Sowing the Seeds of Doubt
The winter months passed swiftly as Nasrosoltan kept busy with his music coursework and accompanying auditions, in addition to tutoring the princess every week. He found it gratifying that the sessions were proceeding better than he initially expected. In fact, for the first time in a long while, Nasrosoltan felt everything was going his way.
In the beginning, Madame Lazar’s tagging along each week had irritated him, but he now saw the benefit of her attendance. She spent the time chatting over tea with Nana in the kitchen, and this allowed him to be more at ease in teaching the princess without the Madame’s ever-curious eyes looking over his shoulder.
The visits to the palace had become an enjoyable pastime for him. He began looking forward to the weekly appointment, especially when he had the opportunity to play the Tischner. Nasrosoltan was also pleased that on some occasions, after the conclusion of the lesson, the grand duke would invite him into his study to enjoy a brandy.
Grand Duke Alexander had a curious nature. Initially, he mostly inquired about the conservatory students' views on the political situation in the country. As an advisor to the tsar, the grand duke knew he must have his ear to the ground for any rumblings amongst the students, believing that radical ideas and protests usually first took root among them.
In their first couple of meetings, Nasrosoltan was unsure if this was the real reason for the grand duke’s interest in him. But as the weeks went by, and they spent more time together discussing many topics of mutual interest, a feeling of respect developed between the two men. Most of the time, there was light conversation centering around music, history, or archaeology, a topic the grand duke had a fascination with. He was curious to learn more about the ancient Persian capital of Persepolis once he became aware that Nasrosoltan had visited the historical ruins when he lived in nearby Shiraz.
But during their last meeting, the grand duke seemed distracted, and their conversation turned heavy. When Nasrosoltan asked him the reason, a gloom fell over the grand duke as he unexpectedly shared his personal feelings about an impending European war. “Unfortunately, very few agree with my prediction, but I believe such a war will happen within a few years, and I worry that Russia is ill-prepared for such an event.” He confided in Nasrosoltan that he was preoccupied with how to militarily make his country ready for what was to come.
Even though Nasrosoltan appreciated the grand duke’s feeling close enough to divulge his private concerns, this comment surprised and worried him. Russia had now mostly recovered from the upheavals of several years ago: the humiliating Russo-Japanese War, the massacre of Bloody Sunday, and the continuous strikes and unrest. The grim view the grand duke had offered did not correspond to the spirit of optimism and the unprecedented prosperity the country was experiencing in 1913.
***
Meanwhile, Rustam had returned to St. Petersburg from his long trip to Siberia. As usual, he was staying at the Astoria, where Nasrosoltan had come to meet him one evening. Over dinner, as they discussed the political situation and the rumbling social unrest, Rustam mentioned, “Russia is now in its prime, and the next few years will probably be the best years for the country and consequently for my business.” Nasrosoltan understood the implication that Rustam’s already impressive fortune would rise along with the country’s projected growth.
Rustam confessed, “The only concern I have is with the pesky Balkan States. What really worries me is that they will not be able to settle their differences on the share of the spoils of their victory over the Ottoman Empire.” After a few more sips of his drink, with flushed cheeks, he said to Nasrosoltan, “If they are not careful, they could even lead Russia into a broader war with the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and that, my friend, would be a major catastrophe.”
Nasrosoltan replied, “But I thought war is always good for business, isn’t it?”
Rustam nodded in agreement. “I meant catastrophic in terms of the destruction that would be unleashed, but of course, we businessmen always make money during times of conflict. I just have a sense we could make even more with just a few extra years of peace and prosperity.” Nasrosoltan found it interesting that Rustam echoed the grand duke’s speculation of an impending regional conflict.
In return, Nasrosoltan shared what he had been up to while his friend had been away but made no mention of the gaming house fiasco. Then he casually added, “And in addition to all my work at the conservatory, I am now tutoring Princess Irina.”
Nasrosoltan displayed an air of fulfillment, especially when he mentioned in a subtle but bragging manner, “The grand duke sometimes even invites me to drink brandy with him after the conclusion of his daughter’s lessons.”
A surprised Rustam asked him, “I know it is not for the compensation or having an occasional brandy with a grand duke, so it must probably be to get close to the princess! I have heard she is quite beautiful and is considered one of the most eligible women in all of Russia. Is that the real reason, my ingenious friend?”
Nasrosoltan was taken aback and immediately refuted the notion. “No, no, not at all! I am doing this as a favor for poor Madame Lazar. Remember, I told you how she begged me for weeks to sit in for her while she recovered from that unfortunate injury to her hand?”
He continued defensively, stammering out unnecessary details a little more urgently than he intended, “I felt so sorry for her a few days before the grand duke’s family came back from vacation since she did not know where else to turn. So I decided to offer her my assistance.”
Nasrosoltan paused for a moment to calm himself down and then added, “For your information, the princess is timid and does not engage in conversation, except for asking short questions concerning the lesson. Mostly she avoids my eye, but I attribute this to her youth and inexperience.”
