Cady

 

I wanted to be out of my apartment on the off chance that Gabriel was still at Gia’s and I ran into him or, worse, he came over. Not that he would because he did his brotherly duty for the night and will never see me again, but I didn’t want to risk it. So, since I didn’t need to be to work until ten, I went to the grocery store for Rosie so I can stock her cupboards, like I do once a month.

Rosie is the librarian who I replaced. She worked at the library for thirty-seven years, and when I took over her job, we became close. She has a son who lives in New York and two grandchildren who have families of their own in other places around the country. And none of them ever come to visit her. Not even when she got sick. So I stepped in to help her as much as I could, including to hire a live-in nurse. I shop and help clean her house and even take her to appointments sometimes, too.

I’m currently emptying the last of the groceries when Sebastian hugs me from behind as I shove a tub of ice cream in the freezer. “Thank you.”

I reach up and grab his wrist and give it a squeeze. “Of course. How is she today?”

He leans on the counter and tops off his coffee as he talks. “Good. She woke up with a smile, so I’m hoping the rest of the day is the same.”

Rosie is a wonderful woman. But she’s mean to almost everyone except me… and Sebastian. I don’t know if she was always that way, but ever since I first met her, she’s been a crotchety old lady.

Sebastian has been with her for almost two years now. Before him, I had hired someone to live with her since she refused to go into a nursing home. The first nurse was Sandy, and she quit after a month because Rosie made her cry when she told her that her cooking sucked and she wouldn’t even feed it to a homeless dog. Then Rebecca quit because Rosie sprayed her in the eyes with hairspray “on accident” three times.

I lost two more after that, but when Sebastian came, I knew he’d last. And I’m so glad he did because her family hasn’t come once since he’s been here, and there’s no way I’d have been able to take care of her on my own.

It’s true what they say, you can’t pick your family. But Sebastian and Rosie are the family I chose, and I’m so grateful to have them in my life. Them and Gia. The three people I care about. Well, that’s not true.

I care about the people who were in my father’s life who are still in some way a part of mine. His bandmates still call me every once in a while to check on me because they promised my father if something ever happened to him, they’d take care of me. I feel as if they blame me for his death, even though they’re adamant that it wasn’t my fault. I get the random call or card from someone he used to work with, too, so those people I care about.

“Are you going to tell me what’s with the weird face?” Part of being such a good nurse for Sebastian is that he’s good with people, so he easily reads me and knows when I’m having a bad day too.

“I’m just tired. Had a crappy night.” I feel almost a hundred percent better than I did yesterday.

“Aww. I’m sorry.” He squeezes my bicep.

I bring my hand up to pat his arm. “Thanks. I’m better now. Though…” I trail off and peek around him at the clock on the stove. “I’m running late, so I’m just gonna say hi to her real quick before I go.”

“Okay. I’ll bring her breakfast in a few.” He goes back to the stove where he’s heating up some eggs and sausage for her, and probably himself as well. They eat all their meals together, and since they’ve been doing it for so long, they actually have a schedule down. During the week is eggs and either sausage or bacon. And on the weekends is pancakes or waffles.

She lives in a ranch-style home that has a long hallway leading down to her bedroom. It has all the original crown molding and tile and pink carpet. It’s practically a museum, but she kept it clean while she was able, so it’s not dirty, just outdated. I pass Sebastian’s room that smells like his ocean-scented cologne, then knock lightly on her door when I reach the end of the hall.

“Come in.”

With a smile on my face, I push it open. “Morning.”

She lifts a frail arm. “Cady. How are you, my beautiful girl?”

I sit on the edge of her bed and take her hand, tucking a couple of gray hairs behind her ear. “Good. How are you? Sebastian said you had a good morning.”

The wrinkles on her forehead become more pronounced when she scowls. “I did, getting old sucks.”

“You’re already old,” I joke.

She smiles and smooths out the purple housecoat she’s wearing. “Don’t I know it.”

The light gray of her blue eyes warns of her age, much like rings on a tree trunk. It hurts to watch the brightness fade away in the short years I’ve known her, but unfortunately, it’s happening fast. “I wish I could stay, but I have to go open the library.”

She smiles, but it’s forced. I know she misses working there. After all, she spent over thirty-five years of her life in that building. “Have a good day.”

“Maybe Sebastian can bring you in sometime really soon? It’s been a while since you visited me.” I’m busy today, so I don’t want to have to worry about her there as well.

Her cheekbones pop when her smile turns genuine. “That would be lovely.”

“Perfect. I’ll talk to him, and we’ll set something up.” I give her a hug and leave her door open a crack when I exit. After chatting with Sebastian for a couple of minutes, I get into the cab waiting at the curb that I reserved to drive me from my apartment to the store to her house, and then back to the library.

