Chapter Twelve
Traci walked for about five minutes with no cab in sight. By this time it had started to snow lightly. What was she thinking by walking out like that? She was anxious about going back to her apartment, but she had no choice. Before Cara left to go upstate, Traci had told her that she would be staying at Noah’s place. So much for that. She kept walking and realized that for the most part she was the only one on the street. This was the height of the Thanksgiving evening and everyone who had family or friends was gathered around a table or in front of televisions enjoying the company. She was alone. Her eyes burned. Her throat tightened. Her instincts told her from the beginning that it would be this way. It always started out good.
She had at least six more blocks to walk to her apartment and the snow was coming down harder and faster. She paused on the corner for a few minutes in the hopes of spotting a cab. No luck. She tried Uber and all the drivers were busy.
By the time she came up on her street, she was a cold, wet, crying mess. She quickened her pace, with her head bent against the swirl of cold and snow. She just wanted to get inside, get out of her wet clothes, sit in a hot tub, and forget about this day and Noah.
Traci looked up at the windows of her building. No lights were on. No one at home. She dug in her bag for her keys when she was grabbed by the arm and spun around. Her bag went flying. Her gasp caught in her throat.
“Where’s your boyfriend?”
“Get off of me!” She tried to pull away, but his grip grew tighter.
“We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Us. That’s what there is to talk about. I’m not done with us. I don’t care what the court said.”
Her heart raced. Her eyes darted around, looking for an out.
Jason held her arm and reached down, pulling her with him to pick up her keys. “Open the door.”
Once he was inside, there was no telling what he would do. He pushed her toward the door, and then the next thing she knew, the grip on her arm was released. She spun around and Noah had Jason on the ground.
“I told you once before to stay away from her!” He reached down and grabbed Jason by his coat collar and raised his fist to hit him again.
“Noah. Don’t! It’s not worth it.”
Noah flashed her a dangerous look from over his shoulder before shoving Jason back to the ground. “Stay down,” he ordered, and pointed a warning finger. “Go on upstairs,” he told Traci. “Leave this door unlocked.” His tone left no room for argument.
She fumbled with her keys, hesitated, then opened the door and went inside. When she reached her apartment, she was shaking like a leaf. She sat on a kitchen chair, afraid to move as the scary scene replayed in her head. If Noah hadn’t shown up when he did . . . She didn’t want to even think about it. A shiver ran through her. She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there, but the knock on her door jerked her to the present.
On wobbly legs she went to the door and peeked through the peephole. Her heartbeat slowed. She unlocked the door. For a moment Noah simply stood there, staring at her. “Are you all right?” he asked from between clenched teeth.
She nodded and swiped away the tears of fear and relief.
Noah pushed out a breath and gathered her in his arms. “I swear if anything would have happened to you . . .” His jaw clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut.
She wept openly, shaking and sobbing in his arms. Noah managed to usher her inside and get her out of her wet coat. He sat opposite her on the side chair, while she curled in the love seat.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“There’s nothing to thank me for. I should have never let you leave by yourself in the first place.” He paused. “Did he hurt you? Did he threaten you?”
“Not physically. He insisted that we needed to talk, and that our relationship wasn’t over, no matter what the court said.” She sniffed and hugged herself tighter.
“He won’t be bothering you again.”
Her troubled gaze jumped to look at him. “What did you do?”
“Don’t worry about it. He won’t be back. I promise you that.”
She didn’t have it in her to debate the point. For now all she could muster was to take him at his word. After what just happened, her reason for leaving Noah’s loft in the first place seemed insignificant. Especially in light of the fact that had she told him that she’d spotted Jason outside of her apartment, and that she’d been staying at Cara’s simply to “pay him back” for his missing Sundays, none of this would have happened. Warning bells rang in her head. She was doing it again, blaming herself. If she was ever going to move on with her life, in any real way, she knew that she was going to have to get beyond that. Old habits are the hardest to break.
Traci sat up a bit in her seat. “I’m sorry about running out like that, and I’m sorry for not giving you the space that you asked for. But I don’t want to be lied to . . . even lies by omission. I need to be with someone that I can trust. And it’s really hard for me to make that leap. I don’t want to always hold my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m tired of being afraid of my own voice, my own wants, and living on the edge with the belief that if I say anything, ask for anything, want anything . . . I’m going to pay some kind of price.” Tears welled in her eyes again. “I just can’t.”
Noah rested his arms on his thighs and linked his long fingers together. He lowered his head for a moment, then looked across at her. “Look, I don’t know where our relationship will eventually go, Traci. All I know right now is that I want to give it a real shot and that means being up front about some things.”
Traci wiped her eyes.
