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Tanya took the following day off from the office to work in peace, and calm down from the previous day. Alastair decided to join her and worked from home as well. After the turmoil, she thought it’d be best to take a break from Shauna for a while. Their friendship was spiraling into a bad place, and she needed space in order to move forward with a clearer mind.
As far as the needed conversation with Alastair, Tanya wasn’t ready for what it would bring. He’d done so much for her, proving he was a good man; outside of his secret. Although the truth was unclear, she wasn’t sure how it would affect their relationship if they were to get serious. He, however, never sensed anything wrong. It was itching him to come clean, yet afraid of the backlash.
“Guess what I’ll be doing this weekend.” Alastair popped in, while Tanya took a soothing bath.
“Don’t know.” She replied in a somber voice. “Tell me.”
He was too excited about the good news to acknowledge his lady’s demeanor.
“Remember a long time ago when you encouraged me to get into the entertainment biz? You know, behind the scenes?”
“Yea.”
“Well, I took your advice, and I’m working with a band who’s performing this Friday. I was brought in at the eleventh hour but hey, experience is experience right?”
“That’s good love.” She replied, washing her body as if he wasn’t talking to her.
“You’re coming to the show, right? I did some promos for the gig, and I’m nervous about the turnout. I need you there just in case it doesn’t go well.”
“Sure love. I’ll be there.”
He finally caught on to her low mood. “Are you okay?”
Tanya took a beat to decide what to tell him. She wanted to question him about Gretchen, but the call from the ex-fiancé loomed.
“Just umm...Kenneth called me yesterday. While I was at lunch.”
“What!?!? Why is he bothering you?!” Alastair exclaimed. “Do I need to take care of that?”
Tanya splashed her soap and rag in the water in agitation.
“Calm down. I already took care of that.
“Apparently it’s still bothering you.” He replied, taking a seat on the toilet next to her.
“The worst part about it is that Shauna suggested he call. It’s like she’s forcing him back into my life.”
He stayed silent, thinking about the “what ifs”. Hoping it was truly over between his new love and the old fiancé. In addition, if he were to reveal his truths, it could drive Tanya back into the arms of her past.
“I don’t know what it will take for her to stop. At first, she was okay with me moving here, and now since I’m with you...”
“She wants us to end?”
Tanya nodded.
“That’ll never happen. I’m not going anywhere T. I love you.”
She stopped bathing and turned her focus to him. His eyes were filled with worry and sincerity. Anxious about her response to what he’d just revealed. It would have been a good time to come clean, however, he needed her to know that he loved her before delivering the news.
“What did you just say?”
“I know it’s sudden, but I can’t hide the way I feel about you. I love you. And its perfectly fine if the feelings aren’t there for you right now.” Alastair let out a nervous laugh, then continued. “I just want to continuously show you that this is real for me.”
If only he had said those words prior to the conversation with Brie. Tanya wasn’t 100% sure of what happened between him and Gretchen, but she knew it was something he refused to disclose. That refusal created doubts in her mind about his true intentions.
“I-I’m happy that you feel this way. But, I don’t want to tell you I love you until I know for sure. I hope you understand.”
He nodded. “Of course, take all the time you need. I’m in no rush T. I completely understand.”
Tanya continued her bath as Alastair glowed about his new gig. Once again, the necessary conversation was put on hold, because of another unexpected surprise.
Another two days, and still no conversation. Instead of taking things to him, Tanya decided to deal with the source, Gretchen.
A morning meeting with stress infused demands, and snarky comments from the boss drove Tanya to the limit.
“Gretchen...” She leaned back in her chair.
“Yes Hunter.”
“What is your REAL problem with me?”
“Problem? There’s no problem.” Gretchen smirked.
“Yes, there IS a problem and you know it.”
Tanya arose from her desk and walked to the door to close it. She took a deep breath and turned around to look at the back of Gretchen’s head.
“I know about you and Alastair.”
Gretchen whipped her chair around, with a shocked look on her face.
“What about me and Alastair?”
“I know. And you know what I know.”
