SCENE 2

At the Old Orchard Mall.

Enter JANIS IAN.

JANIS No kind employment have I in this mall,

Where all is hormones, vanity, and greed.

I spend my day at peddling soaps and creams

With which a person may deceive themselves,

Believing thereby they attain to beauty,

Ne’er knowing beauty’s only found within.

It were an excellent job that were made

In the midway ’twixt this and prophecy:

The one’s too like an image speaking false,

The other too like children, ever tattling.

Enter CADY HERON and DAMIAN aside, browsing.

CADY Good day, my friends. Take heed: in those three women’s

Midst I have spent mine hours auxiliary.

They write within a Burn Book, where an army

Of slander gives them some esprit de corps.

JANIS What doth it say of me?

CADY    —Thou’rt not within.

JANIS O wenches vile, who mock their sisters so.

[Damian approaches them.

DAMIAN This lotion, shall it minimize my pores?

JANIS Nay. [To Cady:] Caddy, thou must take the wretched book.

CADY Not on my life.

JANIS     —’Twould be an act of justice!

We could the pages publish, that our school

Would know how, like an ax, she woundeth all.

CADY I do not steal, ’tis not within my nature.

JANIS [to Damian:] Thou jester, thou dost browse at cream for feet.

[To Cady:] Kind Caddy, evil calls in double voice:

There is the evil that doth evil acts,

Which is, as all do know, detestable.

The other evil, though, is eviler—

’Tis people who, though seeing evil acts,

Stand meekly by, do naught to end the wrong.

Enter MADAM NORBURY, browsing.

DAMIAN Mean’st thou I, then, am bound by obligation

That lady’s horrid garments to destroy?

Wait, now I see—’tis Madam Norbury!

JANIS How I do love to see a teacher when

She is not in the schoolhouse, by my troth—

’Tis like a dog who walketh ’pon hind legs!

NORBURY Good afternoon, I did not see ye here.

JANIS Here stand I, practicing my calling true:

To peddle moderately valued soap.

DAMIAN Are you here shopping, Madam Norbury?

NORBURY Nay, hither came I with my paramour—

The scruffy fellow yonder whom you see.

’Tis but a jest—sometimes we elders joke.

DAMIAN My nana, when inebriated, doth

Remove her false hair from atop her pate.

NORBURY Thy nana and myself have this in common.

The truth is, I do work a second job

As bartender for two nights ev’ry week,

O’er at P. J. Calamity’s nearby.

Requir’d am I to wear this button’d vest

And, each new day, more buttons to acquire—

I fetch me trifles, and return again,

As from a voyage, rich with merchandise.

JANIS [aside:] In faith, it seems she hath it worse than me.

NORBURY I hope thou shalt join Mathletes, Cady, for

We start our meetings in a fortnight’s time.

’Twould be well for the team to have a lass—

E’en thus the team could meet a lass for once.

CADY Methinks ’twould be a pleasure; I shall join.

NORBURY Magnificent! Thy presence shall be welcome.

DAMIAN ’Tis social suicide to join that team.

NORBURY My thanks, kind Damian. This scene hath been

Sufficient in its awkwardness replete.

Upon the morrow I shall see ye three.

CADY Farewell.

NORBURY      —Farewell.

[Exit Madam Norbury.

JANIS      —How bleak her character.

Back to the main: when shalt thou see Regina?

CADY Make not too rash a trial of me, for

I’m gentle and not fearful. Still, I may

Not spy upon her anymore; ’tis wrong.

JANIS She never shall discover what thou dost—

’Twill be a secret shar’d among we three.

CADY I’ll think upon the matter further, Janis.

[Exeunt Cady and Damian.

JANIS Perchance withal Regina I’m obsess’d—

Pray judge not until ye are thus distress’d.

[Exit Janis.