my strength after the whole dangling from a tree thing. I heard growling when the feet came closer, crashing through the woods. I heard the gurgling of too much saliva, and the stink of rancid chicken, mixed with hot garbage in motion.
Then there were two sets of footsteps.
Three.
Seven.
“Von!” I called out when the monsters came into view, their jaws slack and their eyes unblinking. I hoped my voice carried to the others for help, but didn’t count on the cavalry arriving in time. I moved off to the side to draw out a few of the zombies, so Danny didn’t have to be the target for all of them.
“Stay behind me!” he warned.
I think we both knew I wasn’t going to listen. I didn’t wait for the zombies to claw at me first. I leapt forward, slicing and ripping with my blade as best I could. My conscience was too torn to make lucid decisions, so I killed on autopilot, using Danny as the thing that kept me fighting. I couldn’t let Mariang not get to see Costa Rica. I bet it was gorgeous. Danny had to take her there, to waltz with her and romance her, the way a great girl like Mariang was meant to be swept off her feet. I ripped through one throat in the name of my new sister, knowing I would stop at nothing to make sure she had a good, long life.
I was scared of reanimation happening mid-battle, so I spent probably too much attention on each zombie, mutilating more than was strictly necessary, just to be safe.
We were down to the last two, and Danny was focused on the one before him. The zombie was a tall and broad-shouldered reverse centaur that made me feel small in comparison.
I never much cared for feeling small.
The Tikbalang zombie looked more freshly dead than the others, who’d had chunks of flesh missing on their faces and arms. This one looked healthier, stronger, though his jaw was still slack and his movements rigid.
I used one of the fallen bodies as leverage, running and jumping off it to fling myself at the tall one who was zeroed in on Danny. My blade glinted in the moonlight before it sunk into the side of his thick horse neck. He let out a howl mixed with a whinny, and then surprised me by sinking his long maw into my right wrist, coming down hard on the bone and ripping through my skin like it was a fruit rollup.
My scream was interrupted by Von, who flew in from out of nowhere, tackling the zombie. I expected him to latch onto the monster with his fangs and drain the life out of him, but Von resisted. He was firm that somehow he would kick this whole vampire thing.
I stumbled back, tripping over a body and falling, catching myself with my wrist. It made a horrible cracking sound and sent agony up my arm to my brain. I prayed nothing else would come for me while I was down.
And then somehow I wasn’t down anymore. I’d been scooped up by something hairy, strong and tall. “Let’s get back to my place.”
Mason’s voice made me swoon. It was his hairy animal furs that he wore like armor, his strong arms and his presence that distracted me from the pain in my wrist. “Mason?”
“I’m here, hani.” His words were gentle, almost like a song that soothed what ailed me. “This way!” he ordered, carrying me in his arms and leading the way to safety in a run.