Her boss arose from the chair, with a stone face. Tanya walked closer to challenge the woman who had been giving her hell.
“Let’s cut to the chase, boss. You’re upset about me dating Alastair. Fine. Be upset. But what I need to know is, why are you taking it out on me?!”
“You sure you want to hear this?” Gretchen asked folding her arms.
“Spill it!”
“Alastair and I have been together off and on since we met in New York. He was my best-kept secret. I took care of him. He was a lost soul fresh out of Paris with no direction in life. I cleaned him up, got him a job, and helped him get to where he is today. As soon as he got everything he needed out of me, he left. That was just last year.”
“Sounds like a typical case of the foolish woman.” Tanya teased.
“Sounds like you’re mixed up with a user. And did he mention Oliver?”
“Who is Oliver?”
“I figured he wouldn’t tell you everything. Oliver is our son.”
Tanya froze. A child was the last thing she’d think Alastair was hiding.
What kind of man is this? She thought to herself. Wait, Gretchen is lying again.
“Wh-What?” She uttered.
“Yes, Oliver is me and Alastair’s son. I’ll let him fill you in on the details.”
“You’re so damn evil. He wouldn’t have a son and not tell me.”
“Think whatever you want about me. But before you confront me about your little boyfriend, know what you’re getting yourself into.” Gretchen stated, gathering her paperwork. “I’ll need the final presentation in an hour.”
As her boss left the office, Tanya’s mood went from bold to weak. Everything became cloudy. Given what she’d already been through, she wouldn’t be able to handle another disappointing love.
It was the night of Alastair’s event, and Tanya couldn’t focus on being happy for her man’s new venture. However, as promised, she showed up to support. He was dressed in casual wear, looking handsome as ever. As the band played, she sat at the bar trying to pretend to be interested. Brie and her boyfriend, Karl, joined as well.
“The band is great, right!?” Brie asked enthused.
Tanya nodded with a small smile, before ordering another drink.
“What time is this supposed to end?” She asked.
“You ready to go?” Brie asked, dancing to the music.
“Kinda.”
Brie shrugged and continued to enjoy the show with Karl. Tanya looked around for Alastair, hoping he wasn’t near so she could sneak out. Since he was nowhere in sight, she left the untouched drink on the bar along 12 Pounds for the bartender, then walked outside.
Feeling the rain pouring on her body, she contemplated going back in. However, everything that she’d dealt with during the week wouldn’t allow her to have a good time. There was no guilt about abandoning Alastair on his big night, as anger from the conversation with Gretchen circled her mind.
“T!” A familiar voice called out from behind. “T, why are you out here? The band has two more songs.”
“I’m going home, Alastair.” She replied facing the street.
“What’s wrong?” He placed the umbrella over both of them. “You don’t feel well?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Gretchen?”
“What?!” He replied, taken aback.
“Gretchen. You two were an item right?” Tanya turned to face him. “Why didn’t you tell me about that? I told you everything about my past. I tell you EVERYTHING Alastair.”
“T.”
“This whole time I thought it was just a little jealousy. Maybe she wanted you, and you didn’t give her the time of day. Now it’s something totally different. You broke her heart, and she’s taking it out on me! This job is all I have now. And you’ve come into my life, stripping that away.”
“How could you say that?!?! The job isn’t all you have love. I’m here too. I’ve BEEN here.”
“Why?”
“You know why, T.”
“Oh because you love me.” She snapped.
“Calm down. Can we talk about this when we get home? Please. This night is important to me.”
“And my job is important to me. This relationship was important to me. Now everything is bad. My friendship is dying back home, I have trust issues because of being left at the altar by a man who I THOUGHT was going to love me forever.”
The raindrops splashing on her face hid the small tears, as she spoke. Alastair felt her pain, feeling it even more because he was the cause of some of it.
“This new life that was supposed to work out for me, is blowing up in my face!”
“I know things seem hard right now. And I can explain about keeping my past from you, but let’s not do it here.”
