Lorna
Willy Vlautin
Lorna turned on the heat in the car and when she did Rolly sighed heavy and rolled down the window halfway. He was forty years old and thin, his face hollow but clean shaven. He was short and at one time stocky in build, but he had been losing weight. He’d grown up in Billings with three brothers and a sister. He joined the army when he was twenty and stayed in for eight years before becoming a long haul truck driver. Years passed before he got off the road and started falling apart outside of Phoenix where he met Lorna.
“I’m freezing,” she said.
“Well, I’m hot,” he said as he smoked a cigarette. His nose was running, he had a cold. He was wearing three shirts, a sweater, and a lined leather coat.
“You’re not supposed to bundle up in the car.”
“Says who?”
“Don’t you remember when you were in school and the teacher said to take off your coat when you got back from recess?”
“I’m from Montana.”
“How many shirts do you have on?”
“It’s winter for Christ’s sake.”
“I’m really cold, Rolly.”
“Fuck,” he said and rolled up the window. “Are you happy?”
“I will be when I warm up.”
He coughed and wiped his nose on his coat. “I’m going to sweat to death and you’ll probably still be cold.”
“I’m starting to warm up,” she said.
“Help me take off the coat.”
“Why don’t you just pull over?”
“If we pull over every twenty minutes, we’re never going to get there.”
“I can’t help it if I can’t piss in a bottle.”
“When I was on the road, I never stopped and now we stop eight times an hour.”
Lorna began laughing. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She was only thirty-four years old but her face was as worn and weathered as an old woman’s. Her eyes were caving back into her and her skin was beginning to go.
“I can drive with my legs,” he said. “Just help me off with the coat.”
She grabbed on the sleeve and he pulled his arm out. He got the coat off and she took it and threw it in the backseat. He turned the station on the radio and began going up and down the dial until he settled on a country station.
“The problem is we’re going to break down, I know it.”
“You’ve been saying that since we left Phoenix.”
“Well, I’m sure of it now,” he said.
“I hope it does after we visit then,” she said. “Do you want an apple?”
“You’re eating fruit now?” He moved his hand to the dash, to a pack of cigarettes. He took one and lit it. “You want one?”
“No,” she said. “I’m trying to be good.”
He started laughing.
“Don’t laugh at me, I hate when you laugh at me.” Lorna turned around and reached into the back and found a grocery sack sitting on the floor. She took an apple from it and again sat in the front seat. She wiped the apple on her sweatshirt, took a mouthful, and chewed it. But the second bite left her right incisor in the skin. It took her a moment to realize what had happened but when she did she just looked at it and began quietly crying to herself.
Rolly smoked that cigarette and lit another. Lorna held the apple in her hand. She closed her eyes. She hadn’t sleep in two days; she felt sleep near but it wouldn’t come.
“Hey,” he said.
She opened her eyes.
“You hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“A belt’s about to give out.”
“What does that mean?”
“Forget it.” He put his cigarette out and looked over to her. “What the hell’s going on? There’s blood all over your mouth.”
“I lost a tooth.” She began sobbing.
“Jesus,” he said. “Take this.” He handed her a blue bandana he kept in his back pocket. She took it and wiped her mouth.
She began shaking her head side to side. “We should turn around.”
“We only have a couple hours to Reno,” he said. “We’ve been driving for two days and now you just want to give up?”
“How can I see her when I look like this?”
“You can’t start that again. Anyway, we don’t have the money to turn around.”
“Then just kill me,” she said softly. She looked out the window. “Please just kill me, Rolly.”
“I’m not going to kill you so don’t even start with that. How’s the gum, is it still bleeding?”
“It’s gushing out.”
“Press the hanky into where the tooth was.”
She folded the hanky and put it in her mouth. “U shud jus kell mee.”
“Don’t talk with that thing in your mouth.”
Lorna cried harder. She began hitting her leg over and over with her free hand.
He grabbed her arm and stopped her. “We’ll take a break,” he said. “Lovelock’s the next town. There’s a casino there. Let’s have a smoke right now and then get a couple drinks. We’ll get you cleaned up and calmed down then we’ll get to Reno and get a room. We’re doing alright. If that guy you know really wants the bundle, then we’ll have enough cash to float for a long time. Alright?”
“I don’t think I can.”
“You have to pull it together, okay?”
Lorna nodded. She looked in her purse and took out a glass pipe. She loaded it and handed it to Rolly. He put the pipe in his mouth and took the lighter off the dash and lit it. He drove with his legs and smoked. He blew the smoke at Lorna. She waited until he was done then took the pipe back and set it on her purse. She looked in the rearview and pulled the bandana away. The bleeding had stopped, but the space between her rotting teeth was there.
“Don’t start,” he said. “Just have a smoke.”
Lorna took the pipe and loaded it and put it in her mouth.
