Living in the real world, as opposed to an idealized one, is generally felt to be a good thing. However, this may not always be the case. In this section we will look at the pros and cons of realism, to help you decide when it is better to face facts and when it is better to put them to one side.
Numerous studies have found that optimists have an unrealistically positive view of themselves and an exaggerated perception of the amount of control they have over events, and that their high hopes for the future are often unfounded. They believe that they are more likely than other people to experience positive events and less likely to experience negative events. Although distorted, these “positive illusions” help make optimists happier, healthier, more willing to take on challenges and better able to deal with setbacks.
Sometimes not facing reality in the short term may act as a valuable defence mechanism. For example, people who are diagnosed with a life-threatening disease often refuse to accept the diagnosis at first. This gives them the time subconsciously to process the information, to gather themselves and to approach the situation at their own speed. Temporary denial can help us to function in stressful situations by reducing paralyzing anxiety.
In contrast, too much realism can lead to fatalism, helplessness (see p.32) and depression (see pp.106–9). Depressive realism is the tendency of depressed people to see things as they really are. It is a “wiser but sadder” approach – people who are depressed may make more accurate judgments, but the stark clarity of their outlook is one of the things that makes them unhappy.
Of course, there are times when an unrealistically optimistic attitude can be dangerous. Unbridled optimism is unsuitable in situations where you risk paying a very high emotional or physical price if you fail. For example, if you were so positive that you were going to win the lottery that you sold your house and your car, and borrowed large sums of money, to pay for lottery tickets, then the cost of failing to win would be high indeed.
It may seem perverse, but at times such as these, when we have to assess the risks involved in different courses of action, we may benefit from strategic, controlled use of pessimistic thinking. In her book The Positive Power of Negative Thinking (2001), psychologist Julie Norem labels this positive use of pessimistic thinking as “defensive pessimism”. Norem stresses that defensive pessimists, because they choose to think in this way, are completely different from instinctive pessimists who dwell on unhappy events and believe that nothing will ever go well for them.
Defensive pessimism can be particularly useful when you are feeling anxious in the face of a challenge. At such a time your expectations of success may be low, but you can increase your confidence by preempting what might go wrong and preparing a contingency plan for the worst-case scenario. This strategy helps you to manage your anxiety and perform at your best.
Defensive pessimism doesn’t work for everybody. Non-anxious people tend to use what Norem terms “strategic optimism”. They protect themselves from anxiety by expecting the best and refusing to let a sense of reality remind them what might go wrong – an approach that might feel uncomfortable for someone who tends toward anxiety and might cause his or her performance to suffer.
The beauty of defensive pessimism is that you can decide when to use it. When facing a challenge, weigh up what you risk losing against what you stand to gain. Use defensive pessimism when the stakes are high and strategic optimism when the risk is something you can live with.