Ten

J

ust pressing the elevator button took effort. Meeting Jo at the diner for breakfast after her shift would’ve taken less of her limited energy, but Leora wanted to surprise her. It was something she’d done on occasion since the beginning of Jo’s career, and this may well be the last time.

Time was running out for Leora. She could feel it coming closer and faster every day. Pain was her steady companion now. Not unbearable but certainly unrelenting. The pain meds made her sleep, which was a relief, but it also meant less time spent with her family and she didn’t want to miss a single minute.

Leora shuffled down the hall toward the nurse’s station. It seemed a mile away and she was rethinking coming here again. She didn’t want her energy to run out before breakfast was over. She still had to drive home. No, this was the right thing to do. It would ease some of Jo’s anxiety.

They’d gotten into another argument the night before. Same old story. Jo wanted her to seek treatment and Leora still refused. Jo had made a good point. A little radiation might be enough to ease the pain. But there was also a chance it would make her sick and prolong the inevitable. One thing it wouldn’t do was save her.

Leora glanced down one of the short side halls as she passed. She saw Jo standing with her back to the wall. That man she’d been seeing leaned over her, their faces only inches apart. A few feet past the hallway, Leora leaned with her back to the wall, much like her wayward daughter right around the corner. She pressed her hand to her chest and tried to even her breathing.

Lord, what do I do?

What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light.

Leora rubbed the chill bumps from her arms. She recognized the verse from Matthew, but what did it mean? Speak ye in light. Should she confront her daughter? Let her know that she knew? She’d come here to smooth things over, not stir up more strife between them. Speak ye in light.

She took a deep breath, prayed for God’s guidance, then stepped around the corner.

Jolene listened as Tage described the food at some fancy new steak house he’d tried—no doubt with his wife. Or maybe he had a new girlfriend. The thought depressed her.

“Ah, the steak was so tender, it practically melted in your mouth.”

Her gaze automatically dropped to his mouth. She missed his kisses. He’d been super nice since that apology text. He hadn’t come on to her once, just talked like they were the closest of friends. She’d missed that too.

She looked back into his eyes. Blue, like Micah’s but not. Tage’s were a deep blue while Micah’s were like a broken-in, comfortable pair of blue jeans. She gave herself a mental shake. “You haven’t tried my brother’s steaks. I doubt anyone could do better.”

One side of Tage’s lips curved and he leaned a little closer. “I’d love to try it someday.”

She straightened her spine. That was never going to happen. Tage had asked to be invited to meet her family on multiple occasions, but he had no idea how badly her family would flip out. Every time she began to relax in his presence, some little word or phrase would worm its way in, reminding her that it was over and needed to remain that way.

He backed away slightly, giving her a few more inches of breathing room. “When are you coming back to day shift?”

She liked working during the day better than night, but she’d switched to get away from him. She could handle these little snatches of being in his presence but didn’t think she had the willpower to keep things status quo if they worked the same shift.

Jo shook her head. “I have no plans—”

In her peripheral, she saw someone coming toward them and her subconscious registered who it was before she could form the thought herself. Her heart dropped to her stomach and her face and limbs went ice cold at the sight of her momma. She shoved against Tage’s chest to get him to move away and belatedly realized it only made her look more guilty.

I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

Weren’t you, though?

In a flash she knew she’d been fooling herself. Knew where she and Tage had been headed. It had happened like this too many times before. They’d break up, be snippy with each other for a while, then things would turn friendly like it was right now, and bam, they were right back where they’d started.

“Ma, what are you doing here?”

“I came to take you to breakfast.” Ma wore a smile that didn’t match the almost panicked look in her eyes. She turned that same expression toward Tage who now stood a few feet away.

“Ma, this is Dr. Buford, one of the ER physicians I work with.”

“I know who he is.” Her panicked look had settled into one of disappointment when she turned back to Jo. “How much longer do you have before you can leave?”

Jo looked at her watch without actually seeing it. “I just have a couple of things to finish up. Five, maybe ten minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.”

“Okay, honey. I’ll meet you at our usual place.”

Ma’s smile disappeared as she gave Tage one more look before walking away.

Jo sagged against the wall at her back. Her breathing sputtered as tears soaked her face. The very last thing she’d ever wanted to happen was for her momma to find out how far her daughter had sunk. And there was no doubt in Jo’s mind that the woman had read the situation right.

Tage’s hand cupped her shoulder. She jerked away and glared up at him as she swiped at the tears on her face. “Stay away from me.”

He held his hands up. “Hey, we were only talking.”

“My momma knows, Tage. She knows.”

She wanted to slide down to the floor and curl up in the fetal position, but she couldn’t. Not here and not now. She needed to pull herself together before meeting Ma.

“Come on, Jo. We weren’t doing anything wrong. Does she really think you should come to work and never speak to anyone? I doubt very seriously that she read anything into it. It was obvious she didn’t feel well. Did you notice the dark circles under her eyes?”