They sat at a table in the back of Sturgeons Casino. Rolly drank a beer, smoked a cigarette, and watched the TV. When Lorna came back from the bathroom, he lit a new cigarette and handed it to her. He moved a rum and Coke in front of her. They stayed for two hours until she was so drunk she could barely walk. He led her out to the car and helped her into the passenger seat. He got them on the road and Lorna loaded the pipe again and they drove into Reno.
They got a room at the 777 motel on Virginia Street and waited out the night awake. By morning Lorna was drinking beer and pacing around the small motel room while Rolly sat on the bed and watched TV. When noon came they ordered a pizza but they both only ate a slice. Rolly took a shower and put on clean clothes.
“So tell me one more time how you know this guy?”
“We worked together at Harrahs when I was a cocktail waitress. He was a bartender but he inherited money from his mother. He’s rich, Rolly. And he’s a real fiend. He wants to buy the entire five ounces. That’s what he said when I talked to him. He’s not a drug dealer, he’s just a fag with money.”
“You’re sure?”
“I think so.”
“What does that mean?”
“We were friends, I trust him. And like I said he’s got a ton of money. I know that.”
“And what kind rich gay guy has a name like Burl?”
“Like Burl Ives, his mother named him after Burl Ives.”
“Who’s Burl Ives?”
“He was the voice in the Christmas show,” Lorna said and gave him the phone number written on a scrap piece of paper.
Rolly looked at her and shook his head but called the number. He spoke with the man and set up a meeting. He hung up and said, “Now call your brother.”
“I can’t,” she whispered.
“You’ll feel worse if you don’t.”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“Take a shower.”
“I don’t want to.”
“You look like shit,” he said. “Take a shower and change your clothes.”
She nodded and went into the bathroom. She came out twenty minutes later with a towel wrapped around her. She stood in front of the mirror and dried her hair.
She dressed and put on makeup. Rolly loaded the pipe and she smoked from it and opened another beer and called her brother.
“It’s me, Walt,” she said with a failing timid voice.
“Where are you?”
“I’m in Reno.”
“No shit,” he said. “Are you going to stay?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t think so. Rolly just has business here.”
“Who’s Rolly?”
“He’s my boyfriend,” Lorna said. “I’m living with him outside of Phoenix.”
“So you’re doing alright?”
“I’m doing okay,” she said. “I really am…I’m doing a lot better than I was.” She paused and looked at Rolly. “How’s Cora?” she whispered.
“She’s fine, she’s great.”
“What’s she like?”
“She’s shy but she’s starting doing pretty good in school. It was rough for her for a while but it seems better now…She’s got a great sense of humor.”
“I was shy, too.”
“I know.”
“You’re a good brother, Walt.”
“You sound like you’re out of breathe.”
“I’m just nervous.”
“Hey, everything here is okay. I have a new job where I get benefits so she has health insurance. I opened a bank account in her name for college. I’m keeping my shit together for a change. I haven’t had a drink in five months.”
“That’s really good of you, Walt,” she said and tears welled in her eyes.
“Do you want to see her?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m trying, Walt.”
“I know you are,” he said.
“Maybe I should just say goodbye.”
“Don’t, Lorna. It’s just me…Where are you staying?”
“A motel on Virginia.”
“What motel?”
“I can’t remember the name.”
“What have you been up to?”
“Nothing, really.”
“What kind of work are you doing?”
“Rolly takes care of me.”
“What kind of work does Rolly do?”
“He was a trucker for a long time,” Lorna said. She couldn’t catch her breath. “Can you hold on?”
“Sure,” he said.
She held the phone to her stomach. “I can’t do it,” she cried to Rolly.
“For fucksakes, Lorna, you can do it, just calm down.” He pointed to her beer sitting on the bedside table. She took a long drink from it, tried to breathe, and put the phone back up to her ear. “Sorry about that, Walt.”
“It’s alright,” he said. “I’m just walking to pick Cora up from school. I have a ways to go. I have time.”
“Is she growing fast?”
“Really fast, you’ll see. I bought a camera. I take a picture of her every week standing in front of the door. She looks different than she did six months ago. I’ll bring the photos.”
“I bet she’s beautiful.”
“She is…A couple weeks ago, for Easter, I hid a bunch of eggs around our place. She knew all my hiding spots. Some of which I thought were pretty good. Anyway, when you don’t think she’s listening she is. So she’s pretty sharp, too.”
“Did you put anything under her bed?”
“Yeah,” he said and laughed. “I couldn’t remember what Mom used to do so I just put five dollars and a chocolate bunny in a paper sack.”
“She used to put three dollars inside a new pair of sneakers. Three dollars for the three months until summer. She’d put them under our beds. But five dollars and a chocolate bunny is perfect…I guess I should go.”
“Don’t go yet,” he said.
“I ain’t much anymore, Walt.”
“I know you are having a hard time, but don’t go.”
