My life was spiraling out of control because I had just seen my naked mother offering her pathetically wasted body to some lowlife to save me from a terrible fate. That image would forever be seared in my memory, but I wanted to erase it completely from my brain. There was no way that I would ever be able do that. She looked dirty. She was skinny. She smelled. Her teeth were crumbling. She looked trashy, and she was selling her body to get a fix. It was too much. The only thing I knew to do was get drunk and hopefully forget it all. With shaky hands I dialed my girl Randal.
“Where you guys going?” I asked bluntly.
“Um, hello to you too,” Randal replied. “Eva said that senior running back Waxton is having a party. Come swing by his place. We’re on our way there.”
“I called you!” Ella yelled out in the background.
“Me too!” Charli said.
“And don’t come dressed like a nun,” Eva added.
I did not even care what I had on. I was not going home because my dad would be able to tell I was upset. Plus now that I knew my pops had a girlfriend, the last thing I wanted to do was go home unannounced. I told him I would be hanging out for the evening, and that was exactly what I was going to do. Once I got the directions, I headed over to Waxton’s house.
The team was relaxing because it was a bye week, which meant we did not have a game. I hoped that the bye week would not halt our momentum because our team needed to tighten up on defense. Their secondary looked weak. If the opposing team was throwing long bombs left and right, we could not deflect them or intercept them. We needed new players or at least one.
Amir had talent, but I was not even going to stress with the fact that he did not want to play. One thing I realized was people had to live their own lives. However, if I was taking his advice about tumbling and receiving his help to become a better gymnast, the least he could do was take my advice as well and play football.
When I got there, I did not see my girls. Obviously, I had beaten them. They were probably in some nearby restaurant bathroom primping. I did not know what Waxton’s parents did or where they were, but they had an open bar downstairs. I walked right up to it and told a guy, who I recognized from school, to give me something strong.
“Can I see your ID?” Pinecone had the nerve to ask me.
I said with attitude, “Are you serious, Pinecone? Who in here is the right age?”
Pinecone threw up his hands. “Dang! Chill, lil’ mama. I was just playing. Ease out, ease out! Here you go. You need something quick to take the edge off. What you do? Catch your man cheating?”
“Nah, I caught my mom selling herself to her pimp for drugs,” I barked. I tossed back my drink.
“Oh, dang. TMI, girlfriend. Too much information. For real, for real.” Pinecone frowned.
I looked at the empty little glass. “Two more, please. And next time don’t ask me questions if you don’t want to know the answer.”
He filled up that little glass and gave me another one. “You need two shots. Cut your mama some slack. That diamond around your neck cost money and had to be paid for.”
I touched my necklace, and I thought about a happier time in my life when all was right in the world. I had just turned thirteen. The lovely solitaire was the gift my parents gave me. Why did things have to go all wild? Why did my mom have to lose her job? Why did my parents fall out of love with each other? Why, why, why? So many questions . . . no freaking answers.
I lost track of how many shots I took, but I was feeling good. When Ella and Randal found me, I was out of it. Luckily, I could tell it was them.
“Hey girls!” I slurred and promptly fell down.
Ella caught me and said, “What is going on with you? Oh my gosh, your breath stinks! How many of these did you give her?” she asked Pinecone. He had a guilty look, but he was not saying nothing.
Ella asked him again. Pinecone shrugged. She looked at me for an answer, but I laughed and shrugged. It was a happy world. I was so mellow.
Randal said, “Hallie, why are you drinking like this? You’re a mess.”
“If you’re going to be so high socially . . . I mean high senility . . . I mean high—”
Randal interrupted, “High society.”
Hugging her, I said, “Yeah, you knew what I was trying to say. Then get out of my face! Go, go . . .”
At that moment, I saw Amir or a guy that looked like him talking to Lexus from Cheertowne. Amir was frowning. I bobbled my way over to them and cut into their conversation.
“You, you . . . like him don’t you?” I said to her. “But he likes me . . .”
“Hallie, you been drinking,” Amir said, clearly bummed out by my behavior.
“Give this man a million dollars! You are correct, sir,” I said to him.
Lexus said to him, “Ugh, and this is what you want? What does she have that I don’t have?”
“Nothing, I have nothing that you don’t have. I have no mother. I have no mother. Did I say I have no mother?” And I fell toward Amir.
