Landon comes to join me on the bench. His shirt brushes my arm as he sits, making a slight tremor course through me. I look at his face, trying to fight the wild hope that’s making it difficult for me to breathe.
He’s watching me, silent, his eyes searching mine. In the silence, I wonder what he came here to say. My fingers tighten around the edge of the bench and I look away from his face. For all I know, he could be here to dash my last remnants of hope.
I hear him breathe, and I turn toward him just in time to see him reach into his jacket pocket and pull something out. He hands it to me. It’s a single rose, red and heartbreakingly lovely.
I take it from him, my hand shaking as I study the beautiful petals. “I didn’t know you were coming,” I tell him, still looking at the rose.
“I wasn’t… I tried to call you. You weren’t picking up. Laurie told me about the party, and that you were here.”
“My phone’s in the house,” I explain.
He nods. “I guessed.”
I swallow, still looking down, almost unable to bear the fact that he’s seated right next to me. I can feel his nearness in every inch of my skin. It feels like a burning ache in my blood, like torture in my heart.
Closing my eyes, I place the rose on the bench beside me. Two weeks of silence. Two weeks without a single word. I don’t even know what to say to him.
“Why did you come?”
Landon doesn’t reply. I look at him again, and there’s something about the way his eyes reach into mine. It makes me want to tell him not to bother with explanations, with speaking. It makes me want to close the space between us and lay my head against his chest. It annoys me, how ready I am to forgive his silence, how ready I am to fall back into his arms after all the pain of the past two weeks.
“Rachel.” He whispers my name, and my eyes start to fill. He takes my hand, and the touch singes my skin. I pull my fingers out of his grip and get up from the bench, folding my arms around my body in a useless gesture of defense. “Don’t touch me,” I croak.
“Rachel…”
“Two weeks, Landon,” I whisper. “I waited for you…”
“Rachel,” he says again. “Come back.”
I shake my head. “I told you I was in love with you and you let me stew in your silence for two fucking weeks. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to open up to you about my feelings?”
He rises to his feet, suddenly dwarfing me. “You left,” he bites out, keeping his voice low.
I close my eyes, feeling the sting of tears. “Yes, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I walked away when I said I wouldn’t. It hurt me to leave you Landon, but I had to. It was clear that even though I told you how I felt, you were still holding back.”
“So, as usual, you decided to walk away.”
The accusation in his voice makes me frustrated and sad. “I couldn’t wait around for you to decide you didn’t want me!”
He sighs, then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Please come back. Sit. Let’s talk.”
I look at his face, not sure I want to hear what he’s going to say. The words I want to hear, he could have said already if he wanted to, and if he’s only going to break my heart all over again, I’d rather not listen.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I don’t think—”
“Rachel, for God’s sake! For once, will you stop fighting me?”
From the expression on his face, I realize he’s only a second from lifting me bodily and dumping me on the bench, so I take the few steps back and lower myself to the seat. Landon sits beside me, his body angled toward mine.
“Look at me,” he says firmly.
I lift my eyes to his, and a sigh almost escapes my lips. Why does he have to look so good? Even my nose is filled with the familiar scent of his skin, and my head with the memory of his touch. My eyes fill again and he curses, reaching inside his pocket for a handkerchief, which he dabs at my tears.
After he puts the mascara-stained cloth back in his pocket, he reaches for my hands, and this time I don’t pull back. “These past two weeks. I’ve been… I don’t know what I’ve been doing.” He stops. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know why you walked away before. I didn’t know how you felt. I didn’t know you thought you needed to get away from me. I didn’t know your feelings made you believe you needed to get over me, or that my behavior—pursuing you relentlessly, ignoring your requests for me to leave you alone—took away the space you needed to do that.” He looks at me. “I understand now. I get it. I get why you walked away that first time.”
I look from his face to my hands, nestled in his. I don’t know for sure if it’s my hands trembling or his. I stay silent, waiting for him to continue.
“I’ve been trying…” He expels a harsh breath. “I’ve been trying to stop thinking about you. When I woke up and you had gone, I…I wanted to come after you, Rachel. You have no idea what it took to stay back and let you have the space I didn’t give you in the past.”
I told you I was in love with you, I say silently. I didn’t want space. I wanted you to tell me you felt the same way. Why would he assume I wanted space? And if that’s what he thought, why is he here?
I hear the sound of his breath, and I feel his fingers tighten around mine, then loosen. He strokes my fingers gently, and when I raise my eyes to his face, he looks up too, into my eyes.
“There were so many times I wanted to come to you,” he says gently. “There were so many things I could have said, but Rachel, the last thing I wanted was for you to think I was telling you what you wanted to hear just to get you to stay.”
