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Three weeks later, Tanya was back at work. It was a rough time with her being happy one day, then crying the next. Some nights she had to take a “sleeping aid”, to keep from weeping all night.
The anger she felt that day in the kitchen with her parents, went away, and she started to miss Kenneth. It felt weird waking up and going throughout her day without talking to her “honey”. He tried reaching out, but she’d always decline the call. He arranged for Rod to pick up the rest of his stuff in which she carelessly tossed into trash bags. Tanya thought about destroying everything he had, but her heart didn’t allow it.
On a Saturday evening, Tanya was home alone, cleaning the guest room. Her parents left three days before after convincing them she was okay. Rummaging through old papers, she found the invoice from Kenneth for landscaping work. That invoice meant more than proof of payment. It symbolized the start of their relationship. Tears slowly formed in the corner of her eyes, reading the paper. Thoughts of how it felt when she first saw him crept in. He looked deep into her eyes while explaining his company’s service. That look wasn’t a landscaper happy to deal, the dilation of his pupils said he’d met “the one”.
The tears fell from her face and onto the paper. She wanted to call him to talk. However, a reminder of her wedding day halted that idea. Under more papers, she found venue brochures for the wedding. Discovering that memorabilia was too much to take. Tanya threw away the papers and ended the cleaning session. She then headed downstairs and poured herself a drink.
Sitting on the sofa, she focused on the big decision for London. That following Monday, she would have to give her final decision. Although Tanya initially wanted to go, missing Kenneth made her rethink moving away. After the third sip of Chardonnay, the doorbell rang. It was 8:30pm, with no plans of anyone coming over.
Tanya set down the glass and walked towards the door in an averse pace. Her heart fluttered looking through the peephole, realizing who was on the other side.
She opened the door to a scared Kenneth. They hadn’t seen each other since the night of the rehearsal dinner. He stared at her with a stubble face and wrinkled shirt. It was very apparent that he’d had a few sleepless nights without her.
“Hey, can I come in?” He asked, talking with his hands. “Tanya, I’m sorry for popping up, but I need to see you. Please!”
The feelings of missing him faded, looking at his rugged appearance. His facial expression was of a sad puppy hoping for forgiveness. That alone sent her back into mad mode.
“I don’t want to see you Kenneth!” She scolded, attempting to slam the door.
He stopped the door and pushed his way in. Tanya was appalled at how he entered her home. He stood close, facing her as if he needed to breathe her in. She seared into his pitiful eyes, wondering why he decided to come over after she’d declined his many calls. Unfortunately, he didn’t know what to say. The beautiful soul staring back made him speechless.
“You have ten minutes. And I don’t want to hear an ‘I’m sorry’. I’ve been hearing that from family, friends, co-workers, the neighbors, even Ms. Lucy. The DAMN DRESS MAKER sent me a sympathy card because YOU weren’t man enough to face me on our wedding day!”
Afraid of saying the wrong thing, Kenneth remained mute. His first words were going to be, “I’m sorry” however Tanya’s declaration scrapped those words from leaving his lips.
“WHY ARE YOU HERE!?” She yelled to break his silence.
“Tanya, you just don’t...” He tried to explain.
“Don’t what!?!? Understand?!” Tanya cut him off. “What is there to understand!? Understand that you were scared?! Having second thoughts?! You could have told me that BEFORE our wedding day!”
“Tanya, I...”
“WHAT!?!?” She screamed.
The screeching anger in her voice startled him. He’d never seen her that mad. Echoes of anger rang in his head. Kenneth had to think fast before Tanya would either hit him or put him out.
“I felt like I was holding you back.” He spewed. “I knew you wanted more, and I didn’t allow it.”
“OF COURSE YOU HELD ME BACK! WHY DO YOU THINK I FEEL SO DAMN FOOLISH?” She screamed again.
“Tanya stop screaming please.” He begged. “I know I didn’t do this right, but I couldn’t marry you until I knew this was what you really wanted.”