Ella and Randal came up to him and Ella said, “Could you help us get our friend home?”
“Amir, you just gonna leave? We’re talking,” Lexus said.
I mouthed “Sorrrrry,” and then he said something to her and we headed outside. I passed by somebody who had a bottle. I grabbed it and chugged some more. When Amir saw me, he took it and threw the bottle away.
“What are you doing?” he growled. “Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re too good to make stupid choices.”
“I’m too stupid to make stupid choices says the man with all the baller potential who doesn’t want to get hit. You scared of getting hit, little baby?” I teased.
I must have upset him because he backed away. Randal and Ella came up on both sides of me. “We got her,” Ella said. “Can you just follow us to her car?”
“I also have my own car here,” he said.
Ella rationalized, “Well, could you take her home, and we’ll follow you in her car? Then you could bring us back.”
Amir nodded and Randal asked me, “Where are your keys, Hallie?”
“Keys, what are keys?” I said to them.
“Hallie, where are your car keys!” Ella demanded. She slapped my face lightly.
Thinking I was sobering up, I overreacted and yelled, “Don’t hit my face! You remember my dad slapped me, and I didn’t like it then, so don’t slap my face now, okay? Just. Don’t.”
Ella whispered, “Hallie, quit tripping! This guy likes you, and you are being so stupid.”
“I don’t feel good,” I said.
Amir said, “Well, you need to throw up right now because I don’t want any of that in my car. Talk about dads . . . mine would have a fit. Throw up right now.”
“Don’t be so hard on her,” Ella said to Amir.
Randal turned to Ella. “Let him handle her. He obviously cares.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t need to be so rough,” Ella fretted.
Randal replied, “Whatever, you’re the one who just slapped her.”
Ella said, “I was just trying to get her to wake up, and it wasn’t that hard.”
I said, “I hear you guys talking and . . .”
The next thing I knew, a whole bunch of stuff inside of me came out all over my girls’ feet. I could not even apologize because I felt so weak. My head was spinning like a top. I was done.
“We’re going to wash off. You take her home. She lives right by the school.”
“Let me see her license,” he requested.
They went into my purse. Ella handed him my license. He plugged it into his GPS. He made sure I was fastened in, and then the two of us were off. I still felt wobbly. Every move he made felt like I was in a bumper car.
“Could you slow down?” I huffed.
“Could you not be drunk?” he fumed.
“Why would you do this, Hallie? Why you get drunk like this? I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. You’re not even fully conscious right now.”
“Not even fully conscious right now . . .” I mimicked back at him.
Amir was upset with me, and I was upset with myself. But what was done was done. I wanted to feel better, but unfortunately I felt worse.
“Amir, you naughty boy, get your hands out of my shirt,” I teased, completely intoxicated as Amir helped me out of his car.
I am sure that he was the perfect gentleman, but it felt fun to play with him.
He corrected, “Hallie, my hand is on your arm. Come on. I just want to confirm this is your house. This is what was on your driver’s license, but I don’t want to bring you to the wrong door. Is your dad going to be cool with me bringing you home?”
“Oh, you got to kiss me. I want to get my dad back. I remember I came home and saw him with this lady. We could do the same thing. Come on, come on. Kiss me!” I said, as I puckered my lips and weaved in and out on my wobbly legs.
I was trying to jump on Amir, but my balance was way off, and I completely missed his body. When I fell to the ground, he bent down to pull me up, and I yanked him down on top of me.
“The ground’s all wet! Come on, Hallie, I don’t want to take you in your house all dirty. Hallie, stop playing,” Amir said in an irritated tone.
“You don’t want to kiss me? You want to pick up where we left off? I know how to kiss now. I’m not going to bite your lip. What if you bite mine?” I thought that I had my flirt on.
“Get up!” he said harshly.
Suddenly, I heard a boom. Amir looked up and started panicking. It was then that I figured my daddy had come out and slammed the door shut behind him.
My father rushed over to the two of us. “What is going on over here? Why is my daughter’s shirt practically open? And she’s drunk? Young man, who are you? I don’t believe this!” my dad said coldly, as he took me by the arm and pushed Amir back.
“No, no, no, sir,” Amir said, putting his arms in the air. “You’ve got the wrong idea.”
