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FROM CHAPTER 2 OF FINDING JUNIPER:
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Tugging the tangles out of my hair, I realized this was the first time in six days I was going out. Another first—I was no longer in my pajamas. I borrowed a navy wool dress that was too tight for Lila and fit me like a dream. She also gave me a new pair of knee-high Prada boots that she had never worn. Another side effect of Lila losing a patient was that she became a shopaholic.
As I put on light makeup, I thought about talking to Kyle tonight. I had promised Lila I would call him back. A terrifying task. I wondered what he was doing. At first, he had been relentless in his texts and his messages. For the past two days, I had gotten zilch. There were no more flowers. No more text messages. No more missed calls from him.
Have you given up on me so quickly, Kyle?
I heard the jangle of the doorbell and quickly dashed on some pink lipstick. Excited about seeing Cypress after so long, I ran out of the room. Lila had beaten me to the door and when I entered the loft’s open living room, Cypress and Sofia were already sitting down.
“Junie!” Seeing me, Cypress shot up from Lila’s overdone blue velvet couch, knocking a copious number of bedazzled pillows on the floor. “I missed you.”
Telling him how much I missed him, I kissed the top of his head, my gaze resting on Sofia. Smiling widely, she jumped up like a nervous squirrel. A tiny thing with bird-like bones and shaking limbs, Sofia Felipe looked like she was always in motion. It was impossible not to think a chipmunk had gotten married to a fairy and given birth to her.
Slim as a paperclip, cute as a pine nut, Sofia was the textbook nerd hipster. Even her hats and boots had a convincing ironic flair to them. Her dark cropped hair was a sleek cap of bright magenta, interspersed with purple chunks. Ever in chameleon color shifts, her hair had been sunny blue the last time I met her. I liked the purple.
“So good to see you again.” Bony and brown, her shaking fingers took my hand.
Opening my arms, I clasped her bird-like shoulders. “Hey, I’m almost your sister-in-law. We should hug.”
“Um, sure,” she said with a petrified look.
“Junie, stop embarrassing her.” Face bright as a kid at Six Flags, Cypress sat down, arm draped over Sofia’s angular shoulders. I couldn’t tell who was blushing more. They were as endearing as animated film bunnies.
“I’m sorry, Sofia, I can’t help it. I am so gosh darn happy for you.” Laughing, I sat across from them in a mustard velvet chaise lounge.
This was true. Cypress had never had a girlfriend before, let alone gone out on a date more than once. He crashed and burned with girls, though not for lack of trying. Discarded turtle shells had better dating skills than Cypress. In high school, he had crushed on a few girls, and in return, they had been so vicious, he had given up on interacting with the entire human race. I used to think virtual dating was his only option. Or maybe, waiting for AI robots to become more humanlike.
Then along came Sofia.
Incredibly, there she sat. A flesh and blood living thing with bones and DNA and a soul—though the first time I had met her, I’d pinched her wrist and when she winced, I ruled out the possibility of her being an android. I grinned. To see Sofia come out of Cypress’s computer and into the real world, his virtual reality gamer-friend-become-girlfriend, was one of the greatest pleasures of my life.
Lila went off to grab drinks from the kitchen and both visitors busied themselves on their phone screens. When they exchanged smiles, my eyebrows went up. “Are you two Snapchatting about me?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry.” With a hangdog smile, Cypress kissed Sofia’s cheek. “We were not too nasty.”
My heart swelled with pride and joy for my twin. The change in him these past few months was nothing short of a miracle. No matter what happened with Kyle and me, at least Cypress had found true love. When they had first began dating and I heard him raving about her, I worried he may have overestimated her feelings, for he often misread social cues. As the months flew by, I was assured she seemed to be as into him as he was her.
Meeting her round, honey brown gaze, I paused. Sometimes, I got the feeling her eyes held an uneasy secret, like uncertain skies before a storm. It was in the way she watched me—as if she was wary that I would make her out. Tearing her eyes away, she took off her green bomber jacket and tossed it on the couch. Her black T-shirt read: Schrodinger’s cat is not dead.
“How’s work?” I asked.
“Good.” She twisted the jangle of leather bracelets on her wrist.