The radio crackles, and I sit up straight. “Can you turn that up, please?”

My driver nods and presses a button on the steering wheel to increase the volume.

“We’re back with Mike, Jamie, and Gabe from Reason to Ruin. Thanks again, guys, for stopping by today. I know you’re on vacation, so we really appreciate you giving us the time.”

I stare out the window as I continue to listen.

“It’s no problem, man. We’re always happy to come hang out when we’re home.” That’s Mike, who’s usually the one who talks the most in these types of interviews since he’s the lead singer.

“You’re finished with your tour, right?”

“Yeah, man. We need a break. I know I do.” Jamie chuckles.

The DJ speaks up. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

“Thanks.” Jamie’s reply is swift, and Mike speaks up, clearly helping out his friend from further questioning. “We’re taking some time off, and since we’re here, we wanted to address the rumors circulating. Yes, Kolby is no longer with us. No, we’re not breaking up. Yes, we’ll be back on the road, hopefully by this summer, but we just don’t know who our drummer will be.”

“Thank you. Do you care to delve deeper into the reasons Kolby decided to leave?”

“No, we don’t. And we won’t.” Gabriel’s voice is angry, nothing like what he sounded like last night with me; smooth and sweet. “Next question.”

The DJ chortles nervously into the microphone. “Jamie, how’s your brother doing? As I’m sure all our listeners are aware, Liam left the band several years ago to be with his now wife.”

“He’s great. They have a daughter who’s already better on the drums than Lee,” Jamie jokes.

“That’s fantastic. Any talk of Liam joining back up again?”

Jamie answers that. “No. Liam is with his family. We don’t know who it will be, but when we find out, we’ll be sure to let everyone know.”

“Thanks, Jamie. I know the fans are all wondering. Gabe, what about you? You enjoying your time off?”

“You know it.” The sexual inuendo is there in just those three words. Typical.

My driver pulls up to the library and leaves the car running while I finish listening.

“Do you have any plans to celebrate the holidays?”

Gabe’s deep voice sends tingles throughout my body. “For sure.”

“Awesome, man. So let me shift gears for a second here. You guys are at the station today because you wanted to let your fans in on a little something you’re working on. Mike?”

“Thanks, so we’re stoked to be home and are happy to celebrate the holidays with our families, but this year and every year, unfortunately, some families have to celebrate at Children’s Hospital. There isn’t anything we can do to cure these awful diseases and get the kids home, but there is something we can do to help make their holidays just a little bit better. So the day before Christmas Eve, at Kelly’s Pub, we’re doing a benefit concert. As we said earlier, we don’t have a drummer, and Liam is not replacing him, but for the benefit, Lee will be sitting behind us again.”

“Oh my God.” I say it out loud because he hasn’t played with them for years.

“Wow, that’s awesome,” the driver says, and I turn to him. He must be a fan.

“Yeah, it really is,” I agree.

The DJ must have played a track of fans screaming because Mike laughs before he continues. “There’s only one way to get in, and that’s by bringing a wrapped gift with a tag stating the proper age for the toy and if it’s for a boy or a girl or both. The rest of the week, there will be buckets set out for collecting the toys, and if you bring one in wrapped and tagged, you’ll get a free drink ticket.”

“Please remember, you guys, this is for a good cause, and Kelly’s Pub is a family business.” That’s Gabriel talking. “As much as we want a million toys for these kids, we don’t want the pub to go broke giving out free drinks, so please keep that in mind when you get the idea to go to the dollar store and then go back every day to get a free drink.” He jokes, but people would totally do something like that to get free booze.

Mike chimes in. “If you want to bring more than one gift, then by all means do, but… just be the kick-ass and generous fans we know you guys are. Especially from our hometown.”

“That’s really a great thing you guys are doing, and I’m sure you’re gonna have an amazing turnout. Now, you’ve put out a couple of singles, but still no word on a release date for a new record?”

“Obviously, things have been shaken up the past few years, but we’ll definitely have some new stuff soon. We’re working hard in the studio, but we’re not releasing anything we’re not proud of. I wish I could give you a date, but I just don’t have that.” Mike answers his question perfectly.

“Trust me, we’re just as anxious as everyone else is.” Gabriel chuckles, and I press a hand to my fluttery stomach.

I’ll never forget what hearing his voice for the first time made me feel, even when I was just a teenager. He was in the studio at our house with my dad working on some riffs, and I stood at the door, listening. And when I peeked in and saw Gabriel, absolutely and positively gorgeous, I couldn’t help but stare. He was so… handsome. I’d never seen a guy before who was that perfect.