I close my eyes. I’m not unaware how easy it is for some men to lie about how they feel, just to get what they want, but Landon isn’t that sort of man. He would never make me believe he felt more than he did just to keep me hanging on to him. “I didn’t tell you I was in love with you because I wanted you to say some meaningless words back to me.” My voice is tight, almost breaking. “I told you because it was the truth. If you don’t feel the same way, I totally understand, I really do.”
“Will you let me finish?” He’s frowning now. “I’ve been trying to make sense of a lot of things, my feelings, yours… I was trying to make the best decision for both of us, trying to determine the right course of action. I didn’t want to pester you as I had in the past so I decided to wait a while, but then you told Joe you didn’t want him picking you up anymore, and I thought… I didn’t know what to think.”
“I didn’t want to be reminded…”
“Of me?” His eyes search mine.
“Yes.” I reply, watching as he nods slowly. “Joe’s presence reminded me every day that even though you knew how I felt, you chose to stay away.”
He is silent. “I’m here now.”
I breathe, filling lungs that are suddenly aching and tight. “Why?” My voice is only slightly higher than a whisper.
“Because I couldn’t wait anymore. I’m crazy about you, Rachel. I’ve always known that much. I’ve always known I wanted to be with you, that I’d protect you, that I’d give you anything you wanted, that I could never let you go.”
I blink back tears and start to pull my hands from his, but he holds on to them.
“I knew all that, but I’ve never allowed myself to think about love, being in love. I’ve never wanted it. I never thought it was for me. I grew up in the devastation that kind of emotion can cause, and so I…” He stops and leans toward me, bringing his face closer to mine. “Then you told me how you felt, and it took me by surprise. I wasted so much time being jealous of your ex, being insecure about why you wanted to be with me, why you always walked away. I never thought it was possible that you had those kinds of feelings for me.”
God! I’ve loved him for so long, and he had no idea. I sigh. “And after I told you?”
He releases a low chuckle. “I was shocked, but more than that, I was so fucking scared of doing something wrong and hurting you. The fact that you felt that way about me…I can’t begin to explain how it made me feel—happy, humbled, elated, and afraid. That night, I could have responded and told you I felt the same way, and now I know it wouldn’t have been a lie. At the time, I was afraid you would leave, and I didn’t want to say those words just as a way to make you stay.
I don’t want to hope. My hands are trembling in his, and I wish they would stop. I wish my whole body would stop shaking. “What about now?”
He sighs. “I’ve been trying to take control of my feelings, trying to define them, to escape the…the vulnerability that comes with knowing I’d give up everything else to make you stay, but the truth is, deep down, I’ve always known in a part of me that there would never be anyone else for me.”
I close my eyes, letting the words soak into my body. When I look at him again, his eyes are on my face. “I think I’ve been a fool for a very long time,” he says, lifting one hand to smooth a stray strand of hair and tuck it behind my ear. “I’ve been in love with you for a while now. A long while.”
Something starts to unfurl inside me, like a flower, like a nimbus of happiness. I want to melt into him, to throw myself into his arms. My chest swells. “Tell me,” I breathe softly.
His throat works. “I don’t want to be without you,” he says. “I want us to make this work. I love you, Rachel. I’m helplessly, hopelessly in love with you.”
A tear rolls down my cheek, quickly followed by another, and then a chuckle escapes my lips because I’m so damn happy I feel like I’m going to burst. I realize I’m grinning stupidly at him through my tears, and he’s smiling back.
“I love you,” he says again, and this time he puts an arm around me and draws me to him. “I love you,” he whispers in my ear before kissing my cheek.
I turn my face and touch my lips to his, breathing in the scent of his skin and sighing at the feel of his firm lips on mine. “I hate you for leaving me adrift these past two weeks,” I tell him.
“But?” His voice is teasing, but his eyes are hopeful, digging into mine.
“But I love you, Landon.”
He breathes, and then we’re just sitting in each other’s arms, kissing, and watching the stars in the night sky, and it feels wonderful, beautiful to just sit there, so close and so happy.
“I’m glad you came,” I whisper.
His arm tightens around me. “I couldn’t have stayed away.” He draws back to look in my face. “I’ve seen you every day I’ve been in town, and if you knew how hard it was for me not to reach out to you, then you’d know I’m never going a day without you by my side.”
“You’ve been stalking me.”
His smile is unrepentant. “It’s not such a large city,” he says cryptically. “And I wouldn’t call it stalking…just taking longer detours to work so I can see you at least once, every day.”
“Stalking,” I insist, smiling as I remember all those times I thought I saw a familiar car or felt that quiver that made me believe he was near. He probably was. He never actually left me.