“The wrong idea,” my father yelled. “You bring my daughter home drunk, her clothes aren’t even put together, and you’re telling me I can’t make out what I see.”
“Calm down, sir. Please, let me explain,” Amir said as calmly as he could. Lights started to pop on in the houses around the neighborhood.
My dad was beyond pissed off. “Calm down? This is my child! Don’t tell me to calm down!”
“Dad, why all the fussing? It’s a sun-shiny day. Wait, where’s the sun?” I said to the big full moon.
“Hallie, go inside the house,” my dad screamed at me.
“Aye, aye, captain,” I said with a salute.
Amir continued pleading his case, “Sir, I’m not trying to offend you or be disrespectful. I was just trying to explain.”
“Get off my property. Where’s my daughter’s car?” my father ranted.
“Why are you yelling, Dad? You should have some of the shots I had. I’m so happy. I’m forgetting all about how I saw Mom at the crack house,” I blurted. Oops. I quickly put my hand over my mouth and laughed, knowing that I’d told my dad something I should have kept to myself.
“You what? Where have you been, Hallie? And where’s your car? Please tell me you weren’t drinking and driving.”
Ella and Randal pulled up at that moment. I pointed to my ride. I was smiling again because in my intoxicated brain, all was right with the world.
I whispered, “Dad, I like him. No fussing at the guy.” Then I started crying. “Dad, if you hit him like you hit me, he’ll never come back.”
“Hallie, get yourself together, girl!” my father beseeched.
Ella could tell there was drama, so she cut in, “Mr. Ray, let us explain. This is not Amir’s fault. We asked him to bring Hallie home.”
“Why is she drunk?” my father demanded.
“When we got to the party, she was already trashed,” Ella confessed, sending me a contrite look.
Again I smiled. At that moment I really had no clue she was getting me deeper in trouble. But Randal did, and she hit Ella in the arm.
Realizing she wasn’t helping the situation, Ella said, “Sir, I mean, she had something to drink. We got her out of there immediately. We knew that since we needed to get her car home, we could ask Amir to help. He is a guy from our junior class, and he is a responsible driver—”
“How do you know he’s a responsible driver? You ever seen him drive before?” my father grilled her.
Ella pitifully tried explaining, “Well, it’s just that—”
My dad cut her off and said, “Okay, save it.”
Amir was frustrated too. “Sir, I got your daughter home in one piece. I promise you, I had nothing to do with her drinking. I don’t support it. I told her it was wrong.”
“Still doesn’t explain her clothes practically off her body. Just go.” My dad pointed toward the street and off our lot.
“No, Amir, don’t go,” I begged.
“Hallie, what are you doing?” my dad asked. “Ella, Randal, y’all get her in the house right now.”
My girls pulled me away. My father said more harsh words to Amir. Amir turned back around, stood there, and took it. My girls led me to the door.
Randal said, “He was supposed to take us back to the party, but now . . .”
“Just get her inside,” Ella said. “We’ll have to call Charli. She’ll swing through and pick us up.”
Limp as a cooked piece of spaghetti, I said, “I’m sorry, y’all. I’m so sorry. Y’all love me, don’t you? Kisses, kisses . . .”
“Hallie, you know you’re going to be grounded forever,” Ella said to me with a quick shake of her head.
“And if you throw up on our feet again . . .,” Randal threatened. “You’re dad won’t have to kill you, because I will.”
Ella said, “Right, that was gross, Hallie.”
“I threw up on your feet? Oh y’all, I’m sorry,” I said breathlessly.
Randal said she was going to the kitchen to get me a glass of water. Water was probably a good idea because I felt my heart start racing.
I squealed, “Ella, you got to get my dad. I think I’m going to die. My chest, it hurts really bad!”
Ella shouted, “Randal hurry up with the water! This happened to Eva a couple of times. When you drink too much alcohol too fast sometimes it does weird things. That’s why you need to lay off the bottle, girl. You know you can’t handle anything, much less two or three or four shots of who knows what Pinecone had you drinking.”
“I know, right? That bartender liked me. Do you think Amir hates me?” I asked with fingers crossed.
“Girl, he is so cute, but you took that boy through a whole bunch of drama. I don’t know if he’s ever going to talk to you again,” Ella laughed.
