Alex felt the bottom fall out of his world. Up until this moment he had had no doubt Olivia would come around and have his baby.
She was staring at him with pain-filled eyes.
He was shaken to the core by that look, by her words. “Tell me.”
She swallowed hard. “I had an ectopic pregnancy when I was married to Eric,” she began, and something turned inside Alex at the thought of Olivia pregnant to another man. Something fierce and primal rose in his throat. Something he firmly pushed aside.
“My tubes were damaged…irreparably.” She took a deep breath. “So it’s not that I won’t have your child, Alex. It’s that I can’t.”
He heard every word she said, but he still had to ask, “You’re sure there’s nothing to be done?”
She frowned. “The doctor did say it was highly unlikely rather than never.” She gave a dismissive shake of her head. “But he was just being kind. He meant never. I know he did.”
Alex’s heart started to race. “Was he a specialist?”
“No.”
“So there’s still some chance?”
She swallowed. “Not really. I was told at the hospital that the damage was too extensive. I have no need to question that.”
He wasn’t so sure. Doctors weren’t infallible. Hospitals made mistakes. But he’d let that be for now.
“Does your mother know all this?”
Her eyes softened. “Yes, and she was a great help when I needed her. She surprised me.”
“I’m glad.” His estimation of Felicia rose. Thank God Olivia had had someone to help her through it all.
Her lips gave a wry twist. “Unfortunately, Mum thinks it’s like in the movies and that it’s all going to magically right itself.”
His brow furrowed. “Does she give you a hard time about it?”
“Not at all. We usually don’t mention it. But I know she still hopes to be a grandmother one day.” Her eyes moistened and she blinked rapidly. “I wish I could give her that grandchild but I can’t.”
Emotion swelled inside him and he wanted to pull Olivia into his arms and comfort her, but suddenly he needed to get out or risk being the one who needed comfort. His chest felt tight with a strange anguish.
He quickly got up from the table. “Thank you for telling me, Olivia. I have to go out now.” He needed thinking time.
Alone.
“Yes,” she said, as if she understood.
He strode to the door and quietly left the suite, not knowing where he was going until he walked into the bar downstairs. He wanted to get blind drunk and forget the pain rioting through him.
Dammit, he wasn’t used to feeling so much, so deeply. Usually he managed to keep everything under control but that was difficult when it was in his face like this. He didn’t like feeling so vulnerable where Olivia was concerned, so weak and so bloody powerless.
And he wasn’t just thinking about himself either. He was thinking of Olivia. And, hell, he hadn’t even begun to think about the problem of an heir and his inheritance.
Okay, so he’d decided from the start that he wasn’t letting his father force him into producing a child. Yet all at once he felt guilty on his brothers’ behalf. And that was crazy. Why feel bad when he’d had no intention of fulfilling the second part of the ultimatum anyway? His brothers hadn’t known about any of it, but they wouldn’t have expected him to sacrifice himself for them on the marriage altar, let alone add a baby to the mix.
Bloody hell. This was worse than worse.
A couple of hours later, Alex returned to their hotel room, not drunk but wishing he was. It would be such a welcome state to be in right now.
All was quiet as he slipped quietly into the darkened bedroom and started to strip off his clothes. He could see Olivia’s shape beneath the blankets and didn’t want to wake her. Perhaps the jetlag had caught up with her. He wanted her to get as much sleep as she could.
“You don’t have to sleep with me, Alex,” she said in the hushed stillness. “I’ll understand if you want to go to the other room.”
He swore softly and slid into bed naked. “I’m your husband. I intend to sleep beside my wife.”
“Temporary wife,” she pointed out, but he could hear an odd catch of pleasure in her throat.
He pulled her up close against him and let his lips brush her temple. “I’ll arrange for you to see a specialist. We need a second opinion.”
“But, Alex, what’s the use?”
His arms tightened around her. “We need to do this. Just to be sure, okay?”
“I guess so.”
“Now shh,” he murmured, then kissed her cheek before hovering over her mouth. He wanted to ease her pain and the only way he knew how was for them to find release in each other.
He began to make long, slow love to her. She was soft and warm, and her welcoming body certainly made him forget everything but the moment.
But when he reached for a condom, she put her hand out and stopped him. “No need for that, Alex,” she murmured. “Not anymore.”
He swallowed hard. “No?”
She shook her head and a lump rose in his throat. She was showing him that even though they might see a specialist for a second opinion, she would have been willing to have his child if it had been at all possible.
He brought her to orgasm, letting himself fall into the same climax with her, joining with her. It was the most incredible experience. And the most moving.
Olivia was glad when a couple of public relations staff members joined them on their private jet to New York the next day. It gave her the chance to avoid any further intimate conversations with Alex.
Heaven knows, they’d been intimate enough last night. It had been wonderful to feel Alex inside her without the use of a condom. Up until now she hadn’t been able to suggest he not use one or he’d have had to ask why.