I close my eyes and lean into his body. There’s still a lot we have to work on. We still have to learn to trust each other, to build a real relationship out of the way we feel, but I know we can make it work.
We sit there for a long time, his kisses sweet on my face and my hair, his hand stroking my back. This is happiness, I think silently, exultantly. It’s loving, and knowing you’re loved in return. With Landon, I feel as if I’ve finally found exactly where I belong.
Later, I steal a glance in the direction of the party. The music is still playing, and I can still hear voices and laughter. “You can’t come all this way to a party and not get to dance,” I tell Landon.
He follows my gaze then laughs, and the happiness I hear in his voice mirrors mine. “Well, come on then,” he says, getting up. He takes my hand and pulls me to my feet, and we walk arm in arm to join the rest of the party.
THERE’S something magical about holding on to Landon and swaying slowly to the music even as the party ebbs around us. I can hear people leaving, the loud goodbyes and congratulations, but I don’t care. I just want to remain in Landon’s arms forever.
“Whose engagement party is this?” Laurie asks playfully, coming to join us in the middle of the lawn. “We’re leaving,” she tells me when she gets my attention. “Though I doubt you’d notice.”
My head is still on Landon’s chest. “Say bye to Brett for me, and congratulations.”
She holds out her arms and I step out of Landon’s arms to give her a hug. She’s spending the night at Brett’s, something that’s going to become permanent when she completes her move to his apartment.
“Take care of my cuz,” she tells Landon. There’s a warning note in her voice, but her eyes are shining.
I look up at Landon just as he smiles, and as usual, it’s devastating. My heart flutters, and for a moment, I can’t believe how happy, how lucky I am. “You know I will,” he tells Laurie.
“All right then,” she says. We hug again, then she does a small wave and returns to the house.
I move back into Landon’s arms. “You should be leaving too.”
“Should I?” His hands circle my waist and pull me close. “I’m thinking of ways to convince you to come with me.”
I giggle. “My parents expect me to spend the night with them, but I’ll be back in the city tomorrow.”
He leans forward to place a kiss on my forehead. “You’d better be,” he whispers.
There’s a whole wealth of promise in his voice, and a small quiver of anticipation floods through me. I close my eyes, filling my senses with his nearness. We stay swaying on the lawn until the song ends, and the DJ gives us an apologetic smile as he switches off and starts to pack up his equipment. Inside the house, Laurie and Brett are already gone, and Dylan is passed out in the den. Landon says goodbye to Laurie’s parents and mine after thanking them for a wonderful party.
“We were glad to have you,” Auntie Jacie tells him. From her smile, it looks like she’s already planning another engagement party in her head, and the thought of planning a future with Landon no longer makes me feel hopeless, because now I know he loves me.
“We’ll be leaving in a few minutes,” my mom reminds me as I follow Landon to the front door, almost as if she’s afraid I’ll choose that moment to elope with him.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell her.
Outside, Landon’s car is parked across the street from the house, under the trees that line the lawn. A few petals have fallen onto the hood of his car, and the breeze shifts them across the gleaming metal.
We reach the car and Landon leans on the side, with me standing in front of him. He cups my chin and raises my face to his, his blue eyes roving over every inch as if he’s trying to burn every one of my features into his memory. “God, I’ve missed you,” he murmurs.
I wrap my arms around him. “I’ve missed you too.”
He drops a kiss on my forehead then trails a path of sweet kisses down to my nose. It tickles and I pull back, laughing. He’s laughing too, and there’s an expression on his face that looks like the bliss I’m feeling, and it warms me up inside. “I love you, Rachel Penelope Foster,” he says with a laugh and a small shake of his head. “You wouldn’t believe how happy saying that makes me feel. It’s as if I’ve been lying to myself and I can finally speak the truth.”
I grin. “Well, I love that you love me, Landon Alexander Court, and I love you too.”
He chuckles. “Now I’m even happier than I was a moment ago.”
My eyes close as my chest expands with almost uncontainable joy, and Landon pulls me back into the circle of his arms. “I love you,” he whispers again, right before his lips take mine.
It starts soft and sweet, a teasing, caressing pressure on my lips that floods my heart with warmth. I kiss him back, wanting nothing more than to surrender myself to his touch. His hands move across my back, pressing me closer to his hard body while the kiss deepens. His tongue plunges into my mouth, caressing mine and flooding my body with a wild, pulsing heat.
He pulls back after a moment, leaving me panting and breathless. He’s breathing deeply too, grinning as he looks down at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, his voice dark with sensual promise.
My breath catches. “I can’t wait.”
He waits in the car until I’m almost at the door before he starts to drive away. Inside the house, Dylan is still dozing on the couch in the den, but my mother is packing things up in the kitchen.
