Chapter Thirteen

I’m pregnant.

Throughout the journey to the club, I remain in a daze, unable to pay attention to anything happening around me, floating somewhere between absolute pleasure and tortuous uncertainty. The thought of Landon’s child, my child, growing inside me fills me with a sense of delight I can’t deny, but we’ve never talked about children. Our greatest commitment is admitting that we love each other and deciding to live together. A child is a huge leap forward that I don’t know if we’re ready to take.

I barely remember refusing the shots Berry brings to our table, or refusing the next round of drinks and asking for water instead. Everybody else is screaming and laughing, having fun, but I’m spaced out, not quite sure of what I should do.

“Are you all right?” I look up to see Laurie’s concerned face. “You don’t look too good.”

“I’m a little tired,” I tell her apologetically, realizing I have to pull myself together somehow and be present for her party. “I’m sorry. I need some air. I’ll be right back.”

I go back toward the entrance, stepping outside to the wide expanse of lawn in front of the building, which looks like an old colonial home from the quiet street.

“Are you all right madam?”

It’s one of the bouncers. I wave a hand to let him know I’m fine. The last time I spoke with Landon was last night, and I know today he’s in San Francisco. As I pull out my phone from my clutch, I wonder if it’s too late to call him, but I do anyway, because I desperately need to talk to him.

I wait for the connection, my anxiety mixed with the images of a cute baby with Landon’s eyes that are starting to fill my head.

But…what if he doesn’t want children?

What if he’s not ready?

What if I’m not ready?

Apprehension builds in my stomach and I try to breathe, to calm myself. I need to tell him, to hear what he’s going to say.

The phone starts to ring on his end, and he answers after a few rings. “I can’t talk now,” is the first thing he says. “I’ll call you later.”

“Landon…” I start to reply, but then I hear the voice on the other end.

“I suppose that’s the girlfriend,” she’s saying. It’s Ava. Her voice is unmistakable and mocking. “How like her to somehow interrupt—”

I don’t hear the rest of what she says. I frown and look at my screen, and the call is still on. “Hello?” My voice is frantic as insane possibilities roar through my head.

“I’m here.” Landon’s voice is quiet. “I’ll call you later.”

“Who is that?” I say thinly, wanting more than anything for him to tell me it’s someone else. “Who’s there with you?”

“Ava,” he replies. There is resignation in his voice.

I don’t say anything. Ava! Of all people, and of all the moments! I cut the connection, silence the phone, and place it back in my purse. My mind is purposely blank as I make my way back inside. I know if I allow myself to think of Landon with Ava, of the sharp pang of jealousy making its way through my body, of the pictures rearing up in my head, I won’t be able to be there for my cousin tonight.

I put in a good performance for the rest of the night, and Laurie and Brett have fun, which is what matters. After screeching at each other in the guise of singing karaoke and watching a troupe of male and female exotic dancers while everybody except me gets pleasantly drunk, we finally pile back into our cars and taxis.

Back in the hotel, Laurie sneaks off to Brett’s suite and I’m left alone to dwell on Landon, Ava, and the fact that I’m pregnant.

He loves me, I whisper to myself, trying to control the irrational feelings of jealousy, the pictures my imagination does not hesitate to conjure. He loves me.

I hear a vibrating sound. It’s my phone, from inside my purse. I know it’s Landon, but I don’t trust myself to talk to him. My head, now that I’m alone, is filled with irrational suspicions. What if he’s still with Ava so many hours later? What if the reason he was meeting her is something that will hurt me?

What if…

I breathe, pulling myself off that line of thought. I ignore the call and go to the bathroom to take a shower and wash away all the makeup and club debris. Maybe Landon will assume I’ve gone to bed, and maybe I should. By tomorrow, I’ll probably be able to speak to him without giving free rein to my jealousy and saying things I’ll regret.

When I return to the room, the hotel phone is ringing, and I pick it up without thinking.

“Are you avoiding my calls?” Landon’s voice is tight, almost angry. Immediately I get angry too. Why should I be the one trying to explain myself when he’s the one who was meeting with his ex-girlfriend?

“How was Ava?” I ask pointedly.

He makes a sound. “So that’s it, isn’t it? You were ignoring my calls because I met with Ava? How about trying not to interpret every single situation to confirm your insecurities?”

