“I did the right thing.”
Hope sat on the floor with her back against the front door, repeating the words to herself between sobs. She wrapped her arms around her bent knees. This was better than the fetal position, right? Though she’d been tempted to roll over and try that more than once.
Saying the words aloud didn’t take away the ache in her chest or the empty feeling inside her, nor did it convince her what she said was true. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling for Josh and for herself.
“I did the right thing.” Based on the pauses between each word, she didn’t sound too convincing.
Why did it have to hurt so much?
Somehow in front of Josh, she’d remained in control. Hope wasn’t sure how that happened because she’d been ready to break down, but she was grateful she’d held herself together.
He’d been on the verge of tears, which had only added to her heartbreak. If she had cried, she wasn’t sure what would have happened. Not losing it had taken every bit of her strength, but the less emotional the goodbye, the better for Josh with a long flight ahead of him and his continued journey to sobriety.
As for her…
Watching him leave was impossible to do without crying. She’d shut the door before letting the tears fall. She wasn’t sure if she’d been sitting here for fifteen minutes or five hours. All she knew was Josh Cooper had left. She hadn’t known him long, but that hadn’t mattered to her heart.
It had only been a few days, but she’d fallen for him. Was it love? Until he’d said he was leaving, she hadn’t been sure, but now…
I love him.
But her love equaled another addiction to him.
Well, a possible one as he saw it.
Josh might as well have taken a knife and stabbed her heart after saying what he did. The effect would have been the same.
Her love was too dangerous for him.
Because of that, she’d done what was best for Josh, even if that meant losing him forever.
I miss him already.
Why had she risked her heart again?
He had been worth it. And so was she.
Somehow, she needed to remember that when all she wanted was to beat herself up for allowing her feelings to get out of control.
She rubbed her sore, wet eyes.
Josh’s well-being was the most important thing. Hope would do anything to help him. He was the one who had to decide to remain sober. More than anything, she wanted him to move forward and pursue his dreams, whether they were in the broadcast booth, the sky, or somewhere else.
“I did the right thing.”
Not being a part of each other's lives was the best for Josh. Logically, she knew that, but her heart wasn’t there yet.
Hope wiped the tears from her cheeks. Von would be home for dinner tonight. She didn’t want him to see her like this. Or, worse, give him another reason to say ‘I told you so’.
You did the right thing.
She rose from the floor, making sure to lock the front door. A shower might help, and then she’d have to see what else could take away the emptiness inside.
* * *
Back in Berry Lake, Josh talked to his family and Dr. Kettering about Hope. They’d been understanding and forgiving about his not mentioning her while he’d been away. More than he’d been with himself, but he was working on that. Rudy had told him to keep showing up for himself, but Hope’s words kept him going.
Focus on yourself, staying sober, and being healthy. Forget everything and everyone else, including me.
Josh was trying, except no one else would let him forget about Hope, especially his brother.
“Don’t be a jerk,” Sam said a week later when he’d called on Sunday morning. He hadn’t made it to Berry Lake for the weekend as planned. “I just asked if you’d heard from Hope.”
“The answer is the same as it was three days ago. I haven’t.” Josh sat in his parents’ backyard under a clear blue sky. “We deleted each other’s numbers from our contacts.”
From his earliest sessions with Dr. Kettering, she’d warned him why relationships the first year of recovery were a bad idea. That was why he’d understood how a new addiction could take the place of alcohol, and what he feared was happening with Hope. But that hadn’t stopped him from wanting to learn more about the chemistry of love since he’d been home. If only to prove that five days wasn’t long enough to fall for someone. That what he’d felt for Hope was nothing more than chemicals causing the same reactions in his brain as drinking had.
“It’s for the best,” Josh repeated what Hope had told him.
“You sound certain.”
“I am.” Even if thoughts of Hope struck him at random times. “I’ve been home longer than I was with her. That’s made me wonder what my real feelings for her were.”
“Distance and time will make that clearer.”
“You think, oh wise one?” Josh teased.
“Hey, I may be younger, but some of the stuff I see during calls makes me feel ancient.” Sam sounded off.
“Rough night?” Josh asked, not used to hearing his brother like this.
“One of the worst.”