“Wait a minute. You left me on our wedding day because you needed to know whether or not I was sure? GO TO HELL KENNETH! AND TAKE YOUR DUMBASS EXCUSES WITH YOU! Three weeks and this is what you can come up with? Hell yes, I gave up a lot! Put my dreams aside. But people tend to do that for love! I did that for you! A man, who said himself, that he would love me forever. Tanya walked over to her wine and took a sip before continuing. “Couldn’t even last a day huh? Two and a half years of sacrificing, compromising, allowing you to have your way, and this is what I get. Humiliated and a dumb ass excuse from a dumb ass coward.”
“Tanya...” Kenneth reached for her.
“Get the hell out of my house.” She gritted her teeth.
He knew she wouldn’t budge. Honestly, he wouldn’t expect her to. There was nothing else he could say. The love of his life was broken to the core, all because of him. And there was nothing he could do to fix it. He held his head down and turned back towards the front door.
“So where do we go from here?” He asked as a final try.
“You can go to hell. I’m going to London. I leave in four weeks.” Tanya said in a lower tone and a straight face.
“What?!” He exclaimed walking back towards her. “What is in London?”
“Yes London. You know that Paris opportunity I passed up the first time. For you. I have another waiting for me, and it’s in London. So I’m going to take it.”
“You don’t want to fix this?” He asked, holding back tears. “Tanya, I love you so much. I know I hurt you. Give me a chance to fix this. We’ve never been down this road, don’t give up on us.”
“Goodbye Kenneth.” She waved. “Your gesture in embarrassing and hurting me on our wedding day showed a lot. It showed me that I wasn’t supposed to be your wife. I need to live the life that was destined for me.”
“Tanya...”
“Listen, you called the shots with how our life was going to be. And I went along with it. No, we didn’t those rough times of infidelity, poor communication, even loss of love. But, you never respected what I wanted. You not showing up for me, after I compromised everything for you, showed me that you’ll always be that way. And that’s not the relationship I deserve.” She explained calmly.
Kenneth took a deep breath with one last look at his ex-fiancé. He messed up badly by disappearing on their wedding day, all because of his fear that she would wake up, want more, and he wouldn’t be able to fill that void.
He had the right to feel that way. They both knew they desired different things. The only difference was that Tanya was willing to compromise, and he wasn’t. To top it off, he chose to leave instead of communicating with the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
In Kenneth’s mind, he would come over, have her understand his side, and she’d fall into his arms. He would have spent the rest of his life making up the big mistake by doing his own compromising to ensure she’d have a piece of the life she originally wanted. His plan was to tell her that she could keep the townhome and they’d travel a while before having kids.
On the other side, Tanya finalized the decision before she even knew it. By telling her ex she was leaving for London, sealed the deal on the next phase of her life. She still loved him, but it wasn’t enough to go back to being the Tanya he knew. Part of her felt like she was giving up too soon, however, the man she’d consider to be “the one”, wouldn’t have left her the way Kenneth did.
The pain temporarily subsided as Tanya was ready for the next chapter of her life.
______________________________
“We’re going to miss you, but we know you’ll do us proud in London.” Tanya’s boss, Michelle said in their morning meeting.
“Thank you so much Michelle. It’s been a pleasure working here but, yea, it’s time for more adventures.” She replied.
Her co-workers no longer gave looks of pity due to the wedding that never happened. Instead, she received well wishes and a little envy from the ones who weren’t considered for the job.
Time was winding down, and Tanya didn’t have much of it to prepare. Luckily, her girls were willing to help in the big move.
“It’s going to be weird not being able to see you whenever I want. Now I’m going to have to plan a vacation just to catch up with my best friend.” Shauna said, helping her pack.
“Good! You and Rod need to get out of the country sometimes.” Tanya teased. “When was the last time you guys even took a vacation?”
Shauna looked at her disgusted, then broke into a smile.
“Are you selling this place?” Keena asked, moving packed boxes to the corner of the living room.
“Nope! Shauna and Rod are moving in.”
“Yes! We need more space, and that apartment ain’t cutting it. Rod is so happy to move.” Shauna chimed in. “We’re even thinking about starting a family!”
