THE WARM AFTERNOON breeze blew across the lanai, nudging Adrian back to reality. He was staring out at the ocean, his mind wandering to places it shouldn’t go, instead of concentrating on his book. He’d read the same paragraph three times, and it still hadn’t sunk in.
Ruby lay with her head in his lap and her long, bare legs stretched out across the outdoor couch. She was wearing tiny shorts and a tank top with no bra. He’d already had her once, on the couch, and now, just a few hours later, he wanted her again. The intensity of his want wasn’t fading.
Ruby, on the other hand, looked the opposite of intense. She looked thoroughly engrossed in a sci-fi mystery she’d decided on. Her hair fell over his legs, and her mouth was parted a little. She also didn’t seem to notice just how distracted he was by her, which was probably a good thing.
Not that she’d mind. She’d probably encourage it, in fact. But it felt wrong, mostly because he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the future.
What would happened when they sat in the same room together back in New York? It had already been difficult to block her out before Hawaii, and now he couldn’t even read a book with her next to him. He’d have to get this under control.
Because how the hell was he supposed to find a wife who wanted a family and a quiet, settled life as badly as he did if he couldn’t stop thinking about Ruby, who wanted nothing to do with relationships? How would this emptiness of being alone ever stop?
Except...it had faded a little today, spending Christmas with Ruby.
The thought made him a little uneasy, so he tried to block her out and picture his goal: wife, kids, a house, a dog or two. But that image didn’t come, just the guilt of trying to erase the woman next to him.
Ruby sighed and bent one leg, tucking her foot under her leg. Damn, she looked so young right now, reading on the couch. She seemed so relaxed. And he was afraid to think too much about the tenderness he felt as he looked at her, so content. It was dangerously close to the feelings he’d been searching for... But it was with Ruby, the staff member he shouldn’t be touching, who had explicitly stated she was staying away from anything that required compromise. The warmth that ran through him now felt even more risky than just lusting after her. Because no matter what happened here in Hawaii, it wouldn’t last.
Pushing that aside, he set his book on the table in front of the couch, next to his new hat, then leaned back and rested his hand in Ruby’s hair. He stroked it off her face, and it tumbled over his legs. She smiled a little but kept reading.
“I can’t believe you’re missing out on a perfect intimacy photo here,” he murmured.
“Nah. No social media photos today. I’m way ahead on my posts, and I took a walk through the resort with my own camera this morning.”
His hand stilled as her words registered. Today they weren’t playing Cristina and James. Today was private.
A burst of happiness flooded his body. What was he supposed to do with all these...feelings? Maybe he could figure out some middle ground. Maybe this didn’t have to end right when they got back to New York. Maybe they could let whatever this was run its course. Without anyone finding out. All the realities of their differences would certainly make this obsession fade, wouldn’t it? She’d almost certainly be okay with that since she wasn’t looking for anything serious.
He closed his eyes as he stroked her hair, memorizing the way the silky strands felt under his hand.
“What’s on your mind?”
He opened his eyes to find Ruby staring up at him.
“I know it’s something good,” she said with a laugh. “Are you going to fill me in on it?”
Adrian weighed his options. Telling her the truth about wanting to continue this when they got home could end with their clothes off, but there was a chance it could go the opposite way. Was it better to dodge the question and explore this quiet moment together? What would she want?
Just then Ruby’s phone played the Ohio State fight song. She froze, her gaze locked on his. “My parents,” she whispered.
The call she had been waiting for all day. Lazy, relaxed Ruby was gone, and so was her easy smile. His gut twisted as the unease in her gaze took over, and he didn’t know what to do with that feeling.
The phone rang again.
She sat up.
“I do want to talk to them,” she muttered, as she reached for the phone on the coffee table. “Really. I do.”
He couldn’t think of anything to say to that, so he reached for her hand instead, but she was already too far away.
“Merry Christmas, Mom.” Ruby’s voice was bright and cheery. Adrian wondered if her mother heard the hint of tension in it, too.
He watched her walk away, into the living room. She must have stopped there and sat on the couch because he could still hear her clearly.
“Yes, it’s been...very nice so far... No, I’m not alone. But I’d be fine if I was.”
With each response, he could hear her voice getting tighter. He really shouldn’t be listening in on her private conversation, but...
“Yes, he’s a man.”
More silence.
“No, this isn’t a distraction. My career and my photography are still my priorities.” Her voice was tight.
“I know, Mom.” Her voice had gone from tight to apologetic. “Can we talk about this some other time? How was your visit to Grandma’s?”
Adrian hung his head. He was listening in on her private conversation, and now he was starting to read into it. None of his business. He grabbed his hat off the coffee table, then stood up and headed toward the beach, far from listening distance. He pulled the hat low on his head as he walked off the lanai and across the pool deck, Ruby’s voice following him.
But as he started down the wooden steps that led to the beach, a thought occurred to him that made him stop in his tracks.
Had Ruby heard him this morning when he spoke to his family earlier? He’d shut the door to the lanai, but judging how well sound carried in their little cabin, it was possible. What had he said during his call? His mother had definitely asked who he was spending Christmas with. How had he answered?
Shit. He couldn’t remember, but he definitely hadn’t waxed poetic about spending time with Ruby—his mother would’ve never let it go if he had.
Had he said something that could’ve hurt her? Just the thought alone made him ache... If he focused on making the next few days perfect for her, maybe that would outweigh all his asshole moves.