Yet, Sam had called as he said he would. The youngest brother had gotten all the responsible, nice-guy genes in the family. Only Sam had been silent about his life in Seattle, sharing only a funny anecdote or two. Nothing about his job, which must suck at times. Maybe all the time.
Guilt sliced through Josh. His brother was trying to protect him. He couldn’t be angry, per se, but he wanted to be part of the family—not the one everyone worried about and watched over. “Seattle’s a big city. Move back to Berry Lake. I bet the sheriff would love to hire an officer with your experience.”
“I’d die of boredom.”
“Boredom might be better than working one rough night after another.” Josh took a breath. Something niggled at him. He had to ask. “Are you drinking?”
Sam swore. “After what you’ve gone through? No, man. I’m not drinking other than one beer if I’m out with the guys. I’m not self-medicating, either, if that’s your next question.”
“It was.”
“Now you sound like an older brother.” Sam’s tone was skeptical.
“I am older, though I haven’t acted like it.”
“You’ve apologized for that. Just stay the course.”
The love in Sam’s voice hit Josh hard. He’d been a lousy brother and son. Sam was the baby of the family, but Josh had assumed the role. Their parents loved all three of their children but had allowed him to become a golden child diva.
How much had that hurt Ava and Sam? Josh didn’t want to know the answer. Not yet anyway. “I will.”
The line went quiet.
“And bro?” Sam asked finally.
His brother’s tone left a sinking feeling in Josh’s stomach. “Do I want to know?”
“Probably not.” Sam laughed, but not the carefree sound Josh had grown up hearing. “But I’ll say it anyway. Try not to break any more hearts until you hit your twelve-month mark.”
“I won’t.” Josh meant that. He doubted he’d ever find another woman as wonderful or as perfect for him as Hope Ryan.
* * *
June passed slowly, the long, hot days taking forever to turn from one to the next. Hope kept herself busy making items to sell at the various shops in town and favors for events. Cami and Dan’s painting remained in the closet, but Hope had done more research about restoring it.
Progress, yes, but she wasn’t ready to put the canvas on an easel and try.
Still, she felt off, as if a piece of her was missing and she had no way to get it back.
Von worried about her, but his relationship with Marley was getting more serious, and he wasn’t around much. Hope kept telling him she was fine. Maybe not one hundred percent. After a few days of moping, she didn’t want to do that any longer. She believed Josh was making progress toward his one-year sober mark and happy where he was. That was enough for her.
July arrived with an explosion of red, white, and blue. Hope loved the patriotic decorations on storefronts and lampposts, but she wasn’t sad the next week to see Indigo Bay return to its typical summer vacation crowds instead of bursting at the seams with additional visitors.
In her studio, Hope painted sand dollars—favors for a wedding at the end of the month. Lines from a romantic poem would go on the back, along with the bride and groom’s name and wedding date.
Rave reviews about Zoe’s beach-themed weddings meant every weekend from now through Labor Day was booked. Most were ordering customized favors from Hope, too. She’d never had so much work.
A knock sounded on the French doors. She looked over to see Paula standing on the deck with a pink bakery box in her hands. Her neighbor must have seen Hope working and bypassed the front door for the direct entrance to the studio.
Hope opened the doors. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve been experimenting with new flavors. I brought you a few samples.” Stepping inside the studio, Paula handed over the box. “How are you doing?”
“Pretty good,”
“Come on.” Paula’s smile spread to her blue-gray eyes. “You’re doing better than that.”
Hope set the box on her workbench. “What do you mean?”
“When you came back from New York, you were a mess. Not for a week or two, but months. Von and I thought we might have to do an intervention.”
She sighed. That had been an awful time, but… “I wasn’t that bad.”
“You were.” Paula gave her a sorry-not-sorry look. “But you had your reasons.”
Hope had. “I wanted to divorce Adam, knew in my heart that was the right thing to do, but the way he destroyed the loft and my paintings, then blamed me, he ripped away my power and control of the situation. I felt helpless. Maybe that’s why I lost it so badly.”
“Do you think not knowing Josh for long helped you not shut down this time?”
“I…” Hope paused, considering. “Call it love at first sight. I had strong feelings for him. It was different from breaking up with Adam, though.”
“In what way?”
