| |
––––––––
The blood sang in my head as I ran to a banquet room that was empty. I had to avoid the ballroom hall at all costs. For a second I stumbled in my heels. I paced, my aimless eyes fixed on the geometric pattern of the mushroom carpet. Then I lifted my head. I had left my clutch in the ballroom. If I went back to our penthouse upstairs to get my boots, coat and jeans, I ran the risk of Kyle being there, looking for me. I had nothing but my phone. And it would not stop ringing.
I looked at it—as if I was a sailor lost at sea and this was my compass. My only hope in the certain death by drowning. So many text messages. All of them from Kyle. I scanned the last few.
junebug my speech in 9 minutes
i need you
come back babe
are you ok
evan and i r worried
speech in 5 minutes
not gonna start without you
i sent my marketing dir in ladies bathroom...
you weren’t there
junebug speech in 1 minute
i went up to the room
you’re not picking up
what’s going on
im not on stage
ok speech time was 10 mins ago
I didn’t know what to do. Some more irresolute pacing later, I decided to make a run for it. I had to leave. Get away from this godforsaken place. Run from Kyle.
Fight or flight?
Always, flight.
Out I ran to the hall as fast as I could—intending to zip past the ballroom—which was the only way out of here. I turned a corner and froze.
Kyle.
There he stood, right outside the ballroom door, his hands in his hair and legs apart. His posture was anxious, edgy and heated. Whipping around, he saw me and inhaled in relief. Then it was his turn to freeze, his face a question mark.
The rest of the world disappeared as I strolled towards him. Something sharp still ached inside my gut. I tried to still the pins in my blood but they were restless bitches.
When I was by the doors, Kyle moved fast, fingers digging the flesh of my upper arms. “Thank God. Are you all right?”
I nodded.
“Where the hell were you? I was worried sick.” He shook me slightly.
I heard the voice on stage float to the hall. “With apologies for the delay, now it gives me great pleasure to introduce a great man with a greater contribution to the click of technology. No one fits the theme of Click and Electrify more than this man. On a trip to the rocky peaks of Argentina, Mr. Kyle Castillo Paxton had a brush with death. While trying to take a photo, he fell off the three hundred foot peak altitude. Lucky for us, he landed onto a ledge below. Instead of dying, like a normal person would have done, Kyle decided to invent something amazing...”
“We need to talk.”
Kyle closed his eyes. “This is going to have to wait.”
“Go.”
“Come with me.” He opened his eyes and gripped my arms harder. “I have to go on stage.”
I shook my head and freed myself from his stony fingers. “I have to go.”
“What the hell?”
“I have to go.”
“What? Why? What’s up?”
“I...I can’t do this with you, today.” I drew long breaths, hoping to stop myself from sobbing.
“Juniper, if you are kidding me, this is a bad joke.”
“No joke.”
“Hold on. Whatever has upset you, we’ll take care of it. Later. I should be on that stage. Right. Now. Come on.” He seized my hand to pull me towards the entrance.
“No.” I jerked my hand back. “And don’t touch me.”
I crossed my arms and surveyed him calmly.
“Why? This is an important night for me, Juniper.” His irises darkened with confusion and hurt. “I can’t believe you’re pulling this crap. They delayed...my speech...because I was upstairs looking for you.”
“Let me ask you a question,” I whispered. “Just one question. Answer it truthfully. Am I a replacement for Denise as your Summer?”
With his nostrils flaring and teeth gritting, Kyle looked like a bull seeing red. “What the hell? Where did you get that?”
“Answer my question. Yes or no?”
“Not fair, Juniper,” he hissed.
“Yes or no?”
“Yes, but this is not the right time. You are—”
“Okay. That is all.” That was the answer I had been waiting for. I squeezed my eyes shut. I thought about sinking into the carpet. I wished magic was real so the carpet could part and I could drop into it. Disappear to another dimension.
