Chapter Forty-one

Back at La Fonda, Jack was still too wired and disturbed to go to bed. He left the hotel, walked over to the square, and sat down on a bench, the cold wind cutting through him.

He'd thought the case would be simple. He'd thought he'd clear it up quickly and, meanwhile, his son would be just fine with Wade. Kevin. His only son. Almost killed and who knew what psychological damage had been done by the freaking lunatic librarian and her homicidal husband.

And the whole time all that was happening, Wade was telling him that everything was just great.

“He's getting home a little late with the library lady. Other than that, everything's great. Don't you worry about a thing, Jackie.”

What had ever convinced Jack that he could trust Kevin with Wade?

If Jack himself was a fuckup who only bluffed and staggered his way through cases, what was Wade?

A bigger fuckup, that was for sure.

And yet Jack had somehow convinced himself that it was fine for his dad to take care of his son.

How could he have talked himself into that?

Because he was just like his dad. A selfish bastard who put himself and his needs first. Not that he didn't love Kevin. He was crazy about him. But deep down he had to admit it. He didn't want the boy to get in the way of his adventurous life.

He felt a hot jolt of self-hatred sweep over him. He was a selfish adrenaline junkie. He put his love for a woman like Michelle in front of his own son.

He felt such a self-loathing that he wanted to blow his own brains out.

But that wasn't the way.

He had to think of Kevin first. Forget Michelle. Break whatever hold she had on him. She had helped him once, true, but this had to be the end. She had almost sacrificed her own sister to do what she wanted.

He had to realize that basically she was no good. His son needed him and that was it.

But even now, thinking of her hurt.

There was something deeply lonely inside of him, something that Michelle identified and sympathized with.

He thought of his time with her. The feelings he had just looking at her. Intensely sexual, of course, but something more important as well.

He felt like they completed one another. That both of them had grown up lonely and desperate. But when they were together they were fulfilled. Whole. One.

And this time he had almost been sure that she felt the same way.

But that was another lie.

She had tricked him again.

It could never happen again. No matter what happened in this crazy goddamned life, he must always put Kevin first. Michelle was history.

His son was his life. To hell with everything else. Silently, he made that pledge to Kevin and himself.

Exhausted, Jack stood up from the bench and headed for the hotel and, if possible, sleep.