My two-year-old daughter refuses to nap, but then she gets cranky later in the day. Does a two-year-old need a nap, or should I just put her to bed earlier at night? If she should be napping every day, how do I get her to take one?
Napping is an important component of a child's healthy mental and physical growth. A daily nap refreshes a child so she can maintain her energy, focus, and ability to learn for the rest of the day. A nap reduces the body's level of cortisol, which is a stress hormone, helping a child to feel calmer. Think of a nap as a time to empty out the morning's stresses and allow a child to begin the afternoon with a clean slate. Some studies even show that young children who nap every day are more flexible and adaptable, have longer attention spans, and are less fussy than those who don't nap.
The majority of children who miss naps don't make up the lost hours at night. Even those who do manage to sleep more at night still must deal with the long time span between morning and bedtime. In addition, nap sleep is different from night sleep in its configuration of sleep cycles and in its effect on a child's health and behavior, so extra night sleep doesn't always achieve the best results. While napping can help make up for lost nighttime sleep, extra night sleep can't recover the benefits of a missed nap.
No exact number of nap hours or naptimes can be dictated for all children of a certain age, because all children have slightly different sleep needs, just as all adults do. A majority of children have similar nap requirements, however, and they need nearly the same amount of total sleep hours each day. So depending on their night sleep, parents can pretty much guess how much naptime their children need. There are a few exceptions, of course (that seems to be the rule when it comes to raising children). These exceptional children, however, are few and far between, and under perfect conditions, nearly all non-napping toddlers and many non-napping preschoolers will adapt to a routine daily nap.
There is a definite correlation between the length and the quality of daytime naps and night sleep. Conversely, night sleep affects naps, so it can be a vicious circle. Many children who are not getting adequate night and nap sleep will often wake up early and then, an hour or so later, appear to need a nap. Ironically, children who don't nap well don't sleep well at night either. So if you can improve your child's daily nap schedule, he may well sleep longer at night.
Improving your child's daily nap routine can help him feel happier, grow better, be less fussy, and sleep better at night. (And add to that, having a little time for yourself can also help you to be less cranky.)
Young children approach life with gusto. They have so much to learn and so much to do that if it were up to them, they wouldn't sleep—day or night—until they simply fell over. Leaving the decision to nap up to your child, then, is like allowing her to choose between vegetables or ice cream for dinner. Just as ice cream would win hands down, your little one is unlikely to choose sleep over awake. This leaves the decision entirely up to the grown-ups in the house.
If you watch carefully and know what to look for, you will be able to tell if your child needs a nap. There are two lists that follow. The first helps you determine if your child needs a daily nap. The second will tell you that your child is weaning from taking a nap every day but on some days will still need to sleep.
Signs That Your Child Needs a Daily Nap
• Wakes up in a good mood, but gets whiny and cranky as the day progresses
• Has more patience early in the day, but is more easily aggravated later on
• Cries more often and more easily in the afternoon and evening than she does early in the day
• His coordination deteriorates over the course of the day: he begins falling down more, can't manage a puzzle as well, has trouble pulling up his pants or tying his shoes
• Has an afternoon or early evening slump, but gets a second wind later in the day
• Shows signs of being tired, such as yawning, rubbing eyes, or looking slightly glazed, in the afternoon or early evening
• Becomes wired or hyperactive later in the day and won't settle down easily
• Often falls asleep in the car or when watching a movie
• Has a difficult time waking up in the morning, or wakes up grumpy and stays that way for a while
One More Significant Indication That Your Child Still Needs a Daily Nap
• You desperately need that daily break from child-tending so you can do adult things and recharge your own battery.
