Dad didn’t come down for breakfast when I called. When I didn’t hear him getting ready for church by his usual time, I went up to check on the old bastard, poking my head into his and Mom’s bedroom.
He laid peaceful and pale on his bed—too pale.
I pushed in the door. “Dad?”
No answer, not a twitch of muscle, indicated he’d heard me. No pulse struggled beneath my fingertips held against his cool neck.
“Give them all my love, Dad,” I whispered before heading off to find my cell.
I laid the last of my immediate family to rest on Thursday beneath gray skies. A handful of people showed—our neighbors and Kane, although they’d arrived separately. It was good to see them talking quietly after Dad’s pastor said a few words over the casket.
Jill came with the Edwards, her quiet words of condolence as comforting as Kane’s.
While I hadn’t expected to grieve for the man, a deep sense of sadness sat on my shoulders. I knew he was finally at peace. His passing left me free from responsibility for another person, even though complete loneliness awaited me back home. He’d been a bastard, but the noises of him in the house, the quiet conversations we shared over what we could agree on, had filled the silence.
My gaze tracked Jill and Kane, and I smiled at Jill as she glanced over her shoulder at me before following the Edwards to their car.
Tess gave me a hard hug, and I wished I found the little blonde attractive. Two years older, still single … maybe Jenny’s granddaughter and I could have had a companionable relationship, my heart belonged to Kane.
The first spattering of light rain fell as I turned away from Dad’s grave.
Kane waited by his truck parked next to mine. He’d started his life over, and I suddenly found myself feeling left behind.
A few guys from work had shown for the burial, and I took time to clasp hands and nod thanks over their words offering support. I wanted nothing more than to escape them and get to the man who continued to wait as the rain fell. Shoulders hunched, I made my way toward him.
“Thanks for coming,” I told him.
He nodded, his gaze probing.
I shut down my hurt, my need for comfort. “Your parents seemed happy to finally see your ass.”
“Yeah.” He pushed off his truck and glanced up at the cloudy sky, spitting down on us. “Been staying away too much.” He seemed to sense my desire to leave Dad’s death behind. Fuck knew, Kane had heard and seen enough of my childhood home life to know no love had existed between my father and me.
“Never too late to make a change,” I said, wishing I’d had a close relationship with my parents like he had. Ready for a topic change, I cleared my throat. “How are things going with Jill?”
“Good.”
“You fuck her yet?”
“No.”
I let out a quiet exhale, lowering my shoulders and easing the tension in my gut. “Taking things slow or don’t want to?”
“Not sure she’s ready.”
“Are you?” I held my damn breath.
“I miss that bond of connection, yeah.”
I slapped his back, intending to joke about connection, but he pulled me in for a real hug—tight. Closing my eyes, I gave in to the need to melt, to be vulnerable. My throat tightened as I clung to him. He smelled like wood smoke and the same damn soap I’d secretly sniffed on him when we’d been teens. The twitch in my dick had me stepping back.
“Thanks.” My voice hinted at my grief instead of lust, thank fuck.
Kane squeezed my shoulder, and I allowed myself to get lost in his eyes. “Call me if you need me.”
I nodded, unable to speak.
He climbed into his truck, and I did the same—alone and empty.
I took Friday off because it was expected. Before dinner, I had all of Dad’s shit packed up and ready for the Goodwill store. Temptation to call Kane to meet me for drinks had me fiddling with my cell, but fear of his being out with Jill kept me from calling. The same fear kept me from heading to Jenny’s on my own.
The weekend loomed ahead since I didn’t work until Monday. Knowing Kane was working for the Edwards on Saturday, I decided to head up that way in the morning and see if he needed help.
Kane grinned when I pulled my truck alongside his. “You here to work or watch?” he called when I hopped out of my truck.
I shook his hand and went in for a bro hug, sucking in a lungful of sweaty Kane while I could. “I’ll give you a hand.”
His eyes glinted.
“Fucker,” I muttered, turning away so he wouldn’t see the heat I couldn’t keep from rising to my face.
Kane chuckled, and I cast a quick glance around. No Jill.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. Been readying myself for this for months, expected it, but still. Just didn’t expect to hate the damn quiet at home.”
“I know the feeling.”
Shit. Why the fuck couldn’t I just open my damn mouth and tell him we didn’t have to be alone or lonely? Why the fuck couldn’t I make myself vulnerable?