“Denise. She got to you, didn’t she? She is—”
“This is not about Denise. This is about us.”
“Then give me...”
“I asked you for one thing. Just one. Don’t lie to me.”
“I never lied to you.”
“Withholding information is the same thing.”
An angry color bloomed across the hardened planes of his cheekbones and he shook his head. “God. You are so immature.”
“Kyle. Just let me go.”
I looked around, wildly. I had to run. To the main hall. Then to the reception. To the front doors. Taxis lining the sidewalks.
To freedom.
“Juniper, all of it happened...ages ago.” He gripped my arms again in a merciless hold, his face inches away, gaze locked with mine. “How long will you punish me for what I did before I met you?”
On the stage the speaker wrapped up Kyle’s introduction and announced, “Now I would like to welcome on stage Mr. Kyle Paxton, CEO and founder of BirdsEye and today’s award recipient to give his keynote address!” There was a thunderous applause.
“Go,” I whispered. “Kyle, please. They are waiting for you. Go.”
Jaw jutting out, he shook his head. “Not without you.”
“You have to.”
“No. You are the most important thing in my life.”
“I’ll come...if you tell me something. Honestly. Do you have Winters and Summers set up for another two or three years?”
“I—what the hell is this bullshit interrogation?”
“Yes or no?”
“I did but—”
I lifted my neck bravely. “Good to know. Fine. I will come back with you. I will sit the event out. Then I will go back to Ann Arbor. I need some time, Kyle.”
The stage speaker said, “Maybe Mr. Paxton decided to join Cirque de Soliel and will be free-falling down from the ceiling. Calling Mr. Paxton.”
Evan burst into the hallway glaring at us, his arms outstretched. “Kyle, what the hell. Everyone is going nuts waiting. This is bad. Even for you. Bad time for whatever this is, you two. Not a time for a lover’s spat or a quickie. Get back in there. Now!”
Kyle entwined his fingers around mine and I allowed him to lead me inside. As soon as people saw Kyle they started clapping and cheering.
On stage, the flustered Proto-Smash president gasped in loud relief. “He’s back, folks. I’ve never been happier to see a man. And I’m straight. Also, as my wife will attest, I’m not a public speaker.”
Back at our table, Kyle snatched my clutch from my chair and pried my cell phone from my stiff fingers. He was nanosecond fast and gave both items to Evan. “Keep an eye on her. She is a flight risk.”
Kyle strode towards the stage and I sank down in my chair. Evan sat down in Kyle’s empty chair and fixed a somber look on me.
John, sitting next to me, leaned over and said, “Hello, my dear. Are you alright?”
“Yes.” I tried to smile. “I’m fine. Someone spilled a drink on me.”
“Ah. Always a logical explanation. But your boy was quite frantic. Looked like tatters and hell last few minutes. Ran around the whole hotel.”
“Oh, I am sorry.”
“He’s a keeper.”
“Yes,” I whispered.
Apparently, I’m not.
Kyle walked up on stage and shook hands with the two men standing there. When they got off the stage, he stood at the podium, looking straight at me. Our eyes met in the semi-dark. My heart slammed in my ribs. I hated this sharp pain that would not go away.
I hated this feeling...of loss.
I wish I could turn back the clock.
I wish I had never listened to Denise.
I wish I had never said yes to Kyle.
I wish...we had never met.
There was pin drop silence. Kyle, too, was silent. A few people coughed. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Sometimes you...sometimes...I...”
Oh God. No!
Evan swore under his breath and muttered, “He is drowning. What have you done? You’ve broken him.” He shot up in the chair. “I’ve got to go help him. You stay put.”
Evan melted into the darkness. I felt ashamed when I saw the awkward looks Kyle was getting as he stood there in the throes of crushing stage fright brought on by me. A painful sixty seconds of silence later, the entire hall began to hum and buzz. Gasps and excited voices clamored. Necks and faces tilted up and people began to laugh and clap. I looked up.
