There’s a new cowgirl in town! Irish and Mallory Sutton welcomed a baby girl into the world, and Grandma Ellen reports both mother and daughter are healthy and happy. She wouldn’t tell us the baby’s name, but if you stop by the taproom and congratulate the new dad, our resident cowboy just might tell you! Congratulations, Sutton Family!
—Stonefield Gazette Facebook Page
Something had changed in Callan since Mallory’d had her baby. She’d seen a look on his face when they were in the hospital that she’d seen before—when she was holding Becca at the wedding breakfast.
Becca and Leeza were very real and visible reminders of the thing Callan wanted most, and that Molly wouldn’t give him. And she knew the clock had started ticking in earnest on their couple charade. But one of her most useful, if also most self-sabotaging, skills was her ability to put something out of her mind to think about another day. Usually that another day didn’t come until whatever the unpleasant thing was became a crisis. If she really thought about it, she knew better, but it often happened on a subconscious level.
She’d been shoving thoughts of her impending heartbreak down as much as possible, but Leeza’s birth seemed to have driven the truth of their situation home, and Callan wasn’t hiding it well.
“You’re very quiet tonight,” she said, stroking his hair in that way that made him purr. They were on his couch in the living room that was finally finished, including the new furniture that had finally been delivered.
“Sorry. I’m a little tired and I was just lost in thought, I guess. Not any particular thoughts, I guess, other than it’s nice to have my living room put back together and a couch made in this century.”
Molly was pretty sure he wasn’t being totally honest with her. He might have spared a thought or two about his living room, but he had something much more serious on his mind. But because she was afraid she knew what it might be and that kicked her into avoidance mode, she didn’t call him on it.
Instead, she stroked his hair and tried to pay attention to the show they were watching. It was some FBI series or something he’d been watching for years and she’d gladly offered to watch it with him, though she had no idea what was happening. But she tried to follow it just to give her mind something to do other than obsessing about Callan’s thoughts.
She didn’t have to wonder about where his thoughts had roamed to when the hand that was resting on her thigh started making slow circles heading north. And she had to admit she found it flattering when he pulled her into his arms for a thorough kiss.
When he led her into the almost finished bedroom, Molly managed to forget her concerns for a little while. Callan’s hands and mouth were very good at distracting her, and he certainly knew how to make good use of them.
But there was something different between them even in bed. There was a shadow in his expression when he gazed into her eyes. His touch lingered, as though he was memorizing her body. She wasn’t sure what any of it meant, but she had to reach between their bodies and stroke herself in order to find release.
When Callan’s orgasm had passed, he collapsed on top of her, but instead of burying his face in her hair as he often did, he pressed kisses to her cheek and her jaw before kissing her shoulder.
Minutes later, when she tried to slide out of bed, he stirred. “Are you staying tonight?”
She did sometimes, but she didn’t want to tonight. The vibe was off in ways she couldn’t quite nail down and she would never go to sleep. She’d lie awake all night, replaying every word and every look, trying to find the key to the change in his mood and trying to find a way to get back what they’d had.
“I can’t. I have an early morning, so I need to take care of a few things tonight. But maybe we’ll do coffee.”
“I’ll text you,” he mumbled, almost asleep again.
After putting her clothes back on—as tempting as it was to just sprint the very short distance to her door and hope for the best—she turned off his lights and locked his door behind her.
If she was going to lie awake wondering what was going on with Callan, at least she could do it in her own bed so he could get some sleep.
For the first time in their friendship, Callan wasn’t in the mood to answer Rome’s call. He was too busy feeling sorry for himself, and his best friend was way too perceptive. He’d end up having to talk about his feelings and he didn’t want to do that. It was painful enough without speaking the words.
But wallowing wasn’t good for him, so he hit the button and actually felt his spirits lift when Rome’s face filled the screen.
“Callan, what the hell? You look like shit.”
Well, that didn’t last long. “Thanks, Rome.”
“What’s going on? You don’t have the flu or something, do you?”
He really looked that bad? “No, I’m not sick. I didn’t get enough sleep last night. That’s all.”
“For all the right reasons?”
“Not really, no.” Resigned to talking about it, he leaned back in his chair with a heavy sigh. “I let it go too far.”
“The fake dating’s not going well?”
“It’s going too well. That’s the problem. It sure as hell isn’t going to feel fake when I tell her it’s over.”
“And that’s where you are?”
“I think so. I mean, everything at the library is better than I could have imagined. I’m not nervous about my job or my place in the community anymore, which means every day we continue the charade, it’s simply because we want to and it becomes less of a charade.”
Rome nodded his understanding. “What’s going to happen when you stage your breakup?”
“People have gotten to know me and everybody seems comfortable with me in the library. I don’t think it’s going to be a problem anymore.”
“But if everybody loves Molly so much, won’t you become the villain of the story?”
Callan snorted. “Couples break up. It’s a thing that happens and very rarely does anybody get run out of town on a rail.”
“You got into this mess because you were worried about that town’s perception of you, but now you seem pretty cavalier about it.”
“As I said, they’ve gotten to know me now, and that was the whole point. Plus we’re past the probationary period, so I feel a lot more secure about my job.”
“It would be one thing if it was a couple of weeks. You go on a few dates. People see you with her. Still ridiculous, but I can see that.”
“The whole idea was that I be in a committed relationship,” Callan reminded him.
“Exactly. You’ve been in this so-called committed relationship for almost two months, plus however long you were supposed to have been talking online. You’re a couple to all of them, and the longer you go on thinking so, the more they have expectations you two are the real deal. And the breakup will be that much of a bigger deal.” Rome leaned back in his chair and shook his head. “And then you’ll be the villain and single and ready to find a new woman, which brings you right back to where you started.”
Tough love was one thing, but Rome was really starting to annoy him. “I won’t be back where I started. I’ve gotten the chance to show them I’m a good guy, and a big part of it will be that they won’t have to rally around Molly because she won’t be heartbroken and moping around Stonefield. Now some guy’s wife going into the library where I’m working won’t be any different than going into the market or the hardware store or anywhere else a guy’s working.”
“Okay.” It was clear from Rome’s expression he didn’t totally buy it, but he wasn’t going to get anywhere.
“And what if we don’t?” Callan asked before he thought about whether or not he should say the words aloud.
Rome tilted his head. “What if you don’t what?”
“Break up.”
“Callan. Dude. I swear if I wasn’t flying to Japan the day after tomorrow, I’d get in my car and head to New Hampshire right now. What are you doing?”
Callan swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. “I told you it’s not fake anymore, Rome, and I meant it. It hasn’t been for a long time. I’m madly in love with Molly.”
To his friend’s credit, he didn’t react right away. Rome thought about it for a few moments, but when the lines of his face softened, Callan knew he didn’t really want to hear what Rome had to say.
“There’s a part of me that’s so happy for you, Callan. I want nothing but happiness for you, and she clearly makes you happy. But you already know—since you are the one who told me—that the happiness won’t last. You’re the one who said not having kids would eventually poison your relationship with her and you’re not wrong, no matter how much you want to be.”
“I don’t want to give her up.” There would be an emptiness in his life where she should be, and he couldn’t imagine anybody else ever filling that space.
“Then you give up on having kids.”
Callan scrubbed his hands over his face. “A family’s all I’ve ever wanted. I can’t.”
“Then it’s time,” Rome said gently. “And it has nothing to do with people’s expectations. The longer you let this go on, the worse that pain you’re feeling right now is going to get.”