Chapter 4
I sense differentness the minute I walk into the house Monday, Mom’s day off.
The house looks immaculate as if Mom has inherited Mary Poppins’s skills. The floors gleam, tabletops and counters are visible, and the mounds of paper have disappeared to wherever clutter travels. Mom always cleans when she’s stressed. A single rose in a one-stem vase on the dining table and an aroma of spices mimic a restaurant. Mom is cooking. I find Mom in the kitchen. She gives me a hug. “I made the tandoori chicken that you love and rice pilaf and potatoes to go with it.” I like to think that my half-Indian genes make
me love tandoori spices.
She fidgets with her apron. Her eyes look like they’re open too wide.
Whoa! This is the farewell dinner Mom made when she and her ex-boyfriend, Simon, parted ways. Is Mom planning to say farewell to me? Ha! Ha!
She and Simon dated for almost four years. They broke up when Simon got a new job that took him back to the Northeast, where his extended family lived. Mom decided she couldn’t move. Her parents were here, she couldn’t disrupt my life, and her business was taking off. The break-up was all civilized, kind of like an ad for Polo shirts. I was okay with them breaking up. I didn’t want to move either.
“Wow! Is someone…coming over for dinner?” I ask suspiciously.
“No, no,” Mom answers. “I thought we could have a nice evening. The two of us.”
Distress signals go off—a symphony of alarm bells, church bells, and doorbells.
Mom pours herself a glass of red wine. She never drinks anything but water with dinner. This is too odd.
The string quartet plays the frantic “Flight of the Bumblebee.”
“There’s ten minutes before dinner. Do you want to shower?” Mom asks, all formal.
I dump my stuff and flee.
Zombies ate my mother and replaced her with whoever is downstairs.
I let the day’s sweat wash away in the shower.
A thought enters my brain, like water trickling down the drain. Am I going insane? Why am I rhyming?
Are we going to have the Conversation? The one about my father. The one she said we would have when I’m old enough?
Could the allergy attack over the weekend and the doctor’s questions about my medical history have made Mom realize it’s time?
My sixth sense takes over my other five senses and my brain.
Then fear takes over. What if my father is an ax murderer or a pervert serving time in an Indian prison? And Mom hasn’t told me to protect me?
Nah! Stop overreacting, I tell myself.
Maybe Mom’s just relieved that I’m alive. Or maybe she hit a milestone at Slice of Muse.
I towel my hair dry and pull on my pj bottoms and T-shirt in a hurry to get downstairs.
Mom drains her glass of wine and serves the food. “This looks awesome, Mom!”
“You remember I was trying to get the Epicure to carry our pies? I might be this close”—she gestures a pinch.
Pinprick to the balloon of hope. “Oh wow! That’s mega big,” I lie.
“Yes. Keep your fingers crossed. We would triple our business if we succeed.”
She pours me some cider in a wine glass and we toast. “To Slice of Muse taking over the world!” I manage to smile and say.
That’s what all this is. Part of me is so disappointed it hurts. Part of me is weirdly relieved.
The string quartet in my head is confused. What music should it play? Sad, happy, disenchanted?
We eat. Mom has outdone herself. The chicken is tender and spiced perfectly. Peas and golden raisins make the rice yummalicious. “This is so good, Mom.”
After putting the leftovers away, we move into the living room and sit on the couch with our buttermilk pies. A celebration dinner needed pie.
Without taking a bite, Mom puts her plate on the side table. She takes a swig of wine and blurts, “Abby, I need to talk to you about your father.”
My stomach dives like a roller coaster.
I’ve waited and dreamed of this moment all my life. Now it’s here. Hope waltzes with fear. I put my plate on the coffee table.
I gulp. I’ve practiced what I wanted to say for this conversation so many times. But where are the words when you need them? Instead, I stare at her blankly.
“My romance with Kabir had an expiration date, Abby,” she says with a faraway look.
My heart squeezes painfully.
“You know we met while were both students in Dallas and that he is now in India,” she continues and reaches for my hand.