Adrian walked down the last two steps and started across the beach. The afternoon sun sparkled over the water, and the sand was hot under his feet. He walked to the water’s edge. Just focus on the next three days.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there making plans before Ruby’s hand brushed over his shoulder. He turned around. She still hadn’t put on a bra, just a tank top, short shorts and sunglasses. Her hair was piled on the top of her head in a messy bun, and she looked sexy as hell.
“Your parents have a good Christmas?”
She chuckled, surprising him. “As good as it gets for them, I think.” She was quiet for a while, and then she added, “You know, I think not going home for Christmas these last couple years has been good for them. I mean, I’m pretty sure my parents stuck together for my sake more than for theirs.” She gave him a tight smile. “My mom missed out on a lot because she got pregnant earlier than she’d planned. She told me that more than once. But now that I’m not there, they can’t use me as an excuse anymore.”
She stared out at the ocean. “Back in November, I told them I wasn’t coming. It was long enough ago that both of them could’ve made other plans. My dad’s been talking about taking a Christmas cruise in the Caribbean forever, and my mom’s always wanted to visit her sister in California for the holidays. This is the second year in a row I gave them the perfect opportunity to do the things they finally wanted to do, and neither of them took it.” She shook her head slowly. “I have no idea what the hell that means.”
Adrian ran his fingers down the soft skin of her arm. “That their relationship is more complicated than it looks?”
Ruby laughed. “Yeah, I got that part.”
“Is that why you’re spending Christmas alone?”
She shrugged. “Partly.”
“The other part?”
She was quiet.
He waited a couple moments, but she still didn’t answer, so he tipped his chin down the shore. “Want to walk?”
“Okay.”
She stepped into the shallow water and started down the beach. It splashed around her ankles, getting her legs wet. “Adrian?”
“Mmm?”
“Why didn’t you spend Christmas with your family?”
He sighed. “For the same reason you didn’t go to your friend’s place, I think. Because it’s hard to be single during the holidays when you’re surrounded by happy couples. I just needed a break from it.”
She nodded, like she understood.
“I told you that I was a mistake,” she said after a while.
He frowned, waiting to see where this was going.
“It’s not that my mom didn’t want kids. She did, just not when she was twenty. It meant she had to drop out of college, and she never ended up going back. She always wanted to travel, see places, explore more of the world, so when I was five, she got a job as a flight attendant.” Ruby sounded so different than she usually did. So serious. “She was gone a lot. It was a compromise, both for her and for my dad and me. None of us were happy, really.”
The wind blew wisps of her hair across her face, and she tucked them behind her ear. He had so many questions, but he waited, giving her time to tell the story the way she wanted.
“I don’t think my mom regrets having me, not exactly, but she really, really doesn’t want me to make the same mistake.”
Adrian stiffened. Those words weren’t sitting well with him. She didn’t think her mother regretted her...but she wasn’t sure? Every protective instinct in him was going off, but he gritted his teeth and just listened.
“That’s why we made that pact I told you about. She was giving me permission to make choices based on what I want, not compromising for anyone. Men do it all the time, but women...less often.” She raised her eyebrow at him, waiting for him to argue, but he didn’t. “I broke up with my college boyfriend when I had to choose between him and moving to New York.”
“Definitely a good decision,” he muttered.
Ruby smiled. “It was. My mom pushed me to leave him behind, and she was 100 percent right on that one.”
“And I’m guessing your mom also advises not to get married or have kids?”
“Not until thirty. In her mind, those are the ultimate compromises.”
“What about in your mind?”
Ruby hesitated, then nodded. “She’s probably right.”
“But you’re not twenty years old still working on your college degree.”
Ruby laughed. “Are you weighing in on this topic?”
“Of course. I’m older and wiser,” he said with an arch of his eyebrows.
She gave him a little shove, and he feigned a stumble in the sand.
“I’ve been following my mother’s advice for a while now, trying to decide based on what I want. It’s harder than one would think.”
“Not for me.”
Ruby laughed. “I know. That’s something I really like about you.”
He smiled at the compliment. “And this is related to not going home for Christmas?”
She sighed. “I didn’t want to go. Like I said, Christmas has never been a lot of fun in our family. But I wondered, what happens if I’m selfish about my decision and stay away? Will my mom stand by her theory, or will she make an exception and ask me to come home?”
“And?”
“She stood strong.” Ruby kicked a little water and looked out at the ocean.
“Is that what you wanted?” he asked gently.
A tiny set of waves broke on the beach, spraying on his feet, getting him wet.
“I don’t know,” she said after a while. “Part of me was glad that she held herself to her own standard, even when it was personal. Especially after all those years of hammering her advice into me.”
She bent down and picked up a shell out of the water, studying it for a moment. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and snapped a couple photos of it, then threw it back in the ocean.
“But part of me wanted to be the exception,” she said softly. “To be important enough to make her break her own rules.”
Adrian swallowed, feeling the pain in those words. He wanted to say something comforting, but of course, nothing came. The only thing he could think to do was touch her, hold her. He had crossed so many forbidden boundaries, but somehow, comforting her this time felt even more intimate. He was slipping further into dangerous territory, but right now, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
He waded into the ankle-deep water next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She looked a little surprised, but then she smiled and wrapped her arm around his waist. They walked that way through the water, their hips bumping, her soft body against his. It felt good, so good.
“Are you having a merry Christmas?” he asked.
She smiled. “Yes. Definitely yes.”
Adrian nodded, ignoring the clench in his chest. He’d pleased her during the day and stayed on his side of the bed at night. It was a delicate balance, but as long as he remembered the limits, this wouldn’t get out of hand. Hopefully.