“You don’t want to be embarrassed. Great! Well, I was earlier today. Gretchen told me about Oliver. Your son. When were you going to tell me about Oliver?”
Alastair’s face and heart dropped. He was planning on telling her and didn’t need that information getting to Tanya from Gretchen. He knew he messed up bad by not telling her in the beginning.
“I-I was going to tell you T. It’s complicated and I needed time to...”
“To what? Tell me about your son!?!? You have a son that you didn’t tell me about. What kind of man hides his own son?!?”
“Just give me time to explain. But not here. Can we talk about this when we get home? I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
“I just don’t know anymore. Everything is so confusing. It’s like I don’t belong anywhere.” Tanya said with pain in her voice.
“What we have is real, Tanya.” Alastair said, trying to calm her down.
“Is it?”
“Yes! Just. Give me time to explain, and everything else that’s bothering you, I promise I’ll help you through it.”
“I don’t need any more promises from a man. I gotta go.” She replied in a low tone.
Tanya walked out from under to umbrella to hail a cab. When one pulled up, she turned and looked back at a devastated Alastair.
“Bye Alastair.” She shouted back at him.
He stared at the cab drive away with his lover, hurting in the backseat. He dropped the umbrella, to feel the rain. Part of him didn’t feel worthy of protection against the downpour. Each drop represented reminders of what he’d just lost. A real love who had been hurt so deeply, that she couldn’t trust anything that came after. Each small disappointment, to her, was a warning sign for something bigger.
Saturday morning, the rain continued. Along with Tanya’s tears. Throughout the night, she realized that she loved Alastair, and felt guilty for allowing herself to fall for him so soon. Meanwhile, he flooded her phone with calls and messages that went unanswered.
“Maybe I should have worked it out with Kenneth.” She said, laying in bed.
Just as she was about to settle back into the covers, a hard knock at the door startled her. Slowly, walking to the door, Tanya knew it could only be one person. Her heart led her to the door as her mind said, get back in bed and ignore him.
“Tanya, please.” Alastair begged through the closed door.
She cracked the door. “What do you want?”
“Please talk to me. I’ll come clean about everything. I just need you to listen.”
“Come in.”
He walked inside, happy to be one step closer in his attempt to win her back. Noticing the tears, he reached out for a hug in which Tanya refused.
“Just talk Alastair. And make it quick, I need to get back in bed.”
“I hate seeing you like this.”
“I hate feeling like this.”
“Look, yes me and Gretchen were a thing. It was only supposed to be casual, but things got complicated. And yes we have a son together. He’s three. A family in Manchester adopted him two weeks after he was born. I didn’t want that to happen. Gretchen put him up for adoption against my wishes because I wouldn’t marry her. I thought I would have legal rights, but she knows people in high places. It was like my desire to be a father to Oliver didn’t matter.”
Her tears dried, as compassion for Alastair set in. She could see how a vindictive woman like Gretchen would give up a child to spite someone. His hazel gaze saddened as the pain of his child being with another family was very hurtful for him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I honestly didn’t know how. Oliver’s a sensitive subject. I regret not fighting harder for my son. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Things were moving so fast between us.”
Tanya wasn’t satisfied with his reasoning. She leaned against the counter with a grim expression.
“Moving fast between us? You had so many opportunities to tell me, Alastair.”
His soft demeanor turned to anguish. Thinking and speaking of Oliver was very rough for Alastair as he never got the closure with his son that was given away.
“Keeping that from you killed me. Tanya! I’m sorry, but you don’t know what it’s like. You can’t understand what it’s like having an offspring out in the world and you can’t hold him. It pains me every day that he doesn’t even know who I am. I didn’t want to be with Gretchen but I’d never abandon my son. She took that chance of being a father away from me!”
Tanya’s tears returned. But that time, she was crying for Alastair’s pain. She could only imagine what he was going through.
“Truthfully, I understand. I do. I wish I could take that pain away from you.”
“You can’t throw us away over this. You just can’t T.”
“Given what I’ve been through, I’m second guessing everything now.”
“Even my love for you?”