I just looked at her dumbfounded. Randal could not get the water in my mouth fast enough. I chugged it and it did seem to soothe my heart. Randal went back to the bathroom and got washcloths. She brought a wet cloth to my face and wiped it really hard.
I complained. “Ouch!”
Randal said, “Hold still, we’re not putting you in the shower, but we need to clean you up a little bit.”
I was in and out of it, but I could tell they were talking about me. Ella mentioned something about that this was all because of my mom. Randal said she could only imagine how I must feel. Seeing my mom messing up her life that way, I knew they understood why I had to drink my troubles away.
Waving my hand in front of them, I said, “I’m okay. I’m here. I hear y’all.”
“Yeah, okay,” Ella said, pacifying me. She knew I still wasn’t fully myself. “Let’s get in bed now. Come on. Get under the covers.”
My dad came to my bedroom door and said, “Ladies, thank you for being really good friends to Hallie.”
Ella said, “No problem, sir. We just wanted you to know that we did tell Amir to bring her home. It’s our fault. Don’t be mad at him.”
My dad responded, “It’s fine. It’s over. I’m glad she’s safe. Do I need to take you guys somewhere?”
Ella said, “No, thank you. Charli should be picking us up any minute. We texted her a while ago.”
“Okay, thanks. Hallie’s got a lot she’s dealing with, but she’s blessed to have good friends like y’all. If I need to talk to your parents to let them know where you are, I can do that.”
“No, sir. We did that too.”
“This is just great. So now they know my daughter got drunk,” my dad said. “They’re really not going to like you hanging out with her now. I don’t know why Hallie didn’t think about the consequences.”
“Sir, you know my mom doesn’t judge like that,” Ella said reflecting on how down Mama B always was.
Then Randal spoke up, “And my parents love Hallie. Don’t worry, they will get on her for making a bad choice, but they won’t keep me from hanging out with her.”
“I appreciate that, girls. I just want my daughter to know I love her. Just because some bad things have happened to her doesn’t mean she has to bring more bad things upon herself. I’m truly disappointed,” my father sighed.
There was a horn honking. They all left my room, and I wiped tears from my face. I guess lying there in the quiet by myself made me able to rationalize better. I had made a dumb choice and completely embarrassed myself. Worse than that, I had gotten Amir, the guy I really liked, in trouble with my father. I had also made my father upset. I knew no temporary buzz was worth the humiliating lesson learned.
My final humiliation was the most excruciating headache the next morning. It felt like someone had taken my head and knocked it against the pavement. I actually put my hands on my head to make sure I had not cracked my skull. In addition to thinking I had a head injury, my body felt as if it had been hit by a truck. I felt worse than awful and less than zero.
I rolled over and looked at the clock and saw that it was two in the afternoon. I jumped up immediately and wondered if I had forgotten cheerleading practice or school or church, but then I realized it was Saturday. My dad was kind enough to let me chill. However, it was time for me to get up.
Then it dawned on me. My dad was probably so ticked. I thought really hard on everything that transpired the night before. Reliving it all broke my heart. I still could not get over the fact that my mom sold her body for drugs. And she had to give her body over yesterday so the thugs would not break me. As mad as I was at her for living in such a horrible way, I wanted to hug her and thank her for protecting me in the end.
Then I remembered my bout with the alcohol. Pinecone must have known better, but at least now I knew that I never needed to drink to excess again. But how did I get home? Then I smiled, remembering Amir Knight.
I knew he had to think horribly of me, but I knew he was certainly the one who came to my rescue. And then my girls Ella and Randal having my back and making sure I got home safely. I did not deserve their friendship, but I was going to make certain I let them know I was appreciative.
“Oh, so I see somebody’s up, huh? Well, we need to talk right now. Drinking, Hallie, seriously?” my dad said. He could see that I was hurting as he came into my room and saw me sitting up in my bed with my knees close to my chest.
I humbly said, “I’m sorry, Dad. I owe you such a huge apology. Sorry.”
Needing answers, my dad said, “And this young man . . . he explained to me that he wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. That he didn’t give you any alcohol.”
“No, Dad.”
“Well, who is he?”
