Seventeen

J

olene pressed her fork into the slice of coconut cake and watched it curl up from between the tines. She hadn’t asked for the cake just like she hadn’t asked to be sitting at her momma’s table without her. Unlike the others, she hadn’t asked God to take her away to a place Jo didn’t expect to enter. Because she hadn’t asked for that either.

“I had no idea Ma had been involved in so many charities. Did y’all?” Rachel’s gaze encompassed everyone at the table.

Negative responses circled around the siblings. Jo didn’t answer. Like the others, she’d known about the gift of eggs and milk to those around them who might have a need, and of her involvement in the church. And they’d all found out about her meetings with the nurses at the hospital, but that was only after Ma introduced Micah to the family.

“And what about that testimony from her oncologist?” Dani shook her head. “I can’t believe she was able to lead him to the Lord with the way he described his prior unbelief.”

Chase let out a laugh. “And when he said the part about Ma being like a dog after a bone, I about lost it.” His grin widened. “That was our momma.”

All the grinning and laughter grated on Jo’s nerves. Light heartedness didn’t factor into how she’d felt these last few days.

Raw.

That described the condition of her heart. Like a gaping wound. No, that wasn’t it. A wound could be stitched up and would eventually heal. It was like a part of her had died along with her mother. Yeah, that about summed it up.

She wanted to climb beneath a pile of blankets and let sleep take her under for a few days. The possibility was there. She was still on leave and there was a bed and an empty house with her name on it. But she hadn’t been able to stay there by herself since that night. She’d slept on Wade’s couch the last couple of nights, but she couldn’t stay here forever.

Everyone around the table was laughing again but Jo had lost track of the conversation. Without saying anything, she slipped out of the dining room. The kids were playing in the living room. No peace there either. Without giving it much thought, she headed upstairs. It got quieter the further she went. Maybe if she could shut out the noise, the pressure would leave her head.

Jo stopped at the open door of her old room. Her fingers slid down the casing until she found her own initials among the marks of generations of Spencer kids whose height had been tracked there. She hadn’t realized how great her childhood was until the day her daddy died. Losing him had taken away the one shielding her from everything bad in this world. In losing her momma, she’d lost herself.

With one look, Wade’s wife communicated the thing that had been on both their hearts. They were worried about Jo.

He’d have given anything to have been the one there with Ma when she drew her last breath instead of his sister. Being an ER nurse, there could be no doubt that Jo had seen death before, but it wasn’t the same as being there when a parent slipped away. Having been the sole witness to his father’s gruesome death, he had firsthand knowledge of what it was like.

Even over the din of noise all around the table, he picked up on the heavy tread of Jo moving up the staircase. The top floor wasn’t off limits, but it was unusual for her to go up there alone.

Dani squeezed his hand and leaned close to whisper in his ear. “Maybe you should go check on her.”

He kissed her cheek and slipped away from the dining room. If anyone noticed the exchange, no one said anything. He tried to soften his steps going up. Hard to do when his limbs felt like they were filled with lead. His family needed this time together, but the selfish part of him wanted to spend the rest of the week in bed.

Sobs greeted him before he reached the top step but even without their guidance, he could’ve guessed where she would be. He tapped lightly on the door casing of his daughter’s room, which had once belonged to Jolene.

Jo’s watery, bloodshot eyes peeked out from beneath the quilt covering Piper’s bed. She shook her head. “I’m not saved. I’m not a Christian.”

Not what I expected. Lord, please guide my part of this conversation.

“I know.”

She sat up and scooted to the head of the bed, wrapping her arms around her knees. Her brow puckered. “I’ve gone to church all of my life. How could you know?”

Wade sat down on the edge of the bed. “Ma used to say whenever she met a fellow Christian that the Spirit in her recognized the Spirit in them. And when someone’s hiding behind church services, little things will show the condition of that person’s soul.” He raised one brow. “Plus, I’ve known you all your life. You’ve never said anything about a salvation experience, and you’ve never been baptized.”

Tears streamed unchecked down her face. “What if it’s my fault? What if it’s my fault Ma had to die?”

“What in the world would make you say something like that?”

“Ma told me she hoped God used her death to get to me.” She sniffed. “I’ve been so stubborn. What if God took her to finally get my attention?”

“God’s reasons are His own, but if you feel that way…” He closed his eyes and swallowed his emotions. Father God, I need help here. Please don’t let me get this wrong. Put the words she needs to hear on my tongue.

He cleared his throat and looked at his sister. “If you feel that way, don’t let it be in vain. Put that stubbornness aside and make things right with God.”

A whimper escaped as she heaved a breath. “I don’t know how. What am I supposed to say?”

Wade smiled even as a tear ran down his cheek. “You’ve been taught from the cradle up. I bet you could quote at least three salvation verses to me without even having to think about it. But if you need the reminder, it goes like this. You just talk to God like you’re talking to me. Confess your need for a Savior and ask Him to save you. It’s that simple.”

She hid her face against her bent knees. “Dear God…”

The rest was garbled mumblings that only the good Lord would understand, but His understanding was the only one that mattered.

Wade placed his palm flat against Jo’s shoulder and prayed along with her. As he thanked God, he imagined his sweet momma shouting with joy in heaven at that very moment.