“Well, at least you didn’t leave with him,” she remarks. I can’t tell if the expression on her face is disapproval or the opposite. Aunt Jacie gives her a look before smiling at me.
“Well, I was glad to see you looking alive for the first time all weekend.”
“I’ve been looking alive,” I protest halfheartedly. “I’m just tired. Work and everything.”
“Hmm.” She doesn’t sound convinced.
“Can I help?”
My mom shakes her head. “Go find your dad. Tell him we’re leaving.”
My dad and Uncle Taylor are in the study bent over their unending chess game. It’s not really endless, they just start another game as soon as someone wins, so there’s always a game going on.
“Hey Dad, Uncle T,” I call from the door.
“Time to go?” My dad looks regretful. As he gets up, he wags a finger at his twin. “Don’t cheat,” he warns Uncle Taylor.
“Never,” Uncle Taylor replies, winking at me. They both cheat, which is why no one else will play with them.
We go back to the den and wake Dylan then my mother joins us from the kitchen. We hug our goodbyes before heading to the car, where Dylan goes straight to sleep again.
It’s a short drive, and my mother keeps up the conversation, talking about everything from the music to the caterer to family friends with little kids who have grown up fast.
At home, Dylan goes to bed. My dad does too, but my mom follows me up to my old room, wondering aloud about the arrangements for Laurie’s wedding, how little time we have to prepare, if we’ll have to import the flowers from home or procure them in Bridgetown… I listen to her chatter, waiting for her to say what’s really on her mind.
Once we’re in the bedroom, she goes to sit on the edge of the bed. “So, Laurie’s moving out,” she starts. “You’ll find another roommate won’t you? So you won’t be alone? I’ve heard that singles thrive better when they have roommates.”
“Ha ha.” I smile. “I haven’t decided. Maybe I’ll enjoy living alone.”
“Okay.” She shrugs. “It’s so nice to have you here.” There’s nostalgia in her eyes. “You haven’t been home much these past few weeks.”
“I miss you too Mom, all the time.” I laugh. “Feel free to invite me to any ‘art’ things you have in the city.”
“So you can run away with Landon Court like you did the last time?” I don’t reply, so she continues. “Sweetie, I don’t want to be worried about you, especially since you seem so happy, but are you sure he’s the right person for you?”
I join her on the bed. She’s not completely unaware of the emotional turmoil I’ve been going through for the last few weeks so, I understand her concern. “Mom, I’m in love with him.”
“I can see that.” She sighs. “You already told me as much anyway. But what about him? Does he share your feelings?”
Does he love me?
I smile because there’s no longer any doubt in my mind. “He feels the same way,” I tell her, pleasure bubbling inside me again. “He feels the same way.”
She nods, leaning forward to touch a finger to my cheek. “You should always feel safe in your relationship, and you should be extremely sure of the person you love. Committing to someone is the most important decision you’ll ever make, and it can either take you to places you want to go or it can destroy you.”
“Mom!” I exclaim, laughing. “You are not speaking from experience.”
“How do you know?” She laughs. “Maybe I led a dangerously adventurous life before I fell in love with your dad.”
I raise a dubious brow and she sighs. “Okay, you’re right, I’m not speaking from experience, not mine anyway,” she admits. “But be careful, okay? I don’t want you to give too much of yourself and end up getting hurt.”
“Don’t worry, Mom.” I give her a reassuring smile. “Landon is one of the good ones.”
“Yes, but a man like him—wealthy, busy, with so many responsibilities—I just hope he’ll give you the time and attention to ensure you never feel…”
“Unimportant?” I supply with a raised brow.
“I was going to say neglected,” she amends.
“Whichever one, just don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”
“All right then. You’re old enough to know what you’re doing.” She gets up and gives me one last concerned look. “Good night, sweetheart.”
“Night Mom.”
When she’s gone, I shower and change into my nightclothes. I’m about to call Landon when my phone rings, and my whole body flushes with pleasure when I see his name on my screen.
“Are you home?” I ask.
“Yes, just got here. Are you in bed?”
“Yes.”
“You should have come with me,” he says. “Say you will and I’ll come right back to get you.”
“No.” I laugh. “You waited two weeks, what’s one more day?”
“I’ll make you forget about those two weeks, I promise you that.”
My skin flushes. “Knowing your methods, can I just say I’m looking forward to that?”
He laughs. “Say anything, baby. When I get you here tomorrow, the only thing you’ll be saying is my name.”
“Maybe I’ll run away,” I tease.
“I’ll find you.” He sounds serious. “No matter where you go.”
“I love you,” I say softly.
I can almost hear the smile in his voice. “I love you too.”