Charley and I drank our coffee, standing in his kitchen, our gazes plastered on each other’s faces. What the fuck had happened? How had the walls I’d kept so carefully constructed been demolished?
Jill.
She’d brought out a side of us both had hidden for so long. Charley’s words still rang in my ears—they had since he’d left me in his bed to clean up. I’d gone into the bathroom after him, Jill still passed out.
I’ve always wanted this.
How had I not known? Stoic fucker never let anyone inside, but Jill had cracked his facade, figured him out in a matter of hours when I’d had years and failed. And I’d thought I’d known him inside and out. I didn’t know what the fuck to say or where our paths led since we’d crossed a barrier I’d never dared to hope for.
The stairs creaked, drawing our attention to the stairwell. Jill came down, her dark hair a waterfall around her face as she watched where she stepped.
“Coffee?” Charley offered, and she glanced up, her attention flitting from one of us to the other. Paleness replaced the usual pink on her cheeks.
“Come here, beautiful,” I said, setting my mug aside and holding out my arms.
She hugged herself with one arm while grabbing her purse off the table. “I really gotta go.”
Shut down, wanting the floor to swallow her whole—I’d thought I’d gotten past that part of her.
Charley stared long and hard at her, his brow furrowed.
She wasn’t sleeping...
I jerked back toward her, guilt slamming into me like a goddamn sledgehammer.
“I-I’ll call you later.” Jill turned and walked away as we stood and stared after her like a couple of buffoons.
The fuck?
Charley took a step to go after her, but I grabbed his arm. “Let her go.”
“What the fuck, man—”
“Confrontation isn’t going to do jack shit. Let her go.”
His shoulders slumped, and he leaned against the counter.
The front door snicked shut.
“We fucked up,” I muttered, scrubbing a hand down over my face.
“The fuck we did,” Charley shot back. “This has been a long time coming.”
I eyed him, my lips pressed tight. He didn’t know Jill like I did and didn’t understand her trust issues. If she knew our feelings for one another like I thought she did, she’d be thinking she didn’t belong. That we’d done something behind her back, which we literally had done.
“I’ll talk to her,” I said, heading to the back door to get my shirt and shoes out by the hot tub where we’d left them the night before. “Find out why she’s upset. She trusts me.”
“You can’t walk away from me right now, Kane. Not now, not like this.”
I paused in the doorway without turning. “She’s running from something, Charley, and I like her. I’m not gonna let her take off again because of whatever shit is poisoning her damn head.”
“I want to talk to her, too.”
“Later. Trust me in this.”
He didn’t stop me from leaving. “At least fucking call me after, so I’m not left wondering what the fuck all goddamn day long,” he hollered after me.
“Will do.”
I drove away from Charley Woodhill’s house, the feel of his hands and teeth lingering on my body, my heart torn, my mind a fucking mess.
What option did I have? While Charley had owned part of my heart for years, Jill had weaseled her way in and kick-started my protective instincts, capturing a piece of me I didn’t know I had left to give.
I wasn’t about to give her up, but I couldn’t stand the thought of putting Charley aside again, especially after what we’d shared that morning.
Truck windows open, I breathed in the cool morning air, the wind ruffling my hair.
Alana didn’t speak to me as I strained to hear her thoughts on what I ought to do. She was gone.
It was time to move on—but with whom and how?
Jill’s car wasn’t parked at the store, so I continued up the road, hoping like fuck she went to her thinking rock. Knowing her head must be as full as mine with conflicting thoughts, I expected that’s where she’d gone. Sure enough, her car was parked on the wide berm, and I pulled to a stop behind her as far off the road as I could get.
I found her, knees drawn up, hugging herself atop the rock where we’d sat the Monday before.
She glanced at me and away again as a branch broke beneath my foot.
“Can I join you?”
“Yes.” Her whisper reached me over the swishing sounds of the swift-moving water below.
I perched beside her, my legs dangling over the rock, careful to give her space since she hugged herself tight. My stomach was in knots, but I couldn’t give her time. I needed to know what thoughts had sent her running—and why. How I could overcome them. Make things right.
“Why’d you take off like that?” I asked, keeping my tone soft instead of barking like Charley would have done, demanding answers.
Lips pursed, she stared over the stream, a slight frown denting her brow. “Tell me about Charley, Kane,” she said, ignoring my question.
I knew what she wanted and found I didn’t want to hold back what I’d secreted away, my entire damn life. Maybe my being vulnerable would give her the strength to do the same.
“I’ve loved him since I met him,” I said and swallowed against the sudden ache in my throat. “But that sort of love isn’t acceptable around these parts. I pushed it down deep inside, making myself content being his friend. Sharing women when we were younger, afforded me the intimacy I craved, but eventually, I knew I would need to choose someone else. Alana was so much like him...” My throat closed off, the view of the trees across the water hazing as tears filled my eyes as I fiddled with Nat’s bracelet around my wrist.
Jill lowered her legs beside mine and grasped my hand.
We sat in silence for a few minutes while I got ahold of my damn emotions.
“She wasn’t second best,” I whispered.
“You loved her, too.”
“Yes.” I blew out a heavy exhale and squeezed her fingers. “I’ll want him until the day I’m six feet under, but I’m a greedy bastard, Jill. I like women, too. Especially you.”
She sat silently, not giving me her thoughts, even though I craved them as much as I did her lips.
“Jill?”
She finally turned to face me, her big brown eyes full of sadness.
I cupped her cheek, studying her eyes, trying to figure her the fuck out. “Did I fuck everything up with you?”
Her slight hesitation said more than enough. “No. I-I just felt like I was intruding on something I figured had been a long time coming.”
“You weren’t intruding, Jill. We both wanted you there.”
She didn’t respond.
“How did you know? About him and me when no one else around here has figured it out?” I asked quietly.
“The way you two look at one another.” She shrugged and turned her attention back on the stream again. “It’s obvious as water is wet.”
I wanted to say I was sorry—but I wasn’t. Fuck. I scrubbed a hand down over my face. “Can I make you breakfast?”
“I think I’m going to sit here for a while if that’s okay,” she whispered, not meeting my gaze.
“Of course, it’s okay. Just don’t go running off with that piece of my heart you’ve stolen.”
Jill dropped her head, her hair shadowing her face from view. “I won’t. Promise.” A smile laced her whisper.
While I hadn’t gotten the answers I wanted, I took comfort in trusting she wouldn’t light out for places unknown.
“Call me later?” I felt like a needy, whiny ass for asking but couldn’t leave without that assurance.
“I will.”
I left Jill sitting on her rock, my stomach still as hard as one. Rather than call Charley as I’d promised, I shot him a text after climbing into my truck, letting him know she wasn’t going anywhere, but we’d have to be patient until she wrapped her head around what had happened between the three of us. I just hoped like fuck she didn’t take too long to give me—or Charley—another shot. She’d gotten under my skin, weaseled into my heart somehow, and the thought of losing her didn’t sit well. At all.