Rustam, sensing he had touched a nerve, replied jokingly, “Or perhaps you could attribute it to your seriousness; maybe she is afraid to talk to you. You must know you can be intimidating.”
Nasrosoltan defiantly answered, “Nonsense. I am quite agreeable, and as you know, I have a healthy sense of humor. I always enjoy a good laugh at the appropriate time!”
As Nasrosoltan responded, he felt a twinge of irritation at his friend’s suggestion that he had anything but honorable intentions in tutoring the princess. In his attempt to conceal the real reason he had accepted the position, he wanted to be sure not to expose himself to embarrassment for something he considered worse.
Rustam, sensing his friend’s uneasiness, changed the subject and asked, “Would you like to go to the gaming house after dinner?”
Nasrosoltan tried to quickly think of a plausible reason to decline the invitation, never wanting to set foot in that wretched place again. Before he could think of an excuse, Rustam added, “The manager asked about you; he said you are the type of customer they love to see more often. I asked him why, and he mentioned you visited one evening while I was on travel, and you made quite an impression. He told me he had never seen someone lose so much on one single wager with such dignity.”
Nasrosoltan, while trying to escape his ignominy, said with a laugh, “Yes, it seems that when we went together, Lady Luck was actually at your side and not mine since when I visited without you, she was nowhere to be seen. You must have taken her with you to Siberia. It appears so from what you tell me of the successful outcome of your business.”
Nasrosoltan did not divulge that he lost all his money and was now tutoring the princess to pay his rent. He gave Rustam the pretext of needing to get up early in the morning to finish working on a composition and graciously declined his offer.
On the carriage ride back to his apartment, he could not stop thinking of Rustam’s insinuation over why he agreed to tutor the princess. His friend had unknowingly planted a seed of doubt by questioning his motives. During the dinner, he was tempted to tell his friend the real reason he was tutoring. Instead, he chose to defend himself from Rustam’s innuendo rather than admit his gambling weakness and feeble decision-making, which he considered a more severe fault to confess.
As it so often happens, when a man finds himself confident, at a point where he feels he can do no wrong and the stars are all aligned in his favor, just a hint of skepticism from someone begins the process of self-doubt, creeping up like weeds in the garden of the mind. This is when each wavering thought feeds the tangled web of incertitude. In a few short hours, Nasrosoltan’s attitude shifted from one of self-confidence before dinner to one of uncertainty afterward, as he started to question whether others also saw his tutoring the princess as his way of gaining favor with her.
He debated with himself whether he should have ever accepted the position in the first place. These thoughts disturbed him, so he looked forward to a good night’s sleep, believing it to be the best remedy for his confused state.
The next day after attending a conservatory seminar, he went back to his apartment to join Madame Lazar to travel to the palace. When he knocked on her door, she opened it halfway, looking quite ill. “My apologies, Monsieur. I must have eaten something that did not sit well with me last night, and I feel terrible. As you can see, I will not be able to accompany you to the lesson today.”
Nasrosoltan had grown accustomed to her company during the carriage rides to the palace, even though, at times, he could do without her incessant chatter. However, today of all days, after what Rustam had suggested and the idle thoughts he had allowed to take root in his mind, he did not want to go alone. He did not want it to seem as if he had planned the Madame’s absence to get closer to the princess.
Nasrosoltan suggested that Madame Lazar get some rest and quickly left for the palace, not wanting to be late to his appointment.
As the carriage approached the palace gates, Nasrosoltan did not know why he was in a panic. He tried to console himself but instead ended up cursing the roulette ball for finding a home in an unfortunate spot on the wheel.
When he exited the carriage, the butler, as usual, was there to escort him into the palace, but for some reason, Nasrosoltan did not like the way he looked at him. The same with Nana: when she saw him, he perceived a distinct change in how she greeted him. Of course, they were just surprised that Madame Lazar was not with him, nothing else, but he had let his imagination run wild, thinking that they also questioned his motives for teaching the princess.
All this made Nasrosoltan act more formal and reserved than usual. When the time came for the princess’s lesson, without the customary greeting and small talk, he abruptly sat at the piano and began the instruction.
***
The princess was surprised at his unusual behavior, for even though she knew Nasrosoltan was a stern man, she had noticed a softening in his demeanor over the past few weeks. She attributed this change to the occasional after-lesson meetings with her father or a sign of her own progress in playing. In any case, she had valued the gradual change in his comportment; however, today, she noted that he seemed to be in a foul mood.
At one point during the lesson, an already anxious Nasrosoltan became agitated that after repeated attempts, Irina could not correctly play a specific section of the piece. He came close to scolding her when he raised his voice and told her, “You have not prepared as I had suggested, and I ask that next time you practice more seriously!”
Irina, who was not used to being addressed in this manner, became quiet and began to fight back the tears. She valiantly continued to try to perform the part; however, being so nervous now, she stumbled even further.
***
Sensing Irina’s uneasiness, Nasrosoltan suddenly caught himself and tried to soften his stance by suggesting they take a short break. This gave him time to gather his thoughts and allowed Irina a moment to regain her composure.
