I was frozen like an Arctic block of ice. I could not believe what had just happened. My dad slapped me. I did not deserve that. There’s nothing wrong with speaking the truth. He didn’t like it, so he hauled off and whacked me across the face.
I was in a trance. I blinked a couple of times, and I started easing back toward the door. I wanted no part of him, which was ironic because he had been my rock for so long. Now it was like someone had suddenly taken a hammer and smashed our relationship. I was not aware that my eyes were puffy and filled with salty tears. I just knew that my vision was blurred and my dad was in another lady’s arms versus apologizing to me.
As soon as he heard me fidgeting with the door, his focus shifted, but it was too late. “Hallie, Hallie, I’m so sorry. Please forgive Daddy. I don’t know what got in me.”
I could not open the door fast enough. I could not get out of my dad’s house quick enough. I could not stop replaying that sobering moment.
“Let go of my arm, Dad. Leave me alone. You hit me! How could you?” I screamed.
He cried out, “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Though his eyes had remorse like I’d never seen before on my father’s face, he had severed our connection in a way I could not explain.
“Tim, just let her go,” this problem-causing Greta lady said. “Let her go.”
As soon as I was no longer in his grip, I turned around, opened the door, and ran out. I fumbled for my keys and overheard their conversation.
“Just give her some time,” Greta said, seeming to know she had my dad under her control.
Surprisingly, my dad argued back, “No, I gotta talk to her now. Hallie and I have never had a blowup like this. Just let me talk to my daughter. Please, stay back.” To me he said, “Hallie, come back.”
I could not get in my car fast enough. I could not pull out of the driveway quick enough. I could not push the gas pedal hard enough. I had to get away—far away—from the two of them.
I knew immediately that I could not go to Charli’s or Randal’s house because there would be too many questions from the adults. However, Ella and Eva had more freedom. The twins’ mom worked at night. Mama B was really cool. She would not even mind if I was over. No questions asked. She would not go calling my dad or anything. She was just one of those moms who would just be happy I was safe. Yup, to Ella and Eva’s house I went.
As I drove, I wondered how my father could betray me like that. Not only did he give me a physical slap in the face, but emotionally he beat me up by putting me in that position in the first place. How come I did not know he had a girlfriend? True, cheerleading had consumed me, practicing all the time, hanging out with my girls all summer, but was I that naive to what was going on in his world?
When I pulled up to the twins’ apartment complex, it did not surprise me to see Eva passionately kissing up on some boy. It always surprised me how drastically different the twins were. Eva dressed a little bit more provocatively, and she liked wearing her hair down. Ella’s was mostly pulled back, and there’s no way that she’d be kissing anyone, much less just any somebody.
I wanted to talk to both of them because they had such different perspectives. Eva would keep me tough, and Ella would get in the mud and wallow with me. It was good being with the two of them when I had drama. I needed someone to tell me to suck it up but equally important was having someone who understood and allowed me to vent. However, I knew if Eva had a guy with his hands and lips all into her, there was no way she was going to turn around and see what was up in my world. I could only hope Ella was not into some Lifetime movie that had her glued to the television.
“Ella’s in there. I’ll be back,” Eva said without a backwards glance.
Maybe Eva didn’t realize how upset I was. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but who was I fooling? Everyone knew Eva loved being with her flavor of the week more than she loved giving a pep talk.
My problem was not her problem. So I mouthed, “Be careful” and left her to flirt. When her sister answered the door, she was a godsend because she immediately felt my pain.
“What is wrong, baby?” she asked. I fell into her outstretched arms and put my head on her shoulder.
“Oh, Ella, I don’t wanna keep going on. Life is too hard,” I blurted out.
“That is absolute crazy talk,” she said, sounding like her sister. “I wanna hear all about it, but you gotta calm down. We were talking about you after you left the dance, girl. What is your problem? You were pouting all evening, and I know you are not crying because you couldn’t do a few flips at the game. You’ll get them. We’re gonna see to that. We’re adding extra practices to help all the girls get everything down. So no sweat.”
“I actually wish that was it. I was upset earlier because it was horrible watching y’all flip from the middle of the football field to the parking lot and back. I just stood there watching because I had no ability,” I explained, reliving my misery.
Ella moved back from the door so I could enter and huffed, “You’re exaggerating.”
“I know I’m exaggerating, but that’s how I felt,” I voiced as I plopped on her couch. I wanted a pity party. I did not want to chill.
Not backing down, she defended, “You wouldn’t be on the team if you didn’t have any skills.”
“All right, Charli Black,” I said to Ella.
She went into the kitchen. Leaning my head back, I so wished my woes did not exist. Finally I found a guy who seemed to make my heart leap, and I couldn’t dive into his arms because my father stripped away my dignity.