“Aaron was right about me. I’m not the manager. I own the CoffeeMate franchise. There are twenty locations, so far, along the Northeast. No one knows. Well, no one that I work with, except Anthony, of course. When I’m away on Sundays, I’m usually at one of the locations or at the new enterprise that I’ve been working on in Philadelphia.”
“But why would you keep it a secret? I don’t understand.”
“Like you said once, we both have baggage. My experience was a bit different from yours. Living from home to home, I never felt secure. It was like whatever I had could be taken away from me any minute, that people only wanted me for the money they could make off of me in foster care. It created a world of distrust in me about everyone, until I went to live with the Harpers.” He breathed deeply. “I started to feel that someone believed in me and didn’t want me for what I could line their pockets with, and then when they died, it threw me for a major loop. I turned away from everyone except Anthony. I dug into my work, determined to make my own world. And then I met Anita. She made me think that I could trust her, that she was in my corner.” He snorted a laugh and looked away. “But she was only in it for what she thought she could get. She was looking down the length of the rainbow.” He shook his head in disgust. “After that, I turned off and shut down.” He looked into her eyes. “Until I met you. So yeah, I’m a little jaded and cautious, too.”
Traci blinked slowly. “I should have told you that I saw Jason standing out in front of my building a few weeks ago. It was a Sunday. I knew you weren’t around, so I called Cara. I wanted to prove something, I guess. I figured if you were keeping secrets, then so could I. I’ve been staying with her ever since.”
“Wow . . . we’re a real pair.”
Traci flashed a weak smile.
“So how about from here on we stay honest with each other whether it stings or not?”
She searched his face. “Okay.”
He pushed up from his seat, crossed the room, and stood above her. “We’re going to be spending every night together, either here or at my place.” He grinned. “So where do you want to stay tonight?”
Her cheeks heated. “Wherever you are,” she said softly, and meant it.
“I’m going to go home and pick up some things to bring back here. Why don’t you get some of your things together and we can take them to my place.” He reached for her hands and pulled her slowly to her feet. “Is that cool with you?”
She looked into his eyes. “Yeah, I think it is.”
He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close. “You need some help in the bedroom . . . I mean getting your things?”
“I would love some help,” she said by way of invitation.
Noah’s eyes darkened. A slow smile moved across his mouth. “At your service.”
* * *
Noah shoved Traci’s bag onto the backseat of his Navigator. He checked the street. He didn’t want any surprises. He got in. “Buckle up.” He shifted the truck into gear.
“What did you mean by your enterprise in Philadelphia?” she asked. The comment had just registered with her.
“I was wondering when you were going to ask.” He went on to tell her that it was the project he’d talked with her about. It was finally complete and he was hoping for a Christmas opening.
“Noah! Oh, my goodness. That’s fantastic. What!” she screeched in delight, and pounded her feet on the car floor.
Noah laughed. “Yep. Done. Just need to get it staffed and have the furniture delivered.”
“Wow,” she said in admiration.
“We’ll go see it this weekend.”
She snapped her head to look at him.
“I want to know what you think.”
She swallowed. “Okay.”
“And, Traci, don’t ever be afraid to ask me anything. I may not always say what you need to hear, when you want to hear it, but I won’t ever make you feel like you can’t talk to me . . . about anything. I promise you that.” He reached across for her hand and brought it to his lips. He placed a soft kiss there. “Promise.”
* * *
They arrived at Noah’s loft and he emptied out one of his drawers for her things and hung the rest in the closet. “If you need more room, there’s plenty,” he said, once her clothes were put away.
“Let’s stay here tonight.”
“You won’t get an argument from me,” he said, coming up behind her. He kissed the back of her neck. “I don’t intend on letting you out of my sight.”
Her body tightened.
Noah turned her around to face him. “What is it?”
She couldn’t look at him. “Jason used to say that.”
“I’m not him. You’re not Anita. It’s not that I don’t want to let you out of my sight because I want to control you. It’s because I’m not myself when I’m not with you.” His gaze moved slowly over her uncertain expression. “Can you get with that?”
She pressed her lips together. He was asking her to trust him, to put her faith in him and come along for the ride, even if he was uncertain about their destination. “Can’t have you going around not being yourself,” she finally said.
Noah’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “Why don’t we seal this deal of ours,” he said, and backed her toward the bed.
“How do you propose we do that?” she taunted.
“Hmm, let’s discuss it,” he said, speaking against her neck. She moaned softly. He nibbled the lobe of her ear, while his thumbs brushed the underside of her breasts. “I figure if we really take our time . . .” His hands skimmed her waist, then cupped her behind in his palms. “If we really work it,” he said, tugging her against the bulge of his erection, “we’ll come up with a satisfactory resolution for both of us.” He kissed her.
