We've finally mastered a bedtime routine. When we're at home, things go smoothly and according to plan. We completely lose our rhythm, though, whenever we have to be away from home or when something new or unusual is happening in the family. How do we help our little one adjust to these changes so that we don't mess up our sleep routines?
No matter how perfect your sleep routines are or how consistent you are in implementing them, you're bound to see an impact whenever something disrupts your usual pattern and flow. If you'll think about it, this is true for you, too. Most people find that their sleep is disrupted whenever they travel or deal with major life changes. The key is to aim for as close to a usual routine as possible, and then to relax and go with the flow. Once life settles back to normal, you can get back on track with sleep, as well. I'll go over some of the typical sleep-disrupters, and I'll give you a few pointers to help you through these bumps in your sleep plan.
Any major family change is likely to cause an increase in bedtime battles and disruptions to your child's sleep. The combination of stress, heightened emotions, disrupted schedules, and unfamiliar routines can wreak havoc on even the best sleeper's patterns. A number of things can help your child settle into any new life situation:
• Thoughtfully approach the changes to your child's routine, don't just let things happen and get swept along.
• Maintain as much of your child's original routines as possible. Consistency will help make the changes easier to adapt to.
• Delay any additional changes, such as potty-training, weaning, or moving to a toddler bed, until life has settled into a comfortable new pattern.
• Acknowledge those things that must change. Consider how to best orchestrate them to support your child's need to have consistent nap and nighttime routines.
• Create familiar environments wherever your child sleeps. If the change is due to a move, the organization of two separate households, or the start of day care, try to duplicate your child's sleeping place as closely as possible in the new location.
• Write down your child's naptime and bedtime routine, sleep-related issues, and sleep plan. Request that all caregivers approach sleep in the same way whenever possible. The more consistency there is from place to place, the more quickly your child will adapt to necessary changes.
• Encourage your child's attachment to a special lovey, such as a blanket or stuffed animal. Having one such item will give your child a feeling of security no matter where he is. You can read more about lovies in Tip 5 (page 73).
• Be patient. Your child may have an adjustment period of several weeks, a month, or even more, especially if she is sensitive to new situations. Some extra one-on-one attention and a few more daily cuddles can provide just what she needs to feel comfortable and get settled into new patterns.
• Once things have settled back to normal, review your bedtime routines and rituals and consistently follow them each night.
Having one child is like having one child, but having two is like having five! And if they are both keeping you up at night, it can be more like having a dozen! Keeping an open mind, being flexible, and having realistic expectations can help you deal more easily with sleep issues during this transition period.
Consider those things that are disruptive to your sleep. Decide which are the most difficult or troubling issues for you. Determine which of these issues are the easiest to fix. Consider your own needs, those of your partner, and any necessary schedules. Take all of this into consideration as you work toward creating a new schedule. Don't try to fix everything at once, as that can be overwhelming.
Remember that this is a temporary stage—the first few months of having a new baby in the house are the most challenging. What is important for you to focus on is the creation of your new family. Make a mental adjustment to be flexible. Don't sweat the small stuff. Enlist the help of others when possible. Make it easy on yourself whenever you can. Stop adhering to other people's advice unless it meshes with your beliefs, and do what works for you.
My older three children are close in age, so I remember what it was like to try to coordinate a new baby's nonschedule with two children's bedtime routines. The key to having success with this monumental task is planning. If you simply go with the flow, every night will be different, the kids will be going off in all directions, and you'll likely be stressed and unhappy. Once you've passed the initial transition period, take the time to consider each child's needs along with your own, and set a plan.
Like many families, I found that choosing a bedtime that came close to meeting all three children's actual needs and then arranging naptimes and mealtimes to support the chosen bedtime was most effective for me. I prepared snacks for three, put on three pairs of pajamas, brushed three mouthfuls of teeth (actually, two plus gums), and read bedtime stories with a child on each side and one nursing on my lap.
Other parents find that putting one child to bed at a time works best for them. Many report tag-teaming with a partner, each taking on one child's routine. Some talk of using a favorite video to keep an older child happy while putting the baby to sleep first.
No matter which method you choose, do choose a method. No rule says you must forever follow the path you decide on, though. This may vary once you've figured out what works best or may change over time as your children get older. No matter what, it does help to keep your sense of humor, to keep your eye on the important things in life, and to grab a nap whenever you can.
