SHLIMAZEL

After dinner at Ivanka and Jared’s on Saturday night, after their very special Shlimazel Day of Atonement ended, I said I wanted to go for a walk with them and the kids along Rock Creek to look at the Halloween decorations.

“Oh, look,” I said after we’d walked two blocks, “there’s the Obamas’ house! Let’s knock on the door and say hello!” But Ivanka’s a smart girl. She knew I just wanted to make him admit he wiretapped me, and all the rest, so she and Anthony wouldn’t let me go. “We don’t want another incident like last Tuesday, Dad.”

She was talking about how I walked downstairs into the public area of the White House one morning in my pajamas and handed out autographed 2016 voting maps to a few of the visitors on tour, the map that shows my incredible landslide in electoral votes, which by the way the tourists loved and then agreed not to talk about after the new head usher, Dr. Müller’s friend, gave them all their special cash prizes.