My insecurities? I bristle at the words. If I am insecure, I have good reason. “Why would I feel secure about the fact that you saw your former long-term girlfriend without letting me know? Even though you’re aware that I have an issue with your continued relationship with her. Maybe you need her to convince her family to sell you a few more properties, or maybe she needs some comforting seeing as her asshole brother is going off the rails. And you’re so considerate of her feelings, aren’t you, even when your safety is at stake.”

“Don’t be like this.” His voice is serious, quiet.

I swallow and breathe, trying to calm my thoughts. “Why did you meet her?”

“Evans left the rehab facility, and I haven’t been able to find out where he is. I thought she might know.”

“When?”

“More than a week ago.”

“More than…” I sigh, thinking of the extra security measures. He knew, but he didn’t bother to tell me. “You didn’t tell me. I was right there with you and you didn’t tell me? You let me travel…” I breathe. “You keep treating me like I’m some piece of candy on your arm. I ask you to see someone about your nightmares, you don’t. You have a problem and you ignore my input, and the problem escalates but you choose not to share it with me.” A frustrated sound escapes my lips. “I want to trust that I’m your partner, not just a replacement for Ava, the woman who somehow keeps popping up in your life, in our lives.”

“Stop it,” he says. His voice is somehow calm, even though mine has been rising steadily as I spoke. “You’re making this much more than it is.”

“Am I? Why did you have to ‘meet’ her? Why couldn’t she tell you on the phone if she knew where he was? Did she ask to set a date, tell you she’d rather talk in person? I’m sure she did, and of course, you couldn’t say no because…Ava.” I stop, angry with him, with Ava, with myself. Is it too much that I never want to hear her name again, that I want him to forget he was ever with her? Isn’t that part of love? Wanting the thoughts of everyone that came before you to be erased because what he feels for you makes them…irrelevant?

“You’re obviously not prepared to listen to me,” Landon says slowly. “I have a lot to deal with over here. If you want to be supportive instead of creating a scenario in your head and refusing to entertain anything else, understand that I have a lot on my mind.”

“So I’m being unreasonable,” I mutter. I’m suddenly on the verge of tears. “You know what? I don’t feel like talking anymore. I want to go to bed.”

“Rachel…”

I don’t reply. I hear him sigh, a frustrated sound, just before I cut the connection.

THE next day is spa day, and I push my conversation with Landon to the back of my mind and join Laurie, her cousins, and Christi at the hotel spa where we are pampered to within an inch of our lives. That night, we go over to Nana’s house to spend the night.

The next morning, Aunt Jacie and my mom come over with the stylist. The house is bustling with activity, but the room where Laurie and I are staying is like an oasis of calm. The stylist and the photographer work in silence, dressing Laurie and taking pictures. The other bridesmaids arrive and we get our makeup done and our hair adorned with colorful garlands.

Our ride back to the hotel is cheerful and boisterous in the two rented vintage Rolls Royces decorated with flowers, ribbons, and About to wed signs. At the beach, the decorators have managed to create a flowery oasis. Rose petals define the carpeted aisle and bright plastic chairs on either side are decorated with ribbons and bows. At the end of the aisle, Brett is standing with the minister and his best man under a white flowery arbor.

The parents and Nana are all seated in the front row, apart from Uncle Taylor, who’s leading Laurie to the altar. One of Berry’s little girls is in front of them, scattering more petals on the floor. I follow behind, walking slowly to the soft music from the band. Berry, Tamia, and Christi follow behind me, arm in arm with Dylan and Brett’s other groomsmen.

I know Landon is there before I see him. The flutter in my spine is my first warning, then I get the familiar feeling of his eyes on me. I turn to my right and he’s seated in one of the rows, dressed with the simplicity of the occasion in a long-sleeved white shirt and linen pants. He takes off his dark glasses as my eyes reach his face, and his eyes meet mine.

I almost stop walking when I see his tentative smile, but I recover myself quickly and keep on placing one foot in front of the other until I’m at the front. We take our seats while Uncle Taylor hands Laurie over to Brett and the ceremony begins.

I’m aware of Landon’s presence the entire time, and it takes all my self-control not to go over to him, or at least retrieve my phone from my purse and talk to him, tell him how relieved I am that he came, how sorry I am for the things I said.

The ceremony is short and beautiful. Both Laurie and Brett cry when they say their vows, and I do too, though not as much as Aunt Jacie, who’s practically bawling by the time they’re pronounced husband and wife. Afterward, we take pictures, and then everyone has to move toward the tables laid out in a large cabana.