“I wanted to see her so bad,” she said and paused. She again tried to catch her breath. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I think about her. A moment doesn’t go that she’s not in my thoughts. But now I’m here and I just don’t think I can do it.”
“First thing to know is she’s fine, she really is. She can read now, she reads to me at night.”
“She does?”
“Come eat dinner with us and she’ll show you. Bring your boyfriend. She’d love to see you. I would, too.”
Lorna looked at Rolly who was watching TV and smoking a cigarette. She walked into the bathroom and shut the door.
“Do you have school pictures?”
“I’ll get them for you tonight.”
“I don’t think I can do it tonight. I can’t eat dinner with her, Walt.”
“You can.”
She sat down on the toilet seat and ran her hand through her hair. “Walt, do you remember the China Diner?”
“Sure,” he said.
“We used to meet there a lot, do you remember?”
“Of course I remember. Do you want to meet there?”
“I was thinking maybe I could do that. If I can’t then at least I can see her in the window. Will you sit by the window?”
“I’ll sit by the window,” Walt said. “Have you been taking care of yourself, Lorna?”
“No,” she said.
“You’re still partying?”
“Yes,” she whispered full of tears.
“How’s Phoenix?”
“Not so good, Walt.”
“We’re just staying at the Stardust, but you can always stay with us. You know that, right? You’re always welcome.”
“Thank you, Walt. Let me think about that, okay? You said you had a bank account set up for Cora. What’s the account number? I’ll start putting money in it.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to, Walt. I have to do something. I have to try and help. I’ve done nothing but ruin her.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“I’ll give you the number tonight.”
“Please, Walt, do you have it on you? I’d really like to have it now.”
“Hold on, it’s in my wallet,” Walt said and paused. She could hear him breathing and fumbling for it. “It’s Nevada State Bank. Do you have a pen?”
“I’ll remember.”
“It’s a long number.”
“I’m always good at remembering numbers,” she said.
Walt read off the account number. “You got it?”
“I got it,” she said. “I better go now or I’ll forget it.”
“I love you, Lorna.”
“I love you, too,” she said. “Don’t hate me, Walt.”
“I don’t hate you, I’ve never hated you. And Cora’s fine, that’s the main thing, right?”
“It is,” she said. “I have to hang up now or I’ll forget the number.”
“The China Diner at 5:30. Can you make it?”
“I’ll try. Can you give me the number one more time?”
“Maybe you should get a pen.”
“I don’t have a pen, Walt.”
He read the account number to her again and she hung up the phone. She had her eyes closed and the number ran through her head. She stood up and walked back out to the main room.
“Do you have a pen?”
“Maybe in the car,” Rolly said. The TV was off. He was putting on his shoes. There was a map laid out on the bed. Lorna emptied her purse out onto the floor but there wasn’t a pen. She ran out of the room and down to the office and borrowed a pen and piece of paper. She stood under the fluorescent lights while an old Indian woman watched from behind the counter. She began writing numbers down. She got four of them when her mind failed her. She couldn’t remember the rest and left the pen and paper on the counter.
She walked back to the room in tears. She couldn’t do anything right.
Rolly was smoking from the pipe when she came in the room. He gave it to her and she smoked from it.
“He wants to meet at a place called Paradise Park. He says it’s off Oddie Boulevard.”
“I know where it is,” she said and wiped her eyes. She found it on the map and told him how to get there.
“What did your brother say?”
“I’m going to meet them pretty soon. You can just drop me off downtown.”
“This guy better be alright,” Rolly said and put on his coat.
“He will be. He’s just a queen who’s got a lot of money. He won’t do anything funny.” But in truth she wasn’t sure anymore. She wasn’t sure about anything.
“Alright,” Rolly said and put on his coat. “You look good and you’re going to have a good time. Remember you get to see your daughter tonight.”
“I know,” she said.
Rolly left her in front of the closed down Fitzgerald casino and Lorna walked slowly up West Street. It was nearly dark when she came to the China Diner and saw Cora and Walt sitting near the window. She stood in the parking lot for a long time watching. Cora’s hair was shorter, almost in a bob. Even from there she could see that her daughter had grown. Walt sat looking at his watch and then finally he got up and ordered food at the counter and sat back down. Cora had a backpack with her, she opened it, and began showing Walt things from it.
When their food came she watched them eat, watched how her daughter held her fork, the way she swung her feet back and forth beneath the table. She moved farther away and hid behind a truck when they walked out of the small restaurant. She watched Walt hold Cora’s hand, and she could almost hear her daughter’s voice as she followed them to the Stardust Motel.
They went up the stairs to the second floor. Walt unlocked the door and Cora went inside and he shut the door behind her. He stood against the rail on the second floor and looked out. He waved to Lorna as she stood across the street next to the closed down Sundowner casino and Lorna waved back to him.
“Lorna” was originally published by Tin House.