THE NEW REALTOR THIEF AND YONDER GOLD

I glared at Shawn Weller’s picture on the for-sale sign. His blue eyes sparkled, and his big smile showed teeth straight as fence posts. Bright-white fence posts.

“I hope you don’t have a problem with my sign.”

The voice was Shawn Weller himself. I dropped the stick I was holding. I’d thought he was in the cabin talking to my parents.

“I don’t have a problem with your sign,” I said. “I like it. Your sign is big. It gives you the face of a giant.”

“That’s so people can see it from the road.”

“Very smart,” I said.

Even though I was sweating through my tank top, Shawn Weller wore a brown suit with a tie. His face shined from the heat. I was never, ever going to be a realtor because I didn’t want to steal or sweat that much.

He picked up the stick I’d dropped. “When I was a kid, we’d find sticks like this and some rocks and use them to play baseball.”

“The game is easier with a bat and ball.”

“Agreed.” Shawn Weller took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his forehead. “I hear you’re not very happy about selling this cabin. I understand. It’s a great place. I wouldn’t want to sell it, either.”

I was suspicious. This was the stuff adults said when they were about to trick you into liking them or doing something you didn’t want to do.

“Then maybe you should buy it and donate it to us.”

He laughed. “I wish I could do that. I would if I could. Your name is Kristin, right?”

“Yeah. Kristin Kristine Kristopher Boyd-Adams.”

“It is not!”

That voice was my mother. My sighing, head-shaking mother. I hadn’t heard her come outside.

“I apologize for my daughter’s manners, Shawn,” Mom said. “I promise you’ll have no problems from her whatsoever. Am I right, Christa?”

Before I could agree and promise and all that, there came a man-scream from the cabin: “ARRRRGH!”

The door opened, and Dad leaped outside, gasping. Mom rushed to him. “Todd! What’s wrong?”

A little shiver went through his body. “I think my imagination got the best of me. I thought I saw a snake.” A little shiver went through my body, too.

Mom said, “A snake? Are you certain?”

“Never mind. That’s crazy. It was just a shadow, I’m sure. Guess I need new glasses.”

Shawn Weller looked concerned. “Are there any cracks in the foundation that need to be sealed?”

That’s when I walked away. It was messed up. My dad crying. Amelia The Princess acting crazy about Matt Hat-Gnat. The snake escape. A new realtor for the cabin. Even Chase Truegood couldn’t fix this mess. It seemed like it was all my fault, definitely.

PANNING FOR GOLD IN AL CAPONE’S RIVER

The Adventure: Cowboys seeking a fortune

The Place: The Arizona River in gold country (lakeshore)

The Characters: Chase Truegood (me) and Buck Punch (Alex)

The Wardrobe/Props: Western vests (life jackets), cowboy hats (Mom’s sun hats), panning-for-gold pans (pie pans), gold extraction tools (spoons, forks, noodle strainer), guns (sticks), and rope (rope)

Chase Truegood and Buck Punch have survived many adventures, but pannin’ for gold in yonder Arizona, in Al Capone’s own river, may be their last. Outlaws hid in them thar mountains, along with cowboy-killin’ lions.

Buck swept off his hat. “Sun’s burnin’ me up.” Then he spat some chewin’ tobacco.

“Can’t be givin’ up yet,” Chase said. “We ain’t got no gold.”

The old-timer had told ’em the Arizona River was overflowin’ with gold, but no cowboys were done brave enough to pan it. Capone and bandit-assistants Mr. Walt Miller and Matt Splat-That scoured the area stealin’ and shootin’ and drinkin’ and killin’ and fightin’ with each other. Worse, Capone had hypnotized Chase’s sister Jade and done made her a bandit, too.

Chase dug her pan in the sand, swirlin’ it just so, and dumped the mush into the sand strainer. “Buck, that thar’s a piece of gold.”

Buck licked the rock. “Old-timers say gold be tastin’ like maple syrup. This thar rock tastes like snake soup.”

“How long can we be survivin’ with no gold? We ain’t got no money for supplies and grits.”

Buck jumped up and pointed yonder. “Bandits! It be Capone, Chase.”

Chase looked yonder, where four bandits peaked over rocks. Known as the best shot in the western territory, Chase whipped her gun and fired yonder. “I got Mr. Walt Miller, and I done wounded Jade! I mighta knocked the hypnosis right out of her head.”

Chase looked around. “Buck?”

Buck was floating facedown in the river. Chase pulled his vest with the strength of a passel of horses. “Buck? You done hurt?”

“Capone done got me. Right thar in the heart.”

Chase fired more rounds. “I got ’em all. Right thar in the heads.”

“Capone done got away,” Buck gasped. “I seen him gallopin’ on his horse with gold and booze.”

“Buck, ya need heart-repair rub. I bought it from the old-timer at yonder camp because I’m your best buddy.” Chase pulled off his pannin’ vest and smacked her hand against his heart. “Thar! You’re done fine now!”

“My … leg…”

“What be wrong with yer leg? Yer bleedin’ from the chest.”

“Got bit by a mountain lion lookin’ for firewood. Didn’t wanna be sayin’.” Buck gasped again. He pulled a rock from his pocket. “Been wantin’ to surprise ya.”

Chase inspected it. “What’s this thar rock?”

“Tastes like maple. It’s gold!” He moaned. “Enough for ya to git a stagecoach back east.”

“A real partner wouldn’t be leavin’ ya in the Arizona River!”

“If I got to die, Chase, I want to be dyin’ right here. Right in yonder Arizona. The old-timer can bury me.”

“He don’t know where to find ya!”

“Tell ’em … tell ’em to follow them thar vultures.”

“Don’t be dyin’ Buck!”

“For the love of Gertrude! Who’s Buck and why is he dying?” Grumpa stood on the dock, looking concerned.

“We’re just goofing around,” Alex said.

“Want to play?” I asked. “You could be Buck’s grandfather, Mr. Edmund Punch.”

“I’m too old for nonsense. And you got company. That cousin of Matt’s is here. His parents just dropped him off. They must think I’m running a daycare.”

Alex splashed to shore and dropped his life jacket on the rocks. He didn’t even look back. Just ran toward the house.

“Hop out, Minnow. You can’t be out here alone.”

“I’m wearing a life jacket.”

“Are you trying to get me arrested for neglect?”

“Alex is the one who can’t swim good. I swim great. Who’s Matt’s cousin and why’s he here?”

“Neil and Sally want Alex to meet some kids before school starts. Matt volunteered his cousin.” Grumpa pointed at me, then the dock. “Out.”

“Fine.” I pulled myself up on the dock and dried my face on a towel.

“Before you come over, go change your clothes. Then you can meet Quincy.”