She remembered the day Josh left. “I had no choice. He needed to put himself first, and I understood that, but it hurt so badly. Still, no matter how I felt or might have wanted things to be different, saying goodbye to Josh was the right thing to do. I miss him, but…”
“What?”
So many things with Josh had been different compared to others. Not only Adam. Von treated her as if she might break. Others believed the rumors and thought she was a crazy person about to go berserk.
Not Josh.
He’d come to her aid in the multipurpose room and by flying her to Nashville, but he’d also seen her as a strong and confident woman. He’d trusted her to be there to help him. She hadn’t gotten scared or run away or fallen apart. She’d been the woman he knew she was, the woman she wanted to be and would continue to be.
Not for him or anyone else.
But for herself.
Suddenly what she wanted crystalized in her mind.
She wanted a man who saw her as Josh had, who would recognize her strengths and accept her as she was. The way she’d done with him, too.
“I don’t want to close my heart off again. Don’t want to say no to a future relationship as I did after Adam.” Saying the words loosened the knots inside her. “I want love. I wanted that with Josh, but now I plan to give myself time to heal and hold on to the hope I’ll find love down the road.”
Paula hugged her. “You will. I know you will.”
“Thanks, but I’m in no rush.”
“When you least expect it…”
They both laughed.
Hope eyed Paula’s dress. “Looks like you’re going out with your man.”
She nodded. “Dinner, but I wanted to drop off the cake.”
“Mission accomplished.” Hope shooed her friend toward the door. “Go have fun. I’ll get back to work.”
As Paula let herself out, Hope squeezed blue paint from the tube and added a dollop of white. The resulting color was a stunning blue.
Like Josh’s eyes.
The thought didn’t sting. If anything, it comforted her. As would the cake samples after dinner.
Dipping her brush into the paint, she kept thinking of him. Every line and curve of his face was etched into her brain. Her fingers itched for a pencil and a canvas—in a way they hadn’t in two years. She wanted to draw Josh. Paint him.
And would.
“Sis?”
That sounded like Von, but he was working in Charleston. Wasn’t he?
As if waking from a trance, Hope blinked. Once. Twice…
She was standing in front of a piece of paper on an easel with a paintbrush in her hand. The paper wasn’t blank.
Von hugged her from behind. “You’re painting.”
Staring at the watercolor seascape, Hope leaned back against her brother’s chest. Tall, blowing grass surrounded a cherry-red cottage. A football lay hidden in the grass, bottles were half buried in the sand, and a man faced the ocean.
“I don’t know what happened.” Hope had no idea how long she’d been working. “I was painting wedding favors, and then I wanted to…try.”
“You did more than try.” Von squeezed her. “You finished, and it’s incredible.”
“Thanks.” And she knew the reason why. Tears stung her eyes.
Josh.
This watercolor was his journey. The man with his back to her was him, and he’d passed all the things he’d left behind. All except…
And then she saw it.
A heart-shaped ornament from Jenny and Dare’s wedding hidden toward the back. Hope was there, along with his football career and alcohol.
“You’re going to get through this.” Von let go of her, moving around to study the canvas. “You’ll be okay.”
“I know.” And Hope did.
Josh Cooper had not only opened her heart to love, but also inspired her to paint. Something she never thought she’d be able to do again.
Thank you.
Working on this painting—albeit in a daze—was giving her something else, something unexpected.
This work had eased the dull ache in her heart. Her breath flowed easier. Her muscles loosened.
Somehow, her subconscious had used Josh as inspiration to open her up again.
“I need to go shopping. Have to buy supplies. I’m ready to paint again.”
Von grinned. “Everything that wasn’t destroyed from your studio in New York is in boxes in the garage, though some of it may be bad by now.”
“You kept the stuff?”
Affection and pride shone in his gaze. “You believed you’d never paint again, but I knew you would.”
Maybe twins did have a different kind of connection. “Thanks.”
“You’d have done the same for me.”
She could never repay Von for all he’d done for her. Not that he wanted anything, but she hoped she would one day get the chance to return the favor. “Love you.”
“Love you, sis.”
Hope stared at the painting with pride. She’d given up her power to Adam, including her power to paint, but thanks to Josh, she was taking it back.
All of it.
Being able to finish this painting meant everything to her, but it wasn’t hers to keep or sell. The watercolor belonged to Josh. They’d agreed not to contact each other, but she’d find a way to deliver it to him. That was the least she could do after all he’d given to her.