Hundreds of BeesEyes flew in the hall like fireflies in a dark cloud.
Evan was a miracle worker.
“Sometimes...” said Kyle, his voice loud and clear now, “the element of surprise is heightened by staying power. Thank you for waiting. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the BeesEye!”
The screen behind him lit up and stunning photos came to life and Kyle began talking.
John chuckled and gave me a look of pride. “Isn’t he amazing?”
Nodding, I tried to listen to Kyle’s speech, but all I heard was white noise. All I knew was my heart was slowly breaking apart. Like someone took pliers to it.
Evan’s voice echoed in my head. What the hell have you done? You’ve broken him.
For the first time since I had met Kyle, I saw clearly.
I was a guest in Kyle’s weird and wonderful world.
It was a brief but beautiful ride.
I did not want to fight him. I did not want each of us to break more. We were too different. I was an ordinary girl running after an extraordinary man. He was welcome to his lifestyle and I had no right to force him to change. I could not force him to be honest and upfront. I could not force him to be the man I wanted. A man who did not have a Fortune 500 company to run. An international image to uphold.
He was a man who had a past.
And a planned future. With other girls.
The crowd cheered at something Kyle said. Straining, I tried to listen but all I heard was Denise. Her voice echoed in my empty mind. Her harsh truth. Confirmed by him.
He is all set up with Winters and Summers for the next three years.
Royce was furious that Kyle ruined his marriage.
After he’s done with you, Kyle has a Winter who is a Brazilian model.
Next year, his Summer is a British lord’s daughter in London.
Then he’s got a gal from Switzerland.
Kyle destroyed Chloe.
Her family, her friends all blame Kyle for her death.
Did you know Chloe committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge?
I gasped. The way she died...was horrible...not to be taken lightly.
If I stayed I knew what would happen. Kyle would talk to me. He would kiss me and I would sink in his arms. I would melt. Once I melted, I’d lose myself. He would allay my fears and I would throttle my trust issues and stay. We’d be together and life would be perfect till he’d go and stray...
Then one day, sooner or later, I would have a conversation with someone else who wasn’t Denise and I would regret this day. Regret I stayed. Maybe, by then, it would be too late.
Maybe, by then, I would be as lost as Chloe.
I got up.
“John, I’m not well,” I whispered. “I’m going to rest.”
He looked taken aback but managed a wry smile. “All right, dear. Good meeting you.”
I hesitated. I could not resist one last look at the man I loved. He was holding a tiny bee aloft that was projecting a live feed on the screens behind him. I took a step back.
The first step was the hardest.
And...one more.
Then a series of steps.
The hall still buzzed with excitement and scattered applause as Kyle made a joke about the BeesEye.
I looked up.
Hundreds of bees speckled the ceiling strewn like broken dandelions in the wind.
A lump rose in my throat.
Goodbye, Kyle.
I walked out of the room like a ghost.
Out in the hall, I made a run for it. I ran past the reception to the automated doors, where I paused. In the glass was my reflection, outlined in peacock blue, eyes filled with tears, hair unruly. I had no phone. No purse. No coat. As the doors swung open, I shivered. The gust of cold turned my silk dress into a sheet of ice. Harsh Chicago wind slapped my face and lifted my locks.
At the end of the street, I saw the taxi line. I ran, slipping and sliding on the snow in my four-inch heels. By the time I made it to the first taxi, I was too numb to even feel the cold. Peeking in the window, I knocked.
The taxi driver rolled down his window.
“A ride, please?”
“Of course. Get in,” he said.
Shivering violently, I slid inside. I sank against the ripped fusty old leather. Teeth chattering, I whispered, “P-please take me t-to Ann Arbor.”
“What? In Michigan?”
“Yes.”
“Look, lady, I’m not taking you over state lines.”
“Please. You must take me. I don’t have my phone. I don’t have my purse. No money.”