She ignored the heartfelt question and continued. “And maybe by me doing that, shows that I’m not ready for this...us.”
That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, however, that’s what Tanya needed to admit to Alastair and herself. He wanted to get everything out and work on fixing their relationship. By bearing his soul, Alastair presumed that she would want to do the same. Truthfully, his drama was too much for her to handle at that time. She needed time alone to completely get over the devastation of losing Kenneth.
“It would be selfish to ask you to wait for me. I-I can’t do this now Alastair.”
He wiped his face with both palms. “I don’t want us to end, but I have to respect your decision.”
“Thanks. I’m sorry I ruined your big night.”
“It wasn’t ruined. Everything is fine with that.”
“Good.”
“So what now? We’re just friends?”
“I need time. To figure out how to be happy again with just me. Even when things are falling apart.”
“Okay. Just know I’ll always be here for you. Whenever you need me.”
“I appreciate that. And I’m here for you. I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through all this time, with your son being away.”
“Thank you. It’s rough but, maybe it is for the best that he’s with a good family. I just wish I had a say in it.”
“I wish you did too. Have you tried finding him?”
“Yea.” He sniffled. “I found out who his parents are. Gretchen doesn’t know; I don’t think she even cares. I try to keep up with him from a distance, through Facebook. Hopefully, when he’s older I’ll get a chance to meet him.”
“I really hope you do Alastair. You deserve it.”
“I guess I’ll leave now.”
Tanya nodded, then proceeded to the door as he followed. Before walking out, Alastair kissed her on the lips.
“I still love you, T.”
She tried to crack a smile, but a frown and tears came. Alastair saw the tears and yearned to console her. However, given the change in their relationship, he didn’t want to force himself on her.
“Take care of yourself Alastair.” Tanya’s voice quivered.
He nodded, then turned to walk out the door.
Another crying breakdown ensued as she slumped to the floor, laying on the faux fur rug her and Alastair shared romantic nights on.
Weeks went by with keeping things strictly professional with the ex-beau, and Gretchen eased up her wrath due to their breakup. Tanya was still broken up about it, however, she knew being alone would be best in the long-run.
Autumn season showed London in a beautiful light, and Tanya made it her mission to have some girl time with Brie, whom she had grown quite close to. She also took time to venture out to get better acquainted with London on her own. Things she’d usually do with Alastair. His presence was greatly missed, and Tanya found herself fighting the urge to call and invite him out.
To shine a light on all the gloom, Keena made a surprise call, while Tanya was on a break. A needed change from spending the lunch hour alone.
“OMG! It’s soooo good to hear from you!”
“I know girl, and I’m sorry it’s been like a month since we last talked. Things have been moving fast. Good and fast!” Keena replied excitedly.
“Tell me! What’s going on with you?”
“Well, I have a new man.”
“WHAT!??!”
“Yes, his name is Gerald. We’ve been very low key, but now things are getting really serious. So serious that I’m moving to Atlanta. Soon.”
“He lives there?”
“Yea. I met him while I was there on a girl’s trip, and we’ve been talking ever since. He came out to Birmingham a few times. It’s so amazing being with him.”
“I’m happy for you! Wait. How’s Shauna taking the news? You know she hates it when her friends move away.”
“I know right! I haven’t told her yet.”
“Ha! When are you moving?”
“Not until after the holidays. I wanted to give it some time to find a new job or at least get a few good leads.”
“Smart choice. I know you can’t wait.”
“I’m so ready to leave. Gerald is actually going to spend the holidays with me and my family.”
“Oh, this is very SERIOUS! Wedding bells are coming.”
“Oh gosh! I’m taking things slow for now. Moving in together is a test.”
“You two will be fine. I just know it! So good to hear some good news.”
“So what’s been up with you? How’s Alastair?”
“Well, we are no longer together.”
“Nooooo Tanya! What happened?”
“Long story short, he used to mess with my boss and I found out through her rubbing it in my face.”
“Were they messing around when you two were together?”
“No that ended before we started dating.”