“Awe a little Shauna! That’s great news. See ladies. I’m moving to London, Shauna and Rod are working on having a baby...Keena, you need a fresh start too. Lord knows we can all benefit from my misfortune.”
“Eh, I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.” She replied, with a worried look. “Are you going to fly out to Miami to see your parents before you leave?”
“No, they’re flying out to London in about a month. You know retired people are always ready to travel.” Tanya laughed. “I think my dad is more excited than I am.”
“Ugh, I’m so sad. I’m losing my BFF.” Shauna teared up.
“Don’t be sad, and you’re NOT losing me.” She reassured.
Tanya walked over to her dramatic friend and gave her a tight hug.
“I’m just going to miss you so much!”
“Ladies, we’ve done enough packing for today. Let’s go out for drinks. On me!” Keena sashayed to get her purse.
“I’m down!” Tanya said.
“Me too!” Shauna agreed.
The ladies hit the streets for a “girls night out”. It was like old times, having drinks and juicy girl talk. Tanya was getting back to her old self, the woman before Kenneth came into the picture. Single, enjoying life, and looking forward to endless possibilities.
The day for Tanya to leave for London finally came. Nervous as she walked onto the plane. The desire to turn back never came, however, she was anxious about what was to come.
Will I be happy here? Is this my forever home? What if this job doesn’t work out. She thought to herself.
Tanya took a seat next to a handsome man in an electric blue business suit. He felt her anxious vibes and thought it would be a nice gesture to break the ice.
“Are you okay?” He smiled, focusing on her deep breaths. “You seem uneasy.”
“I’m fine. Just um, not looking forward to this long flight.”
“Where are you headed?”
“London.”
“Oh wow. That’s major. Vacation?”
“Nope. Moving.” She replied, getting settled in her seat.
“Oh! That’s brave.”
“Yea. I’m a bit of a risk taker.” Tanya laughed. “You stopping in Philly?”
Getting back out to date again wasn’t on her mind. However, seeing this beautiful man in the blue suit gave small thought of trying again.
“Yep. Just for business. Nothing as exciting as you.” He sighed. “Then, I’ll be heading back home to Houston to my wife and daughter.”
“Oh.” She replied disappointed. “That’s nice.”
After finding out he wasn’t available, Tanya quickly decided to keep dating as a low bullet point on the priority list.
“Well, I’m going to take a nap.” She unfolded her blanket. “Didn’t get much sleep in the past two days.”
“Okay. Have a good rest.”
Sleep wasn’t on her mind. She needed to take a moment to remember why it was the best for her to leave Alabama. That plane ride was the first page of a new beginning.
4,313 miles and a layover later, Tanya arrived. She couldn’t wait to get off the plane to breathe in London. The company set her up with a suite at the Conrad London St. James hotel until she found a place of her own. She brought her clothes, shoes, small trinkets, necessary electronics, favorite book collection, and accessories, while the rest of her things remained in a storage unit in Birmingham.
A man in a black suit waited for her at the baggage claim area, holding a sign with her name. She walked up to him and smiled to confirm that she was the woman he was looking for.
“Do you need help with your bags ma’am?” He asked in a thick English accent.
“Please.” Tanya laughed. “I have five.”
The driver graciously carried her bags and loaded them into the car.
“Do you need to make a stop anywhere before the hotel?”
“No stops. Thank you.” She replied, exhausted from the long flight.
Tanya made herself at home in the huge suite, then went straight to bed. The time change had her beat. The next day she was scheduled to meet her new boss and co-workers. It was 10am London time, and Tanya was snuggled in the comfy bed with expensive sheets. At 6pm, she awoke with a growling stomach.
“I need food!” She moaned, getting out of bed.
While ordering dinner from room service, she smiled at the view of Buckingham Palace and Big Ben from the wide window. The view took her back to the day before her wedding, reflecting on how her life was going to be with Kenneth. At that particular moment, all she saw were country fields, run-down buildings, new buildings, basically a simple life she really didn’t want. Tanya had views that were only seen on TV and random store paintings within her reach.
“This is my life now.” She said to herself with tears of joy. “MY life!”