I went to my room and slammed the door, then slid down it and sat on my booty. And for some weird reason, I cried.

I was so shocked by all that I was feeling. I’d never felt any type of loving or romantic feelings toward any boy before. In the same sense, I knew I’d never get a guy like him, and I think that was why it hurt. I was too shy. I was plain and boring. My dad told me I was pretty, but I was his daughter, so he had to say that. It was like my dream was crushed by reality before I even realized I had the hope in the first place.

After I watched him leave, I asked my dad about him, and he told me Gabriel was the next big thing, and that he was probably going to end up being better than him, which was unheard of. When he saw the flush on my face, he warned me to stay away. “These boys, Cady Bear, they’re all about a good time. And you’re not that. You’re a forever kind of girl. Don’t forget that and never let anyone treat you like less than.”

Once I figured out who Gabriel was, I followed him and the band as best as I could while they were indie and getting their names out there, and despite reality, I allowed myself to dream. But then my dad died. I saw Gabriel once again for a moment at the funeral, but I hid in a corner for the whole service, so I know he didn’t see me.

My dad was pretty private about me. He’d introduce me to his friends, and when he had smaller, more intimate parties, he let me come. I watched him from backstage under the eye of a security guard, but was whisked away before things got too rowdy. He never talked about me publicly, and somehow, there were never any pictures of me anywhere.

So unless we were introduced, I was just a random girl.

When I was searching for jobs to get away from my stepbrother, Chris, I had a choice between a library in Wisconsin, where Gabriel is from, or one in Oklahoma. It sounds stalker-ish, but I chose to be by Gabriel. I didn’t know him, and even though I haven’t seen him once in all the years I’ve lived here, I think knowing I “knew” someone made me feel just a tad safer than being completely alone. I don’t know how to explain it or even rationalize why I did it.

I always wished I’d run into him, but I never did until last night.

I figured it was an omen or something that I never saw him, even when I was at Kelly’s when I was there with Gia, but then again, I sat at a table and barely looked around. Thinking back on it, the band was always on the road when we went there.

Grinning to myself, I look up at the sky through the windshield. It’s probably my dad keeping us apart since he warned me off Gabriel all those years ago.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter. None of what happened with Gabriel last night matters. He was just being nice, and I’m sure I’ll never see him again. Besides, why would I if he’s off doing things like radio interviews and playing at concerts while I’m sitting at a library desk or in a chair next to an old lady? My social life is almost nonexistent, except for when Gia asks me to go out with her a couple times a month. That’s just the straight-out truth of the differences in our lives, and one of the million reasons it won’t work with him and never would… Not that he’d ever have any interest in me that way, but a girl can wish.

I clear my throat and unlock my seat belt, refusing to pity myself anymore. Then I thank the driver and go to work to do the most tedious things to keep my mind off Gabriel.

Time drags all morning, and when the phone rings, I jump. I see the number flash on the caller ID and almost don’t answer. I don’t know why he continues to call me when nothing is going to change. “Hello, Chris.”

“This is your last warning.”

If the threat in his voice wasn’t so controlled, I might sigh, but he sounds different. Wired. “What?”

“Come home or I’ll make you.”

I can only ignore him for so long before he’ll stop just calling and start doing things like sending gifts, so I decide to talk to him. If I placate him just a little, that usually holds him off for a while. “I am home, Chris.”

“Home is not in fucking Wisconsin. It’s with me.”

“I don’t understand why you want me to come home when we can just talk on the phone, which reminds me, we haven’t spoken in a while. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” He almost sounds like he’s a toddler pouting. Before my dad passed, I never saw Chris much. He was older than me and lived on his own, but whenever he was around, I never got the creepy vibe from him that I get now. “I miss you.”

Literally, I have nothing to say to him, but this seems to be calming him down. “Are you still DJ-ing?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. My job is still good at the library. I’m happy. I love it here.”

“I only ever wanted you to be happy. I took care of you and made you happy, didn’t I?”

It’s a good thing he can’t see me gag right now. “Yeah, you did.”

“I did what he wanted.”

“You did.”

“Then why did you leave?”

“There were too many memories, Chris. I needed to get out of there.”

“I can never leave here, Cadence. All my memories of you are here.”

That’s creepy as hell but reassuring at the same time. “You shouldn’t have to leave. You love it there. Your work is there. But I’m happy here. Really happy.”

“I should be happy that you’re happy, but I miss you.”

I need to end this. “Hey, Chris. I need to go. I have someone who needs to check out a book, okay?”

“Oh… okay. Come home, please.”

“Bye, Chris.”

“I love you, Cadence. Come home.”

As soon as I set the receiver down, I dry heave and grab the garbage can and then hurl into it until my stomach is completely empty.