“So he’s not in prison?” I say, laughing in relief. Her eyebrows rise. “Why would he be in prison?”
I can’t stop laughing. “I was afraid that he might be a perv in prison and you were trying to protect me,” I say between laughs.
She smooths her hair and looks a little confused. “He’s far from a criminal, I know that about him.”
What does she mean by that? “Tell me more,” I beg.
“Every little detail?” she tries to tease. But I can tell she’s as nervous as I am and the joke is as flat as day-old Sprite.
She twirls a strand of hair and turns serious. “Abby, maybe I shouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long. You have the right to be mad at me. I thought you’d understand better if you were older. I’ve been meaning to have this conversation for the past year and kept putting it off.”
I don’t say anything. Can you be thankful and angry
with a person at the same time? I feel both toward Mom right now.
“I always knew he’d return to India. Everyone who knew Kabir knew that about him. His big dream of becoming a news anchor in India consumed him. But he had a smile that could melt women. He had eyes that spoke and your ridiculously long lashes. His dreams and his drive made me forget reality. He was different, and I was in love.”
I let her talk and soak in every word like a sponge. I touch my lashes—the ones like my father’s.
“Our last meal together, the day before graduation, he made me apple pie and we laughed and cried and in a crazy moment he asked me to marry him.”
I almost fall off my chair. “No!”
“But we both knew he didn’t really mean it,” she adds hurriedly. “I couldn’t have left the country anyway. I couldn’t imagine living in a different country, especially one with such a different culture. My life was here. Grandma was recovering from breast cancer. And we were young.” She still has the distant look, as if she’s looking through a window at her past.
“We were so young,” she repeated, shaking her head. “He was twenty-two. I was twenty-one. We were babies.”
The floodgate of questions gushes open. “Mom, why has
he never wanted to see me? Are you in touch with him? Where is he now? Why didn’t he stay to see me?”
Mom refuses to look at me. She’s almost peeled her nail off. I can see her gulp repeatedly. She looks as guilty as I had when I tried to hide a bad grade.
“Days after graduation, he returned to India. We never talked about the night he proposed. We talked a few more times after he returned home, but it wasn’t the same. It was stilted, long distance, and awkward. The phone lines echoed back then. He had a new life and a new job and he was so excited. He had moved on…” he trails off.
“I didn’t realize until later that I was pregnant. I tried to call after I found out. I spoke to Kabir’s father, who didn’t seem pleased to talk to me. I left messages. I waited by the phone. Kabir never called back. Finally, hurt and upset, I moved back to Houston to be close to my parents without giving him a new address or phone number.”
I don’t say a word. I feel cheated. How could she have given up so easily?
“Then I wrote him a letter, a very long one. I registered it, so I’d know that he got it. I still have the return receipt from the postal service. I told him about being pregnant…” Even after all these years, Mom’s voice is strained.
The silence in the room speaks. Writing that letter must have been so hard.
Then she says softly, “Abby, he didn’t call. He didn’t write back.”
The hole in my heart is as big as the Texas sky. I’m speechless. I’ve waited to hear this since forever. Had time stopped when Mom said those words? That’s how it feels to me.
“How could it have worked anyway?” Mom asks the universe. “What would we have done even if he had answered?”
The world has stopped spinning. I know it did.
I pick up the plate of pie to give my hands something to do and then I look at it with revulsion.
“Mom,” I ask. “What are you saying? Are you saying he doesn’t care about me?”
She looks back at me, the truth in her shimmering eyes. “Abby, wait. There’s more.”
My father hadn’t cared enough to call back. Holy Schmit! No wonder he had never come to visit me. Not because he was in prison or didn’t have the money to travel. The jigsaw puzzle falls into place.
“You waited all these years to tell me this. I don’t want to hear more. Really, I don’t.” I run to my room.
“Abby, wait. I knew you would be hurt. It’s exactly why I waited to tell you. You were, and are, the most precious thing in my life.”
He didn’t care that I was walking around with his DNA. His dark hair. His ridiculously long lashes.
And his coconut allergy.