Cady

 

I roll to my side, feeling safe. Like I can tell him everything, or at least some things. I still can’t believe that he’s lying next to me or that he loves me or that any of this is real with him. It’s almost too good to be true. “Nobody’s ever really stood up for me like that before. I mean, ever. And it means a lot. I mean, you were really violent, and I hope I never have to see you like that again, and I shouldn’t condone it, but it was nice to know that for once, somebody had my back.”

“I already warned him once, and I’m pissed that he put his hands on you at all, but I’m also pissed at myself for leaving you there before Nik got back. I was so damn ready to get you home I wasn’t thinking clearly. When it comes to you, I’m a bit irrational, and I admit, I took it too far. It wasn’t a big deal, though.” He blows me off, but he needs to know.

“It is to me, Gabriel. You don’t understand.”

The fingers that were wrapped around that jerk’s throat caress my cheek softly and gently. My temple. “Then help me understand. I want to understand everything, Cady.”

I’m afraid at this point what will happen when he finds out who I am.

“My dad.” I clear my throat, just those two words are enough to get me choked up. “After my dad died… I didn’t have anyone to look out for me. Not like that.”

“Sorry, sugar.”

“Thanks. He was… he was the best father a girl could ever imagine. And when I lost him, a huge part of me went with him, and living without him made me realize how much I needed him. It took me a while to realize that… that…”

He palms my jaw. “Realize what, Cady?”

“That I…” I press my lips together. “That I need someone… that I need you.”

“Glad you finally figured out what I’ve been sayin’ all along.” I shiver, and he rubs his hand along my arm. “Are you cold?”

“Yeah.”

He looks around my room. “Do you have another blanket anywhere, we left the other one in my Tahoe?”

“I can get it.”

I start to get up, but he puts a hand on my belly and pushes me back down. “Where is it?”

“In the other room.”

“Need anything else?”

“Just you.”

He rolls his eyes. “Cheesy as hell, woman.” He kisses my forehead. “But I like it.”

“I like you.”

“I love you.” He jumps off the bed and wanders down the hallway.

I throw my arm over my face and giggle at the bliss that is my life and try to remember the last time I was this happy. I can’t believe it’s really happening with him, but it is. I’m with him. I am officially in a relationship with the boy I crushed on as a girl, the man I fantasized about as a woman.

A smile tickles my lips as I roll over, and I’m off on cloud nine somewhere when I realize Gabriel’s been gone for several minutes. “Gabriel.” I call his name. “Did you get lost?”

He doesn’t answer, and a chill makes my stomach clench, and it has nothing to do with being cold. Shit. I throw the covers off and run down the hall, and skid to a stop at my second bedroom. The room that has all my father’s things in it. The one that the door has been closed to.

“What’s your last name?” His back is to me, but I can see he’s holding a photo of me and my father. Shit. Shit.

“Gab—”

He holds up the picture, but he doesn’t need to. I know exactly what’s on that photo down to the color of the carpet. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Hell, like it was this morning. My dad took me into the studio with him, and I sat at the piano, him next to me on the bench, and he taught me how to play. Little did I know, they actually recorded some of the music from that day and it was in one of their songs. “What the fuck is your last name, Cady?”

I swallow, barbs slicing my throat. “I was going to tell you.”

“What. The. Fuck. Isyourlastname?” He whips around and throws the picture. The frame breaks the drywall and falls to the ground, shattering. If it wasn’t for the fact that I know I’m about to lose him, I’d laugh at the symbolism. “Say it.” I jump when he screams. “Tell me!”

“Holiday.”

“You’re Maverick Holiday’s daughter. You’re Cadence.”

When Gabriel first came into my life, I questioned everything when it came to him. I can’t even believe I was so stupid. And right now, I’d give anything to have the time back when I pushed him away because I’m never going to get it back. I’ll never get him back. Now that I’ve had him, now that he’s proven himself to me in all the ways that count, I know without a doubt I can’t lose him even though I just did. “Let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to fucking explain. You lied. You straight up lied to my face this whole time.” I jerk back because it feels like he just slapped me. That stung, but I deserve it.

“Gabriel, please. Please, give me a minute to explain.” I try to keep my voice calm and even because his is so jagged.

“You think you deserve that?”

I nod adamantly. “I do. Just like you had your reasons for not telling me who you were, I have mine for doing the same. After I explain those to you, you can decide.”

“Oh, I can? Can I? I can decide. Is that what I can do, Cadence?” he asks condescendingly.