“He’s this guy I’ve been talking to. At Cheertowne, he’s my instructor, but he goes to my school. I’m almost close to flipping and realizing my dreams because of him. He’s a really, really nice guy.”
“Knowing all the facts, I know he cares. I feel bad that I was real rude to the young brother,” my dad admitted.
“You hate me, huh?” I said to my dad as I hung my head in shame.
“I’m disappointed. You know I don’t allow you to go looking for your mom, particularly not by yourself, Hallie. I know you want to see her and make sure she’s okay and all, but dang, girl. No telling what could have happened to you down there. What would have happened if you didn’t make it back here? I don’t know what I would have done. I just wish you would think. We’re going to fix all of this. We’re going to have a nice family dinner to discuss it. You and me.”
I leapt out of bed and went to hug his neck. “Daddy-daughter time?” I asked
“Don’t try to be all nice and sweet. You are going to be grounded, but I do want to have a chance to talk with this young man, and I need you to do me a favor too.”
“Anything, Dad. I certainly owe you for not being blazing mad. I just needed to not feel the pain, ya know?”
“No, there is never an excuse to drink. You don’t know, someone could have put something in that drink. We have a lot to talk about. You do owe me,” he repeated.
“Okay, name it. What do you want me to do? Straighten out your closet, come to the shop and clean up down there? Get your files organized? What? Name it, Dad and it’s done,” I said.
“I’d like to have dinner this week with Amir.”
“Wow, that’s great,” I said, thinking that was not bad at all.
“Good, let’s call him now, and I’d like for Greta to be there as well,” he said, ushering in the bad news.
“Huh? That lady?”
“She’s not just some lady, Hallie. We have to find a way to move on with our lives. I want you to be respectful and get to know her. Can you do that for me?”
A couple of days later, I still did not have the answer to my father’s question as I sat beside Amir at the dinner table. However, I had to look at this lady make goo-goo eyes at my dad. None of us were saying anything. It was really an uncomfortable moment. I could see in her eyes she wanted to tell me she would be the perfect step-monster, but hopefully she could get from my body language that I did not want her anywhere around. Amir was trying to tell to me to cool down, ease up, not be so hard, but he didn’t dare say anything because he knew I was broken.
“So, young man, tell me about yourself.”
“Well, sir, I—”
Before he could say anything, there was a hard knock on the door. The harsh sound startled us all. I shrugged.
“Hallie, you’re not expecting anybody are you?” my dad said to me.
And I looked back at him like, No. Are you expecting anybody? Plus that somebody was going to almost beat the door down. My father got up and went to the door, and all of a sudden Mom pushed him back and rushed into the dining room.
My mother frantically bellowed, “Where’s my baby? I need to see her. I need to tell her I’m so sorry. I need to make sure she’s okay. Oh my gosh . . .”
“Mom?” I said, still hating that she looked tore up from the floor up.
“Mom, I’m okay,” I was slightly embarrassed that my new guy friend was there to see how fragile and unkempt my mom was, but I didn’t want her to leave. I needed to see if she was ready to leave that crazy world, but my dad grabbed her arm.
He barked, “What are you doing coming over to my house? And how’d you get here? Who’s with you? I don’t want anyone knowing where we live, thinking they can rob us to pay for your habits. And what was going on with my daughter a few days ago? What are you talking about, her safety? Hallie, we need to talk about all that you saw. Get out, Alisha! Get out!” my dad practically demanded.
My mom said, “I don’t want to leave right now. I want to talk to my baby. You can’t make me leave!”
“Oh, yes, I can. Remember I have a court order keeping you off the premises.”
“A court order, Dad?” I was shocked. “She’s my mom. You can’t keep her away from me.”
“Yes, I can! I don’t tell you all the things that go on with your mom. She steals from this house.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” my mama said. “I’m sorry. Please just let me talk to you, Hallie. I don’t want you—”
“Get out of my house, right now!” my father roared louder than a real lion.
“I need help. You got to understand. I need help,” my mother cried.
“Well, go get help then. You’re not getting any more from here. You’ve burned your last bridge,” my dad said. With a huge shove, he pushed my mom out of the house. She fell to the ground, and he slammed the door shut.
I wanted to get him to move so I could go outside. However, he stood firmly in front of the door almost daring me to open it. It was a very charged moment, and we were highly upset.