Weaning from a bottle isn't only about a method of feeding. It's about saying good-bye to a part of babyhood, a familiar comfort object, and very likely, an important part of your child's sleep-time ritual. Because of this, weaning shouldn't be something that happens suddenly. The cold-turkey approach may only confuse your child and make both of you miserable. A more loving and gradual process is much easier on your child and on you, too.
Many people find that daytime weaning is the easiest step in the process because of the distraction of daytime activities and the available substitution of food and drinking cups. Weaning from the naptime and nighttime bottles is often the more challenging part of weaning. The following tips may help when weaning your child from a sleep-time bottle:
• Add a little water to each nightly bottle over a period of weeks until it becomes 100 percent water. The water is less enticing than milk or juice so your child will likely use it less, and when he does use it, it will be fine: there won't be any concern about tooth decay.
• Substitute a smaller bottle by switching to a four-ounce version or a fancy style that holds less fluid. Once your child is accustomed to the smaller bottle, fill it only three-quarters full, then half. You can also use the previous idea of watering down the milk or juice.
• Replace the bottle with a pacifier or teething toy.
• Try offering your child a cup at the times he normally would have a bottle, or give him both: use the cup for milk and the bottle for water.
• Provide your child with a snack and something to drink right before he gets ready for bed. If his tummy is full, he may be less interested in a bottle of milk or juice. Then at bedtime, offer a bottle or sippy cup of water only.
• Revise your bedtime routine so that you avoid the usual places and situations where your child typically has a bottle. For example, read bedtime stories in a new location, such as sitting on the sofa. Use distraction and a new routine that leaves out the bottle.
• Try the family bestseller idea from page 117.
• Be patient. Some children take longer to wean from the nighttime bottle than others. If the issue becomes a frustration for both of you, take a month or two off from the weaning effort and then try again.
Some professionals recommend weaning a child from the pacifier by age one as a preventive measure, with the argument that the older the child gets, the more attached to the pacifier he will become. Others advise that in the absence of developing dental or speech problems, you can wait until your child is two or three years old, or even older, since you can then use reasoning along with an incentive chart or distraction. Most professionals are less concerned about pacifier use if it is used only at bedtime and not an all-day habit. In the end, the decision is yours. You know your child better than anyone else does. When no medical issues are involved, only you can accurately assess what role the pacifier plays in your child's life and in her sleep, and how you can best wean her from it. Here are a few ideas for getting the process going when you're ready to start weaning:
• Unless there is a specific reason why you must take away your child's pacifier, it's best to do it slowly but surely. Try to choose a time when no other major changes are happening in your child's life, such as the birth of a sibling, potty-training, starting day care, or moving.
• It can help to begin by making the pacifier scarce except during critical times, such as when your child is hurt or falling asleep.
• Use distraction as your chief weapon during the day. When your toddler asks for her pacifier, first try to distract her: sing a song, give her a toy, or go for a walk to get her focused on something other than her sucking urge.
• Gradually reduce your child's use by keeping the pacifiers in her bed or only in certain areas of the house. Some families have a "no pacifiers downstairs" or "only in your car seat" rule.
• Give your child an alternative to help soothe her when she feels upset or tired. A cuddle, blanket, stuffed animal, or favorite toy may comfort her instead of the pacifier.
• Establish new bedtime routines that are different from usual so that the cues for pacifier use aren't as evident. For example, if your child typically is rocked with a pacifier, move your prebedtime routine to the sofa or bed instead. If she usually sucks during the bedtime story, offer a sippy cup of water or teething toy instead.
• If your child falls asleep with a pacifier in his mouth and then wakes crying for it during the night, you can wean him of this need by using Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan described on page 171.
• Some children embrace the idea of a Pacifier Fairy. She, of course, collects pacifiers left under the pillow by children who no longer need them and leaves wonderful toys behind in their place.
There can be tremendous fun and memory making when you travel with your children, but keep in mind that even the best-laid plans can be disrupted. It's best to get organized as much as possible in advance, but then try to stay relaxed, accept changes, and go with the flow during travel and your vacation.