A pile of plywood sat, ready to cover the skeleton he’d raised on the cabin’s concrete slab.
“You measure, I’ll cut,” I told him, heading to the table saw he’d set up.
We hung half the cabin’s walls before I found my balls. “You go out last night?”
“Went down to that rib’s joint in Lock Haven for something different.”
I hit the power button and ripped down a piece of plywood to finish up the side we hung, working through my feelings. “A real night out on the town, huh?”
“Didn’t feel like giving the locals something more to gossip about,” he muttered when I handed him the sheet.
“Too late.” I chuckled and swiped beads of sweat off my forehead. “Even your mom has you married off to the new girl in town.”
“Not damn near ready for that again.”
I wasn’t ready for him to move on that much again, either. “Jill seems like a nice girl.”
“Nice enough, she caught your eye, too. Heard you asked her out.”
“I did.”
“Want me to step back?” Kane asked. “Because I will if she’s what you’ve been waiting for.”
Well, fuck.
I opened my mouth to spew it all, to ask him if he loved me in the same way I did him, but Jill’s apartment door opened, jerking my focus from his face and stealing my words, my thoughts—cut off jean shorts, legs for miles, a tight tank hugging her tits and small waist, two bottles of water in her hands, and a smile like sunshine.
“Fine as fuck, isn’t she?”
I cleared my throat and turned away, grabbing another piece of plywood. Fate had intervened to keep me from admitting my feelings for Kane. I told myself I was thankful I didn’t end up making a fool of myself. He might want me happy, but he wouldn’t love me, even if he didn’t blame me for Alana and Nat’s deaths.
I felt Jill approach, my body’s awareness, raising the hairs on my arms.
“You guys thirsty?”
If only she knew how much—for both her and Kane.
My body torn in two directions, I turned. Pink fused her cheeks, and she quickly glanced away when I reached for the water, she held out. I guzzled it down, my gaze glued to her. Kane’s stare heated the side of my face, but I couldn’t look away from her.
She shoved her hands in her pockets, slouching her shoulders, the air of vulnerability about her tugging on my protective nature. Kane’s character was the same in that way. It was no wonder she drew us both in so easily.
I wanted to know what made Jill want to curl in on herself and look at the ground as though she wanted it to swallow her whole. Her body language screamed insecurity, and I wanted to wrap her in my arms and tell her whatever she needed to hear. If only I knew what that was.
“Thanks for the water,” I said, the first lame thing that popped into my head.
“You two looked hot down here in the sun.”
“Hot, huh?” Kane joked. Leave it to him to make her smile while I made her nervous.
“Ha ha,” she tossed his way, deadpan, but eyes twinkling.
“It wasn’t the sawdust you really came down here for?” he asked her, his tone still light.
She glanced up at him through her lashes with the kind of smirk that would stiffen any man’s dick.
Yep. No fucking doubt she wanted him, but goddamnit, so did I. Fuck it. I wasn’t waiting. “Jill.”
She glanced at me.
“Got plans for tonight?”
A quick lick over her lower lip with her pink tongue and she glanced back at Kane, either afraid he might get jealous or asking his permission.
“I was thinking the two of you could come over to my place tonight for a couple drinks,” I added before either spoke. I felt Kane’s stare—he knew where I was going, but it was Jill’s widening pupils that held my attention.
I might fuck things up for Kane, but with Dad’s death, the complete loneliness at home brought on a desperate feeling I’d never experienced before. For the first time, I didn’t want to be the one stepping back. But I also wanted them both. Too much to hope for, but…
“I don’t have plans,” Jill said, glancing at Kane again.
I turned toward my best friend—the fucking love of my life whether he knew it or not. He studied my face.
“That what you want?” he asked me quietly, knowing exactly where I’d set my mind.
“Yes.”
“I’m game,” he said, holding my gaze.
A thrill shot through me, giving me a sense of life, I’d fucking missed.
“What can I bring?” Jill asked, her voice unsteady and small.
I tore my focus off Kane’s face. “Just your beautiful self—unless you prefer something other than beer.”
“Beer’s good.” Pink still shaded her cheeks as she rubbed her lips together.
“It’s a date, then,” I said, knowing my eyes glinted.
Neither corrected my choice of words.