What is the best way to approach sleep issues when your children are twins?
Since children in general are alike in many ways, every topic in this book that applies to one child applies to your twins. The biggest issue, of course, is that you can't be in two places at once, and this creates a unique challenge. With knowledge and a plan, though, this is a challenge that you can meet and overcome.
Having a dependable bedtime routine and consistent sleep times is important for all children, but it can be especially important for parents of twins, who may already feel pulled in too many directions. A written routine, perhaps displayed as a bedtime poster (see page 114) can help guide your children through the nightly process and keep things running smoothly.
Together, apart, same room, different rooms, parent's room? As I researched the best place for twins to sleep, I discovered something very interesting. Based on the experience of parents of twins and the expertise of numerous specialists, I could easily formulate a credible argument for just about any sleep arrangement. There are those parents who swear that separating twins from the start prevents them from waking each other up, and then those parents who adamantly insist that having twins sleep together allows them to comfort each other so they both sleep better. The bottom line: do what feels right to you and what works best for your children.
It's perfectly fine to experiment a bit. If your current sleeping situation isn't working, try something different for a month or so and see if a new arrangement works better. If it doesn't, try something else. You'll eventually find the right setup for your children. And don't be surprised if this changes over time. Be open to different sleep arrangements for naptime versus bedtime, too. Keep in mind that as your children get older, their preferences and sleep patterns will change, and it's fine to make adjustments as you go.
Mother-Speak |
"What we found is that things change from time to time. At one point the girls will sleep together well; then they won't, so we separate them. Then after a time we start finding them in bed with each other again. My suggestion would be to have the most flexible furniture and room setups so you can make the necessary modifications throughout these transitions." |
—Shahin, mother of six-year-old twins, Aria and Rose |
What Shahin has learned with her children is very important: pay attention to your children's needs and be flexible as you apply what you learn. How well are your children sleeping? Do they have a preference about where they sleep? If you take your children's desires into consideration, and combine this with their sleep patterns and your own needs, then you can come up with the right solutions.
Maezi and Carli, twenty-two-month-old twins
Twin children are two separate human beings, and each has individual sleep needs. To a certain extent you can't force them to adapt to a schedule just because it would work better for you. The good news, however, is that overall most children in the world have similar sleep needs at the same ages, and this can work in your favor.
In order to guide your children toward the same sleep/wake schedule, make your best effort to coordinate all aspects of their
Rebecca and Thomas, twins, twenty-two months old
daily schedules. They're more likely to respond well to the same bedtime if they wake up, eat, and lie down for an afternoon rest (even if it doesn't result in a nap) at the same time every day.
You can also encourage them to have the same sleep schedule by keeping their room dark during sleep times, brightly lit upon awakening, and by using white noise as a sleep cue and a way to mask outside sounds that could wake them.
It may be most helpful if you take the time to review each of your children's sleep patterns individually and learn what the most important issues are. The forms beginning on page 19 will help you do this. While it would be wonderful to solve every sleep-related problem for both children at once, it might make more sense to choose first those that are most frustrating for you or that are most disruptive to your family. Once those things are solved, move on to the next.
You may want to complete separate forms and outline the details for each of your children. Then create two separate sleep plans; for each plan, think only of the one child for whom you are writing it out. Once you have the two plans, look at them together. How can you address both of their needs while taking into account that you don't have superhuman or magical powers?
Once you have an idea of a family plan, write it down. Create several phases so you have a map of direction. This will also help you celebrate small successes along the way and give you a glimpse of the night-light at the end of the tunnel.
Everything is twice as challenging when you have twins, and their sleep issues can doubly affect your own precious sleep. If you are trying to run a perfect household and be a perfect parent, you'll surely set yourself up for disappointment. Take a good look at your daily schedule and adopt these guidelines for yourself:
• Relax your housekeeping standards or get help
• Say "No" more often to outside events that create family stress
• Ask for help from those willing to give it; accept help when it's offered
• Take care of yourself: eat right and exercise
• Give yourself credit for all the things you do right
Quite a number of good books and magazines have been written about raising twins. There are also numerous support groups, both in person and online. Check into getting yourself some reading material and some personal support from other parents of twins. Keep in mind that while all parents of twins have that one particular thing in common, they have many different philosophies about child-rearing. Try to align yourself with like-minded parents. When you find support, it can mean the difference between struggling with your problems and being confident that everything you're facing is normal and that you can solve today's challenges.