At times, I was amazed by Sofia’s brilliance. She worked as a cryptographer—a glorified software geek who prevented hackers from stealing data. When it came to thieves, I guess, it took one to know one. A smart chick with a colorful past, she had been a hacker herself by the time she was a high school senior. A total bad ass, she’d created virus worms and infiltrated business websites in her area and then—evil genius that she was—set up her own business to fix the worms.
Drunk with her tech chops, she ended up hacking into Zapgear, one of the world’s biggest iOS cryptography systems. When the crime was discovered, legal action was taken against her. Had she not been a minor, she would have been trembling in jail at that moment instead of sitting on a navy velvet sofa...staring nervously at me.
Once, she had told me she became a hacker because she was sick and tired of always being undervalued as a Latino and a girl. Double whammy, she believed. There had been a method to Sofia’s juvenile madness and ultimately, her notoriety paid off.
The Midwestern press got a hold of her shenanigans and she became both a teen legend and a cautionary tale. Several tech companies took the bait and after an intense bidding war to hire her, Zapgear won. Once their worst enemy, she was hired to prevent others like her from infringing on their property. At some point, Sofia got into gaming encryption to prevent piracy and she had even consulted for Cadence. This was Cypress’s favorite gaming company...and the company located on the floor below Kyle’s.
I felt a familiar pin jab my throat. Kyle. My pain. He was always there.
Don’t think about him!
Nowadays, it was a mystery where Sofia worked and when I asked what naughty tech delinquencies she was up to now, she said she was sworn to NDA secrecy.
“You look better than I thought you would,” Sofia said, with an uneasy smile.
“Oh yeah, I’m sure that Cypress told you about me and...Kyle. The Greek tragedy; the reality show.”
“Forget him, please, Junie.” Cypress fixed me with a look of empathy. “I worry about you.”
“Don’t. I’m alive. I am fine.” With a slight cough, I looked for Lila. She was still bustling in the kitchen and I caught her attention with a wave. “Hey, ready to go?”
Lila emerged from the kitchen, carrying a gilded teapot and wearing her guilty look. My senses went from chill to vigilante. Leaving the teapot on the marble topped table, she slumped on the chaise beside me. She was jumpy as a mouse in a cat’s litter box.
“Junie, I was just thinking, and don't get mad—”
“What's going on?” I interrupted her.
“We all think you should meet Kyle.” Lila turned to Cypress and Sofia for support.
“Meet him!” I wailed. “I said I’d phone him tonight. What's happening? Did he—” I broke off, eyes narrowed at the three of them. “Wait. Is this some kind of pathetic intervention?”
“No. Kyle contacted me and Cypress. We think that it’s important you meet him.”
I jumped up from the chaise. “What is going on? I thought we were going out to dinner? What are all of you planning?”
“I want Kyle to go back to being my friend,” Cypress said.
“Well then, you go and hang out with him,” I snapped.
“Junie, not just for me. He makes you happy. Please, remember that.” His pistachio eyes pleaded with me.
“He makes me miserable.” Shaking my head, I sat down so hard my butt collided with Lila’s. “That was on purpose.” I said to her.
“Make your gluteus maximus behave,” she hissed, moving a few inches away.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
My heart jumped to my throat. “Who is that?”
Lila got up, speaking so quickly her words were salad. “What's going on is, again, he's here...it’s him. He...he flew into Detroit...and now you know.”
“What the hell?” An iron clamp choked my throat. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“There are no sides when it comes to love,” Lila said. “It is an abstract circle.”
“Oh, shut up, poet.”
“Calm down, Junie,” Lila said, sailing to the door.
“And, Cypress. You are in on this?”
“I agree with her.” The ceiling seemed to hold particular interest to him at that moment.
The doorbell rang again and rattled through my blood. Hand on the doorknob, Lila was at the door, watching me.
“You can all just vamoose.” I announced, “I’m going to my room. For a decade. I don’t want to meet Kyle. And I don’t want to go out for dinner anymore.” Seeing their shamefaced side looks, I groaned. “Oh God, you guys were never planning to take me out, were you?”
In unison, they shook their heads.
Hands on the doorknob, Lila spoke fast, not pausing for commas. “Sam and I are going out on a date. Sofia and Cypress are going too. Separately. Kyle just wants to talk. If you don’t want to go out, you can talk to him here. Best case scenario, let’s say that you guys make up: join us all for a drink. Agree?”