“Soooo what’s the problem T.”
“He didn’t tell me. I told him everything about Kenneth. And they have a son together.”
“What?! A son?!? Dammit, Alastair, I was rooting for you.” Keena replied, disappointed. “So how has he been able to date you all this time while hiding his son?”
“Well, my boss put the baby up for adoption without Alastair’s consent. She did it because he wouldn’t marry her. I kind of feel bad for him, but why keep that secret for so long?”
“Could be a soft spot for him. It’s hard to just come out with that. Well, he should have told you before that bitch did, but I think you should talk it out with him Tanya. It’s not like he had a whole family with a wife and kid. The baby was given away against his will.”
“I know, but with everything I’ve been through...Any red flag is a sign for me to pull out.”
“T.”
“What Keena.” She laughed.
“You know you’re tripping right?”
“I’m not. Put yourself in my shoes. One day he’s telling me he loves me, then he drops this bomb.”
“He told you he loved you? WOW! You can’t do that to him. It’s not Alastair’s fault that Kenneth left you like that. Let him know that you’re not going to deal with him keeping secrets. Punish him if you have to, but work it out.”
“I really want to, but I need space. I jumped out of getting married into another relationship in just a few months.”
“I totally understand that. But don’t let Alastair get too far. From what I hear, he’s a good man and I think he’ll be good for you.”
“You REALLY think I should work it out?”
“Eventually yes, but just open the door. If you still have feelings for him, don’t go another day without telling him.”
“Well look at you, giving out good advice.”
“I have my moments.”
The conversation with Keena lifted her spirits. Tanya felt better knowing there was a friend back home who wanted her to be happy. She also became hopeful that a reconciliation with Alastair would be possible when the time was right.
After lunch, Tanya found Brie waiting in her office.
“To what do I owe with this surprise visit?” She asked smiling.
“Well, it’s about my boss.”
“What about him?”
“He’s leaving.”
“Huh?”
“Yep, Alastair put in his two weeks notice this morning.”
“Did he say why?”
Brie shook her head.
“Do you think....” Tanya paused.
“It’s because of you? I don’t know. He has been moping around lately. Trying to hide the fact that he’s missing you.”
“I need to talk to him.”
Tanya rushed out to find Alastair. He was seated at his desk, doing some online shopping when she flew in and closed the door.
“Hey, you got a minute?”
“T! Umm Tanya. Sure, have a seat.” He said, startled by her sudden appearance.
“Brie told me the news.”
“Yea. It’s time to go. I’m no longer happy here, and I really want to dive into this entertainment thing. I’m financially secure so it just seems like the right time.”
“So this has nothing to do with me and you?”
Alastair laughed. “Are you serious?”
“I. I don’t know what to think. Its just so...abrupt.”
“I’ve been thinking about this even before we...you know.”
“Okay. Well, in that case, I’m happy for you. Good luck.”
“Thank you, Tanya. I appreciate that coming from you.”
Before leaving, she thought about what Keena said about keeping the door open.
“So do you have any gigs coming up that you’re promoting?” She asked looking back. “I still want to support you.”
Alastair stood and stretched and arms. “Actually there’s one tonight. I can send you the details if you want.”
“I’d like that.” She replied, giving a small smile. “And I do want to try. Being friends. If that’s still on the table for us.”
“Of course Tanya. That’ll always be on the table.” He returned the smile.
“See you tonight!”
Later in the evening, Tanya found herself in the mirror getting pretty. Although she said she wanted to work on a friendship with Alastair, deep down, the girl wanted her man back. Seeing his smile sparked something inside. The desire to tell him how she felt and allowing life to just happen.
Entering the venue, she looked around hoping to run into him. Instead, she found lurkers ready to hit on her.
“Hey, you here by yourself?” A strange foreigner asked.
“I’m meeting someone.” She quickly brushed him off.
To Tanya’s rescue, Alastair walked towards her with a big smile.
“You made it!” He said giving her a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad you came out.”
“Me too. It’s really packed in here.”
“You know I get the job done.”