Zion, two years old
Signs That Your Child Is Weaning from Daily Naps but Still Needs One on Some Days
• Usually has a consistent personality from morning until bed-time, but on very active days tends to become fussy in the evening
• Is generally in good spirits but is overly grumpy or whiny on busy days
• On days when he naps, he takes a long time to fall asleep at night or goes to bed much later than usual
• Lies in bed a long time before falling asleep at naptime or never falls asleep at all when put down for a nap
• Usually goes to bed at a reasonable time and sleeps well all night long
If you've reviewed the preceding lists and suspect that your child needs a nap, the next step is to review the table of typical sleep hours on page 12. Once again, children differ in their sleep needs. Some naturally need less or more than shown on the table—but it is a general guide that applies to most children. Keep in mind, though, that even if your child's sleep hours add up to the right amount, his or her behavior tells you more than any chart possibly could. When in doubt, always try for a nap, since even a period of quiet time can help a child feel more refreshed.
The timing of your child's naps is very important, since a nap that occurs too late in the day will prevent your child from being tired when bedtime approaches. Consequently he'll take longer to fall asleep at night, and he may then sleep later in the morning. This can disrupt the following day's nap- and bedtime schedule, which can often begin a long pattern of disrupted sleep.
Researchers have also discovered that certain times of the day coincide with the biological clock; these optimum periods balance sleep and wake time to affect nap sleep and nighttime sleep in the most positive way.
Generally, the best naptimes are as follows:
• If your child takes two naps: midmorning (around 9:00 to 11:00) and early afternoon (around 12:00 to 2:30)
• If your child takes one nap: early afternoon (around 12:00 to 2:30) after lunch
The goal for the day's nap is to allow your child to get adequate rest and rejuvenation to fuel the rest of the day. A nap that is less than thirty minutes in length typically doesn't accomplish this objective. A short catnap can take the edge off, but because it's not long enough to complete a sleep cycle, it may just make your child fussier in the long run. Of course, there are those exceptions again (they do happen), that small percentage of toddlers or preschoolers who can function beautifully on a twenty-minute nap. But don't assume this to be the case with your child, unless his daily naps and nighttime sleep are consistent and he appears well rested throughout the day. (Conversely, brief naps are best for adults.)
The optimal length of naps varies by age and among children, but the best naps are usually one to three hours in length. The previous sleep table can give you a good rule of thumb for your child.
If your child tends toward short naps, don't give in and assume that it's all the naptime she needs. Try some of these tips for increasing the length of her naps:
• Give your child lunch or a snack about a half hour before naptime. Include carbohydrate-rich foods, such as whole-wheat toast and cheese, or other options shown in Tip 6 on page 82.
• Don't give too many fluids in the hour before naptime, and make sure your child uses the potty or has on a fresh diaper for naptime.
• Make certain the sleeping room is dark. Daylight coming in the window can rouse your child before naptime is over.
• Play soothing music or white noise during the entire nap. If your child partially wakes up mid-nap, the gentle sounds may help him fall right back to sleep.
• Make sure your child is comfortable. He shouldn't get too cold or too hot. His sleeping attire should be cozy; either put pajamas on him or take off his pants and let him sleep in a diaper or underpants. Whether you leave socks on or off depends on your child and the temperature of the room, but do whatever works best for him. Make use of an air conditioner, heater, fan, or humidifier to keep the air temperature consistent and comfortable.
• Check to see if discomfort from teething, allergies, asthma, ear infection, or other health-related issues is preventing your child from taking longer naps. If you suspect any of these, a visit to your health care professional is in order.
• Pay attention to the typical length of your child's short naps. About five or ten minutes before the usual awakening time, plant yourself outside the bedroom door and listen carefully for signs of movement. (Use the time to read a book, knit, practice yoga, or do another peaceful, pleasant activity. Or go ahead, be practical and fold laundry or pay your bills.) The minute your child starts to move around or make noise, go in quickly. You'll likely find him in a sleepy, just-about-to-wake-up state. Use whatever technique helps him fall back to sleep, such as breastfeeding, rubbing, patting, or just lying next to him. If you've caught him quickly enough and he's still tired, he'll fall back to sleep. After a week or so of these interventions, your short napper should be taking a much longer snooze without any help from you.
Tired children fall asleep easily, and your child will give you signals that he is ready for a nap. If he isn't tired, he'll resist sleep, but if you miss his signals, he can easily become overtired and will then be unable to fall asleep when you finally do put him to bed.