The door opened and in walked Kyle.
February 27
(Detroit)
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He knew exactly where she was standing before he even saw her. His eyes slipped over the others—they were just blurs to him—and went straight to her. Fixed onto her. Seeing Juniper, he felt a sharp relief. He couldn’t remember what they were mad at each other about anymore. He was so thankful to Evan right now.
“Have fun, kids. Lock up, Junie.” Lila dropped a key in Juniper's hand.
Instantly, there was a flurry in the room.
“Cypress and I are going to grab Thai food.” Sofia smiled at him and made for the door.
Cypress shook Kyle’s hand, with a warm smile on his lips. “Cool to see you again. Be nice to my sister.” He paused and said uncertainly, “Or else.”
“If you hurt her, I’ll rip your spleen out and suture it to your neck,” Lila stated. Putting on her jacket, she brushed past him.
“Charming,” he said softly.
“Great to see you again, Kyle.” Lila slammed the door, shouting, “Behave.”
They were alone. Shell shocked, Juniper was still standing by the kitchen, pretty mouth hanging open. There she was: his dark tormentor. Looking so guiltless.
“Hi.”
“Hello,” she whispered.
Feeling like a tin can full of pebbles, Kyle strode to her. He stopped 18 inches away—a perfect intimate zone of social distance, as the study of Proxemics advocated. Proximity to Juniper always made him nervous. She was so much more beautiful than he recalled. Juniper was always lit up, like she had a flame inside her. It had dimmed a little.
“Thank you for seeing me,” he said.
She shrank away from him, her back pressed against the kitchen granite. “I did not know you were coming. They kind of tricked me.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No.”
Whew. Kyle slipped his hands in his pockets to stop himself from lifting her onto the kitchen counter. He wanted to lift her arms, press her flush against him, lay her right there, on the turquoise Persian carpet and crawl over her. Juniper looked down. She seemed intrigued by the central medallion of the carpet. The last time they’d met, she was rage and noise. Now she was detached. Like they were strangers again. It reminded him of the time she had taken him on the museum tour.
I can do this. I can get her back.
“Can we talk?”
“Sure.” Her hands fell back to the kitchen counter and reached for something. Anything. They rested on a can opener. Clutching the can opener like a lifeline, she began to move it back and forth from one hand to another.
He liked her odd habit of fiddling with objects and when she was nervous. Kyle smiled. “Your weapon of choice?”
She gave him a wan, almost-smile, but it made his heart jump, and he wanted it scored in his memory till the end of time.
Why do I think in poetry when she’s around?
“Juniper, we have a lot to talk about and I don’t want to talk here. Will you please come out with me for dinner?”
“I'm not ready for that right now.” The can opener now swung like a nunchuck from hand to hand.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
In a blue dress and sexy leather boots, Juniper was a heartbreaker. Her long hair was tied up and curled down one shoulder in a sleek ponytail. Like a kid, he wanted to grab it and yank her to him. Their eyes met and they both blinked. Mouth parting, Juniper licked her lower lip. Straightway, he wanted to dip his tongue along its rim. As if she read his mind, she blushed. Seeing color jetted on her cheeks, he clenched his jaw. He had not seen her blush for so many weeks now.
Focus on why you are here. “Coffee, then?”
“It’s too late for coffee.”
Have you been finding it hard to sleep?
I can’t sleep without you in my life.
Thoughts of Juniper had kept him awake the last few nights. He noted with some satisfaction that she had been hurting this week too. Crescent shadows lined her eyes, her mouth was pinched and there was a crease on her forehead he had never noticed before. He took a deep breath.
“Drinks?”
“No, thank you,” she said, like the stubborn fool she was.
His hesitant fingers crossed over the space between them. She cringed, and he dropped his hand. He wondered what she was thinking. An idea popped up in his head. A BirdsEye helmet that read minds. If he could tap into brain electrical impulses... Scratch it. Juniper would rip him apart cell by cell for that and say he was too Manchurian Candidate.
“Come with me. We’ll talk in the car. If you don’t want dinner, that’s fine. I’ll drop you back. Just—please listen to me.”
