Beth could feel Torres behind her, but she kept walking, she refused to turn around. She needed to get to the hotel, with any luck Zayat would be waiting for her. She increased her speed, taking wider steps.
“Beth,” he rasped.
She didn’t turn around. This was her case. She was almost there, no thanks to him, or Jessop or Patterson.
“What did you say to him?”
“Go home, Torres. You’re not needed here.”
He grabbed her and spun her around. She didn’t fight him, physically she was overpowered and she needed to save all the energy she had for what was going to happen next. “I said to go home. I don’t want you here. I don’t need you. I never did.” She bit the words out.
His dark eyes narrowed. “What did you say to him?” he asked again.
“None of your God damned business.”
“What did you say to him?” he demanded again. His posture was rigid; everything about him had changed, turning him into the cold-blooded killer she had trained, the man that scared her. But she wasn’t afraid any more. Torres couldn’t hurt her any more than he already had.
“I persuaded him to see things my way. That’s what we do isn’t it? Persuade people, bend rules; break laws. We’re good at that. Both of us.”
Torres ran a hand through his dark hair. It was longer now than when she had recruited him six years ago. He was a soldier then, now he was just a hired killer. “What did you do?” The accusation was clear.
She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll tell you what I didn’t do. I didn’t get anybody killed. But the day is young. Ask me again in the morning.”
He shook his head. “What happened to you, Beth? This isn’t you. I know you’re hurting but this isn’t you.”
She laughed bitterly. “You know fuck all about who I am.” She pulled her arm away and kept walking. He was two steps behind her but he didn’t try to stop her.
She slid her key into the door. “Go home, Torres. I won’t be needing your services again. Nobody needs killed. If I need a body shoved in a barrel or a sibling murdered, I’ll call you.”
“Are you done?”
She spun to face him. “With you? Yes. I’ve been done for a while. I just wish I would have been done a hell of a lot sooner.” She slammed the door shut but his foot prevented her from closing it completely.
“Keep going, Gatita. Let it all out. What else you got?”
She clenched her hands into fists. She pushed against the door but it wouldn’t budge. “Stupid mother fucker.” Her body shook with rage and unspent adrenaline. He shouldn’t be here. Asshole!
“Yeah I am. What else you got?”
“Go away. You have ten seconds and then I’m calling security.”
Half his face rose in a smirk. “Really, that’s the best you can do? Security?”
“FUCK YOU!”
“Mouth like a sailor on shore leave.” He shook his head. “Tell me what you said, and I’ll leave. Unless of course you want me to stay.”
Beth pounded her fist against the wooden paneled door. “You don’t speak Arabic, I could tell you I ordered a steak and you wouldn’t know the difference. So just go to hell.”
“I would know the difference. I know your face when you lie.”
Beth took a deep breath. It took all her energy not to scream. “Shame I don’t know what your face looks like when you’re lying or I would have known Paige was murdered because of you.”
“What did you tell Zayat?” He spoke slowly, his deep voice like acid.
“I told him we have his eight-year-old son.”
The muscles in Torres’ jaw contracted as he ground his teeth. He shook his head and swore. “You didn’t.” Incredulity laced his words.
“I did. We picked him up at his school this morning.”
“Who is we?” he demanded. Through his crisp shirt, she saw his muscles grow taut, ready to strike.
Beth forced herself to look him square on. “You’re a smart man. Figure it out.”
Torres shook his head again. Under his dark tan, his colour drained. “Fuck, Beth. What have you done?”
“What have I done?!” she screamed. Did he really just ask her that?
Torres pushed the door open. She tried to keep him out but he was in in seconds. He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Beth, this isn’t you. I know you’re hurting. I know you hate me but don’t do this. There are lines you can’t cross. If you do, there is no coming back.”
“Was getting my sister killed, one of those lines?”
A dark sadness pulled on his full mouth. “Beth, becoming one of them, won’t make it better. It’s not going to bring her back or make it hurt any less.”
Beth smiled and this time it felt entirely natural. “Really, because I’m feeling a hell of a lot better already. Go home, Torres.”
“This isn’t you. Stop and think about what you’re doing.”
His fingers bit into her shoulders. But she refused to cry out and let him know it hurt. She wouldn’t give him that power. “I’m doing my job, Torres. I’m finding El Escorpion so this can be over.”
“When it’s over, you will still have to live with yourself. Remember that. This case is a small part of your life. You will have to live with yourself forever.”
She scrubbed her hands over her face. “Don’t worry about me. Look at you. You have no problem dealing with your body count. What are you up to now if you include my sister?”
“Beth, where is he? Where’s the boy?” he demanded, ignoring her question.
“Why do you care? Do you think the Treintas gave a shit when they murdered Moses Archila or when they ambushed Alejandra’s family and very nearly killed her? Or when they decapitated my sister? Did they give a fuck about any of them?” Beth screamed.
“That’s your answer. To become one of them.” The disgust was clear on his face.
How dare he be disgusted with her? “Don’t you mean one of you? You’re one of them. Don’t forget that, Torres. I never will.”
“He is a child.”
“Like my child.”
