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Heff kept thinking about Sandy, picturing her on that swing, watching him. Even across the short distance that had separated them, he could feel it.
She hadn’t made any move to do anything though. Just watched and listened from the assumed safety of the gazebo, observing with interest.
Rather than let it dissuade him, he found her avoidance encouraging. It suggested that he wasn’t the only one aware of the unusually strong, charged connection between them and that she was being particularly cautious. Now that he had a better understanding of her situation, it made perfect sense.
These days though, he was less concerned with common sense and more fascinated by her and this strange hold she seemed to have on his thoughts.
Beneath that small-town girl exterior, she was fearless and passionate. Now, by watching and listening and observing, he had also learned that she was kind, selfless, and fiercely loyal to those select few she included in her personal circle.
He wasn’t included in that circle. He was a one-time hook-up. Not family. Not a friend. They didn’t really know each other, and she’d made it clear that she preferred it that way.
He couldn’t blame her. He was a semi-transient, former SEAL with issues, and she was a local girl with deep roots, a tangle of local ties, and some serious responsibilities. He should probably respect the distance she’d put between them.
The problem was, those well-defined lines he’d drawn for himself were blurring, and he wasn’t so sure he wanted that kind of distance anymore. Rather than be turned off by the complexities and complications getting to know her would most certainly involve, he was intrigued. His resolve weakened a little more every time he discovered another piece of the puzzle that was Sandy Summers.
Thankfully, Church was too caught up in his own thoughts to notice Heff’s preoccupation on the short drive back to the Sanctuary. Or so he thought, right up until Church parked the SUV and said, “Be careful, Heff.”
Heff pretended he didn’t know what Church was talking about. “Are we talking in general here, or did you have something specific in mind?”
Unfortunately, his former team leader knew him too well to be fooled. Church exhaled heavily. “Goddamn it. It’s too late, isn’t it?”
“Too late for what exactly?”
“You slept with Sandy.” It was a statement, not a question.
Technically, there was no sleeping involved, but Heff wasn’t inclined to point that out. “Now, why would you say that?”
He should have known Church would have an enumerated list, one he checked off on his fingers as he went.
“One, I saw the way her eyes lit up when Brian said you’d taken the boys out on a hike. Two, while you were talking with us, your real attention was focused on her. Three, you’ve been avoiding Franco’s. And four, because I know you. You just couldn’t resist despite everything I said.”
Heff said nothing, neither confirming nor denying Church’s statement.
“Look, you’re both adults, and what you do is your business. But as your business partner, as your friend, I’m telling you, if you start pulling shit like you did today, she’s going to get the wrong idea.”
“What idea would that be?”
“That you’re interested in more than a hook-up.”
“What if I am?”
Church shook his head. “That would require something more than just sex, Heff. You know that, right? And you’d better be pretty fucking sure before you go too far down that road, feel me?”
“You didn’t have a problem with Smoke and Sam.”
“Smoke didn’t go around fucking every hot woman he saw.”
The words stung, but they weren’t unwarranted. Church was basing his opinion on the years they’d spent together in the Navy. Heff had made it his personal mission to fill whatever downtime they had with drinking and ... other pursuits.
But that had been before. Before he realized that no amount of booze or meaningless sex would fill the void he had in his chest. Before he lined up the assortment of pills on his bathroom sink, ready to chase them all down with one last bottle of JD. Before, in a case of timing so perfect that it could only be divine intervention, Church called and told him about his idea for the Sanctuary.
Of course, Church didn’t know that. Just like he didn’t know that Sandy was the first woman Heff had had sex with in over a year. No one did. They all believed he was still the same man-whoring SOB he’d always been, and he hadn’t bothered to correct them.
“Message received. Are we done?”
“Yeah, we’re done.”
Heff got out of the vehicle and walked toward his trailer. Then, he kept on going until he reached the water. Whether it was a really big pond or a really small lake, he didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. He had the place to himself, and that was the important thing. He had some thinking to do and some decisions to make.
Church’s words were meant to warn him off Sandy, but they were having the opposite effect. The more Heff thought about it, the deeper he wanted to dig in his heels. Was it a case of his innate rebellious nature, wanting to do the exact opposite of what he was supposed to do? Or was it the idea of walking away from Sandy that he was rebelling against?
He didn’t know. He didn’t know much of anything anymore, except that he was tired of pretending. That, and the fact that when he was thinking about Sandy, that void in his chest didn’t seem quite as cavernous.
But Church did have a valid point. If Heff was going to head down that road and see what was around the bend, he had to tread slowly because he wouldn’t be walking that road alone.