A Forbidden Love
“Love is fearless in the midst of the sea of fear”— Rumi
As Nasrosoltan entered the palace, the butler standing at the front entrance waved to the guards to let him through. Nasrosoltan asked the man if the grand duke was waiting for him in the study.
The butler replied, “No, Monsieur, the family is in the reception room. They have been expecting you.”
Nasrosoltan was surprised to hear this and asked, “You mean to say the whole family was awaiting my arrival?”
The butler announced, “Yes, Monsieur, His Imperial Majesty Tsar Nicholas is in attendance!” He then opened the massive doors leading to the room, and Nasrosoltan witnessed a totally unexpected and most terrifying scene, one he was not prepared for.
Irina sat at the foot of the tsar’s chair, sobbing uncontrollably, looking disheveled and in a state of utter distress. The grand duke and duchess were seated on each side of the tsar with their steely-eyed gazes fixed on Nasrosoltan. He immediately realized that they had become aware of his relationship with Irina and were outraged at what they knew.
Nasrosoltan saw his whole life flash before his eyes, thinking upon each step of the disastrous net he had entangled himself in, and he feared the punishment that was to come. But mostly, he felt deep suffering, witnessing his love in such a state of disillusion, while he seemed helpless to do anything about it.
Nasrosoltan waited in stunned silence for someone to speak, for somebody to begin the reprimand, as he wondered why Irina had let the secret out. He questioned why she had not heeded his appeal to wait for a chance to discuss the matter face-to-face with the grand duke.
Suddenly, it became clear to him why the date and time of the audience had been rescheduled. This was the last Friday of the month when the tsar regularly visited his sister at their residence for dinner. Whatever message the grand duke and duchess wished to relay to Nasrosoltan and Irina, they wanted it to come from the tsar himself, which alarmed him even more.
The tsar, who was wholly irritated and offended, finally spoke with a disdainful tone. “Monsieur, we are all extremely disappointed that you would take advantage of your position and our welcome into this household to mislead our dear Princess Irina Alexandrovna. You have offered her worthless promises of affection to the point that she has told us she wishes to elope with you to Persia!
“This is utter nonsense, to steal away a princess of the Romanovs without a word to anyone—this is truly preposterous. How dare you, Monsieur? You are lucky you are leaving back to your country in a few days, or else I would have had you banished. The grand duke employed you in a responsible position, and we put our confidence in you to carry out your duties with honor and as a gentleman. However, you have betrayed our trust. This is unacceptable behavior. You should be ashamed of your actions and denounced!”
Nasrosoltan felt humiliated and dishonored at the severe scolding, holding his head down to avert the angry stare of the tsar. He could hear Irina crying in the background, every so often interjecting, “No, no, dear Uncle, please, please, you do not understand, we love each other!”
After the tsar finished speaking, he asked Nasrosoltan angrily, “What do you have to say for yourself, Monsieur?”
Nasrosoltan was caught off guard. He was genuinely terrified in the presence of the irate tsar. But he knew this was not the moment to bow to fear. Whenever he had made a choice out of fear, it had resulted in an unwelcome outcome. He wanted nothing more than to destroy this undesirable emotion that was slowly strangling him. He desired to attain freedom from it now that it had once more reared its ugly head. Nasrosoltan found it hard to breathe, with his heart racing and his palms sweating.
He valiantly tried to present an outward show of boldness, hoping that the elusive confidence he desperately needed would then slowly rise to the surface, allowing him to defend himself. But he was overwhelmed and was not strong enough to fight the fear, so he had no choice but to try to hide it. Though he could not control his feelings, Nasrosoltan hoped against hope that he could at least offer a hint of his fearlessness in the presence of Irina. He knew in his heart, she did not want to see him recoil, but instead, she wanted him to stand up and affirm his feelings for her.
When confronted by the all-powerful tsar, Nasrosoltan wanted with all his being to be courageous. As fear was all that lay between him and his dreams with Irina, he needed to muster enough strength to conquer this insecurity, even if it were only for a few more precious seconds in which he would be allowed to speak. And with that desire came the understanding that courage was not the absence of fear but the overcoming of it.
No longer wanting to be a slave to fear, Nasrosoltan raised his head and gave Irina a confident look to calm her anxiety, then turned to the tsar and proceeded to try to explain himself. But before Nasrosoltan could even say a word, Irina, who had composed herself just enough to speak without sobbing, addressed the tsar while holding his hand tightly. “Dear Uncle, if you love me as you say you do, like one of your own daughters, please allow me to say something!”
Irina’s request caught Nasrosoltan by surprise as the tsar, still frowning, unexpectedly nodded his permission for Irina to speak her mind.
Irina thanked him and continued, “You know that I am not a child anymore and that I am of an age that negotiations are already being conducted on my behalf for my betrothal. However, this is all taking place without my prior knowledge or consent. Why is it that I cannot decide for myself issues that will affect the future of my life?
“I love Nasrosoltan with all my heart. He has never given me any worthless promises or false declarations of love. Everything he has said to me is sincere; he is a gentleman. Why should he be ashamed that he has given me much happiness and joy? Is it shameful that he has given me this most precious gift?
“My heart is full of gratitude to him for that. He never once wanted to betray this family’s trust by eloping; he even advised me to not speak in this manner. He came here this evening for a private audience with Papa to explain our feelings for one another, like the gentleman he is, not as the coward you make him out to be. Nasrosoltan is not the kind of man to have absconded with me without a word to anyone. It was I who told him I wanted to go to Persia with him if Papa disagreed with his petition. I told him I would rather be with the man I love in a foreign land than with a man I do not love in my own country!”