Landon joins me then, while guests are congratulating Laurie, Brett, and their parents. He walks up to me and I sniff, blinking rapidly as it hits me all at once how much I’ve missed him. I’m going to have his child. Somehow—well, I know exactly how—we created someone who would have something of both of us.

I should tell him, I know. I have no excuse for keeping it to myself especially now that he’s here. I will tell him, I tell myself, once we’re alone.

“Hey,” he murmurs when he’s standing in front of me.

I smile. “Hey you too.”

“You look lovely.”

I sigh. “So do you.”

An eyebrow goes up. “But I don’t have flowers in my hair.”

I reach for one of the flowers and stick it in his hair. It should make him look ridiculous, but it only makes him sexier. He grins, then his eyes lock on mine and turn serious. “I’m sorry—” he starts.

“No,” I interrupt him. “I’m sorry. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.”

He takes my hand. “We shouldn’t do this here,” he says, looking toward the party. The children are laughing and chasing each other between the tables, and wine and food is being served. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” he says. There is some wistfulness in his eyes.

“Yes, it was.” We stand there looking at each other. “When did you arrive?” I ask finally.

“Last night. Much too late to do anything after the manager told me you weren’t in your room. I had breakfast with the men in your family this morning.”

“Oh!” It must have been after my mom came over to Nana’s. She must not have known that Landon was around, or she would have told me. “I’m glad you came,” I whisper softly.

He raises a hand to touch my cheek, gently stroking it. “I wouldn’t dream of missing something so important to you.”

The party progresses nicely after that. The best man gives a hilarious toast that makes Brett squirm in embarrassment, and afterward there’s dancing. I dance with my brother, my dad, Uncle Taylor, and a couple of other people I don’t know before Landon takes over and doesn’t release me to anyone else.

The DJ switches to dancehall beats and Landon shows a surprising willingness to shake it to the up-tempo beats, as well as amazing skill. It’s easy to forget everything and just have fun, to eat so much cake it’s almost indecent, to laugh as Nana winks at me when I finally introduce Landon to her and dance in a circle when Berry and Tamia’s children insist on dancing with Landon and me.

Finally, Laurie and Brett leave. They’re spending the night at another hotel, far away from family. From there they’re flying to Venice. We remain at the beach for a while after they leave, waiting till the sun starts to set before we all say our goodbyes.

Landon follows me to the suite I shared with Laurie. He took a suite for himself when he arrived, but he shows no desire to leave me. I wonder if we’re going to talk about our fight now. It was so great to see him enjoying himself that I don’t want to spoil it by remembering anything else.

“I have sand everywhere,” I tell him once we’re inside the room. I’m smiling, trying to keep things light.

“Yes, I probably need a shower too.” He starts to take off his shirt. “My clothes are in my suite.”

I raise my brows. “Do you think you’ll need them?”

He grins. “Come on,” he says, pulling me into the bathroom where we shed the sandy clothes before getting in the shower. Landon kisses me under the warm spray and spends the next few minutes soaping my body so thoroughly that when I emerge, I’m not only clean, I’m also nearly incapacitated with arousal.

When we’re both back in the room, wrapped in robes, Landon sits beside me on the bed. He has called the manager and arranged for his things to be sent down first thing in the morning, so he won’t be doing a walk of shame in the bathrobe, an image that makes my lips quirk in amusement.

“About Thursday night…” he says, looking at me.

I breathe, my smile disappearing. I search his face, trying to be secure in the knowledge that he loves me, that he’ll never do anything to hurt me.

“I love you,” he says, his voice so soft and tender that immediately my eyes start to tear up. “I need you to know that. I need you to know I’ll never do anything consciously, deliberately to hurt you. There is nothing as important to me as you are.”

I nod, tears in my eyes.

“I should have told you I was going to see Ava, and I should have told you why. I was hoping I’d be able to resolve the whole situation with Evans before coming here, and you’d never need to know he was missing.” He sighs. “Of course that was wrong as well.”

“At least I know now.” I reach for his hand. “You still haven’t found him?”

He shakes his head. “I have no idea what he’s doing or planning, and Ava refuses to get the police involved. With his drug use, he’s irrational and unpredictable, and it’s been such a relief that you were here while I was trying to find him, because at least I know you’re safe.”

“What about you?” I close my eyes. “There’s a madman on the loose who blames you for his life choices, and I’ve been partying over here, with no knowledge of that. It makes me feel useless.”

“I understand that now, and I’m sorry I didn’t think of it that way before. I didn’t want to ruin the experience of your cousin’s wedding for you.”