In the hustle that precedes a trip, it can be easy to let things happen, instead of make things happen. Be proactive in making your trip decisions in regard to all the details, including sleep-related issues. Contemplating the following questions and coming up with the right answers can help make your trip more successful:
• Does your child sleep well in the car? If yes, plan your travel time to coincide with a nap or bedtime so your child can sleep through part of the journey. If not, plan to leave immediately after a nap or upon waking in the morning. Don't fool yourself into thinking your child will behave differently than usual just because it's a special occasion. If your child sleeps well in his car seat, dress him comfortably, take off his shoes, and give him a blanket. He'll likely fall asleep to the hum and vibration of the ride. If you have a finicky sleeper, plan your trip during the daytime hours and bring along plenty of toys and activities to keep your child happy.
• Is it necessary to make the trip all at once, or can you break it up with stops along the way? The longer your child is strapped in her seat, the more likely she'll become fussy and the less likely she'll sleep when you need her to. Planning a few breaks can give her the activity and exercise necessary to bring on tiredness. If you're on a long airplane or train voyage, use the hallways for walks when your child gets antsy.
• Do you have everything you need to make sleep during the trip possible? Include items like:
• Window shades to help create a darker, nap-inducing atmosphere
• A cooler for cold drinks; a bottle warmer if needed
• Your child's favorite blanket, pillow, stuffed animals, and pajamas
• Music, lullabies, or white noise on tape or CD
• A rearview car mirror to keep on eye on your child (unless a second person will be sitting with your little one)
• Books to read to your child
• Adult audiobooks or quiet music to use during the times when your child is sleeping
• A battery-operated night-light or flashlight if you'll be traveling in the dark
Preparation is the key to the tricky issue of getting your child to sleep in an unfamiliar place. Obviously, you can't use the exact same routines that work for you at home, but you can follow much of your usual routine and you may be able to create a similar sleep setting for your child. If your little one sleeps in a crib, for example, you may want to bring along a portable folding crib and ask if you can set it up in a bedroom. (Let your child sleep in it a few times at home so that it's familiar.) Bring along your child's typical crib-mates, such as his blanket, crib sheets, pillow, stuffed animals, lullaby tape, or white-noise clock. Pack a night-light to make middle-of-the-night potty runs and diaper changes easier, and so that you can avoid turning on bright lights at night and disrupting sleep cycles. Your night-light can also be used during the tucking-in process.
For co-sleepers, your first order of business is to create a safe sleeping place for your child. Check out the room where you will be sleeping, and look at the furniture placement. If you know that pushing the bed against the wall, moving a dresser, or replacing a fluffy comforter with a blanket would make the situation safer, then politely explain to your host. Let her know that you'll move things back before you leave (and then remember to do so). If you're staying in a hotel, the housekeeping staff will often help with this if you ask politely.
Remember that many daily cues help keep sleep consistent. Serving meals of familiar foods at regular times, exposing your child to daylight in the morning and keeping things dimly lit at night, and avoiding prebedtime wrestling matches can all help keep bedtime and sleep time more natural.
Traveling with a young child can be a challenge because of the disruption to the daily routine, the excitement of activity, plus anxiety over meeting new people and adjusting to new surroundings. When you add a leap across time zones, you complicate matters even more, since your child's biological clock (which tells him when to feel awake and when to feel tired) is forced out of sync with the clock on the wall and the day's activities. If you're already struggling with sleep issues, you'll likely find that travel of any kind intensifies your dilemma. Because of this, the very first and most important rule is be flexible and be patient. A few other tips may help your child overcome jet lag more quickly:
• Keep your child well-hydrated with plenty of water, milk, juice, or breastfeeding sessions. Have plenty of healthy, nonsugary snacks in your carry-on bag. Don't use any over-the-counter products such as those designed for jet lag, sleep aids, or antihistamines without your doctor's specific approval and instructions. Many of these can be harmful to young children.
• Switch to the new time once you've arrived in your destination or even on the trip over. Powerful biological cues, such as the timing of meals and naps, plus exposure to daylight and darkness will help all of you adjust to the change in time more quickly.
• Avoid letting your child take excessively long naps at the wrong times. This will just prolong the adjustment. Keep naps to their regular length and wake your child gently. Typically, the excitement of the new environment will ease him out of sleep.
• Watch the time. It's easy to miss mealtimes, naptimes, and bedtime when you're on vacation yourself. If you stick to your child's usual pattern, however, you'll be able to avoid any major meltdowns from a hungry, overtired child.
• Keep in mind that no matter what you do, it will take a few days to find a new rhythm. Don't over-schedule your first few days, if possible. To avoid the temper tantrums and fussiness of an out-of-sync child, give him a day or two to adjust to the new time zone before embarking on a full schedule of activities.