The tsar listened carefully to Irina’s plea. As he was a tenderhearted man, his niece’s heartfelt words had some influence on him, lessening the rage he had felt just a few minutes earlier. It may have been that Irina’s words reminded him of his own love at a young age to Princess Alix, a liaison that the tsar’s parents initially opposed.
Tsar Nicholas’s own father, Tsar Alexander III, wanted him to marry another, Princess Helene, to cement Russia’s new alliance with France. When Tsar Nicholas finally decided to stand up to his father, he told him, “If I cannot marry Alix, I will never marry at all!” So his father, who became alarmed at the likelihood, eventually agreed to their union.
The tsar knew from personal experience that Irina’s words of love held much truth within them. The fundamental difference was that Alix was a princess, while Nasrosoltan was just a commoner. Of even more significance was that the Yusupov family they were negotiating with was the wealthiest in all of Russia.
The tsar turned again to Nasrosoltan. “Monsieur, so what do you have to say for yourself? She is young and does not know better, but you should!”
With the blush of embarrassment heating his face, Nasrosoltan had to once again summon the resolve to turn himself the right way up. He recalled the way Irina eloquently spoke about their feelings for each other just a few moments ago. By unfurling the gracious words from her lips, Irina had defended their love with simplicity and beauty. Words that were intended for her uncle’s ears but directly aimed at Nasrosoltan’s grateful heart. Irina’s spirited confirmation of their love infused power into Nasrosoltan’s soul such that he shed his cloak of shame and dishonor for a breastplate of valor and fortitude. Courage emanated from a source deep within him, and with a resolution he had not known a few minutes earlier, Nasrosoltan stood tall as an advocate for himself in front of the emperor of all the Russias.
Cognizant of the truth that to love was no crime, he began to speak in his own defense. “Your Imperial Majesty, Your Imperial Highnesses, I stand before you today respectfully with my sincerest apologies. I have no intention to offend or provoke such outrage with a noble family that has been nothing but kind and most gracious to me.
“As Her Serene Highness Princess Irina Alexandrovna revealed, we never had the intention to elope. I am not a common thief to steal the princess away in the middle of the night.”
The grand duchess, who seemed to be the most offended of all the royals, almost did not wait for him to finish his last sentence and interjected mockingly, “Monsieur, please save the theatrics. I can already see this will be a waste of our time!”
Nasrosoltan said nothing, not knowing how to respond to this attack, and awaited a sign from the tsar to see if he could continue.
The tsar waved him on, and Nasrosoltan once again attempted to plead his case. “I came here today of my own volition for the audience that had been granted to me, to speak face to face with the grand duke and discuss these sensitive matters. I was fully aware that it might be a challenging and uneasy conversation. I never had the intent to betray your trust or to disrespect your esteemed family.
“However, knowing that His Imperial Majesty has the power and authority to decide my fate in whatever manner His Majesty chooses, forgive me for having to completely empty my heart before you. I pray this Imperial Family does not condemn me further for doing so. I wish to leave no words unspoken, for I fear the wrath of His Imperial Majesty may never allow me to speak them again. With what I am about to say, I knowingly submit to an inexorable fate to doom me, or God willing, to redeem myself in your good graces!”
The grand duchess exhaled loudly and gestured that she was getting up to leave, proclaiming, “What nonsense!”
Even though Nasrosoltan’s expressive words did not seem to impress the royal audience, those words did give him the slightest opportunity to continue when, to the grand duchess’s surprise, the tsar threw his hand out toward him and directed, “Proceed!”
The grand duchess sat back down, fuming, hearing her brother’s command to Nasrosoltan. He was now fully aware that in what he was going to say, he could not risk trying to chase to the end. He knew his next words would determine the course of his future.
“It pains me deeply to see Her Serene Highness in such despair, for her to be shedding tears in sadness and to be hurting, all because she loves. I never thought I would be the cause of such misery for her, and now instead of bringing her unconditional joy, which is the utmost desire of my heart, I am bringing her unmeasurable sorrow. But why are we to be faulted for expressing this love?”
Suddenly, the grand duke, who until this point had remained silent, interrupted Nasrosoltan and said, “Monsieur, I am shocked. What you are saying sounds absurd for a man of your stature. Why, after all this time, is this the first I hear of this? I feel you have betrayed my trust. Please, for your own sake, reconsider your words!”
Irina turned to the grand duke, and with begging eyes, implored him, “Papa, please, please, I appeal to you, Papa, let him speak!”
The grand duke did not protest further upon hearing Irina’s plea, so Nasrosoltan continued addressing them. “Your Majesty, Your Highnesses, neither of us set out to fall in love. Nothing was planned, and we had no scheme.
“For my part, as you know, it was by chance that I accepted the offer to tutor due to Madame Lazar’s unfortunate injury. I assure you that for a long while, there was simply a professional relationship between us. But just as life is a gift that determines its own time of when it comes and when it departs, so too is the arrival of love. How can there be blame placed on someone who himself is a bystander while events are taking place around him, once love descends upon him without notice or warning?”
Hearing this, the grand duchess motioned for him to stop speaking and angrily exclaimed, “I cannot believe my ears; do you think, Monsieur, that you will stand there and teach us about love and life? This is ludicrous!”
At this point, the tsar, having also heard enough, put his hand up, signaling Nasrosoltan should stop, and dismissively said, “Monsieur, you both are from different worlds; the union you suggest cannot happen. It is forbidden!”