She had noticed. Just last night, they’d argued over the fact that Ma’s health was speeding downhill, and she was doing nothing to slow it down. She could only hope that Tage was right.

“I’ve got to go.” Jo took a step away and Tage grabbed her arm. She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t look at him either.

“I’m sure it’s fine but don’t hesitate to call if you need me.”

He let her go and she made her way to the restroom. A few splashes of cold water and no one would know she’d been crying. She would meet Ma and act like she hadn’t done anything wrong and maybe Ma wouldn’t ask questions. Maybe.

Jo’s phone beeped a couple of times during her drive to meet her momma, but she waited until she’d parked in the café’s lot before checking the messages. One was from Tage assuring her that everything would be okay and another from Ma saying she had a seat in the back room and had already ordered Jo’s favorite.

Dread dogged her heels all the way through the restaurant. If they were seated closer to the front where there were more people, she could skip whatever Ma had to say about seeing her with Tage—or at least postpone it.

Tage wasn’t wearing a wedding band.

Jo’s shoulders sagged as she blew out a tension-releasing breath. Ma may ask questions or maybe tease her about having a boyfriend, but she didn’t have to know he was married.

Wouldn’t she have been more friendly toward him if that was the case? Gah, stop it. You’re driving your own self crazy. Whatever happens, happens.

When she got to their table, a waitress was setting a western omelet and a stack of pancakes across from the bacon, eggs, and grits sitting in front of Ma. Besides Ma and the waitress, the whole back room was empty. How was Jo supposed to eat with her stomach twisted in knots?

As soon as the waitress left the room, Ma reached across the table for Jo’s hand but instead of the prayer she expected, Ma looked her in the eyes. “I need to confess something to you. I have known for a while now that you and that doctor have been having an affair, and I also know that he’s married.”

Without a moment in between, Ma closed her eyes and started praying.

The words of her mother’s prayer didn’t penetrate through Jo’s shock at the confession. She’d often wondered what would happen if Tage’s wife caught them together. Would there have been tears? A fight? Jo’s name and bad deeds posted all over the internet? Whatever it would’ve been, it couldn’t be as bad as this.

Silent tears streamed unchecked as Jo stared at the food in front of her.

“I’m sorry, Jo. Sorry for not speaking up sooner.”

It seemed a weird thing to be sorry for. If her momma had said something sooner, would it have made a difference? She wanted to look at her, to read her expression but was afraid of the disappointment she would see. She only made it as far as the blue flowers on the blouse peeking out from Ma’s open cardigan. “Is Belva the one who told you?”

“No, I saw you a couple of years ago and several times since when I’ve come for visits to the hospital. Belva knows?”

Jo grabbed a napkin from the stack on the edge of the table and wiped her eyes and nose. “I thought telling someone would hold me accountable and I wouldn’t go back to him.” She finally glanced up at her momma. “We’re not together anymore. We were only talking just now when you saw us.”

Ma’s lips pressed together, but it didn’t look like judgment or disappointment, though Jo knew it was there. It was more like she was clamping down on her words until the right ones came to mind. After several moments passed, Ma looked away. She picked up her fork and used it to add butter to her grits. “How did it start?”

“I didn’t know he was married. I swear I didn’t.” She shook her head as added affirmation to her words, but Ma wasn’t looking at her. Instead, she continued with her breakfast as if listening to Jo talk about the weather.

“He asked me out, we started dating, and by the time I found out…” She couldn’t say it. Her momma would never understand.

“By that time, you were in love with him and didn’t feel like you could give him up.”

Jo nodded. Ma really did know how it was, and why shouldn’t she? She had loved Jo’s daddy for longer than Jo had been living.

“Do you think he loves you?”

“No. I mean, I did at one time, but I know better now. I don’t want to get back together with him. I won’t get back together with him.”

“I pray that you don’t.” Ma motioned in front of Jo with her fork. “Eat your breakfast before it gets cold.”

Jo watched as Ma took a couple of bites of her food, waiting for her to say something more. “That’s it? You’re not going to tell me what the Bible says about adultery? You’re not going to preach about how I need to get right with God? Nothing?”

Ma studied her for a moment. “You already know all of that, Jo. Me and your daddy raised you to know what God has to say about it and you have been taught the way to salvation. Do you need me to go over it again?”

“No, not really.” Why did she feel so let down by the lack of sermon?

Maybe Ma’s finally given up on me.

Ma squeezed Jo’s hand. “You’ve been given the tools you need. You know what it means to surrender your heart to God. It’s all up to you now. All I can do is pray for you, and I will until…” She drew in a sharp breath and tears filled her eyes. “I will pray for you all the way up until I draw my last breath.”

Jo covered her face with the napkin in her hand and sobbed.