In a bid at being more pleasant, he pointed to her ever-present French bulldog pup, who slept in the corner of the room under the window during their lessons, and asked, “What is your dog’s name?”
His unexpected question seemed to surprise Irina. This was the first time he had ever talked to her about anything other than the lesson. Nasrosoltan noticed her face suddenly beaming with excitement as she eagerly replied, “Her name is Bijou. We brought her back from our sojourn in southern France last summer.”
Irina continued after a brief pause, “She loves to sit under the window in the sun and listen to me play the piano. She has an ear, or should I say, great ears for music!” Of course, this was her attempt at humor, pointing to the French bulldog’s most prominent feature, her adorable bat-like ears.
The puppy, hearing her name mentioned, rose and made her way toward the piano, seeking additional attention. Irina reached down and brought Bijou onto the bench, assuming Nasrosoltan may want to pet her. Nasrosoltan, trying to be more cordial than his usual self, pet the puppy with a few quick taps on the back.
An excited Irina asked, “Monsieur, would you like to hold Bijou?”
Even though Nasrosoltan did not really want to, he agreed anyway, to prolong this rare moment of bonding, so she placed the puppy onto his lap. He was unfamiliar with how to correctly hold a puppy, and Bijou seemed uncomfortable from the onset of Nasrosoltan’s attempt. He struggled to return the puppy to the princess, but during this exchange, he must have either frightened or squeezed the sorry dog too hard, at which point Bijou relieved herself by raining a shower all over Nasrosoltan.
This unforeseen event caused them both to drop the puppy mid-transfer, and Nasrosoltan, with his shirt now soaked, jumped up in anger. He cursed the dog in Persian, blurting out “Pedarsag,” which amusingly in Persian means, “Your father is a dog.” Bijou, absolutely terrified by the fall and the ensuing ruckus, scampered away to the corner of the room, accompanied by a continuous whimper.
The princess, who at first was in shock at the unfolding scene, suddenly burst into laughter, all the while trying to catch herself by putting her hand over her mouth. Every time she succeeded in quieting her laugh, she would take one look at Nasrosoltan and could not help herself, and once again would unleash a flurry of giggles.
Nasrosoltan, who was red in the face with anger at what Bijou had done, was even more embarrassed by Irina’s uncontrolled laughter. He was about to unfurl a tirade upon her when he turned and looked at his own reflection in the mirrored wall on the side of the room. Nasrosoltan realized that he did look quite comical and in that instant recalled what he told Rustam about his sense of humor; that he could “enjoy a good laugh at the appropriate time.”
He suddenly realized the sincere innocence in Irina’s laughter, for she was not mocking him; this was just her natural reaction to a sequence of unanticipated events. It was then that Nasrosoltan also began to laugh at himself.
Once she witnessed Nasrosoltan also laughing, Irina began to laugh harder, to the point that Nana rushed into the room to see what had happened. When she saw Nasrosoltan and the princess both laughing at his predicament and Bijou still shivering and whining in the corner of the room, she realized what had occurred. Nana immediately offered to have Nasrosoltan’s shirt cleaned if he waited in the sitting room, temporarily wearing a borrowed shirt.
While Nana rushed to retrieve a shirt for him, Nasrosoltan and Princess Irina had a few moments to reflect upon what had just happened, and he said to her with a chuckle, “At least Bijou did not grace the sheet music as she did my shirt; therefore, hopefully, next week we can continue where we left off!”
The princess appreciated his sense of humor and, with a captivating smile, assured him that she would be better prepared. Nasrosoltan, for the first time, saw a sweet, blossoming woman with a delightful laugh rather than just a student he was tutoring. As fate would have it, an anxious puppy had sparked an unreserved connection between the two souls.
Nana rushed back in with a clean shirt and escorted Nasrosoltan to the sitting room, offering him tea while he waited. He spent some time perusing the grand duke’s elegantly framed family photographs situated on the fireplace mantel. Nasrosoltan seemed to solely focus on the images of Irina amongst the other family members, as he started to notice her sparkling eyes and her gentle elegance, which he had somehow been indifferent to until now.
Later that day, upon returning to his apartment, Nasrosoltan found a note Madame Lazar had left under his door, inquiring how the lesson had gone. He thought, She will have a good laugh at my expense when I tell her about it the next time I see her.
That evening, Nasrosoltan had trouble sleeping, and he tossed and turned, but he did not know why. The afternoon’s events consumed his thoughts as he recalled each scene in what seemed like slow motion. Nasrosoltan wondered why he had been so anxious when he got to the palace and why he had almost scolded the princess just because she could not correctly perform a part. It was not like him to be swayed emotionally, as if a willow in the wind, from nervousness to anger to uncontrollable laughter, and he did not understand the reason.
He decided, since he could not sleep, to attempt working on a composition, but that was also to no avail. He tried to read some poetry to rest his mind but could not concentrate, and his mind kept wandering in an excited state. As morning approached, his restless thoughts gave way to a few precious moments of calm, and he finally fell asleep.