“Yes, please let me explain.”

He shakes his head and laughs humorlessly, the hollow sound reflecting my soul. “I thought you were worth it. Thought you were real, but now that I know that you straight up deceived me, you made the decision for me. And you made it really fuckin’ easy.” He turns his back to me and heads to the door, but I run to him and grab his arm. No. No, he can’t leave.

He’s so strong he’s dragging me across my wood floor, but the panic in me has me clinging to him, my nails cut into his skin, but I don’t let go. I can’t. I won’t. Not until he listens to me. “Gabriel, wait. Please.”

“Let me go.”

“Gabriel, please. Let me explain.”

I can literally feel his body vibrating. “Let me go.”

“No. Stay. Please. We need to talk.”

“You need to let me the fuck go, Cadence.” There’s so much disdain in his voice it makes me sick. If it wasn’t for the knot in my throat that’s restricting the air from coming or going to my lungs, I’d surely vomit right now.

I stand strong and hold tight, refusing to give up on him, on us. But he reaches for the doorknob with his other hand. I don’t let go because I can’t lose him. I just can’t. “Don’t leave.” He puts one foot in front of the next.

“Let go, Cady.”

“No.”

“Let go.”

“No.”

“Fuckin’ let me go!” He turns so fast that my fingers lose their grip and his forearm crashes into my stomach. I fly backward, reaching out to grab something but only touching air. I collide with the table, and the back of my head hits something, the thud of my skull connecting piercing the silence. “Jesus shit. Fuck. Shit.” He’s in front of me on the floor before I even open my eyes, and his hands are shaking but for a different reason than unrestrained fury like a second ago.

I blink, but the stars don’t go away, so it almost looks like his head is framed by a halo.

“God, God. Are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… fuck. Are you hurt?” His voice sounds all echoey amidst the buzzing in my ears.

I don’t want to shake my head. “No. I’m fine.”

“You are not fuckin’ fine. You just went flyin’ across the fucking room. Jesus fuck. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.” He reaches for me and lifts me into his arms, and I hold on. Tight. Clarity begins to take shape again.

“That wasn’t your fault. I’m fine. Just a little dazed.” I reach back and wince when I touch a goose egg on the back of my head.

He ignores me and stomps down the hall to my bedroom and gently lays me on the bed. “I’ll be back with ice.”

“I don’t need—” I don’t even try to stop him because he’s on a mission and already out the door. I take a moment to close my eyes and regain my bearings. I’m honestly not hurt. Maybe a little on the back of my head, but otherwise, I’m fine. More startled. I knew he was strong, but I had no idea he could toss me across the room with one hand. Not that he did it on purpose.

Gabriel comes back with a baggie of ice and a kitchen towel. After he wraps it up, he hands it to me, his breaths releasing in a series of sharp pants, and to appease him, I apply it on the back of my head. “Gab—”

“Don’t.” He cuts me off. His jaw is tight, muscles clenching in his cheeks. The pulse in his neck pounds excessively, so rapidly that I’m afraid he’s going to have a heart attack, and his eyes, haunted and angry and darker than I’ve ever seen them, stare at my face. “Just don’t.”

“You don’t even know—”

“It doesn’t matter. Just shut up and go to sleep.”

I swallow the acid that’s bubbled up my throat from my stomach. “I’m not tired, and we need to talk.”

“We will later. Sleep.”

He starts to stand, and instinctually, I reach out and grab his arm. His body becomes a sculpture, still and hard and ice cold. I drop it, and he hangs his head. He settles into the mattress, his hands rest on either side of his thighs on my bed, fisted quilt bunched up around his white-knuckled fingers. I watch him. But he doesn’t look at me.

His breath is even now, but harsh.

His jaw clamped tight.

“That won’t ever happen again.” He barely whispers the words.

“It wasn’t on purpose, and it was my fault.”

“It’ll never happen again,” he vows, and I simply nod even though he’s not looking at me.

I don’t know what he’s thinking. Or why. I want to ask, want to make him listen to me, but he won’t. Not now. So I wait.

I need to tell him about my dad. I have to explain why I kept it from him. I’m trying to rehearse what I’m going to say, and I repeat it over and over in my head so I don’t forget the minutest detail. But like I’m counting sheep, the repetition becomes tiring, and eventually, my eyes become heavy, and I can no longer keep them open.

And when I wake up some hours later, all the lights are on, but Gabriel is gone.