“Yes, you do Mr. Brooke.”
“Do you want anything to drink?”
“Just some water.”
“Stay right here, I’ll go get you one.”
She watched him walk over to the serving area to get her bottled water. Then, another woman met him with a hug. Viewing their exchange, Tanya saw it as more than friendly banter. The woman’s body language towards Alastair showed that she was very comfortable being close, and he was welcoming every gesture. Disappointed, she looked away and took a seat on a barstool.
He’s moved on. She thought to herself.
As her mind drifted into regret, Alastair returned with her water.
“You okay?” He whispered in her ear.
“Yea.” She answered, trying to hide the sadness.
“Well, I gotta get backstage to talk to a few people. Enjoy the show!”
“Great. Thanks. Um. Can we catch up afterward?”
“Sure, I’ll meet you right here.”
Tanya nodded and forced a smile. As Alastair went backstage, the woman followed him. Which made her feel even worse.
Throughout the concert, she rehearsed what to say to him. Part of her wanted to run out of there and head home, but the feelings for him were too strong for her to suppress this time around. She knew it was a gamble to put her heart out there, but Tanya couldn’t leave without at least knowing she gave it a fair shot.
After the show, Tanya waited for Alastair as everyone cleared the venue. It was late in the night, and work was only a few hours away, however, the lack of sleep would be worth it if everything went well.
“Hey!” Alastair popped up. “Sorry it took so long. I was helping the guys load the van. Did you enjoy the show?”
“Yes! Never thought I’d like rock music.”
“See, something different.” He pulled a stray bar stool next to her and sat down. “So what’s up?”
Tanya couldn’t think of how to begin. Her eyes danced to the floor as an eager Alastair awaited her reply.
“Well, I know I said I wanted to be friends. But...” She lifted her head to meet his hazel stare. “I think...No I know I want to try again. With us.”
Alastair leaned back and took a deep breath.
“Where is this coming from? I thought you needed to be alone.”
“I did, and I realize that I wasn’t fair with how I ended things. Yes, you could have told me about Oliver before Gretchen did. But in time, I can get over that. I know the truth now, and it’s not like you were being totally deceitful towards me.”
“Thanks for saying that.” He shifted on the stool to face her. “Look, I know with what you’ve been through could leave a person confused. But I’ve been genuine since day one. I never had it in me to hurt you. Not on purpose. I promise I was going to tell you. Gretchen threatened to do it, and I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.”
“I know and I’m sorry for all of this back and forth stuff when it comes to me and you.” Tanya sighed, then continued. “I love you, Alastair.”
His eyes widened as she spoke those words. Words he’d been longing to hear. Before he replied, the woman from earlier appeared, breaking up the intensity in the air.
“Hey Al! I’m going to grab a cab home. Call me later?”
“Ye-Yea. Umm. One minute Tanya.” He hopped up to hug the woman goodbye and saw her to the door.
Tanya’s heart sank to the floor as she gathered her things to leave as well.
“At least I tried.” She mumbled to herself.
As he returned, she was on her way to the door.
“Wait, where are you going?” He stopped her. “You can’t just drop that on me and leave T.”
“Apparently you’ve moved on, and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I just didn’t want to go another day without telling you how I really felt.”
“I’m not dating her. We just met a few days ago, and I invited her out. That’s it. But can you blame me? You said it was over. There was no way we could even be friends at the time. I understood, but I didn’t know how you were going to feel after this time away from me. I even thought you were thinking about getting back with Kenneth.”
“Not a chance in hell.” Tanya laughed. “But that’s fine Alastair. I’m not upset at you. I’m upset with myself.”
“Don’t be. I just lost hope.”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t beat yourself up T. It was bad timing that’s all. Neither of us could control that.”
“Thanks for that.” She replied, looking deeply into his eyes. “So what now?”
“I still love you T. But now I’m a little apprehensive. Are you sure you’re going to be able to deal with this? What if another obstacle happens? How do I know you won’t leave me again?”
She couldn’t answer that. Because she didn’t know.