Now he knew.
But today there was just something in his eyes that made her anxious. She didn’t want him getting his hopes up about having a baby. It had taken her quite a while to come to terms with it herself. The last thing she wanted was to see him going through the same thing.
He probably just wanted to make sure for his father’s sake. Oh, she knew Alex would see the game through now that he had made a commitment to her. He wouldn’t go back on his word, not until the year was over anyway. But once her time was up, he’d have to ditch her and find another wife. It was the way it had to be, she told herself, her chest tightening at the thought of him with another woman.
Of another woman having his baby.
Oh God. Somehow she had to refuse to get upset over that. This had been a business deal and it wasn’t as if she had really meant anything to him, despite them sharing these weeks together. It was just the way it was. Yes, it was personal but it wasn’t as though they were in love with each other and needed a baby to seal their love.
No, they were lovers.
And sometimes friends, that’s all.
The plane landed and the next week went blessedly fast in such a whirlwind of functions and appearances that neither of them had time to think.
The launch of Valente’s Woman was a huge success. In some stores the crowds were lined up out the doors to be able to buy their bottle of the expensive perfume. It helped that her mother—bless her—had asked her celebrity friends to drop in at some of the stores and that in turn created a buzz that set the customers clamoring for more.
Everyone was pleased.
Of the specialist appointment, Alex said nothing.
On their last day in New York, one of her ex-stepfathers suddenly appeared at a cocktail party.
“Olivia, darling,” Randall Markham said, coming up to give her a kiss on the cheek.
Olivia looked at the man in stunned surprise. Randall had been her favorite of her two stepfathers. And he was the only one who’d remained good friends with her mother.
“Randall! What are you doing here?” she said, giving him a hug.
“Spying on you, of course, darling,” he joked, keeping an old joke between them alive.
Olivia smiled genuinely for the first time in days. “You’ll never convince me that my mother didn’t pay you to come to my first fashion show.” Olivia had been so nervous she’d banned her mother from attending. But Randall had come. Nothing had dissuaded him.
“She didn’t, I swear,” Randall teased, then his eyes slid to Alex beside her in a considering manner. “And this is your next husband, I presume?”
Olivia was aware of the tightening of Alex’s mouth. He obviously didn’t like being thought of as a “next” husband.
But she nodded and pasted a happily married smile on her face. “Yes, this is Alex.” She introduced the two men. “Alex, this is Randall. One of my stepfathers.”
“Ex-stepfathers,” Randall pointed out, shaking Alex’s hand. “I was the rich, handsome one.”
Alex appeared to relax. “Obviously.”
Randall turned to look at Olivia. “Unfortunately, I’m not rich anymore.” He sighed. “As much as I still love your mother,” he said in an exaggerated fashion, “she absolutely took me to the cleaners.”
Olivia suddenly felt uneasy. She didn’t want Randall saying too much in front of Alex.
“Thank heavens she didn’t ruin my looks,” he said in a manner that seemed ludicrous because he wasn’t joking. “And thank heavens she has you to pay off her debts now,” he said, sending dismay through Olivia. “I’ve told her to get another husband but she won’t.”
Olivia felt Alex stiffen beside her. “Randall, how is Cybil?” she said to change the subject.
“Fine, darling. She’s doing a show on Broadway. That’s why we’re here in New York. That and to see our first granddaughter.”
Olivia knew that Randall had no idea of the pain his words caused her. She had lost her baby after he’d divorced her mother and Felicia hadn’t shared that news with him. Her mother had never believed she wouldn’t have a child so she probably didn’t think of it as an issue.
She forced a smile. “Shari has a baby? How old is she?” It nearly killed her to ask.
“Just a couple of months and she’s a little darling,” Randall said, then went on to sing the praises of his first grandchild.
Olivia could see the glint of anger at the back of Alex’s eyes. Oh, why had Randall said anything about her mother’s debts? She didn’t need this right now.
After that, they spoke of other things, then they kissed goodbye and promised to meet up another time. All the while Olivia could feel Alex’s anger seeping through, despite his outwardly calm manner.
He said nothing until the function had finished and they were back in their hotel suite. Then, “Something else you didn’t bother to tell me?” he said, an edge to his voice.
She played for time as she placed her purse down. “What do you mean?”
Irritation flared in his eyes. “The money I gave you to marry me paid for your mother’s debts, didn’t it?”
She inclined her head. “Some of the money did, yes. The rest helped pay off my own business debts.” She frowned, pretending ignorance. “You have an issue with that?”
His gaze sliced over her. “I have an issue with you not telling me things.”
Her chin lifted as her heart sank. “You mean about my infertility, right?”
For a moment his face closed up. “Yes,” he muttered. Then his mouth tightened. “And now this. I feel I don’t know you at all.”