If you watch your child's signs for a week or two, you should be able to create a good nap schedule based on his personal daily biological rhythm. Use the time you pick as a guideline, and then use his tired signals as the main cue for naptime. If you spot the signals, don't begin a lengthy prenaptime routine—just get your tired little one off to bed!
Your child may demonstrate one or more of these signs that tell you he is tired and ready to nap—now:
• Reducing his level of activity
• Becoming more quiet
• Losing interest in playtime
• Rubbing his eyes
• Looking glazed or unfocused
• Having a more relaxed jaw, chin, and mouth (droopy looking)
• Becoming whiny and cranky
• Fussing or crying
• Losing patience with toys or activities
• Having tantrums
• Yawning
• Lying down or slumping in his seat
• Watching television or a movie with a blank expression
• Caressing a lovey or blanket
• Asking for a pacifier, for a bottle, or to nurse
Once you have created a nap schedule that works with your child's daily periods of alertness and tiredness, follow a simple but specific nap routine. Your child will be most comfortable if there is a predictable pattern to his day, since toddlers and preschoolers thrive on consistency. He may come to predict when his naptime approaches and willingly cooperate with you. For example, he may begin to recognize that after lunch and storytime comes naptime. In addition, if you include relaxing activities in your nap routine, such as massage, rocking, white noise, or soft music, or a bottle or breastfeeding session, it can help to prepare your child for sleep.
Children's sleep patterns change over time, so don't think that the routine you set up today will be the same one you'll use a year from now. Young toddlers will shift from two daily naps to one; older toddlers and preschoolers will eventually stop taking naps altogether. These changes don't happen in a day. There are often weeks or months of transition where naps become sporadic. During these periods of change, it becomes more important to read your child's tired signs and work with his daily moods to gauge his need for naps, taking advantage of "quiet times" to allow your child to rest, even if he doesn't fall asleep.
On days when your child doesn't nap, it's OK to put him to bed a little bit early. Just don't dramatically change his bedtime by an hour or more, or you will risk affecting the next day's schedule and starting a weeklong disruption to his sleep pattern.
If your child has a wonderful nap schedule, then suddenly starts rebelling, you should suspect that she isn't feeling well (check for an ear infection, teething problems, or allergies) or a transition is in the works. Take a look at your child's nap and night sleep according to the sleep table, take another look at both lists of nap signs (pages 243–245), and evaluate the situation to see if a change is required to better match her new sleep needs.
If your child hasn't been a very good napper and you're working to create a nap routine, the following ideas may help you encourage her to actually sleep when you think she should sleep. This list isn't meant to be followed in its entirety, however. Just choose those ideas that sound like they may work for your child, and include them in your daily nap routine.
• Use consistent lullaby music or white noise during naps. You can use a bubbling fish tank, a fan or heater (taking care that it gets neither too hot nor too cold), a recording of nature sounds, or a white-noise clock. This creates a very strong sleep cue that brings on relaxation. It also blocks out household or outside noises that may wake him up and reduce the length of his naptime.
• If you have a young toddler, bring your stroller in the house and walk her around until she falls asleep. Even simply rolling the stroller back and forth over a "lump" like a doorway threshold can work. If your child sleeps only a short time and starts to wake, you can often walk or bounce her back to sleep. Once she gets used to taking a daily nap, you can make the transition to her bed.
Michon, ten months old, and Avery, twenty-two months old
If you're looking for a way to incorporate some exercise into your own day, take the stroller outside at naptime each day and take a walk. You'll feel great, and your little one will get in the day's nap.
• Make sure the room is dark during sleep. Cover the windows in any way you can— even with a piece of cardboard or aluminum foil. Some children are very sensitive to light, and it prevents them from falling asleep or wakes them up after a short period of sleep.
• Some children are so intent on having fun and learning about the world that they hate to stop even for a minute! If your child gets upset with just the mention of naptime, change your approach. Instead of announcing "Naptime," say, "It's quiet time," or say nothing at all and read a few books, listen to a peaceful tape, turn on your white noise, give a bottle, or nurse her. If your little one is tired, she'll surely fall asleep. If not, the quiet time will work wonders to take the edge off, for both of you.