“Is it that time of the month? Drink this,” Ella said, handing me a cup of hot tea.
“No, it’s not that time of the month. Actually, it should be coming. Maybe that is why I’ve been a little extra moody. I don’t know.”
“Well, here. Drink it. This will calm you down. Tell me, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“It’s my dad,” I confessed. My friends loved my father, so I knew my dramatic statement would cause an uproar.
“My buddy? I saw him at the game. What’s the problem? He’s the best,” Ella said, having no reason to think he’d cause me grief.
“Yeah, he went to the game and left early. Check this out; I came home, girl, and he’s got a squeeze. Some hoochie I have never met and absolutely can’t stand. He was making out with her all hot and heavy in the family room. They were practically doing the do right before I walked in.”
“You caught him, girl?” Ella said, frowning and chuckling at the same time.
“See, you think this is funny,” I said, clearly not happy.
“No, no, I’m just tripping. Your pops? I don’t even want to imagine it. Ew.”
“Exactly, and he’s not even your dad. It was double ew for me.”
“Well, you were supposed to spend the night at Charli’s.”
“He’s just a hypocrite,” I yelled.
“What do you mean? He’s an adult,” Ella defended.
“Yeah, but he tells me to save sex until I’m married. Why was he tryna have it? He’s not married to that lady. I don’t even think he and my mom got a divorce.”
“I didn’t think he and your mom ever got married. How could they get divorced?” Ella asked.
“The common law stuff applies,” I vented, remembering I told my girlfriends way too much.
“Can I just talk to you?” Ella said. “ ’Cause you know I love you, right? So if I say anything, it’s coming from a good place. I know you like to hear positive things, but sometimes you gotta hear the truth even though it’s hard to swallow.”
“Talk to me,” I said to her, believing I was ready to hear some straight talk.
“Your dad needs to be happy. All he does is fix cars, work all the time, and take care of you. Me and my sister wish we could get my mom somebody. She’s working three jobs and has no social life, while our dad’s got a brand new family and doesn’t even give her the time of day. I don’t know if she’s still caught on him or not, but I’m saying all this to say her life needs to move on, and if your dad’s life is moving on, don’t get in the way of his happiness.”
I just looked away at that moment. I heard what she was saying, but that wasn’t the place I was at. This was my father, the man who was supposed to love me. He should not have love in his heart for some lady who would tell him to give me space in a time of crisis. What the heck? I was so upset this Greta person would say that and not realize that I could wreck my car in the state I was in.
“You don’t understand,” I finally said to Ella.
“I do understand, Hallie. The thing is all of us do. Me, Charli, Eva, and Randal think you are jealous of other people. The crazy thing is, you have no reason to be. We see you squinting and rolling your eyes, not being happy for us. When we are happy for ourselves, it’s like you hate that or something. If you love people, you should love them without conditions. And if you weren’t so busy in everybody else’s Kool-Aid, you would understand your flavor’s sweet enough.” I looked away again. “You can respond so we can talk about it, or we can just watch the TV.”
She waited for me to respond. I felt like I was unable to breathe much less talk. Ella shrugged her shoulders and threw me a blanket.
When the commercial came on, Ella said, “I love you, but you need to take in what I’m saying. We called you out, girl. We got your number, and you need to work on that.”
“Hallie, get up sweetheart,” a soothing female voice said to me.
I jumped up, unaware of where I was. I didn’t know how long I’d been sleeping. However, I realized all that I had been through with my dad was not a dream. Ms. Blount, Ella and Eva’s mom, was standing right over me.
“It’s okay, baby, it’s just me. Your dad’s been looking for you.”
“He doesn’t care about me. Trust me, Mama B. Please, don’t tell him where I am.”
“Well, honey, I didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to know. Us parents of the five musketeers have a close connection because you girls are growing, and we need to have an alliance so we’ll always know where you are at all times. So when he called me, I was on my way home, and I was happy to report that your car was here. I don’t know everything that’s been going on, so I don’t know what’s got you and him so upset, but I can tell you this,” she said, giving my shoulder a squeeze, “he loves you, and he wants you to come home.”
“Do I have to go?” I whispered.
“You know the answer to that. No, you don’t. If I say you do have to go, you might go somewhere else you’re not ready for. Your father knows that too. He wants you to go home on your terms, but he wants you to know that he’s sorry, and that he wants to talk to you. Those are the two things he told me to tell you. As parents, we make mistakes. Again, I’m not trying to go all into detail about what happened with you and your dad, but I know it can’t be so bad that you can’t forgive him.”
“It was bad,” I said to her before looking down.
“Have you ever done anything that you needed him to forgive you for?” she asked.