* * *
“Welcome back.” In Jenny’s living room, Josh hugged her and shook Dare’s hand. “How was the honeymoon?”
“Amazing.” Jenny’s normally pale skin glowed with a golden tan. “The resort is all-inclusive. We were spoiled. It was a magical time.”
Nodding, Dare slipped his arm around his wife. A fluffy white cat wove between his feet, rubbing against his leg “It was my first time in the Caribbean, but I’d go back in a heartbeat.”
Jenny smiled at Dare. “Now that you’re out of the army, we’ll have plenty of time to travel.”
“In between your book deadlines, you mean,” Dare joked.
Josh laughed. “You’re officially a civilian?”
Dare nodded. “We stopped off in Columbus to finish up the paperwork and have my things shipped. Never thought I’d be happy with a medical discharge, but things didn’t heal right after the accident. I’m not able to go back into the field again.”
“I understand.”
“Sorry, dude.” Dare’s gaze darkened. “I forgot you, of all people, would know.”
Josh nodded.
“Your twelve months has passed, right?” Jenny thankfully changed the subject.
“Yes.” He pulled out his coin. “I finally got this.”
“We have something else for you.” Jenny pulled out a large, flat box tied with a blue ribbon. “Here you go.”
Josh stared at the package. “Thanks.”
“Aren’t you going to open it?” Jenny asked.
Dare shook his head. “That means you should open the gift now or she might.”
That made Josh laugh. These two were meant to be together. After pushing off the ribbon, he removed the lid to find white tissue paper. He pulled back the first piece, and then the second.
A matted watercolor painting was inside.
As he peered closer, his pulse raced. In the corner were the initials HR. Hope Ryan? He hadn’t spoken to her or stalked her on social media. Once they’d said goodbye, he’d cut her out of his life—deleting her old texts and photos of her from their day sightseeing—to focus on his recovery as she’d wanted him to do and as he’d needed to do.
He’d never seen a watercolor of hers, but… “Where did you get this?”
“Indigo Bay.”
He struggled to breathe. “Is it from—”
Jenny held her hands up, stopping him. “It’s to mark your twelve months. That’s all I can say.”
“Sorry, dude,” Dare said. “I knew nothing about this, but trust me. If that’s all Jenny can say, nothing will drag more out of her.”
“Fine.” Josh wouldn’t put Jenny on the spot. “I’ll let it go, but thank you.”
Dare pointed near the bottom of the painting. “Hey, look at the football.”
Tall grass on the dunes hid the ball. Josh’s gaze followed the footprints in the sand leading to half-buried bottles. His breath caught, but he kept following the prints until he came to a heart-shaped ornament. He dragged his gaze back to the footprints of the lone figure, a man who wore clothes like his own, facing the water. Far off on the horizon was a plane—his jet—flying off into the sunset.
He felt a pang in his heart.
All the things he’d left behind—football, alcohol, Hope—on the way to his future. Talk about bittersweet, but he would cherish this forever.
Wait a minute. He studied the watercolor. This picture meant Hope was painting again.
Finally.
His eyes stung. His vision blurred.
Jenny touched his shoulder. “You okay?”
Knowing whatever he said would come out a garbled mess, he nodded.
“You’ll need a frame for it,” Jenny said. “Sal at the gallery can help you with that.”
Another nod.
Jenny sighed. “It’s a lovely painting.”
“You deserve it,” Dare said.
Josh didn’t, but he was working hard to be the man who would someday.
“Thanks.” He got the word out without embarrassing himself, so he kept going. “It’s great seeing you. I want to hear more about your honeymoon, but I have to go now.”
Jenny smiled. “We can meet for cupcakes later in the week.”
He put the lid on the box before picking it up. “Text me when you and Dare are free, and we’ll make it happen.”
As Josh headed to his car, he tried not to clutch the box to his chest.
Hope.
She’d said she didn’t hate him, and this watercolor was proof of that. He was overcome with a sense of gratitude and giddiness. A way he wasn’t used to feeling.
Josh laughed, liking the sound and himself.
She had the perfect name because that was what she’d given him. Back in Indigo Bay and today.
He just had to figure out what to do next.