• Lie down with your child in a dark room. Play quiet music, an audiobook, or white noise, and relax and close your own eyes. Once she's sleeping soundly, you can get up. That is, if you're not sleeping too! If you do fall asleep, it's because your body needs that sleep. Research has shown that a short midday siesta is healthy for adults. Enjoy the nap!
• Instead of choosing a children's audiobook, choose one for yourself. The melodious voice on most audiobooks will be soothing to your child while you catch up on your own reading for pleasure or business.
• Instead of making the dreaded naptime announcement, offer your child a series of choices that lead her in your intended direction:
Do you want to read two books or three? Do you want to choose them?
Do you want to listen to music or birdsong today?
Would you like to rest on your bed or Mommy's bed?
Which stuffed animal do you want to cuddle today?
Older toddlers and preschoolers love having choices, and they are more likely to cooperate if they are invited to make the decisions themselves.
• Avoid letting your child get involved in a fun activity right before naptime. If your child is beginning to build a wonderful castle of blocks, is starting a new puzzle, or has just opened a new tub of play dough, she'll be very reluctant to leave her project and take a nap. Save the good stuff for when she wakes up.
• Give your child something to look forward to after naptime. Promise something for "when you get up from your rest." It could be a walk to the park, a game of Candyland, starting that new puzzle or tub of play dough, or having a cookie and milk. Tell your child what you'll be doing as he sleeps, and make it sound very boring, such as "I'll be doing my paperwork while you sleep." Saying this lets your child know he won't be missing anything exciting and that the fun things will happen when he wakes up.
• Set a timer. Tell your little one you'd like him to "rest quietly" for at least twenty minutes. Tell him you'll set a timer and he can get up if he wants to when he hears it ring. This can be the kitchen oven timer or a clock radio. Have him watch you set the timer, or help him do it himself. If he falls asleep, remember to turn off the timer so that it doesn't wake him.
Another way to use this idea is to set the sleep feature on a clock radio for sixty minutes (or the length of your child's nap). Choose a soft music or all-talk station. Tell your child that she can get up when the music (or talking) stops.
• If you've tried for fifteen or twenty minutes to get your child to nap and she is still wide awake, then she's not tired enough to sleep. Let her get up and play for an hour or so. Tire her out with activity; then when she shows signs of being tired, try again for a nap—if it's early enough in the day. If it's too late for a nap, then aim for a slightly earlier bedtime that night.
When my fourth child, Coleton, joined our family, his siblings were eight, ten, and twelve. We had a busy schedule filled with school and sports activities. To even attempt to be home every single day at naptime would have been pointless. Instead, I discovered the following tips for napping on the go:
• If your little one falls asleep in the car, take advantage of this blessing. Try to arrange car trips to occur at naptime. Give your child a snack and a clean diaper or potty visit before you leave the house, recline his car seat back (if it has that option) or bolster his head with a child's travel pillow, and take off his shoes. (If you're buying a new car seat, look for one with deep side wings for in-car sleeping.)
• Give him his blankie or lovey and play quiet music or an audiobook. Keep your own reading material or paperwork in the car so you can allow his nap to continue once you've parked. (NEVER, EVER, EVER leave your sleeping child alone in the car. It could be dangerous.)
• Invest in a few nap mats or roll-up stadium blankets (used for outdoor sports). These are easy to keep in the car. If you are at an older child's function or a friend's home, this can be placed on the ground or floor for a portable nap pad.
• Keep your stroller in the car for another portable bed option. Many sleep-resistant babies can be lulled to sleep in the fresh air during a stroller ride.
• Modify your child's sleep times to match your schedule if there's a slight difference. For example, if your child is ready to nap at 1:00, but you have to pick up your older child every day from school at 1:30, then shift the day's events to make a car nap work for you. Schedule playtime and lunchtime so that 1:30 becomes the new naptime.