“You don’t know me, Alex. If you did, you’d know that there are some things I like to keep private, just as there are some things you like to keep private.” She paused deliberately. “Such as the fact that your father expects you to father a child.”
A momentary look of discomfort crossed his face, then he gave a jerky nod. “Point taken.”
“Good.”
“Just tell me one thing,” he fired back at her. “Are there any other surprises I should know about?”
“No.” She started to walk away. She’d had enough. They were tired and their nerves were stretched and this wasn’t a good time to discuss anything further.
He blew out a breath. “It comes down to trust again, doesn’t it?” he said, stopping her in her tracks. “You married me, but you didn’t trust me about your mother’s money problems. You thought I might let it leak to the media and make some publicity out of it.”
It was all true.
Every word.
She sighed. “The point is that I married you, Alex. You must’ve had some sort of redeeming quality about you, though for the life of me right now I can’t see what it is. I’m entitled to my privacy.”
His eyes shuttered then he turned and poured himself a drink. “Go to bed, Olivia. I’ll come in later.”
Sometime during the night, Olivia was aware of Alex coming to bed. She’d been half-asleep, but now she held her breath, waiting for him to pull her close.
Only he didn’t.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice low and rough.
Silence fell in the darkness. This was the last thing she expected him to say. “Thank you.”
And then he rolled onto his side, his back to her, and promptly went to sleep.
Olivia lay there for ages, listening to his breathing, a sense of hopelessness filling her. They were destined to be childless and that meant they were destined to be divorced. It was just a matter of time.
Alex had gone when she woke up and only the crumpled blankets on the other side of the bed told her he’d been there. Heavy-hearted, she drew on her silk bathrobe and walked out into the living room, fully expecting it to be empty.
But Alex was just placing the telephone back in its cradle. He glanced up when he heard her. “That was the specialist. He said he can see you later this morning.”
She missed a step. “Wh-what? So soon?”
His jaw tensed. “We need to have it confirmed once and for all.”
She quickly gathered her thoughts together. “You need to, Alex. I don’t need to know at all.”
His gaze softened as he came toward her. “Olivia, don’t you want to know? Really?”
Panic stirred in her chest. “No.”
He stopped in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “You’re scared. I understand, but isn’t it best to know?”
Easy for him to say, she thought cynically. He’d drop her once he knew for sure and go make a new life for himself. While she…
She shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just wait and see what happens in a few years. Who knows? I might marry again and find myself pregnant and that will be a bonus,” she said, letting him know he wasn’t the only one capable of getting on with his life.
He pressed his lips together and gave her a little shake. “The only person you’re going to get pregnant to will be me, Olivia.”
His words warmed her but she knew it wasn’t fair to let him get his hopes up. “Alex, look—”
He sighed and dropped his hands away. “Olivia, I won’t force you into this. The choice is yours.”
She stared at him and all at once realized he really needed to know. She wanted to believe it was about them as a couple, but she knew it was about the baby.
Okay, so for him she would do it. Otherwise he would always wonder. And perhaps after this he would be able to move on.
From her.
“Okay, Alex,” she said quietly. “I’ll do it.”
His brows drew together. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she said with mild exasperation.
He fixed her with a candid gaze. “Right. Go get dressed. I need to make a few phone calls then I’ll be ready to come with you. We have an hour.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You’re coming with me?”
He looked surprised by the question. “Of course. Just try and stop me.”
Oh heavens. If she wasn’t careful she was going to get all weepy.
She cleared her throat. “Thank you, Alex. It’s just that Eric…” How did she say this politely? “He never…bothered.”
“The bastard,” Alex spat, his expression clouding in anger. After a second or two, his anger seemed to cool a little. “Well, I’m different. We’re in this together, Olivia.”
Her throat felt so tight with emotion, she could only nod.
“Now go get dressed,” Alex said, turning away and reaching for the phone, but his voice sounded a little unsteady.
Olivia fled the room before she broke down altogether. It was easier being strong when she didn’t think too hard about things, but have someone give her sympathy and she would probably turn into an emotional wreck.
Once they arrived at the hospital the specialist spoke to both her and Alex, then she was given a private room and a thorough round of tests began.
The doctor was totally noncommittal during their discussion and Olivia told herself not to get her hopes up. For the main part she didn’t, but there was that rogue flicker of optimism that wouldn’t be quiet no matter how much she tried to suppress it.
As for Alex, he was great. He stayed with her as much as he could, refusing to leave her side.
And then late that day they waited in the room for the news together.
And Alex sat next to the bed and held her hand tightly as the specialist delivered the bad news that she would never have a child. The damage from the ectopic pregnancy was just too extensive, he was sorry to say.
Not as sorry as she was, she thought, glad to be feeling hugely numb both inside and out.
She’d known.
Dear God, she’d known, but somehow she’d let herself hope.
Now there truly was no hope left.