Her neck arched to give him access to the tiny pulse that beat there. Her heart jumped and banged when his tongue tasted her there. A little lick, a little nibble, just enough to make her whimper for more.
Noah walked her to the bed. She stopped when the back of her knees hit the mattress.
“Take off your dress.”
Traci blinked several times before reaching for the side sash that held her wrap dress in place.
“Take your time,” he coaxed, his gaze hooded by his long lashes.
Traci’s eyes flashed. Her mouth flickered with a smile. Slowly she unknotted the sash and let it fall. Inch by inch she opened the dress to expose more and more bare skin.
Noah hummed deep in his throat.
She shrugged and let the dress fall from her shoulders and onto the floor. Noah’s nostrils flared. He stepped closer, but only touched her with one finger. He traced the outline of her bra, the way it curved like half-moons. He let his finger trail ever so slowly down her center, until he reached the band of her panties. He traced that as well, from left to right, then the outline of the flimsy garment between her legs. Her inner thighs trembled. Her breathing elevated.
“You can take the rest off now.”
She reached behind her and unhooked her bra, peeled it off, and tossed it aside.
Noah’s gaze roamed hungrily across her. “You’re not done.”
Traci tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. She hooked her fingers around the band of her panties and shimmied them down over her hips, then stepped out of them.
“Damn,” he groaned as he looked at her from head to toe. “You’re so beautiful. Perfect.” He reached out and touched her breast, so tenderly as if it were a found treasure. His thumb brushed back and forth across her nipple, continuing until it stood hard and erect. He repeated himself on the other side, then drew a puckered nipple into his mouth.
Traci moaned and gripped the back of his head, thrusting her needy breast into his mouth. He took his time, moving from one side to the other, all the while he was cupping her sex in his palm, and gently patted it, awakened it, stirred it, prepared it for him. His palm was slick with her desire.
Noah snaked down her body, marking his territory with hot kisses along her torso, until he reached her center. He was on his knees for her. He clasped her hips and suckled her.
Traci cried out and gripped his shoulders.
Noah teased and nibbled, licked and sucked, until Traci’s nails bit into his back and her toes gripped the carpet. Her body jerked in intervals as the charge of release pulsed through her. When she was finally spent and limp against him, Noah picked her up and carried her to the bed.
He reached into the nightstand and quickly rolled on a condom. Traci looked at him through partially opened eyes.
“That was . . . amazing,” she managed.
“You up to a little more?”
She nodded with a smile.
Noah moved toward her, braced himself above her for a moment. He parted her thighs wider with a sweep of his knee, when suddenly Traci pressed her hands against his chest to stop him. His brows drew together. “What’s wrong?”
“Lay down. On your back.”
He hesitated for a moment. In all the times that they’d made love, Traci had rarely, if ever, taken the initiative. He was more than willing to comply.
Traci straddled him, rose up a bit on her knees to position him. Slowly she lowered her hips and took him in. The air rushed out of her lungs. She took him all the way in and then froze, allowing the fullness of him to settle. Then slowly and deliberately she rode him. Her body was no longer hers. It moved and undulated of its own free will. She was only the conduit for pleasure.
She felt free, utterly free, for the first time in her sexual life. With each thrust of her hips against his hard cock, she released another reservation that had emotionally held her in place. She had a voice. She wasn’t a victim. She was worthy to be loved. Her mind and her body were her own. No one would take that away from her ever again.
Noah watched as Traci’s body rocked and banged against him, the way her breasts bounced and swayed with each movement. He watched her claim her power and it was a major turn-on for him. This was what he wanted. He wanted her to demand what was hers, to take what she wanted because she deserved it.
Her back arched. Her hands pressed down into his thighs as she hurtled toward the finish line and Noah was determined to take her there and beyond. He gripped her hips so that she could barely move except to take his hard thrusts.
The cry of his name stretched out across the room. She bucked wildly, needing to be free. Noah waited until the perfect moment and loosened his hold. Traci cried out and rocked her hips feverishly against him until she brought them both to blinding satisfaction.
* * *
“That was . . .” Noah couldn’t find the words.
“I know.”
“I hate to say this, but I’m starved.”
Traci giggled. “Me too.”
“Plenty of leftovers.”
“Last one to the kitchen cleans up,” she declared, pushed him aside, and darted out to the kitchen.
They wound up making sandwiches and brought them back to bed.
“I need to ask you something,” Traci said once they were finished.
They lay spooned in the darkness.
“Anything.”
“What did you say to Jason?”
“I told him that I come from the street. I didn’t believe in calling the po-po when I could handle it better. And that he’d be better off with the police than with me if I ever saw him again or found out that he was anywhere near you—even by accident.”
Traci smiled into the darkness.