“Your child. You mean our child. The one I adopted.”
“No, I mean my child. The one they tried to kill. I am protecting her. Someone has to.”
He shook his again. “Stop it, Beth. Don’t be this person.”
“This is me! Don’t you get it?! This is me. This is who I’ve become. Just fuck off, Torres. I don’t need you. I got this.”
His strong fingers were still biting into her shoulders. She would be bruised in the morning. If it weren’t for the adrenaline she would cry out. “Where is Zayat’s son?”
“He’s fine. He’s in a hotel somewhere in England eating Happy Meals and playing video games. I wouldn’t hurt an innocent person. I’m not you.” Her words were meant to inflict maximum pain and push him away once and for all. He needed to leave. She couldn’t do this with him here. She needed to stay focused. She was almost there.
“And what if Zayat doesn’t take the bait?”
Beth shook her head. “It’s his son. Of course he will.”
“What if he doesn’t? What then? You going to cut parts off the kid and send them to Zayat for an incentive? Is that your plan? That’s the road you’ve gone down. You going to fully commit? Maybe start with a finger? You want to be one of them, one of us,” he corrected. His mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “That’s what we’d do. You ready for that, Beth?”
She squeezed her clenched fists until they shook. “Zayat will play ball. I made sure of that.”
“No, you kidnapped a child. You broke the law, and probably ruined your career. And his.” The heat from his dark eyes bore down, accusing her.
He was talking about Patterson. He still couldn’t say his name. “You care about Patterson now?” She scoffed. “Why do you give a fuck about his career?”
“I give a fuck that you don’t care about anyone any more. I give a fuck about this person I’ve seen you become. I give a fuck that our children won’t have a mother because you’ll be in jail.”
Beth pulled away with a frantic tug. “Mine!” she screamed. “Mine. Alejandra is my daughter. This,” Beth pointed to her stomach. “This is my problem. I’ll deal with it. It’s nothing to do with you any more.”
“Your problem? My babies are a problem to deal with? What the hell are you saying?” he demanded. Rage roiled below his tight features. She had seen this anger before once, when he attacked Patterson. She fought the urge to run. She wouldn’t be intimidated by anyone.
She didn’t answer him. She couldn’t. She didn’t know what she was saying, what she was thinking. She couldn’t think now, not about this. She had a job to do.
His eyes narrowed. Rage distorted his features. Every muscle in his huge body contracted, became impossibly hard; a solid wall of hatred and animosity.
She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. This was what she wanted, she reminded herself, for him to leave. If he hated her he would leave. “I will deal with it when I get back. Just go.” It took considerable effort to deliver the words without emotion. A bolt of ice ran the length of her spine. She heard what she was saying, and it was ugly.
Torres shook his head. The anger in his face gave way to sadness. “I forgave you for everything. For Patterson, for the lies, but not this. I won’t forgive you, Gatita. You need to know that. There is no going back. Those are my children, no matter what. I don’t even care if they come out looking like that asshole, they can be the whitest children in Texas, and I won’t even blink because they are mine. You are mine.” He shook his head.
She tried to swallow but she couldn’t. Her mind screamed. He thought she was going to have an abortion. The thought of it made her stomach cramp. Abortion. She had never considered it. Ever. Even when she was hunched on the tiles vomiting, praying it was a false positive, she never once considered an abortion. She couldn’t. In a vague hypothetical way she was pro-choice, but this wasn’t a hypothetical, these were her children.
Realization struck her hard between her shoulder blades. She knew what she needed to say, to make him leave. She closed her eyes. She couldn’t look at him when she spoke. “There won’t be any babies. So don’t worry about it, Torres. You’re free.” The lie was like acid in her mouth.
Torres took a step back. His jaw dropped. The pain was clear. But so was the disgust. She focused on that, because seeing him hurt was too much, even now, after everything.
“Think about what you’re saying, Beth. There’s no going back, not this time. Not from this.” His voice cracked under the strain of emotion.
She bit into her lip. She needed the pain to focus her. He had to leave. “It’s over, Torres. I’m sure. I don’t want any reminder of you, of us.”
And then he was gone.
She stared at the closed door not able to move. He was gone.
A tidal wave of nausea hit her. She ran to the bathroom. Her knees hit the checkered tiles just in time. She threw up. Once, twice…over and over until she could not keep track. Nothing came up but her gut continued to spasm. She couldn’t breathe. The room spun. Her vision tunneled, the periphery clouded and then went completely black. She held on to the toilet to steady herself. Oh God. “I’m sorry,” she cried into the empty room. “I’m sorry.” She had made so many mistakes; hurt so many people. Bad guys, she remembered the words of her daughter, she caught bad guys. Beth bit her lip to keep it from trembling, but it didn’t help.
Was Beth one of the bad guys too? Oh God, she was.
She closed her eyes and pushed the thought down as far as she could but it kept pushing back.
When? When did it happen? When she manipulated Torres into joining the DEA? When she slept with Patterson? When she put her mom in a home? When she stopped giving a fuck about anything beyond this case?
She rubbed the gentle swell of her belly. “I’m sorry,” she said again but there was nobody left to hear.