She stared at him, her breathing quickening. For a second, he heard the war in her head and then the consent. “Fine. Let me grab my jacket.”
Fucking joy lit up his heart like vodka on fire.
In a flash, Juniper turned away. Taking the light with her, she disappeared. The room was sucked of oxygen, yet he relaxed for the first time in seven days. Thank God, she was giving him a chance.
Juniper walked back into the kitchen, wearing a long puffy brown jacket that was many sizes too big for her. Kyle followed her to the door as she locked up. They walked down the beige-carpeted hall way, the only sound between them the soft pad of her boots. As always, he was noiseless as a criminal. Once outside, upon seeing her, the driver jumped out and opened the limo door. She frowned at the car but stepped inside. It was a big limo with a divider that offered privacy.
As she sat down, he slid to the seat across from her and wasted no time. “How have you been?”
She had not been well. He could tell. She looked thinner already as though she had not been eating. He frowned. He did not want her to give up anything for him. Not nutrition. Not sleep. Not work. Not family. He loved her. He needed to tell her.
I just love you so much.
But first, she had some explaining to do. How could she not know how he felt? How could she leave him like that? How could she have trusted that slimy eel, Denise? What happened to “Them first, Others later”? She had broken all his rules.
Juniper wasn’t talking. She just stared out of the window, chewing her lips. He wanted to crush her to him and chew those delicious lips himself. Gently, he put an index finger under her chin and turned her face to him.
“Ready to talk?”
She shook her head. “I’d rather drink a vinegar smoothie. Pluck my eyelashes with pliers. Overdose on Dulcolax. Jump from scaffolding to scaffolding. Listen to a telemarketer selling me a Miami time share.”
Why had he fallen for a woman-child? Kyle sighed. “Juniper.”
“Fine. Talk.”
“Why did you run out on me? I thought we were in a good place. Hell, I thought we were in a great place.” He took both her hands in his and was relieved she did not draw away. Her fingers were cold and he rubbed them.
“I thought that too, Kyle. Then I found out things about you that I never thought possible. I gave you my trust, my heart and... and all the things I had to give to a man.”
“And that is why I love our time together.”
“I loved our time together Kyle, but I think...it’s over.”
“I don’t think so.” He squeezed her hands tighter.
“Well, I do.”
“You have to forgive me.”
“What Denise told me was unforgivable.”
“What? That I had girls set up after you? Did I not tell you that?”
“Yes, but the problem is... you gloss over details.” She jerked her hands away from his grip. “You said you want to be in a long-term relationship with me, but you don’t know how.”
“I know exactly how. I want you—Juniper. I want you at any cost. I told you that I would do anything to be with you.”
“Kyle, you don’t get it. My love is not pure. It is selfish. I cannot be with you and share you with other vaginas. I don’t know why you don’t get that.”
His mouth hung open at her crudeness. “What is wrong with you?”
“I would be fine with you going off with other girls, if we were over.” She jabbed a finger in the air. “Not while you were with me.”
“Hold on. You’d think you were a wife who had been cheated on from the way you talk.”
“So, if I was a wife, cheating would be unacceptable? How comforting.”
“I did not cheat on you!”
“But. Kyle. The savagery lies in the principle of the matter. You were with me and sneaking off and setting up other Summers and Winters.”
“I have never been with any other girl since I've been with you.”
“Okay...but you had all those surrogates lined up. I am revolted by you. By the very idea.” Arms crossed over her belly, nostrils flaring, she locked her pretty olive eyes with his.
Yes. Though she was mad at him, this seemed like a good turn. She wanted him but didn't want to let go of her dogged pride. His frozen sushi was thawing...
“That is not fair. I didn’t tell you...because once you and I were in a relationship, all those surrogates were null.”
“Yes, but you hide information and you gloss over things and you lie, and I can’t be with somebody who lies.” She slumped in the seat and looked out the car window again.
His hands went to his head, fingers raking through his styled hair until it was well...shit. Juniper hurt him; it was a dull pain, the way his skull nerves had compressed after a whiplash injury driving a jeep up the Cotopaxi Volcano in Ecuador.
“Can you give me one more chance...”
FOR THE CONCLUSION TO THE SMOKE SERIES,
READ FINDING JUNIPER