“Get out of my taxi then.”
“I’m going to a friend’s place. A doctor. She will take care of my bill. Please, I beg you.”
“This is Chicago.” Patting the steering wheel, he shook his head. “I’m not driving to Detroit in the snow for four hours and then back.”
“Let me use your phone. Please, take me.”
“Are you drunk? Just my luck.”
“Did you ever have a moment in your life...when your entire world fell apart? Mine just did. I just need to get away. He...the person I need to get away from...will follow me. I don’t want him to follow me.”
He muttered something in a different language under his breath and revved up the car. “Fine. It’s crazy but I’m stupid like that.”
“What’s your name?”
“Ali. The name is Ali.”
“Ali, I will make it up to you. How much?”
“Take you off the meter or it’ll be too much. You pay three hundred.”
He gave me his phone and I called Lila. She picked up but the sound of loud, thumping music hit the silence. She was at a music lounge with Sam. I asked if she would be back at her apartment in four hours and she affirmed she would be.
When I asked for her credit card, she got worried. “Are you in trouble? Where are you? I can come and get you.”
“No. No. Please, I just need your credit card.”
I gave Ali the info and we were off. The taxi slid past the glittering lights of the Magnificent Mile of Chicago and I stared numbly out. I kept thinking, Kyle and I are over.
There is a Gaelic saying, Bàthaidh toll beag long mhòr, which means, ‘Even a little hole will sink a big ship.’
That's what had happened to us. We were epic, but as unstable as a giant pile of wood on a disloyal ocean. Even a little hole had sunk us.
My head hurt and I pressed my forehead against the cool window glass. I was shivering continuously.
“Lady. You are going to die of hypothermia.” At one of the red lights, Ali shrugged off his thick jacket and handed it to me despite my protests.
“It’s okay.” My teeth chattered. “I’m fine.”
He insisted and I put on his jacket. It smelled of spicy aromatic food and musky aftershave, his body’s warmth still clinging to it. That made me choke up. Tears ran down my cheeks.
I could not imagine a life or a world without Kyle Paxton.
Sobs wracked my shoulders and I could not stop my tears from flowing free. For a while, I wept into Ali’s jacket sleeves while he drove in respectful silence. When we were past the city skyline and only the dark lakeshore laced the road like a watery pavement, he shot me a look of empathy. His brown eyes met my wet ones in the rearview mirror. To my shock, I saw he was probably not much older than me.
“Look, I don’t know you, ma’am,” he whispered. “You’re going to be okay. Whatever life throws at you, we humans heal.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Madam, you can. Bones or hearts broken. It all just takes time. Hearts take longer but soon the present goes away. Then the future becomes your present. The present becomes your past. And you forget the ugly sadness you left behind. And you just start again. This is the way the world is.”
“Thank you, Ali. Thank you.” I sniffed and wiped off my tears. I looked out at the snow. Some of it was fresh and pure, settling like flaky powder on the nasty old snowbanks.
That moment in time, I ghosted into the snowy night. A few days of misery later, I was ready to give in to Kyle’s nonstop requests to talk. But then, I found out more things about him that dashed any hope of our reunion. A week after I ghosted on Kyle, I met him face to face and broke up with him.
After that, I didn’t see or hear from him for two months.
At the peak of our happiness, when Kyle and I were bound together, we felt indestructible. I had thought—nothing could tear us apart. I wish I were wrong. But some things are not meant to be forever. Some people are not meant to be in your life forever.
They pass like historical ships on dark olden nights. Nights with no lighthouses by the shore. I think Kyle and I were just two ships passing in the night. Our light shone beautiful and bright but ultimately it burned out just like the lighthouse by the treehouse.
I, Juniper Mills, always run from the things I want and the people I love.
––––––––
END OF KYLE AND JUNIPER
TO BE CONCLUDED IN FINDING JUNIPER,
PART III OF THE SMOKE SERIES
––––––––