That was a trick question because she knew the answer was yes. I knew where she was going with this. If I had done something wrong before then, I needed to forgive him as he had forgiven me.
Making her job easier, I said, “I got it.” I stood with outstretched arms. “I know parents aren’t perfect, and I appreciate you admitting that, Mama B, but sometimes y’all do stuff that break us down, and I thought your job was to lift us up.”
She put her arms around me and said, “Point taken. For someone to be so wise and make such a profound statement, you can build your own self up. You don’t need to look to your dad, friends, or anyone else to give you happiness. Dig way deep down in your soul and find your own path. I’ma need for you to be strong because when your girlfriend, Miss Eva, walks her little butt up in my house, and it’s after three o’clock in the morning, she will get down, and she’ll need a counselor. I’m sure whatever it was with your dad didn’t mess you up the way your girlfriend’s about to be jacked.”
“Huh,” I said huffing, thinking if she only knew.
“Cut your father some slack, catch some sleep here, and I’ll tell him you’ll be home in the morning. Is that good?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The next day when I pulled up, my dad’s car was there. He was usually at his shop early on Saturday mornings. I did not know what I was going to find. Was Greta there with him? Was he still angry with me? Or did he even care that I was back home? I opened the door and saw him rise up from his recliner. He rushed over to the door, displaying the same remorseful face that I saw last night.
“Hallie, I apologize about last night. I don’t wanna keep on saying I’m sorry. I overheated and I crossed the line with you. I know some parents spank, slap, and kick, but that’s never been me and you. Oh, look at your face, it’s a little puffy. I knew I hit you too hard. I just couldn’t believe the things you were saying, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I love you, baby. You are my number one girl. That’s never gonna change,” he expressed with full emotion.
“Dad, please, don’t tell me what you think I wanna hear. I was just with Ella and she was right. Maybe only wanting to hear the good stuff isn’t good for me. I’m not ready for you to have a girlfriend. I just have to go on the record and say that. However, I know you need to be happy, and you need to love your life. But I’m simply not ready for that, Dad.”
“I know, baby,” he said, as he grabbed me and let me cry on his chest. “Don’t worry about that. We’ll get this figured out. Right now we need to get me and you solid again, get our connection flowing the right way. Tell me you forgive me, baby,” he pleaded in a caring tone.
“I’m sorry too, Dad. I forgive you, but I need you to forgive me for being a jerk. I know I pushed all the wrong buttons, but I just thought you and mom—”
He cut me off and said, “Come on, Hallie, not . . . not that again. Your mom and I are never gonna get back together. Ever. That’s over. I don’t even know if she’s got herself together . . . I don’t know, I just . . . I don’t wanna talk about your mom. I’m not trying to get upset again,” he said. “I’m gonna go work on your car, wanna help me?”
“You going to work on my clunker?” I said, knowing it had been on its last legs for a bit.
“Yeah, maybe we can bond, hang out, fix it up. Would you like that?”
“Yes,” I said, remembering days when I’d just hang out with my dad at the mechanic shop and be his little assistant.
For us to do that again really meant a lot to me. He walked back over to me, put both of his hands on my face, and said, “I just wanna tell you, I love you so much, and we’re gonna continue to talk to each other and not let emotions get out of hand anymore. Okay?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
We were bonding, and it was a great thing. I was glad that I didn’t seriously think about ending my life. That was yesterday’s drama. What a difference a day made! Note to self: a good team keeps playing until the game is over. Life could change in a moment, and it could change for the better; you never know.
My girls really did have a huge influence over me. I took every single word that Ella boldly told me to heart. I needed to quit looking at what other people had that I wanted and figure out a way to better me instead. Not only did my dad fix my car and have it riding perfectly, but he gave it a paint job, and he knocked out some of the dents. My ride wasn’t brand new like Charli’s pretty, black BMW, but it wasn’t a dud anymore either. It had a little flare, and I had some confidence that it was not going to break down at any moment.
Already I was moving in the right direction. Being more proud and satisfied, my dad gave me some money to take tumbling lessons so I could try and get the skills I lacked. I was headed to the Cheertowne gym and secretly hoped to see Amir from my school. If he wasn’t there, I really hoped there was someone who could teach me what I thought was impossible—how to tumble. I could not believe I had the nerve to try this.
When I pulled up to the gym and saw all of the cars, I lost my nerve. Actually, I started getting antsy. My dad was in his car behind me. He had to follow me over to sign waivers.
After parking and not getting out, he knocked on my window and said, “Let’s go in.”
I shook my head. He tried to open my car door, but it was locked. The knots in my stomach had grown in size from golf balls to softballs.
