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Dear Diary,
I faced two of my fears. Getting left on my wedding day, and falling in love with a man who was the complete opposite of me. So opposite that I changed my life, my dreams, and my desires. I did all of that and he left me at the altar. That pain was the most hurtful thing I’d ever felt. I was happy to have found Kenneth. And I made that choice. The choice to choose him over everything else. The choice to dream less as I loved him more....And he left me.
I probably could have gone back to Kenneth to work it out after the humiliation settled. But in him leaving, I realized that a life with him wasn't what I truly wanted. He needed a woman who didn't mind taking a back seat to his dreams. Or a woman who enjoyed the same life. As time went on, I began to understand his fear. He saw things in me that scared him. The fear of me waking up one day, doing the same thing to him that he did to me. Honestly, I think I would have. Which is why it was easy to forgive him, once I set my hurt and ego aside. I set us both free. I heard through Shauna that he's dating again. I pray he finds the one. Even with his big mistake, he's a good man and deserves true love. The same true love I found with Alastair.
Many times I thought I was over it, but the doubts triggered by small obstacles with Alastair showed otherwise. Then the stars aligned, and I received everything that I was supposed to have. No matter how many times I pushed Alastair away, our love drew us back together. And I’m grateful for that. I could kick myself for settling Kenneth, but the devastation threw me into a world that I’d dreamt of.
Being left at the altar, gave me life! Free from the bondage love can trap you in. I’m free to continue my dreams of loving someone deeply without losing myself. I’m waking up from my big dreams and LIVING them. In taking a chance on moving forward with my life, I found a love that will accept me, not change me. I have Alastair to thank for re-awakening that fire in me.
As promised, he gave me a new memory for Valentine’s Day. He proposed in Paris. Of course, I accepted. I could be fearful of another bad wedding day, but I don’t have the heart to allow that fear to take over. I’m jumping into my destiny!
Dreaming, Living, and Loving always,
Tanya
“Subconscious thoughts speak to the universe. And it gives us what we REALLY want. No matter how many times we fight it. It gives us what we want. Is your destiny worth the devastation?”