“I’m not a child you protect from everything, Landon.”

“I know.”

“So Ava didn’t know where he was?”

“If she did, I couldn’t get it out of her. She may not be crazy like her brother, but she likes to play games. I’m sure she knows where he is, or at least has an idea, and coaxing it out of her was the objective of meeting her for dinner.”

“So you were trying to seduce it out of her.”

“Not seduce.” He gives me an appealing look. “Coax.”

I breathe, deciding to trust him, even though the image of him with her, flattering her ego and trying to make her feel like she was important to him, enough for her to tell him what he wanted to know…it makes me clench my fingers. “But you didn’t succeed.”

“She admits that she gave him some money, and he told her he wanted to travel and ‘get away from it all.’”

Travel—hopefully out of our lives for good. “Do you believe her?”

“Maybe, but I don’t believe him.”

That night outside the restaurant comes back to my mind, and the thought of what could have happened makes my stomach sink. I remember Evans’s voice in my ear all those months ago in San Francisco, how bitter he was, and filled with hate. I shudder.

“You understand why I had to meet her,” Landon asks.

I nod. “I do.”

“We have something special, Rachel. I want to know you won’t ever let anything like suspicion make you think of throwing it away.”

Again.

The image of two little boys wrapped in blankets comes unbidden to my head, and Landon outside my apartment, frantic as he waited for his driver to find me, for me to return. I know how much it means to him to know that I will trust him first and not let my suspicions make me do something irrational.

“I’ll never walk away from you,” I tell him.

His chest rises, and in the next moment he pulls me onto his lap. “I’ve missed you,” he tells me. “It took a lot of control for me not to steal you away from Laurie’s wedding and find some corner to fuck you senseless.”

“Jesus!” I laugh at the image. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t.” I wet my lips. “Although you can feel free to do so now.”

He’s already loosening the belt of my robe. “I intend to.” He pulls the robe off my shoulders to expose my breasts.

My nipples harden under his tender gaze. “I love how responsive you are to me,” he says. He parts my legs gently. “Your body was made for my touch.”

“Yours was made to drive me crazy.”

He grins and slides one hand between my legs. I’m already wet, and his finger slides easily between my folds. “God, I need to fuck you,” he sighs.

“Feel free.”

His lips cover mine hungrily, and at the same time, he starts to work me with his fingers. Two fingers slide inside me while his thumb moves over my clit, rubbing and massaging with just enough pressure to make my body start to writhe. Sensations flood me, and I move my hips to the rhythm of his fingers, also feeling his cock hard against my buttocks. I moan. I need him inside me.

Landon reads my mind, and right then he rises to his feet, lifting me and placing me on the bed. He pulls off his robe with an urgency that’s arousing by itself, and I spread my legs, opening myself up to him. He lowers his head between my legs, and I’m already so aroused that when his tongue flicks over my clit, I almost come, my hips bucking into his face.

“I want you now,” I tell him urgently.

He kneels between my legs and fists his cock for a moment before pulling me up by my thighs and sliding deep inside me with one firm thrust.

My already pulsing insides welcome him in, closing around him, urging him deeper. I close my eyes, surrendering my body to him, to the pleasure of his cock deep inside me. He starts to move in firm, hard strokes, and his hunger for me is evident in the way he fucks me, his hips jerking as he thrusts into me.

His fingers tighten on my thighs, and when my eyes flutter open, his own are narrowed to dazed slits, his breaths coming from parted lips. I tighten my legs around his waist, eager to see him lose control. “Fuck me hard,” I whisper, pushing my hips to meet his thrusts. I feel my climax coming and I hug my breasts, my body tightens, and heat explodes in my core as I lose myself. He comes at the same time, his body jerking forward as an agonized moan rips from his lips, and he falls forward, dropping my legs and covering one breast with his lips as the heat of his release fills me.

“God!” He breathes heavily, his arms tight around me. “I hope you never find out that you’d only have to say the word to make me your willing sex slave.” He kisses my hair with a soft laugh.

I kiss his neck. “Now that you’ve told me, I’ll keep it in mind.”

“I love you,” he says fervently. “More than anything.”

“You’re everything,” I whisper. “I can’t bear the thought of being without you.”

“You’re never getting rid of me.”

I sigh and relax into his arms. Somewhere inside, a small voice reminds me that I still haven’t told him I’m pregnant, but I ignore it. I’ll tell him when I’m sure, I decide, luxuriating in the feel of him surrounding me as I fall into a peaceful sleep.