“Come on, baby, you can do this. You want me to take the tumbling lessons too? If you don’t get outta that car, I will take the lesson and show you that it’s no sweat to flip.”
The last thing I wanted to do was have my father embarrass me or have people gossip. As I saw a crowd of folks walk inside and stare, I knew they would be able to identify him with me. Because I took too long to think, he headed inside.
I quickly got out and hollered, “Okay, okay, I’m gonna try. I don’t want you to pay for a whole month though. I just wanna take one class. Let’s just see how that goes because there’s no need for me to stay if I can’t perform.”
When I walked into the gym, it was super crowded. There were a lot of little girls. I could peek into the gym and see so many people tumbling on the wall-to-wall mats and doing their thing. I had to get this, but truly I felt too old to learn. I hated how I was second-guessing myself. When I saw a familiar girl, I exhaled because I was so relieved.
“Hey, you go to my school don’t you?” I asked the girl at the counter. My dad was busy filling out papers.
“Yeah, I’m Lexus. I’m a senior at Lockwood High.”
Intrigued I asked, “You work here?”
“Yeah, I’m teaching tumbling.”
I started biting my nails. It was a really bad habit. With the acrylics my dad had invested in, I had not been biting them lately. However, when I was super nervous and sick to my stomach, my fingers just managed to find a way into my mouth, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“You’ll be fine,” she said. “Let’s get to work.”
I started looking around the gym. I knew I was looking for Amir, but I couldn’t find him. So I had to try with her.
“You want me to stay?” my dad asked, seeing I was scared.
“No, Dad. That’s why I drove my car. You go on ahead and work. You stayed home with me yesterday. You’re already behind. I’ll see you afterwards. Thanks so much.”
“Well, come by the shop when you’re done. You know I can’t hear the cell ringing,” my dad said, “and I wanna hear how the session went.” He gave me a peck on the cheek and was gone.
After I warmed up, Lexus and I tried flipping. I watched to see what she was doing, and she expected me to do it, but that wasn’t working. When she tried to flip me over, she wasn’t strong enough. She wanted me to do a backbend, but that was difficult too. I was so frustrated.
Just when I was about to give up, the place erupted with little girls laughing. Amir had walked into the gym, and all the little girls ran up to him like he was some rock star or something. It was amazing to watch. He bent down and gave them all high-fives. He was really cool with those babies. Not only did Amir know the right things to say, it was apparent he knew what to do. Lexus stopped paying attention to me. Checking him out I saw that he was muscular and quite handsome—even more handsome than I remembered.
“I’ll be right back. Keep stretching,” she said. She rushed over to the mayhem.
She tried to tell the little tumblers to keep working out, but they didn’t wanna work with the other coaches. They wanted to work with Amir. Maybe he had the magic touch? I so wished he’d come over and help me, but I knew that was going to be impossible. I knew I looked awkward in there working out. I sure felt gangly. Then an older gentleman came out and called Lexus into his office, and Amir came over to me.
Amir playfully said, “Hey, so I see you took me up on coming to the gym. You think you can do this, huh?”
“You told me I could. I’m starting to doubt it, but I figured I’d give it a try. Why? Can you help?” I flirted back.
“Yeah, I was coming in today to pick up a check, but I don’t mind helping at all. If you’re okay with that. Put your hands over your head and bend back.”
“We just tried that, and it didn’t work.”
“I got you, try it,” Amir encouraged.
He put his arm underneath my back. “Just go back and put your hands on the mat.”
I took a deep breath and bent backwards. Before I knew it, he pushed my hands back a little. I had done it.
“Kick over,” he commanded.
That was a joke, but somehow I found the strength and I did it. When he wanted me to flip forward, I thought he was joking, but I tried it and fell, toppling Amir as well. He landed on me and our eyes locked. Our hearts were both racing; I could feel his beating in unison with mine. There was something about Amir that attracted me, and I could tell he was attracted to me too.
“If you’re committed to this, we can get you tumbling. You’ve got muscles. You want it. You just got to get over your fear, and I think that’s gonna come with practice. These mats aren’t going to let you hurt yourself. As long as I’m standing here, you’ll be fine. Are you in?” His eyes asked the same question and I nodded. “The goal is to have you doing handsprings in a couple of weeks.”
“That’s impossible,” I told him.
“I don’t believe in impossible. Whatever it is that I want, I go get.”
“Well, I think you better get up before these little kids around here get the wrong idea.”
“I’m not getting you all steamed up, am I?”
“Ha-ha-ha,” I laughed because of course the answer was yes, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
When we both stood up and he quickly turned away, I could see that his pants started getting a little tight. I realized I was getting him excited too. Yeah, Amir was into me in a way he could not control. We kept practicing and smiling. How cool, a connection made.